Genuine friendships in Thailand.

[WineOh]

I don't know about you lot but i struggle to make any meaningful, worthwhile friends in Thailand.

Most of the people I meet are either tourists or what most people would consider 'undesirables.'

since i arrived here many moons ago i have yet to meet a genuine person that I could call a true friend.

I find it extremely difficult.

Most foreigners are either just passing through or are so wrapped up in their own misery they just dont want to know.

All males I meet are here for 2 things only. Girls and booze.

Which is fine but after a while i find all that scene boring and repetitive.

I have tried many times to meet people but it's always the same.

People just haven't got the time and the ones that do talk come out with some of the most absurd things imaginable.

Very self centered borderline eccentric I find most foreigners here to be.

They all have war stories of being burned by their bar girl wives and how her cousin is gonna come round tonight and do him in over 500 baht..

Where do they find these people?

I also find it very hard to meet genuine locals that I could call friends.

Friendship with Thais I would say is impossible.

True friendship, not the kind where you are paying for everyone and they all cheers you like you are a god for 10 minutes until your wallet is empty.

Maybe it's just me, but these have been my experiences from living in various parts of the country over the years.

The people I have met and who I thought were my friends turned out to be superficial and were just users.

Am i the only one who has trouble making real friends out here or can anyone else relate?

 

 

 

[BobBKK]

I think that counts for life doesn't it?  count the number of true friends on one hand? now 'mates' are a different thing (drinking, trips, dinners etc. but you don't really know them). I truly never think about it and i'm cynical anyway and, yes, I'm here because I like girls and booze (sorry).

[Ventenio]

First, ask yourself, "why are these guys going to Thailand?"

 

1.  women

2.  escape

3.  forget

4.  money problems

5.  start over

6.  not think

7.  die

 

if you want a true friend, you should have the same passions.  Well, that's usually 10000000x easier between the ages of 0-30.  Then people get married, kids, and less passions.  So you can join clubs and all that...might help.  

 

the problem is...if he does have the same passion as you, he might still have a bigger problem on the list (see above).  then that creates worse drama than being alone.

 

when in rome......yea, find a girl, 2, 3, try to relax.....if this isn't your thing, think about another country.  

 

 

[stupidfarang]

Welcome to expat life. I think that some of the expats you meet here you would not socialise with back in your home country, I would agree that it is not easy to meet expats that you would call true friends. I know many expats but would say only 2 would be real friends in the true sense of the word. Yes you are right that there are many with tales of ex wives back in their home country who did them wrong, and yes there are many red necks out there. I think most of us have our own stories about ex Thai gf/wives but that is part of the learning curve here. I would say if you are meeting farangs in bars then no much hope of meeting a friend for life. Maybe easier to meet farangs who are more relaxed outside of the tourist hotspots. As for Thai friends, I have two who I know I can count on but think they are the exception. Also what part of the country you in just out of interest?

[soalbundy]

Friendships rely on mutual usefulness, there is no 'coming together of minds', no special spiritual depth to a friendship.

Be satisfied with the occasional nice meetings.

I was reading all about the financial hardships and turmoil on the stock markets, the fall in industrial output, the fall in GDP and then I went for a walk around the lake near the temple in my village in Isan. I met an old man leading his cows and one calf to the water, he greeted me and pointed proudly to his calf, "A little bull" he said proudly laughing but he didn't know anything about the stock market.

[Puchaiyank]

You have described the most common experience for non-Thais living full time.

 

If you are bored with women and booze, maybe you should investigate other places...

 

At least you should not be bored while involved in a new adventure...

[WineOh]

5 minutes ago, Puchaiyank said:

 

 

If you are bored with women and booze, maybe you should investigate other places...

 

Indeed i was mate, but covid put a stop to all that ????

 

booze and women are fine, but for me not the absolute be all and end all in life.

 

[Ventenio]

Let me give you a few examples of how NOT to make friends when you WANT friends.

 

1.  insult them 

2.  insult their country (a big one)

3.  insult Thailand

4.  complain about life

5.  share too much too soon

6.  have very strong opinions, matter-of-fact

 

i've met sooo many losers who are desperate for friends but immediately disrespect everyone.  luckily it happens soon into the relationship.  

 

of course, IF they insult (xxx) after you insult (xxx) then you are both losers and will be good friends.  lol.  coming to Thailand to be negative is very funny to me, but i avoid these people.  

 

 

[CharlieH]

The word is "superficial", true friends in life are a rarity, aquaintances are many but usually fleeting.

Most will only stick around if you are "of use" in some way.

 

 

[AndyAndyAndy]

I'm here more than 8 years and I have 0 farang friends.

 

Here in Isaan are only guys in the age of my grandfather. And on top of that 99% of them seems to have problems mentioned above. Alcohol, relationships, money... . (and their life revolves around this problem 24/7)

 

Once in a while you see here a younger guy. With a thai girl covered in tattoos and dressed like she just finished her shift in a strip club. But they stay around just for a couple days and then disappear forever.

Edited April 20, 2020 by AndyAndyAndy

[VocalNeal]

20 minutes ago, Ventenio said:

if you want a true friend, you should have the same passions.  Well, that's usually 10000000x easier between the ages of 0-30.  Then people get married, kids, and less passions.  So you can join clubs and all that...might help.  

There is some truth in this. 

 

I think "friends" need a shared history which is where the age thing above comes into play. 

 

For mates , depending where you live, try Hash House Harriers. Some nice nice people , some A holes but on the whole OK. 

There is an altruistic element which may be the secret?

 

 

Edited April 20, 2020 by VocalNeal

[Ventenio]

few comical examples of farangs:

 

1.  hello.  2 hours later walking in a big city and he's yelling at cars to stop as he's walking in the middle of the road.  ok, bye

 

2.  hello.  married to thai, both in thailand to cheat on each other, then back to their farang country.  she said he has a disease and they yelled at each other over lunch.  bye

 

3.  hello.  oh, 100 hookers in a month.  bye

 

4.  hello.  oh, you are 50 and like girls who might be 18.   bye

 

5.  hello.  oh, you are on overstay and need money.  bye

 

6.  hello.  oh, you hate my country and have never been there.  bye

 

7.  hello.  oh, you know how to fix the world but not yourself.  bye

 

8.  hello.  .... hey nice guy..... oh, you are married back home with kids and came here for ladyboys.    hmmmmm............  

 

9.  hello.  oh, you got married, lost 4 million, on overstay and spend 20 baht a day for rice.   omg..... ah, well, hmmmmmm....  

[tonray]

48 minutes ago, Liverpoolfan said:

All males I meet are here for 2 things only. Girls and booze

Perhaps you're looking in the wrong places

[WineOh]

10 minutes ago, CharlieH said:

The word is "superficial", true friends in life are a rarity, aquaintances are many but usually fleeting.

Most will only stick around if you are "of use" in some way.

 

 

very true Charlie. it' a sad fact of life that most people only care about themselves.

Maybe i'm the same. I like to think not but it could be the case.

However, I would say my level of selfishness pales in comparison to the many people I meet out there in the big bad world. 

[WineOh]

1 minute ago, Ventenio said:

4.  hello.  oh, you are 50 and like girls who might be 18.   bye

Personally, I see nothing wrong with this point.

 

[baansgr]

How do you have friends at home....it's through hobbies, gym, golf, squash whatever...neighbours sometimes or work colleagues....same same anywhere...my friends here I met them all through work...used to have many drinking buddies but as soon as left the bar, the "friendship" and use that word loosely ended there until the next time.

[Dmaxdan]

In normal life, people mostly meet genuine friends through school, work or common interests. Not just because they speak the same language. 

[Pilotman]

I do not make friends easily.  My fault really. as I am a bit of a loner (good in present times) like my own comany and I am self surficient in thought and deed.  I have 4 very good long lasting friends in the UK, one in Taiwan and in 3 years, I have made 3 here. We don't live in each others pockets and we all come from very different backgrounds, one is even a Yank (I don't know how that happened!).  We are all married to Thai ladies of long standing, have mixed race kids  and live 'normal lives'.  I know that they would come to help if I needed it, as I would for them. I guess the clue in this place is that you have common interests that don't centre around drinking, bars and girls,  although if they are the kind of places where you draw your friends then good luck!   

Edited April 20, 2020 by Pilotman

[WineOh]

2 minutes ago, baansgr said:

How do you have friends at home....it's through hobbies, gym, golf, squash whatever.

I took a trial at a gym in a very reputable 5 star hotel a few months back.

Never had I seen such a miserable looking bunch of expats in all my life. 

[Ventenio]

1 minute ago, Liverpoolfan said:

very true Charlie. it' a sad fact of life that most people only care about themselves.

Maybe i'm the same. I like to think not but it could be the case.

However, I would say my level of selfishness pales in comparison to the many people I meet out there in the big bad world. 

i'm drinking coffee so take all this with a grain of salt, BUT i'll SLIGHTLY disagree.  

 

1.  I've given over 100,000 Baht to Thai people.  NOT money, but computers, phones, clothes, electronics, etc.......  i consider that being very nice.  i don't have any idea the names of the people who i gave the gifts to.

 

2.  BUT to other farangs, i might appear very selfish.  I didn't come to Thailand to help farangs.  Sure, if i had a good friend i would... 

 

3.  So i think "using" each other is case-by-case.   in general, i think it's a fair statement, but I know I could be labeled as both.  

 

unless you say they are "using" you for your company, then we all use each other.  

[flyingtlger]

54 minutes ago, Liverpoolfan said:

Maybe it's just me?

Correct!

 

[BritManToo]

9 minutes ago, Ventenio said:

3.  hello.  oh, 100 hookers in a month.  bye

4.  hello.  oh, you are 50 and like girls who might be 18.   bye

Can't see a problem there myself ......... although 100 in a month is pushing it a bit.

18 is legal in most countries ........ no problem there either.

 

You sound like a bit of a prude, why are you even in Thailand?

[WineOh]

6 minutes ago, Ventenio said:

1.  I've given over 100,000 Baht to Thai people.  NOT money, but computers, phones, clothes, electronics, etc.......  i consider that being very nice.  i don't have any idea the names of the people who i gave the gifts to.

I would argue that merely giving things away to strangers is not a nice gesture, more a fool hardy endeavor that labels you an easy target.

[Lacessit]

I have a couple of good friends here, one I met through the shared interest of golf, another at my condo. Lost another good one to a traffic accident. All farangs.

I doubt it is possible to establish a firm friendship with a Thai male unless one is completely fluent in Thai. Oddly enough, I regard my GF/bed companion as a friend.

It is what it is, we are not in our "home" country. I think I've lost a couple of friends there because they have no common ground with me anymore.

[EricTh]

@Liverpoolfan

 

You're not the only one as I have also faced similar situations.

 

It's impossible to make close Thai friends because our Thai language is just not good enough and their English is of very low proficiency.

 

Stay clear of bar girls as they are just gold diggers.

 

Unless you look like Tom Cruise or have body like Arnold Schwarzeneggar, the chances of Thai girl marrying a much older men for love and not money is near zero.

Edited April 20, 2020 by EricTh

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, Liverpoolfan said:

I don't know about you lot but i struggle to make any meaningful, worthwhile friends in Thailand.

Most of the people I meet are either tourists or what most people would consider 'undesirables.'

I've made 3 really great friends in Thailand,

One died from cancer age 49 (we had coffee or lunch nearly every day), one died from HIV age 59 (we messaged each other 3-4x a week while he was banging his way around the world, I'd join him when he was in Asia), one still comes to cycle and hike with me every day in his works holidays (December and August).

 

I've become a bit tired of friends dying on me, probably won't bother to make any more.

Edited April 20, 2020 by BritManToo

[seajae]

I know a few farangs in Thailand and I do consider a couple of them to be friends, same with a few thais. I dont go out of my way looking for friends, luckily most of my wife's friends are genuine people, she grew up with them in the south and they keep close contact with each other, they actually have made me very welcome and include me in everything when we all get together. Farangs are a different story, I dont know/meet a real lot(many you say hi too when out tend to ignore you, too up themselves) and while I have come across a couple of genuine ones I have also come across those that are drinkers, womanizers or as stated, too up themselves. I dont keep close contact with people and some farangs want to be in contact a lot,  I do tend to do my own thing with my wife and her family and dont have the need to be around others constantly. While it is great to have someone to talk to etc at times I dont have the need to do so all the time, I am fine doing my own thing. Mates/friends to me are people you would do anything for, they are like family, you do tend to chose them wisely and not everyone you meet is up to it

[FritsSikkink]

"Friendship with Thais I would say is impossible. "

I am not surprised you think that. You are always posting bad things about Thais, so can't blame them for not being interested.

[gk10002000]

49 minutes ago, BobBKK said:

I think that counts for life doesn't it?  count the number of true friends on one hand? now 'mates' are a different thing (drinking, trips, dinners etc. but you don't really know them). I truly never think about it and i'm cynical anyway and, yes, I'm here because I like girls and booze (sorry).

Having worked in 17 states across the USA coast to coast I echo your comments.  Sure I made some acquaintances at work, did some outings, went to the local county fairs, a casino night, the Del Mar race track, but close friends?  nah with two exceptions.  I did make good friends with two fellow contractors.  One I do call my best friend and over the years we helped each other a lot.  I got him jobs, he got me some jobs, I stayed at his home, got to know his family, helped him build his retirement home in Canada.  He put me up now and then between jobs and I put him up when starting jobs on the road where I got to the place first.  And the other guy I was the best man at his wedding (RIP BIll).  All the people I grew up with, well of course most we grew apart.  They stayed in Rhode Island I moved out.  Keep in touch with some.

 

  On my 15 or so trips to Thailand, the longest stay was two months.  So I was not expecting nor going there to make friends with expats.  Ran into a few over the years that I would see on and off, some from the UK some from the USA, but I had no plans or desire to share personal stuff.  I mean, we really are strangers.

 

  As far as any Thais, I was friendly with some on my first few trips but they moved on, the bar we all hung out at changed owners, etc. Not much permanent there.  If I were to expat more full time there, things might be a little different, but the language and cultural challenges are not small.  Would not mind sharing and exchanging things with fellow expats as both can profit from information, how to do things, etc.  On some of my long plane rides or bus rides in the country I have had some fine chats with people from various countries.  But friendship.. nah doubt it

[ivor bigun]

My best mate here is my wife ,she was when we lived in the UK as well, i know a few other ex pats ,they like me are family men ,if your here as a single guy ,going to bars etc ,its a different life ,you will never meet people like us who have family here .