19 hours ago, The Fat Controller said:

 

For the "village" wedding, showing a gift of gold and cash is traditional and will make your in-laws happy.

 

When I did that, we put a considerable sum on the table, however it was already agreed it was just for show and was returned to my wife's bank the same day.

 

Mother-in-law was happy without the amount of "face" gained that day.

That was how it worked for me as well. 

You shouldn't give anything since she isn't a 18 year old virgin with no kids. That's up to you to give from your hearth and in this situation it's enough if you pay for the party. As I see it you already gave alot to someone that is 55 years. I understand you may love her but don't overdoe it because if you give everything now then thers nothing to look forward to for her.

1 minute ago, sead said:

You shouldn't give anything since she isn't a 18 year old virgin with no kids. That's up to you to give from your hearth and in this situation it's enough if you pay for the party. As I see it you already gave alot to someone that is 55 years. I understand you may love her but don't overdoe it because if you give everything now then thers nothing to look forward to for her.

Yeah... and just hope the gift is not misnamed to mimic SinSot

dont go overboard, she already has a kid from previous marriage?, if so her parents already have had their bite at the sin sot, paying for the reception/wedding should be more than enough  especially at your brides age. If they want to save face by showing sin sot then do so on the proviso that it is only for show and is to be given back to you, you can also allow them to keep any money given by the wedding guests. With what you have already spent and done you have more than covered any expectations, dont let anyone convince you that you need to give more, they should be happy that you are actually going to marry her and have made sure she will be taken care of for the rest of her life,  you have no obligation to her sister & husband, nieces etc so no need to supply them with anything, that is the sisters husbands job not yours

Throw a small party with soft drinks, food, beer and some alcohol even though you don't want to. Let the family and folks enjoy the time and the day. Good for everyone and I have done that before. Once for a marriage and once for a funeral. You earn or should earn some respect by it..

 

She is no spring chicken and has been given away already and burped a kid or two out already. No money to the folks. Use it other ways. Let the parents control the party and live it up, and maybe as I also like the idea of giving the parents maybe 5- 7 -10k per month to spruce up their life, also spruce up their home a bit if it needs it. But out in the sticks you still need to protect yourself from the jealous ones. so don't show more than what you have as you have kicked out a lot already. . 

 

 

notrub:

 

You've been married before. You should realize one of the keys to a successful marriage is communications. Communications is made "difficult" when the two partners mother languages are different. Lots of avenues for "misunderstandings". 

 

You are the "breadwinner" in this relationship. You have a firm grip on your financial status. What you have spent in the past, what you have today, what you will receive in the future, and, most importantly - just what you can afford.

 

You must make clear to your future bride your financial status. Following the golden rule of "live within your means".

Really a quite simply rule to follow than many seem to ignore (and suffer the most miserable consequences).

 

Your question concerns the old "sin sod" dilemma faced by us falang. there is a "cultural show" value in the presentation of sin sod to the parents. It is a broad sense it can generally be considered a "value" associated with how well they raised their daughter. It is status elevating and "face" part of their culture.

 

So, in that context, just how much pride do you want your soon-to-be Bride and her Family to experience in the rare occasion of their daughter capturing the heart of a foreigner?

 

As has been pointed out by some, the sin sod can (and should) be returned in kind - used to pay for the wedding ceremony, household goods, etc. It should not be a "payment" in exchange for your wife.

 

Again, it's all up to you - communicate. Communication with your fiancé and her parents is of upmost importance. Communicate your expectations and set you limit(s).

 

Good Luck.   

 

On 9/15/2019 at 9:47 PM, notrub said:

My GF and I will be getting married this year.  I have already built a house and pool etc. etc., her a new car and all the rest.  I have an usufruct on the 3 rai of land that I paid for and built our house on. 

My first inclination is to be cruel, but if it makes you happy to shower more money on a poor rural girl than the entire family could earn in a lifetime so be it.

Formal gifts- I gave my wife's parent nothing. Only 50,000 baht sin sod for show and got it back.

What would you give to parents of a western woman that you were marrying? Use that as a guide.

 

I do suggest that you read all the threads about divorce on here. Forewarned is forearmed.

On 9/17/2019 at 2:11 PM, The Man Who Sold the World said:

notrub:

 

You've been married before. You should realize one of the keys to a successful marriage is communications. Communications is made "difficult" when the two partners mother languages are different. Lots of avenues for "misunderstandings". 

 

You are the "breadwinner" in this relationship. You have a firm grip on your financial status. What you have spent in the past, what you have today, what you will receive in the future, and, most importantly - just what you can afford.

 

You must make clear to your future bride your financial status. Following the golden rule of "live within your means".

Really a quite simply rule to follow than many seem to ignore (and suffer the most miserable consequences).

 

Your question concerns the old "sin sod" dilemma faced by us falang. there is a "cultural show" value in the presentation of sin sod to the parents. It is a broad sense it can generally be considered a "value" associated with how well they raised their daughter. It is status elevating and "face" part of their culture.

 

So, in that context, just how much pride do you want your soon-to-be Bride and her Family to experience in the rare occasion of their daughter capturing the heart of a foreigner?

 

As has been pointed out by some, the sin sod can (and should) be returned in kind - used to pay for the wedding ceremony, household goods, etc. It should not be a "payment" in exchange for your wife.

 

Again, it's all up to you - communicate. Communication with your fiancé and her parents is of upmost importance. Communicate your expectations and set you limit(s).

 

Good Luck.   

 

She's divorced with offspring. Sin sod was paid the first time. NOTHING is due this time.

Why oh why do farangs with more money than sense keep distorting the culture? Every Thai that hears about this then thinks that they are entitled to two goes at the sin sod.

Even if she hadn't been married before, she not a virgin any more if he's bought the house and car etc.

Farangs should wise up to reality.

These topics are always interesting.

 

Never could understand the masses of foreigners that want to get married to Thai's, then cheap out?

 

A marriage in Isaan is all about "Face" for the parents.

 

You have already given the family a lot of "Face" with everything you have done already.

 

I have never heard of sin-sot expectations for a 55 year old bride, who was formerly married and has adult kids?

 

However, the kind thing to do is to discuss it with her and meet her expectations.

 

When you get married in Isaan, if you do it the correct way, you get to see how important this is to the family of the bride.

 

My father in law went from being a nobody to a somebody, when his daughter married a farang, high sin-sot tells everyone in the village his daughter was worth something, huge party which 200 were invited and 500 showed up, that the village still talks about.

 

Villagers all pitched in to setup, cook, clean dishes, etc. and all made a few baht for themselves which was greatly appreciated.

 

I get along extremely well with my wife's family, which is my family and try to do what ever I can to make their life a little easier.

 

It's no different than any other marriage in any other country in the world.

 

If you married the women you love.

 

 

On 10/25/2019 at 12:41 AM, thaibeachlovers said:

My first inclination is to be cruel, but if it makes you happy to shower more money on a poor rural girl than the entire family could earn in a lifetime so be it.

Formal gifts- I gave my wife's parent nothing. Only 50,000 baht sin sod for show and got it back.

What would you give to parents of a western woman that you were marrying? Use that as a guide.

 

I do suggest that you read all the threads about divorce on here. Forewarned is forearmed.

just interested, if you got the 50,000 sin sot back does that mean you left the family to pay for the party/celebrations?

Lots of "sour grapes" replies here OP. I suggest you follow the path you've been on. It seems to be working for you. In a few years, you can look back and say like the song, "I did it my way".

 

Best wishes.

10 hours ago, 473geo said:

just interested, if you got the 50,000 sin sot back does that mean you left the family to pay for the party/celebrations?

The groom normally pays, but you get it back through the gifts at the wedding.

 The concept of giving a dowry to a bride's parents is based on the notion that the family will lose income when the 'soon to be  a bride ' leaves the family home .

For 18+  newly weds this seems reasonable. and I think expected.

 

The circumstances do not apply in your  case.

For certain I did not give one satang when I got married

 

Anything that  you do give will be because you are a generous person.

All contributions will be received -not necessarily with gratitude.

 

 

Sir you sound brainwashed !

On 11/4/2019 at 4:06 AM, 473geo said:

just interested, if you got the 50,000 sin sot back does that mean you left the family to pay for the party/celebrations?

LOL. we didn't have a party/celebration. Why would I want to pay for a load of people I never met to get <deleted>? I wasn't going to live in the village at that time, so it didn't even come up.

All that happened when we got married was that we went to the amphur on her m'bike, signed a piece of paper, I paid 20 baht or something, the staff took our photo, and we went home. We'd been living together for a year, so life just carried on as normal.

 

I assume that the rest of the family were too busy working to take time off to go to the village to have a party anyway, and they were in Chiang Rai and we got married in Pattaya. My wife had a job and wouldn't have wanted to take time off either.

On 11/20/2019 at 12:50 AM, Delight said:

 The concept of giving a dowry to a bride's parents is based on the notion that the family will lose income when the 'soon to be  a bride ' leaves the family home .

For 18+  newly weds this seems reasonable. and I think expected.

 

The circumstances do not apply in your  case.

For certain I did not give one satang when I got married

 

Anything that  you do give will be because you are a generous person.

All contributions will be received -not necessarily with gratitude.

 

 

I gave a lot to my Thai family, but the words Khop Khun never were uttered.