You asked for it and so you're going to get it (slightly modified )

Foster's Lager

Foster's Lager is Australia's original, full strength lager. Its signature full malt character on the mid-palate blends well with a delicate creaminess and crisp, clean hop finish, creating a perfect balance to the beer. Launched by the Foster Brothers in 1887, this lighter European style lager became the beer of choice for Australian beer drinkers creating a milestone in brewing history - largely thanks to the brothers' innovative refrigeration process and that they were able to successfully blend an unique combination of cat, goat, and same say koala urine to give it that special tang. The Toohey's family (their story to follow) tried in vain but have stuck to using horse piss - ie a single moult. Today, Foster's Lager is one of the fastest growing, truly global beer brands, available in more than 150 countries. It is exported because it is the only way of getting rid of the frikin' stuff. No one in Australia except for tourists will drink it. It is a top seller in England - which explains a lot about the lack of taste of the English Lager drinker. Oddly it is very popular in Germany which after all the years of invading Belgium you would think they know something about beer but not necessarily about taste. France and Italy are also large markets of Fosters which is understandable when they insist on sticking a slice of lemon in their brew in a vain attempt to hide the taste of the local product. However the biggest market by far is China which is payback from the Australians for China destroying our textile industry.

Style: full strength lager

Alcohol: 4.9%

Carbs: 3.1 grams/100mL, Urea 7.5grams/100mL

Energy: 168 kilojoules/100mL; 40 calories/100mL

Standard drinks: 1.4 per 375ml, 3.1 per 800ml

Available: Wherever bad taste and good friends meet, just do yourself a favour and not offer one to an Australian.

CB

More in the Australian Beer Drinker's Guide

Victoria Bitter

Australia's favourite full strength beer. Victoria Bitter or VB as it's fondly known has many other names most of which under Thai Visa rules are not allowed. Other names are Vitamin B, Green Steam, and "VB=Very Bad. VB used with great success a television and radio campaign featuring the actor John Mellion - which had the tag line "I feel like having one now" Unfortunately Mellion took the words litterally and drank himself to death at the Royal Oak hotel in Neutral Bay NSW. Despite him dying of liver failure and acute alcoholism the ads remained popular and live on for another 10 years. VB drinkers like to portrey themselves as "real aussies" which means they believe in the tradition of rewarding hard work and hard play, dating back to the 1890s. In reality it is drunk by basic yobo's (see wikipedia) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yobbo with a penchance for shorts, singlets, and a huge beer gut spilling out inbetween the two. Over the last 10 years, it's been a consistent winner in the esteemed Australian Liquor Industry Awards (ALIA), more recently picking up "Best Beer to create a Beer Belly" in 2001, "Tap Beer of the Year" in 2002, and "Best Full Strength Beer" again in 2003. Note: none of these awards were for taste either by the beer or the drinker.

VB is a full flavoured brew, less malty in character and slightly darker than CUB's traditional lagers. A gentle fruitiness in the aroma complements the sweet malt on the mid-palate balancing perfectly with a robust, hop bitterness. It has a slight aftertaste of goat piss reminiscent but less obvious to its Fosters stablemate.

Style: full strength bitter lager

Alcohol: 4.9%

Carbs: 3.1 grams/100mL

Energy: 168 kilojoules/100mL; 40 calories/100mL

Standard drinks: 1.4 per 375mL, 3.1 per 800mL

Available: on tap, 250mL, 375mL and 800mL bottles and 375mL cans

CB

The Drinkers Guide to Australian Beer continued

Castlemaine FourEx

FourEx or more commonly written XXXX is the pride of Queensland and made by the Castlemaine brewing company, located in Brisbane Australia. It is immensely popular in Queensland because it is easier to spell, hence the expression "XXXX for people who can't spell beer". During the beer wars on the 80's Castlemaine proudly boasted that they remained independent from the take overbids that cobbled up most of the other breweries - the reason was simple, no one wanted to buy them.

FourEx has the advertising slogan "I can feel a XXXX coming on" which is fine in Australia as advertising goes. However in the USA where it is a brand of condom, it raises a few eyebrows when walking down the road in a bright yellow tshirt with it printed across the chest. Believe me I know - does introduce you to new friends but not necessarily anyone you may want to drink with.

The formula for making Castlemaine XXXX is a closely guarded secret - not that anyone want to get it, just to prevent anyone else making the mistake of making it. It is known to involve a mixture of Brisbane river water and adding hops, yeast, and malt. The result is a beer that tastes like Brisbane river water with hops, yeast, and malt . There is nothing good that can be added to this except a warning. Drinking this brew will make you, loud, agressive, obnoxious, and a pain in the ars_e to everyone - just like the rest of the Queenslanders who drink it in massive quantities.

CB

Crowboy, excellent reviews! You should apply for a job with Gault Millot...

Now there was me thinking VB stood for "Verbose Blackbird", well done CB.

Crowboy, excellent reviews! You should apply for a job with Gault Millot...

I did a job for the Australian Tourist Board in London and suddenly discovered the world of European Beers. I found a book called "The European Drinkers Guide to Beer" which was wonderful. It was quirky and had a twisted way of writing but it had the best reviews. Two of us loaded up a BMW540 every couple of weeks and headed off to the continent for a long (drunken) weekend and tried to work our way through the 480 something beer companies in Belgium. Having been raised on Australian beer it was a revelation. Similarly in Germany and the rest of Europe.

When I went back to Australia and the only beer available was VB or Tooheys which is horrible stuff I realised how much I missed them. My favourite is Stella which I adore but there are so many great beers available there.

Then I spent a couple of years in the US and had to get by with Coors, Budweiser, and Schlitz which should come with printed warnings - horrible stuff. Back to Australia in time for the beer wars and suddenly the country was awash with interesting beers but of course nothing like Europe.

I was a bit worried that because my humour is very off beat it may be lost but pleased you enjoyed it.

CB

CB....

you gonna do a review of Carlton Cold too??

is that australian?

CB....

you gonna do a review of Carlton Cold too??

is that australian?

MiG16 Yes it is Australian, yes I will review it for you because you asked so nicely, yes we think it is a beer but that remains to be decided

CB

A beer I'm quite fond of actually.

i dont drink it...or any other beer for that matter..but reason I remember it is they always had some creative ads on TV

although will say that of all the beers Ive tasted the belgian ones have been the best

will even admit to having drunk the beer from the Mannekin boy

CB....

you gonna do a review of Carlton Cold too??

is that australian?

MiG16 Yes it is Australian, yes I will review it for you because you asked so nicely, yes we think it is a beer but that remains to be decided

CB

The Beer Drinkers Guide to Australian Beer

(by special request)

CARLTON COLD

Carlton Cold was one of the most innovative and successful brand launches of the early 90s. It remains the beer of choice for young adult drinkers. The taste is smooth, crisp and fresh, but beyond taste the brand's appeal is driven by its attitude and innovative approach - it was the first to be cold-filtered, the first to be packaged in clear glass.

Cold Filtering is not a new concept but was not common on a large scale. In the days of bottle conditioning ie the carbon dioxide to give the beer its gas was done by waiting until the beer had fermented out in the tun (brewing vat) then decanting it into bottles. The beer still had live yeast culture and when a small "charge" of dextrose (corn sugar) or sucrose (cane sugar) was added and the bottle capped the beer began a secondary fermentation. The gas built up and viola we have frothy beer - this trick was discovered by Czech monks and shows what keeping away from women, small children, and other monks could achieve. The problem with this is that a layer of dead yeast forms on the base or side of the bottle (depending on how it is laid in store). When the beer is poured into a glass, it makes the beer cloudy and that to some, is unsightly. Over the years various compounds were used to drop out the yeast in the first fermentation and before decanting it. The compounds were closely guarded secrets and included such wonderful taste addatives as sulphur of arsenic, strycenine, mercury fulminate, and after it was commonly manufactured - gunpowder. These had some unfortunate side effects like, well death really so had limited popularity. For those of you with a sense of adventure these same compounds are used in making local home "ie illegal or semi legal" brews and spirits in Thailand, Laos, Cambodia, and Myammar. Strcynine was a common additive mixed with gunpowder in Vietnam and reputedly has aphrodisiac properties - probably hence the expression "stiff as a board". The only one that is still found in western world is fish gall or more accurately the float bladder from Deep Sea Cod. If acts as a "floccating agent" ie the particles of yeast stick to it and then when they weigh more than the specific gravity of the brew will sink to the bottom. It is very common to use this in home brew as well as a crushed vitamin C tablet - this not only helps to clear the beer but add the necessary vitamins that the drinker needs to keep healthy.

Cold filtering was most likely discovered or at least developed in Germany. The German brewers laid fresh beer down over the winter for it to be used in spring - ie lagers. Over winter they drank Heavy Ales such as Bludden Axen and Killem'all Ale to keep up their happy spirits over the long cold winter. The German Brewers noticed that some of the bottles froze and if the bottle didn't break it contained the yeast sediment making it clearer. They really are clever those Germans - no wonder they invented the Porsche, Michael Schenker, and Lederhosen.

The Brewers overfilled the bottle (normally it is filled to the bottom of the neck to prevent the bottle from breaking. They then stood the bottle on it's capped end in special boxes filled with cold water (from outside the brewery), the yeast sank into this part and the liquid froze. When the neck was solid they decapped the bottle and the pressure pushed the icy plug out where it was cut with a wire knife and then immediately recapped. The now clear and gassed beer was left and laid down in an area that wouldn't freeze for the rest of the winter. In Spring the German Brewers had clear Lager and Michael Shenker's future as one of the great rock guitarists was assured. Unfortunately no one can explain Uli Roth.

All this was great but required special bottles - clear (to see the frozen liquid) and stonger than normal (to withstand the pressure) and was labour intesive. Despite their best intentions it still had a lot of wasteage and breakage so was only suitable for special brews.

CUB (the manufacturer of Carlton Cold) did not invent the special freezers that make this beer in commercial quantities but they certainly took to the task of making them much bigger and more efficient. Their target market were young men who wanted something different. The biggest difference between Refrigerated filtering and the old method is that the bottle is filled flat and then a Nitrogen/Carbon Dioxide gas mix is added at the same time as capping - this is the standard process for capping and gassing modern, manufactured beer. However Carlton Cold is stilled bottled in a special clear bottle as a "tip of the hat" to tradition.

Ok after the history lesson who does it taste? The filtering process used by CUB is very effective and removes all suspended yeast, colour, taste, and anything else that would make it interesting or even remotely drinkable. It is also best served at near frozen temperature to maintain the image of a "cold beer" which reduces any taste remnants to almost zero. The beer can be best descibed as "clear as pure water and almost as tasty"

Enjoy (not)

Style: full strength lager

Alcohol: 4.60%

Carbs: 2.7 grams/100mL

Energy: 155 kilojoules/100mL; 37 calories/100mL

Standard drinks: 1.4 per 375ml

Available: 375ml bottles - which is about as much as any sane man/non Canadian could stand

CB

The Beer Drinkers Guide to Australian Beer

(by special request)

CARLTON COLD

Carlton Cold was one of the most innovative and successful brand launches of the early 90s. It remains the beer of choice for young adult drinkers. The taste is smooth, crisp and fresh, but beyond taste the brand's appeal is driven by its attitude and innovative approach - it was the first to be cold-filtered, the first to be packaged in clear glass.

CB

it all makes sense now......young, driven, innovative.... no wonder I can associate

I wrote this and put it up in my old bar as a poster - enjoy

CB

10 Steps to the Perfect Beer

The glass:

Get a proper beer glass; one that's a good full shape and curves in a little at the top to trap the beer's aromas. Take one of these, make sure it is scrupulously clean, and chill it in the fridge for an hour or so.

The beer:

Beer is never better than when it is delivered from the brewer. It does not improve with age; in fact, over time it will lose some of the crispness of it's flavour. So, for the perfect beer, choose a bottle that hasn't been hanging around the house too long.

The temperature:

This varies with personal taste and with the style of beer. For most Australian lager-style beers, something around typical household refrigerator temperatures (2 to 3 deg C) is fine.

Pouring:

Slosh some beer into the bottom of the glass to form a head. Then gently pour the beer directly onto the foam to break any large bubbles and pack the head. Leave for a short period to "age" the foam, then tilt the glass and fill carefully. Straighten the glass as it fills and keep pouring until the collar or head just froths over the rim of the glass.

Tip: The bitterness of the hops tends to be most concentrated in the foam of the head, so if you like a good hit of hops to jolt the tastebuds, give yourself a more generous head and sip the beer through it.

Savouring the beer:

Bring the glass to your lips and inhale gently to take in the aroma of the beer. This will awaken your tastebuds to the flavours that are to follow. Then sip, letting the cool beer flow over the tongue so you savour the full complexity of the flavour. Perfect!

These initial steps then are put into a simple cycle until the next stage is reached

Inebriation:

Take note that the room is moving around in an independent orbit to the bar stool on which you are firmly attached. This is normal and does not need to cause alarm unless you are in Japan in which case you are most likely in an earthquake. Be happy that you are too pissed to worry about minor details such as building collape. Smile and order another beer.

Advanced Inebriation:

This is for experienced drinkers and should be approached with care. At this stage you will suddenly discover the secrets of the Universe and the answer to that most perplexing of problems such as "Time/Space/Motion to find the bathroom" and "What women really mean when they say........?"

Totally Pissed:

At this stage you have now discovered that gravity has suddenly released you from it grip. The bottle grasped in your hand will now need to be adjusted to 90 degrees from normal to allow for the fact that you are lying on your back on the floor.

Passed Out:

Your world has ceased and you have now entered the zone of quiet. Meditation Masters spend years in uncomfortable poses seeking such levels of relaxation as you have now achieved. Congratulations you have now found a new peace.

The Learning Stage:

After progressing from the Previous 9 stages of Beer Drinking you now reach the learning stage and ask the important questions:

1) What the F&^* happened last night?

2) Where am I?

3) Who are you?

4) For that matter, who am I?

5) What was I thinking

6) Where are my clothes, money, car keys?

Finally you pass through all the stages and reach the POINT OF REVELATION and declare "NEVER AGAIN!"

Of course Revelation is a temporary thing and so we will see you again tomorrow

Cheers

CB

"DOWNUNDER BAR"

Kho Samuii

"hangovers installed and served every day, no appointment necessary"

The Beer Drinkers Guide to Australian Beer

(by special request)

CARLTON COLD

Carlton Cold was one of the most innovative and successful brand launches of the early 90s. It remains the beer of choice for young adult drinkers. The taste is smooth, crisp and fresh, but beyond taste the brand's appeal is driven by its attitude and innovative approach - it was the first to be cold-filtered, the first to be packaged in clear glass.

CB

it all makes sense now......young, driven, innovative.... no wonder I can associate

Yes but the company also wanted you to drink it, or at the very least buy the stuff

CB

You are now officially my hero CB. Anyone who knows such a vast amount about beer and the very essence of life should be worshipped !!!!

The Beer Prayer!

Our lager,

Which art in barrels,

Hallowed be thy drink,

Thy will be drunk,

(I will be drunk),

At home as I am in the tavern.

Give us this day our foamy head,

And forgive us our spillages,

As we forgive those who spill against us,

and lead us not to incarceration,

But deliver us from hangovers,

For thine is the beer,

The bitter and the lager,

Forever and ever,

Barmen.

CB

If you want real Mexican style beer then you need to put down your Coronas

The Amber is excellent.

Sol - You can actually taste this beer, unlike the Corona the tourists drink.

Asahi. Dry, refreshing, now available in Yorky-size.

It came from Canada, and is now seen almost everywhere but here.

Sharp, full taste in a classic old-style flavour.

Another Canadian beer that is seen worldwide but few drink here:

Actually a nice beer if you like that style. (Stella-esque)

It came from Canada, and is now seen almost everywhere but here.

Sharp, full taste in a classic old-style flavour.

Carling Black Label is very nice - never seen it here which is a pity.

Another Canadian beer that is seen worldwide but few drink here:

Actually a nice beer if you like that style. (Stella-esque)

Moosehead is pretty good but Stella-esque it isn't. Stella has three distinct hop flavours that change depending on which set of taste buds it hits at the time of drinking. It is a unique brew and much copied but never matched.

CB

I dont like this thread...its catching up in popularity with the chocolate thread

ofcourse not Im not competitive well not personally into competing...but I just promote the libertarian idea of freedom, choice and competition

For the best of Scotland, one needs to head north to Skye.

Rather filling these ones. A good drink while you relax by a fire on a rainy night.

The best from the Hebrides. Lighter on the tongue than it's dark counterpart and good with a meal.

Brewer hops onto green power bandwagon

Wednesday May 2 15:06 AEST

A breakthrough project which turns beer wastewater into electricity has won a $140,000 grant from the Queensland government.

The project, a joint initiative between the University of Queensland's Advanced Wastewater Management Centre (AWMC) and Foster's, is believed to be the first of its kind in the world.

The technology works by creating a microbial fuel cell, which feeds continuously on the organics in the brewery wastewater, turning it into watts.

The process also produces clean water and renewable, or non-polluting, carbon dioxide.

AWMC director Professor Jurg Keller said there has been a shift in focus in wastewater management over the past few years from simply treating waste to recovering valuable resources such as water, energy and nutrients.

"Technology that can do this should be supported, therefore the decision by the Queensland government to support this project is a very important signal, both to universities and industry," Prof Keller said.

The team's work is also backed by a $1.3 million Australian Research Council grant in addition to on-site and financial support from Foster's.

A patent is pending for the technology, which is designed for small to medium operations and could be used across a number of food, beverage and manufacturing industries.

The Queensland government grant was made under the Sustainable Energy Innovation Fund.

Beer Troubleshooting Chart

SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.

FAULT:. It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.

ACTION: Punch him.

SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.

FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.

ACTION: See if they have free beer.

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.

FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.

ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.

FAULT: Improper bladder control.

ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.

FAULT: Glass empty.

ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.

FAULT: You have fallen over backward.

ACTION: Have yourself chained to bar.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.

FAULT: You have fallen forward.

ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.

FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.

ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.

FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.

ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.

FAULT: You are being carried out.

ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.

FAULT: Bar has closed.

ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender, take taxi home.

SYMPTOM: Taxi's interior suddenly takes on colorful aspect and

textures.

FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.

ACTION: Cover mouth.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.

FAULT: You are dancing on the table.

ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

SYMPTOM: Hands hurts, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.

FAULT: You have been in a fight.

ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.

FAULT: The beer is too weak.

ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.

SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.

FAULT: Beer is just right.

ACTION: Play air guitar.

SYMPTOM: Ugly woman in your sights.

FAULT: Insufficient beer intake.

ACTION: Up the dosage.

SYMPTOM: Shins and toes hurt.

FAULT: You've been walking into things.

ACTION: Maintain dosage.

SYMPTOM: Squishy feeling in the hands.

FAULT: You have grabbed hold of a woman's breasts.

ACTION: Duck to avoid boyfriend's fist.

SYMPTOM: Bed is bumping around.

FAULT: Taking an ambulance ride.

ACTION: It's too late, you made an ass of yourself.

Cheers

Kan Win

The power of Old Peculier should never be under- estimated! A dark, strong beer Old Peculier is justifiably famous for its rich and complete character, its sheer strength – and for being a beer with a long history.

Tasting Notes

The beer that made Masham famous!

A rich, dark, smooth-tasting beer with an unequalled flavour. Brewed using the traditional Fuggle hop, Old Peculier is our best known beer and has a large and enthusiastic following all over Britain and around the world.

5.6% ABV

This stuff is proper loopy juice.

No rude remarks about my favorite tipple, please.

But only on a night out with the lads. Sociable drinking brings me back to Marston Pedigree when I can find it, or Old Hooky, or Smiles' Exhibition.

But being in Saudi at the moment, it's worse than working in a desert! Nowt! Not even DIY where I am, 'cos the house boys report anything they find while cleaning. Back to LOS in June - down to Caddy Shack for a quick wet, then on to DaveThailand's place for a couple more. Then home to see the wife.

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.

FAULT: You are drinking in the USA

ACTION: Go north, south, anywhere else.

Small corrections made.

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.

FAULT: You are drinking in the USA

ACTION: Go north, south, anywhere else.

Small corrections made.

What's that Merikan student drinking contest called at parties ..... a chug a lug? .... or something like that...... believe it or not I can drink a gallon of water if the moment requires it ..... apart from Dean Martin and Betty Ford the average 'by vol' is fairly low across the pond (not knocking the people of the US of A .... just the breweries)

Thaddy, every country/people get the breweries they deserve...don't worry too much...

A hard earned thirst needs a big cold beer..and the best cold beer is Vic..Victoria Bitter

A hard earned thirst needs a big cold beer..and the best cold beer is Vic..Victoria Bitter

Flamin' Victorians - I've already done a review on Vic Bitter mate

Now Carlton Lager - that is a MUCH MORE BETTERER BEER

Carlton Draught is one of the nation's biggest selling tap beers, taking out 'Best Tap Beer' at the Australian Liquor Industry Awards (ALIA) 2003. Being a traditional, full-strength lager, Carlton Draught is crisp on the mid-palate with a good malt character and smooth full-bodied flavour. Clean hop bitterness gives the brew a slightly dry finish. Synonymous with the origins of the Carlton Brewery itself, Carlton Draught is renowned for tasting as fresh as it did the day it was brewed. And it's that kind of consistency in taste that's been important to Australians for generations.

Style: full strength lager

Alcohol: 4.60%

Carbs: 2.7 grams/100mL

Energy: 155 kilojoules/100mL; 37 calories/100mL

Standard drinks: 1.4 per 375ml; 2.9 per 800ml

Available: on tap, 375mL/800mL bottles & 375mL cans

Website: http://www.carltondraught.com.au

Carlton Draught has some excellent advertisements and many of them revolve around the use of the Clydesdale horses that they use to pull the beer drays. There were a great series of ads that inferred drinking the beer would give the drinker the attributes of the mighty Clydesdale itself - strength, honesty, and a willingness for hard work. It went very well until people discovered that that the horses are either female or gelded - took a different cut to the advertising campaign

CB

As much as i dislike South Australians i have to admit Coopers brew some of the worlds best beers.. Sparkling Ale is my fave..