Friendship in Thailand, reality versus expectations/hope

[sidjameson]

Before arriving in Thailand I'm sure we all had hopes, romantic, sexual, economic etc. Concerning same sex friendships, how has it panned out for you?

Being a newbie I have yet to find my place so still too early to tell. Wondering what other longer stayers have experienced.

[Dmaxdan]

I presume you mean forming friendships with, in my case other Thai males. As someone who has always struggled with the language coupled with the fact I live in the sticks so pretty much no speaks English it's not been that easy to become firm friends with many Thai men.
Also, when ever I attend local parties or social gatherings I always sit with my wife. This means sitting at a table occupied entirely by, with the exception of myself women. And then I spend the entire evening trying not too make eye contact with anyone incase someone gets the wrong idea!



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[OneMoreFarang]

I arrived here over 20 years ago. And I thought at some stage I will live with Thais like one of them (ok, something like that).

I realized soon that will never happen.

We can chat together and do business together but we will never really be friends because our cultures and upbringing is just very different.

My good friends are all farangs and I think the reason is simply that we have a similar background, education, world view, etc.

I am friendly with many Thais and in many (by far not all) situations I have an idea how they think. But often that is very different from my thinking.

Summary for me is: We are just different, not one or the other better, just different.

With Thai girls and farang guys that's a different story...

[swissie]

3 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I arrived here over 20 years ago. And I thought at some stage I will live with Thais like one of them (ok, something like that).

I realized soon that will never happen.

We can chat together and do business together but we will never really be friends because our cultures and upbringing is just very different.

My good friends are all farangs and I think the reason is simply that we have a similar background, education, world view, etc.

I am friendly with many Thais and in many (by far not all) situations I have an idea how they think. But often that is very different from my thinking.

Summary for me is: We are just different, not one or the other better, just different.

With Thai girls and farang guys that's a different story...

"With Thai girls and farang guys that's a different story... "

 

Exept for the physical attraction, I find the story to be exactly the same......

[sidjameson]

Actually i ment male friendship from either farang or thai

[473geo]

My Thai wife is also my best friend, we do most things together time mostly occupied with farm, children and family.

 

I used to have many Thai male acquaintances due to my drinking, partying, and, paying, likewise Thai ladies. No real deep 'friendships' and since I married, almost cut out drinking, having found more interesting things to do, most of the Thai guys are reduced to nodding acquaintances now. They still come over and speak at local functions, usually well into party mode, carrying the confidence to speak English.

This is how I like it, no beers in the fridge, no fair weather friends ???? just me and my family.

I don't need 'advice' from farang 'friends' and no further need of an excuse to go drinking, so no friendships in that area too.

It is the quiet peaceful days on the farm I enjoy and always a little something to do.

Edited December 7, 2018 by 473geo

[NoMeAmes]

It's not possible. Factors that hinders real friendships (same sex or opposite sex friendships) from happening:

- if it's with a fellow foreigner, they are often only here for a short while, and then leave. People come and go so quickly here, it's impossible to start building anything lasting with a fellow foreigner (now this might be different for retirees.....I'm only talking from the POV of a working individual)

- with Thais, the difference in mindset and what can/cannot be discussed often hinders a connection being built. Even if there is enough understanding in either english or thai to facilitate a deeper discussion on things, the very busy schedules of the thais and their family responsibilities makes them barely have any time to spend with you. Meaning that there will be very little, if any, chance to foster the friendship and make it grow into a lasting one.

- I think people nowadays don't appreciate each other enough anymore. Everyone is easily replaceable by the next, so people put much less effort and energy into grooming a good friendship with someone you already know. As a result, we may have so many acquaintances, but very few true friends. Many people don't even have true friends at all in Thailand. 

 

(I'm speaking from the POV of a young-ish female foreigner. Males might have easy access to friendships with Thai females, but then again, how much of your topics can they really understand? If you really don't want to settle for talking about certain topics only, then you will have more difficulty finding real friends (platonic). Not impossible, but having standards does make it more difficult to find Thai friends)

[seancbk]

11 hours ago, sidjameson said:

Actually i ment male friendship from either farang or thai

 

How old are you?  From reading this forum for a while it seems pretty evident that the older guys struggle to make friends far more.  Although it does depend on the person (obviously).

 

[seancbk]

9 hours ago, NoMeAmes said:

It's not possible. Factors that hinders real friendships (same sex or opposite sex friendships) from happening:

- if it's with a fellow foreigner, they are often only here for a short while, and then leave. People come and go so quickly here, it's impossible to start building anything lasting with a fellow foreigner (now this might be different for retirees.....I'm only talking from the POV of a working individual)

- with Thais, the difference in mindset and what can/cannot be discussed often hinders a connection being built. Even if there is enough understanding in either english or thai to facilitate a deeper discussion on things, the very busy schedules of the thais and their family responsibilities makes them barely have any time to spend with you. Meaning that there will be very little, if any, chance to foster the friendship and make it grow into a lasting one.

- I think people nowadays don't appreciate each other enough anymore. Everyone is easily replaceable by the next, so people put much less effort and energy into grooming a good friendship with someone you already know. As a result, we may have so many acquaintances, but very few true friends. Many people don't even have true friends at all in Thailand. 

 

(I'm speaking from the POV of a young-ish female foreigner. Males might have easy access to friendships with Thai females, but then again, how much of your topics can they really understand? If you really don't want to settle for talking about certain topics only, then you will have more difficulty finding real friends (platonic). Not impossible, but having standards does make it more difficult to find Thai friends)

 

Of course it's possible.   I've lived here 10 years, my close circle consists of several Thais (all overseas educated) and plenty of expats some have successful businesses here and the rest are just working here.  Several of my close friends are people I've known for 20+ years as they were friends in Hong Kong before they and I moved here, but I've met people here who I've know for 5-10 years by this point. Like me, they are settling here so our friendships should get much longer.   

As far as retirees go I have no close friends who are retired, although I do know quite a few older guys.   

 

Meeting Western women is harder because they don't come here and setup businesses, nor do they come here to work long term (as in years), or they are married (and of course not every Western woman I do meet fits my ideals for physical attraction).   I'd love to add more Western females to my circle of friends and I'd really like to meet a Western woman for more than friendship.  

 

Edited December 8, 2018 by seancbk
Readability.

[rwill]

It seems a lot of socializing nowadays is done texting on cellphones instead of face to face.

[Mavideol]

16 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I arrived here over 20 years ago. And I thought at some stage I will live with Thais like one of them (ok, something like that).

I realized soon that will never happen.

We can chat together and do business together but we will never really be friends because our cultures and upbringing is just very different.

My good friends are all farangs and I think the reason is simply that we have a similar background, education, world view, etc.

I am friendly with many Thais and in many (by far not all) situations I have an idea how they think. But often that is very different from my thinking.

Summary for me is: We are just different, not one or the other better, just different.

With Thai girls and farang guys that's a different story...

lived in a couple of countries around Asia and have to agree with you, we are from a different culture and very hard to be friends with asians, we can live together and should respect each others opinions/views of different things but deep friendship will be a difficult line to cross... my honest opinion after living in 4 asian countries!!!! they don't like our attitude

[Stevemercer]

I live in a small town in Isan and there are probably 20 or so farang living within about 10 km. About half have been here a long time and have children. The other half are retired. All are married to Thai ladies.

 

There are probably up to 10 farang (including myself) who meet weekly and visit each other now and then. I'd say we were mates, and would help each other out if necessary, but we don't hang out together. 

 

I'm on nodding terms with many Thai blokes. Sometimes a bit of a friendship develops and we might go cycling together or do some activity together for a few months. However, I can't say I have any real Thai mates because of the language and cultural differences. I've always been a bit of a loner and don't make friends easily.

[1FinickyOne]

My Thai friends tend to be pretty constant... My foreign friends have been subject to grumpy old man syndrome... some due to health issues and some due to financial issues. 

 

And not that I indulge often, but my Thai friends and family repay loans and the farang disappear... 

 

But, I think due to internet and skype and such, it is easier than ever to stay in touch with old friends from home... 

[Bundooman]

On ‎12‎/‎8‎/‎2018 at 1:29 AM, NoMeAmes said:

It's not possible. Factors that hinders real friendships (same sex or opposite sex friendships) from happening:

- if it's with a fellow foreigner, they are often only here for a short while, and then leave. People come and go so quickly here, it's impossible to start building anything lasting with a fellow foreigner (now this might be different for retirees.....I'm only talking from the POV of a working individual)

- with Thais, the difference in mindset and what can/cannot be discussed often hinders a connection being built. Even if there is enough understanding in either english or thai to facilitate a deeper discussion on things, the very busy schedules of the thais and their family responsibilities makes them barely have any time to spend with you. Meaning that there will be very little, if any, chance to foster the friendship and make it grow into a lasting one.

- I think people nowadays don't appreciate each other enough anymore. Everyone is easily replaceable by the next, so people put much less effort and energy into grooming a good friendship with someone you already know. As a result, we may have so many acquaintances, but very few true friends. Many people don't even have true friends at all in Thailand. 

 

(I'm speaking from the POV of a young-ish female foreigner. Males might have easy access to friendships with Thai females, but then again, how much of your topics can they really understand? If you really don't want to settle for talking about certain topics only, then you will have more difficulty finding real friends (platonic). Not impossible, but having standards does make it more difficult to find Thai friends)

I go along with that. I'll add two points: "Many people don't even have true friends at all in Thailand".

 

This refers to me in particular. I don't make friends easily, but I am never lonely. I can chat easily to many Thai people, but they are acquaintances, not friends.

 

Fellow foreigners? Mainly westerners, to me are simply not interesting. Generally speaking I dislike their attitude, views of life and conversation. I prefer the company of my Thai wife and daughter.

 

But to be fair, I can count the number of friends I have had over my entire life, on five fingers. They have been - and one sill is, a true friend. sadly, the others are no longer here.

 

I didn't come here 15 years ago to make friends with foreigners.

 

[AnnaBanana]

Age means a lot.

The younger you were when you first came here the better.

Young farangs tend to be happier, friendlier, and more outgoing. They make friends easily and if not, don't put the onus on Thailand, the culture, or the Thais.

People past their prime seeking a new life are often carrying baggage in the form of health problems and addictions not to mention failed relationships in their past and other hang-ups that they should have left behind them in Farangland.