Advice for young people here who find it impossible to adapt culturally – what to do/when is it time to quit?

[Rv Hawee]

I read it all, even if i am not a native. What kind of answer can i give to you.... Could you relocate in a better place ? (In the country, I mean) Except from your GF and your business..what do you like to do ? Do it and don't care about others. Invest on what it's interesting you ! make yourself happy ! Don't focus on what stupid/bad things others do... do what make you happy. There are a lot of very nice Thai people... it's only hard to find them...

[StreetCowboy]

17 minutes ago, Rv Hawee said:

I read it all, even if i am not a native. What kind of answer can i give to you.... Could you relocate in a better place ? (In the country, I mean) Except from your GF and your business..what do you like to do ? Do it and don't care about others. Invest on what it's interesting you ! make yourself happy ! Don't focus on what stupid/bad things others do... do what make you happy. There are a lot of very nice Thai people... it's only hard to find them...

You’ll meet decent folk cycling.  Or Muay Thai, if cycling is a bit pedestrian.

 

I’ve sometimes gone to places where I was a stranger, and found if I keep myself to myself, people respect my privacy; on the other hand if I enquire about those around me, I can sometimes establish a bit of rapport.  In terms of polite enquiry regarding my fellows, I have generally found “What are you looking at?” to be a remarkably poor ice-breaker

[balo]

If you need  a decent conversation and talk about anything , you need to look for other foreigners , not Thais.   Or you need to speak Thai fluently which few of us do.  

 

Life is what you make it , living in Thailand you have to accept all the things that are different from Western culture and ignore the "bad" stuff.  

 

You're lucky to have a business that actually gives you an income in Thailand , if you're not happy you can always move out. 

 

 

 

 

[scorecard]

12 hours ago, Gecko123 said:

That's a dilemma alright. Many of the frustrations you voiced are almost universally experienced by foreigners here. Older expats sometimes become reclusive, basically biding their time until it's all over, and father time puts them out of their misery.

 

But, you're still young, and if I were you I'd seriously consider repatriation, maybe with your girlfriend, maybe without her. I'd definitely cut back on the sauce: not good for your health, your disposition or your energy level.

 

Semi-rural/rural Thailand describes my environment as well, and most of the cultural frustrations you voiced are not going to be changing any time soon. If you can't adapt to that environment, and it's causing problems with your health, the only solution is to change the environment. Because of your young age and you having time to recover those losses, losing the business sunk costs would not be my biggest concern. My health and future happiness would be my only priorities. Good luck to you.

"That's a dilemma alright. Many of the frustrations you voiced are almost universally experienced by foreigners here. Older expats sometimes become reclusive, basically biding their time until it's all over, and father time puts them out of their misery...."

 

Not true, but maybe it it your experience.  I suspect there are farang who came here, discovered 'utopia' and moved here. Problem is, they eventually discovered that LOS is not  'utopia' and 'utopia' in fact doesn't exist anywhere. doesn't exist' In reality nobody forced anybody to be here. 

 

"Semi-rural/rural Thailand describes my environment as well, and most of the cultural frustrations you voiced are not going to be changing any time soon. .." 

 

I say again, nobody forced anybody to be here, move on. 

 

 

 

Edited February 1, 2019 by scorecard

[Nyezhov]

13 hours ago, Munsch said:

I am approaching my 30. I came here last year and I am starting a business with my girlfriend.

Am I destined to become what you are??

Probably. 

 

If you are a young guy or gal trying to make a living here with a "girlfriend" means your life and career are dependent on an emotional relationship with a woman (who is not of your culture) and sooner or later you are going to be all ***k*d up.

 

Especially when her culture is alien to yours, and always will be.

 

Living here is fine when you are old and retired, or want to be a snowbird, or have nothing else, or have big money, or if you are young and just teaching to see the world, or have a job with an NGO or big corp...but when you are 30 looking to start a biz and live your entire life here in a culture that is probably the most antithetical to the West you are making a mistake.

 

[Nyezhov]

14 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Don't interact with them apart from sex & simple commerce.

If you need more company, pump out some kids.

Job done!

In a topic with tons of longwinded advice to the lovelorn replete with Dr. Phil and Oprah pop science pyschobabble (including mine), this particular post stands out for its pithiness in conveying the essence of being able to live sucessfully anywhere....learn to live with yourself.

[BritManToo]

5 minutes ago, Nyezhov said:

but when you are 30 looking to start a biz and live your entire life here

I wondered what sort of business a young white guy living in a rural hell hole could create.

Cannabis farming?

[puukao]

14 hours ago, NCC1701A said:

try your best to take alcohol out of the equation. that might seem simplistic, but it is only adding to your depression. being reclusive, loss of sleep and weight gain are all signs of depression. try to add some exercise into your routine and eat a diet to fight depression. I know it is hard to do when you work all the time. 

absolutely, don't drink.  feel better for 2 hours, then worse for 1 day?  it's the dumbest escape possible, since it's hurting your body (exercise is an escape, but, if not done to the extreme, helps your body).  

 

being reclusive........fine line, here.  if you see people for 2-7 hours a day and you WANT to see them, that's good.  If you see people and don't want to see them, then being reclusive might be better until you figure yourself out.  of course, locked in your room all day is horrible.  

 

loss of sleep or too much sleep, just as bad.  

 

gain weight.  yea, if you hate your body you hate your life....

 

diet.  super complex.  eat fruits?  well, it depends.  bananas are great for some people, bad for others because of all the sugar.  but, in general, experiment will all fruits before all crap items at 711.  diet is sooo individual.  keep experimenting and your body will tell you what it likes.  broccoli is a no-brainer as a veg, and i'm not sure how you can go wrong if you eat pomegranates.  try to cut out dairy, but, again, it's super individual.  

[samran]

I’m half Thai and living in the sticks would drive me nuts.

 

Move to Bangkok. Great vibrant and multicultural city with lots of people your age here. 

[Katia]

You already know the answer... don't stay.  Mind you, this isn't one of those snippy "well if you don't like it here, you can leave!" posts, but... you don't, and you can.  You're not happy, in any way.  The things people consider positives about Thailand don't interest you, and you can't stand the negatives.  You're so miserable your health is going to hell.

 

Thailand is not the place for you.  That's fine.  People are different (frankly, to me I'd love it to be able to go somewhere and not be treated like an oddity or have to constantly explain to people and answer their questions just because I was a foreigner, but your social preferences are different and to you it sucks).

 

Yes, relationships end because the people in them want something different out of life.  Trust me, I know-- I've done it twice.  Sometimes you both have to do what is best for you, and what's best for each of you might not be the same thing.  It has nothing to do with how much you might love each other.  Unlike others, I don't expect her to give up her life and family just because you're not happy.  (I also don't expect you to give up your happiness to remain with her.)  Both will only lead to resentment for someone.

 

As far as the business, can she buy you out?

 

There are many places in the world, if you don't want to go back to your country of origin.  You suggest that you got along just fine in some of them.  Since you know there are places out there better suited to you than Thailand, it doesn't seem there's much to keep you in Thailand.

[natway09]

Mike 787, Well said

[peterb17]

I can happily read books - but totally lost the will to live after the first paragraph.

 

Please repost - a shorter version .

 

[alex8912]

There must be a decent gym you can join within a 20 minute drive or so.  Go there 4/5 times a week get a good workout and do cardio and limit the booze. You will feel much better in a few weeks. Do not under any circumstance get your girl pregnant!!! 

Get one other hobby of any kind and give it one more year. Do a few weekend trips to Singapore ( the best place for you in the area ) as well. That’s it. Good luck. 

[unamazedloso]

My 2cents.

 

Im old now and been here for decades and tried to fit in but what i feel is thais will never really let it happen. My wife and children isolate ourselves. We do our own thing all the time and always by ourselves. Weve learnt a lot and had a great life but its lonely. Wish we decided in the beginig to setup in my home country Australia. People here are too rude, ignorant and worse of all always right so for people like my family who constantly learn and do new things we just dont fit in amoungst the boring weird religous freaks.

Apart from that lifes great. Your gf would be suffering so id take her outa here also. Its a depressing place when you mingle. Thats what my family have found. Everyones different though.

[jak2002003]

OP.  It sounds like you may be suffering from depression from what you are saying.  Maybe it's been getting slowly worse over time so you have not noticed it creeping up to get to this stage.

 

Maybe because of the depression you are concentrating of the things you don't like here... and probably blowing them out of proportion and imagining things.

 

I moved here when I was 29.  Been here full time and am now 43.  I live out in the sticks in a Thai village in Chiang Mai, keep chickens and ducks, and live basically simple life, but like my comforts too, so have a western modern house and facilities lol.  

 

Are you sure you could speak Thai after only 1 year?  Maybe the level you were at meant that other Thai people had to talk to you about simple things you would understand... like the weather and food etc, and not because they are boring. 

 

Maybe they did not speak to you at the rice planting thing as you did not speak to them or appear friendly and approachable?  In some of the smaller villages they are often wary of strangers, not because you are a farang.. even new Thai people often take some time to get accepted.  Another thing might be your wife is acting a bit Hi So or snobby to them because she is married to a farang…. sometimes they do this without realising it, and if you don't understand Thai language very well or their culture, gestures and body language, you might not pick up on that.  

 

I found most Thai people really nice.  I don't mix with the hi so kinds though, just the villagers and neighbours.  They have treated us like their own family and we have been out biking and touring with some, parties, days out etc,  and they have shown us a lot of kindness and fun times.  They have been very kind to us and our family, including my mother and father when they come to visit on holiday, and will take pride in showing them how to make Thai food, lanterns, floating gratongs etc.... all for free with no expectation of money or something in return.  

 

Your experience with life is what you put into it, what attitude you have, and who you mix with.

 

Life is far from perfect here, but it sounds to me like your lifestyle is not suited to how you are living now. If you have depression that will get worse if you don't make some changes to you life (which may include going to a doctor).  Why not take a break for a few months, leave the fmaily to run the business and go traveling, or back to your home county to visit family and friends? 

 

If you still feel like you hate it here so much then you have little option than to sell the business and go somewhere else.    

Edited February 2, 2019 by jak2002003

[madmen]

I stopped reading after this

"I m a guy in his early 30s and I moved to Thailand about 5 years ago with the purpose of starting a business with my Thai girlfriend."

[Nyezhov]

37 minutes ago, unamazedloso said:

we just dont fit in amoungst the boring weird religous freaks.

And that says it all. Boys, men and codgers, know ye the truth, you arent Thai. No matter how long you live here you wont be Thai. Unless you are raised at the breast of a Thai woman, you will not be Thai. Absent a having a Professorship in Thai studies and Thai history, you arent going to understand Thais. You can count the number of falang who understand Thai Buddhism on the fingers of your right hand.  You may be able to communicate in their language, indeed, you may even be fluent and whoa, you may speak it like a native...but their religion and culture is as alien to you as would be a techno rave to a bunch of Andaman tribesmen. 

 

Naw Im just a snowbird mind you, but I daresay that you guys here that are married or have a gf and/or long termers and speak Thai have done it here for so long because you understand and accept the above and just go with the flow. You can have way too much fun just living ordinary life here if you walk around with the attitude of "yeah dude, thats cool". Why fight what you dont understand? You have very little in common with 99% of the people here so just dig on that. If you cant, well you shouldnt be here. 

[murraynz]

i think you are too sensitive.. relax a little--thats one of the better things about thailand..

'dont think too mut'

if your turning to drink etc--you have 'other' problems.. dont blame thailand.

sure, saving face and lying, IS  a major problem..

everywhere has problems---its how YOU  handle them, that matters.....

as somebody else said.... perhaps you will find thailand more appealing, when you older and more experienced with life >>

chok dee khap...

[grollies]

On 2/1/2019 at 5:15 PM, Lost Bob said:

It’s important to note here that I’m not a stranger to new cultures as I’ve been a constantly moving expat virtually all of my life, with most of my time being spent in Asia

and.....

 

On 2/1/2019 at 5:15 PM, Lost Bob said:

I do have my own set of values when it comes to what it means for people to treat each other in a decent, dignified manner

and, then.....

 

On 2/1/2019 at 5:15 PM, Lost Bob said:

the positive elements of Thailand are ones that don’t matter to me (I don’t care for booze, babes, interesting lizards, spicy food or “sabai sabai” living)

well mate, if the only positives for you are those then you didn't learn much in your formative years and you may want to re-assess some of your values.

 

Troll topic.

[1FinickyOne]

On 2/1/2019 at 5:15 PM, Lost Bob said:

t’s difficult to state the matter clearly without “posting slurs, degrading or overly negative comments directed towards Thailand etc” b

 

On 2/1/2019 at 5:15 PM, Lost Bob said:

I don’t think I’m a bitchy toxic individual or anything –

 

On 2/1/2019 at 5:15 PM, Lost Bob said:

get me in trouble because I now had the ability to speak my mind.

What you might not know or have noticed or even understand or believe is that many many and probably most Thai people are very sensitive as in being perceptive... if you are giving off a negative vibe, which from your own words above seem to say... then most Thai will do their best to avoid you. They are non-confrontational by desire and I have seen it over and again that people who give off a negative angry vibe are not well received. 

 

Consider what I am saying honestly and your answer might be there... even if you think you are being a great guy, they can still feel the underlying anger and do not care for it...

 

just something to think abt - ask your wife about... good luck to you

 

 

[NoshowJones]

On 2/1/2019 at 5:30 PM, puukao said:

There is no way I'm reading all of that, and I don't care.  But I'm glad you feel it's important to share with us your life.....well, not really, it's rather narcissistic.  I'm older, and i'll give you easy advice.  Your LIFE is in your 20's, and you went off that path....so mistake number 1.  leave home country means leaving friends (super important in your 20's) and identity.  Then you can't get a "normal" job, or a job that gives you any self-esteem from a farang.  But, whatever, you ran from hard life and then made the easy life hard.  Number 3, you know you must leave but you stay.  stay for the business?  lol.  ridiculous.  stay for the gf?  seems like an excuse.  so you need to cut all ties, try to keep her if you can, and leave.  be a man, do what you know you must do.   NOBODY I ever met hated their home country like you hate this country, so the timing was wrong when you came here.  wait until you are retired.  hopefully you have a degree.  maybe go back and get an advanced degree.  i have zero pity on you if you stay.  your life seems worse than death, so leaving can only be an improvement.  hopefully you have a high IQ, good health, and energy to actually work a real job with real peers.  before i was 35, i never ever would have left my home country.  but that's just me.  anyhow, nobody will care except you.  if you want to be a super loser, fine.    when i was 25-30, i was a VP, making good money, too many friends, etc......then after i had my identity, money, friends, experience, i made different choices.  seems like you gave up way too early in life.....get back in the game.    

"NOBODY I ever met hated their home country like you hate this country". You haven't met me, I hate the UK with a vengeance, and I know I don't need to explain why, any normal person from the UK knows what I mean.

[HLover]

2 minutes ago, possum1931 said:

"NOBODY I ever met hated their home country like you hate this country". You haven't met me, I hate the UK with a vengeance, and I know I don't need to explain why, any normal person from the UK knows what I mean.

Because of the lack of attractive women and dismal weather?

[NoshowJones]

23 hours ago, Rc2702 said:

Blasted all that out on a keyboard and he wonders why no one speaks to him. 

I did not read all the OPs post, but most of what I did read is true.

[StreetCowboy]

5 minutes ago, possum1931 said:

"NOBODY I ever met hated their home country like you hate this country". You haven't met me, I hate the UK with a vengeance, and I know I don't need to explain why, any normal person from the UK knows what I mean.

No, I don’t. The UK nurtured me, taught me who I was, and gave me the experience and education to successfully make my way in the world, and now my children are going through the same experience.  

 

How could one hate one’s parents, one’s home country, without also hating yourself as a product of them?

 

Of course, I am lucky, being Scottish, and growing up in the best part of the UK amongst the best people, but even the second-besters amongst us have benefitted from being British

[marcusarelus]

4 minutes ago, StreetCowboy said:

No, I don’t. The UK nurtured me, taught me who I was, and gave me the experience and education to successfully make my way in the world, and now my children are going through the same experience.  

 

How could one hate one’s parents, one’s home country, without also hating yourself as a product of them?

 

Of course, I am lucky, being Scottish, and growing up in the best part of the UK amongst the best people, but even the second-besters amongst us have benefitted from being British

My mom and dad did stuff to me that is so bad I still can't talk about it.  My government pulled me out of college and tried to kill me every day for 2 years (draft Vietnam).  My teachers were sexual psychopaths (normal Catholic schools 12 years).  No wonder I like Thailand so much.  

Edited February 2, 2019 by marcusarelus

[sanemax]

12 minutes ago, possum1931 said:

"NOBODY I ever met hated their home country like you hate this country". You haven't met me, I hate the UK with a vengeance, and I know I don't need to explain why, any normal person from the UK knows what I mean.

Why dont you explain why you hate the UK ?

[NoshowJones]

12 minutes ago, HLover said:

Because of the lack of attractive women and dismal weather?

That's only the tip of the iceberg.

[marcusarelus]

1 minute ago, sanemax said:

Why dont you explain why you hate the UK ?

Maybe he is Irish, or Indian or ..........

[scorecard]

29 minutes ago, murraynz said:

i think you are too sensitive.. relax a little--thats one of the better things about thailand..

'dont think too mut'

if your turning to drink etc--you have 'other' problems.. dont blame thailand.

sure, saving face and lying, IS  a major problem..

everywhere has problems---its how YOU  handle them, that matters.....

as somebody else said.... perhaps you will find thailand more appealing, when you older and more experienced with life >>

chok dee khap...

 

"If your turning to drink etc--you have 'other' problems.. dont blame thailand."

 

And don't blame Thailand or Thais culture or Thai behaviors if you have made poor business decisions. And be realistic many small businesses fail quickly or even after a few years. Starting and successfully operating a business long-term / very-long term is hard work and requires constant analysis and adjusting of policies and strategies. How can't change the overall business environment and many many times competitors pop up and make life difficult / very difficult for you to survive. That's the nature of business, that's how it is.

 

 

[NoshowJones]

7 minutes ago, StreetCowboy said:

No, I don’t. The UK nurtured me, taught me who I was, and gave me the experience and education to successfully make my way in the world, and now my children are going through the same experience.  

 

How could one hate one’s parents, one’s home country, without also hating yourself as a product of them?

 

Of course, I am lucky, being Scottish, and growing up in the best part of the UK amongst the best people, but even the second-besters amongst us have benefitted from being British

I'm Scottish too, and I resent that the Scottish people did not have the guts to become independent, and now Scotland is just like England full of people of a certain faith.