Said the Dr to most of us on here.

3 hours ago, ballpoint said:

It took me a while to get on top of this one! 

All I can say is I prefer to see the Human versions in the flesh!

A Simple but Effective Zoo Warning Sign!

The Origin of Dogs and Cats
     Adam and Eve are troubled and, holding hands, turn their faces skyward and speak to the heavens: ‘Lord, when we were in the garden you walked with us every day. Now, we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.’
     And the voice of the Lord booms back, ‘No problem!  
     And God creates a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve, and it is a good animal, and God is pleased.
     And the new animal is pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wags his tail. And Adam says, ‘Lord, I have already named all the animals in the kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.’
     And God says, ‘No problem. Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him Dog.’
     And Dog lives with Adam and Eve and is a companion to them and loves them. And they are comforted. And God is pleased. And Dog is content and wags his tail.

     After a while, it comes to pass that the Archangel Gabriel comes to the Lord and says, ‘Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.’
     And God says, ‘No problem! I will create for them a companion who will be with them forever and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration.’
     And God creates Cat to be a companion to Adam and Eve. And Cat will not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gaze into Cat’s eyes, they are reminded that they are not the supreme beings.
     And Adam and Eve learn humility. And they are greatly improved.
     And God is pleased.
     And Dog is happy.

     And Cat really doesn’t give one iota one way or the other.

Oral Sex
     In 1999, a Sydney newspaper conducted a poll of male readers to see what exactly each enjoyed from having oral sex performed on them.
     Seven per cent said they most enjoyed the sensations.
     Five per cent confessed that their chief enjoyment came from the sense of domination.
     A staggering eighty-eight per cent said that they really enjoyed the peace and quiet.
 

Caddy Quote;

Golfer: Think I’m going to drown myself in the lake.

Caddy: Think you can keep your head down that long?
 

Golf Injury
     Two women are playing golf on a sunny afternoon when one of them slices her shot into a foursome of men. To her horror, one of the men collapses in agony with both hands in his crotch. She runs to him apologising profusely, explaining that she is a physical therapist and can help ease his pain.
     ‘No, thanks … just give me a few minutes … I’ll be fine …’ he replies quietly with his hands still between his legs.
     Taking it upon herself to help the poor man, she gently undoes the front of his pants and starts massaging his genitals. ‘Doesn’t that feel better?’ she asks.
     ‘Well … yes … that feels pretty good,’ he admits. ‘But my thumb still hurts like hell.’