Dear Chownah,

I have a wonderful Thai girlfriend called Nok, i met her a couple of years ago in Pattaya, I know she is not a bargirl because I met her in Royal Garden Plaza shopping mall and she was in Pattaya to visit her brother who works as a motorcycle taxi driver.

It was love at first sight for us both and even though I was worried about the age gap she told me it was normal for Thai girls to have boyfriends as old as their grandfathers, who am I to argue.

I bought a 150sqm house for us to live in so that we could be together and because she has found it hard to find work in Pattaya that suits her skills I give her an allowance of 50,000 baht a month. The house is in her name as well as the Vigo pick up and even though she says it is too early for marriage I want her to feel secure.

Her brother is a wonderful guy, he doesn't speak english but he is always smiling.

He has a 5 year old son that he takes care of since his mother ran off to be a go-go dancer, but that's ok Nok is very close to him and gives him all the love he needs, he even calls her mama! isn't that wonderful?

My work means that I work away for 8 weeks at a time and I get to weeks back in Thailand with Nok, and while I am away her brother stays in the house to keep her company and she says she feels much safer with him around, they are very close and it's good to know that he wants to help me by looking after her while I am away.

So anyway I've been considering asking her brother and his son to move in with us permanently and I've spoken to Nok about it, she is keen on the idea, but really the house isn't big enough for us all, I've thought about getting an extension built on, but Nok has her heart set on us moving into a large high rise apartment with a balcony and a sea view.

I really want to make her happy and I could afford it, but it will take up all of my savings and I'm due to retire soon, what do you think I should do?

Dear Chownah,

I have a wonderful Thai girlfriend called Nok, i met her a couple of years ago in Pattaya, I know she is not a bargirl because I met her in Royal Garden Plaza shopping mall and she was in Pattaya to visit her brother who works as a motorcycle taxi driver.

It was love at first sight for us both and even though I was worried about the age gap she told me it was normal for Thai girls to have boyfriends as old as their grandfathers, who am I to argue.

I bought a 150sqm house for us to live in so that we could be together and because she has found it hard to find work in Pattaya that suits her skills I give her an allowance of 50,000 baht a month. The house is in her name as well as the Vigo pick up and even though she says it is too early for marriage I want her to feel secure.

Her brother is a wonderful guy, he doesn't speak english but he is always smiling.

He has a 5 year old son that he takes care of since his mother ran off to be a go-go dancer, but that's ok Nok is very close to him and gives him all the love he needs, he even calls her mama! isn't that wonderful?

My work means that I work away for 8 weeks at a time and I get to weeks back in Thailand with Nok, and while I am away her brother stays in the house to keep her company and she says she feels much safer with him around, they are very close and it's good to know that he wants to help me by looking after her while I am away.

So anyway I've been considering asking her brother and his son to move in with us permanently and I've spoken to Nok about it, she is keen on the idea, but really the house isn't big enough for us all, I've thought about getting an extension built on, but Nok has her heart set on us moving into a large high rise apartment with a balcony and a sea view.

I really want to make her happy and I could afford it, but it will take up all of my savings and I'm due to retire soon, what do you think I should do?

buy a parachute

Chownah,

I'm on my own now as Lek has gone upcountry someplace for a two week course in cashierpersonship which, for me, shows her dedication to her job and her professionalism.

Anyway I've been reading a lot of stuff lately about this global warming thing. Before now I'd always laughed it off as a load of old hot air. But just lately I've really started to notice the effect. Like it was 10 degrees, a bit nippy, when I got on the plane at Heathrow but when I got off in Bangkok it was thirty something. That's over twenty degrees in twelve hours! What's it going to be like after two weeks?

The scientists are putting all this global warming down to this greenhouse gas, whatever that might be. Now I know, one hundred percent, it is all bullshirt. All the time I've been in Thailand and I've never seen even one greenhouse! Always the same with these interlectricals they think they can pull the wool over our eyes.

Question is, does greenhouse gas smell like grass cuttings and do they sell cans of it in 7/11?

Chownah,

I'm on my own now as Lek has gone upcountry someplace for a two week course in cashierpersonship which, for me, shows her dedication to her job and her professionalism.

Anyway I've been reading a lot of stuff lately about this global warming thing. Before now I'd always laughed it off as a load of old hot air. But just lately I've really started to notice the effect. Like it was 10 degrees, a bit nippy, when I got on the plane at Heathrow but when I got off in Bangkok it was thirty something. That's over twenty degrees in twelve hours! What's it going to be like after two weeks?

The scientists are putting all this global warming down to this greenhouse gas, whatever that might be. Now I know, one hundred percent, it is all bullshirt. All the time I've been in Thailand and I've never seen even one greenhouse! Always the same with these interlectricals they think they can pull the wool over our eyes.

Question is, does greenhouse gas smell like grass cuttings and do they sell cans of it in 7/11?

The true cause of Greenhouse Gas is farting vegetarians!

I have small chickens running around my mind, however my love life is fine. What about the chickens though, will they ever go away?

Even in Bedlam the juxtaposition of "chicken" and "love life" could get someone censured...but I will not be deterred......stop feeding them and they will leave....the problem is that they might take your mind with them.....oh...never mind.

Next.

I took your advice and stopped feeding them, all is well now. Do you accept paypal?

Thanks. Lop Bows

I have small chickens running around my mind, however my love life is fine. What about the chickens though, will they ever go away?

Even in Bedlam the juxtaposition of "chicken" and "love life" could get someone censured...but I will not be deterred......stop feeding them and they will leave....the problem is that they might take your mind with them.....oh...never mind.

Next.

I took your advice and stopped feeding them, all is well now. Do you accept paypal?

Thanks. Lop Bows

Just knowing I have helped someone out is payment enough...and may god bless you.

Your least humble servant,

Chownah

Chowfah.. How do i get a straight edge on a swimming pool..??

Chownah,

I'm on my own now as Lek has gone upcountry someplace for a two week course in cashierpersonship which, for me, shows her dedication to her job and her professionalism.

Anyway I've been reading a lot of stuff lately about this global warming thing. Before now I'd always laughed it off as a load of old hot air. But just lately I've really started to notice the effect. Like it was 10 degrees, a bit nippy, when I got on the plane at Heathrow but when I got off in Bangkok it was thirty something. That's over twenty degrees in twelve hours! What's it going to be like after two weeks?

The scientists are putting all this global warming down to this greenhouse gas, whatever that might be. Now I know, one hundred percent, it is all bullshirt. All the time I've been in Thailand and I've never seen even one greenhouse! Always the same with these interlectricals they think they can pull the wool over our eyes.

Question is, does greenhouse gas smell like grass cuttings and do they sell cans of it in 7/11?

The true cause of Greenhouse Gas is farting vegetarians!

At last some advice we can count on

thanks UG

CB

Dear Khun Chownah,

Arrived safely at Bangkok International. Twenty taxi drivers all tried to help me at once. Still have some of my luggage. Asked the cabby to take me to a nice hotel and we got there about two hours later. His meter was broken so we settled on 5,000 Baths (the local currency). I tried to tip him but he wouldn’t take it. What a lovely introduction to Asia!

I must say that the hotels are very customer focused. You can check in and stay for just an hour if you like. It seems like a nifty idea as many people I saw were using this handy service to grab a quick 40 winks.

Giving massages is surely the national pastime here because everybody offers you one everywhere you go. If I get all stiff and achy, I may just take one of them up on it.

I must closely resemble some popular guy called ‘Far Lung’ because they all keep pointing and calling me that name. Even when I tell them ‘I am not Far Lung.’ they laugh and say ‘You Far Lung’. No use fighting it I s’pose. There are motorcycle gangs on every street corner but they are very friendly and constantly wave at me. Maybe this Far Lung character is a famous bikey or something.

Strikes me that the womenfolk are a little confused. They go to the beach fully clothed but wear bikinis to nightclubs. In fact some appear to forget to wear anything at all. On several occasions I shouted at them to put some clothes on but people always tell me to shut up. Must be a cultural thing just like when I buy an ice cream and it has beans and corn in it.

My guide has a most unfortunate name. He’s called Pong. Bad luck seems to follow him as he has two wives, one called Poo and the other called Bum. To top it all off they live in Bang Lamb Poo. I shouldn’t be surprised though as by far the most common names in Thailand are Nong and Pee. They’re very hard on themselves.

Females are obsessed with automobiles for they are incessantly saying ‘Car’ while the men are obviously annoyed by everything in life and simply say ‘Krap’ all the time.

The Thai language is real battle field. It all came to a head one night when I wanted to try some of their spicy food. I checked my pocket dictionary for the translation of the word ‘chili’ but was put off dang quick. I’ll be blowed if I’m going to sit in public restaurant and say ‘I’d like something with plenty of ‘prik’ in it please.’ Or order a Cow Pat.

Question, Khun Chownah ,should I come back to Thailand ? for another holiday or go to “Stan” and visit KerryD instead ? Read somewhere the girls are most lovely over there and have huge big’us on then.

Yours truly,

Kan Win

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

P.S. In Memory to Scot R.I.P.

Very, very funny!!!

Chowfah.. How do i get a straight edge on a swimming pool..??

I think there are four good options:

1. An arrow

2. A Salvation Army officer ranking colonel or higher

3. A straight edge

4. A nylon line

Next.

Dear Khun Chownah,

Arrived safely at Bangkok International. Twenty taxi drivers all tried to help me at once. Still have some of my luggage. Asked the cabby to take me to a nice hotel and we got there about two hours later. His meter was broken so we settled on 5,000 Baths (the local currency). I tried to tip him but he wouldn’t take it. What a lovely introduction to Asia!

I must say that the hotels are very customer focused. You can check in and stay for just an hour if you like. It seems like a nifty idea as many people I saw were using this handy service to grab a quick 40 winks.

Giving massages is surely the national pastime here because everybody offers you one everywhere you go. If I get all stiff and achy, I may just take one of them up on it.

I must closely resemble some popular guy called ‘Far Lung’ because they all keep pointing and calling me that name. Even when I tell them ‘I am not Far Lung.’ they laugh and say ‘You Far Lung’. No use fighting it I s’pose. There are motorcycle gangs on every street corner but they are very friendly and constantly wave at me. Maybe this Far Lung character is a famous bikey or something.

Strikes me that the womenfolk are a little confused. They go to the beach fully clothed but wear bikinis to nightclubs. In fact some appear to forget to wear anything at all. On several occasions I shouted at them to put some clothes on but people always tell me to shut up. Must be a cultural thing just like when I buy an ice cream and it has beans and corn in it.

My guide has a most unfortunate name. He’s called Pong. Bad luck seems to follow him as he has two wives, one called Poo and the other called Bum. To top it all off they live in Bang Lamb Poo. I shouldn’t be surprised though as by far the most common names in Thailand are Nong and Pee. They’re very hard on themselves.

Females are obsessed with automobiles for they are incessantly saying ‘Car’ while the men are obviously annoyed by everything in life and simply say ‘Krap’ all the time.

The Thai language is real battle field. It all came to a head one night when I wanted to try some of their spicy food. I checked my pocket dictionary for the translation of the word ‘chili’ but was put off dang quick. I’ll be blowed if I’m going to sit in public restaurant and say ‘I’d like something with plenty of ‘prik’ in it please.’ Or order a Cow Pat.

Question, Khun Chownah ,should I come back to Thailand ? for another holiday or go to “Stan” and visit KerryD instead ? Read somewhere the girls are most lovely over there and have huge big’us on then.

Yours truly,

Kan Win

Wherever you decide to go please be sure to send us a report of your impressions.

Next.

Question, Khun Chownah ,should I come back to Thailand ? for another holiday or go to “Stan” and visit KerryD instead ? Read somewhere the girls are most lovely over there and have huge big’us on then.

Yours truly,

Kan Win

You're lucky (in some ways). I've met some Thais named Pee, Tit, Bum and Poo (no lie) !

You are more than welcome to come here for a visit, though I should warn you that if you start taking pictures, you are liable to get shot (and not just by the bad guys) !

While on the subject of the 'stan, I shall ask for some advice on how to get the dust out of those various cracks and crevices that comprise the human body.

It gets into everything (I mean, everything !)

Wire brushes have proven to be a tad bit uncomfortable and power-tools are out of the question. 20 minutes showers twice a day barely seem to wash the outer coating off, and by the time you walk back to your tent, the dampness attracts another 1/2" (or 1 cm) of new dust !

Have to shower though, otherwise you start smelling like a local (men and camels smell pretty much the same around here, though I think the camel are actually a little better smelling !)

So, my question is, can I have Lek's phone number so I can pretend to be her "uncle" the next time I'm in LOS ?

Wherever you decide to go please be sure to send us a report of your impressions.

Here is my report.................

What went wrong with these "Khun Chownah".

1. A runway in the Sky (but light does not travel in a straight line, or does it?. Kan you explain this to me, and then these two below:-

2. A ring around the Sun on 06-May-2006 12:43:29 (this year too much rain hence no photos)

Did I miss something?

Ahh, yes this one,

I know, you know too much, please explain these in simple terms. The above where posted some years ago on ThaiVisaDotCom and still I do not have a clear and positive answers to these photos of mine taken in Thailand, hence my post. Kan You ................. give me a simple and positive answer..................

Yours truly,

Kan Win

Light is neither a particle or a waveform, it is a combination of both, it is unique, but it still, apparently follows the basic physical laws.

One beam of light can pass through another and there will be no effect, the same way that you can throw two stones into the sea and the ripples will continue in a circle without changing each others shape, only factoring in other external influences would you see a difference in shape, size and energy.

As a particle, light can be affected by one thing, gravity. No items of any mass around the vicinity, straight line, otherwise, it bends,

Sorry, what was the question..... should I be answering this question?

Probably not.

Why is my underwear blue when I go to sleep, but green when I wake up?

Light is neither a particle or a waveform, it is a combination of both, it is unique, but it still, apparently follows the basic physical laws.

One beam of light can pass through another and there will be no effect, the same way that you can throw two stones into the sea and the ripples will continue in a circle without changing each others shape, only factoring in other external influences would you see a difference in shape, size and energy.

As a particle, light can be affected by one thing, gravity. No items of any mass around the vicinity, straight line, otherwise, it bends,

Sorry, what was the question..... should I be answering this question?

Probably not.

Why is my underwear blue when I go to sleep, but green when I wake up?

The mind boggles. This is in response to the underwear question not the light enlightenment. I saw a documentry once...

The mind boggles. This is in response to the underwear question not the light enlightenment. I saw a documentry once...

You probably did Tiggy, and I'm sure it does.

BLAM

Post 2000 ..... everybody else does it, so why not me ...... I just needed to take a run at it.

And a good post it is too! Well done, keep up the good work.

Dear Chownah,

I am working as a foreigner in my own country.

My question, if you have the time to answer it, is this?

How do I stop working but continue making money?

To be helpful, I will consider employment in procrastination.

May I start up a friendly advice column such as yours?

Is there money potential in this line of work?

Thanks you,

Blergh.

Dear Chownah,

I am working as a foreigner in my own country.

My question, if you have the time to answer it, is this?

How do I stop working but continue making money?

To be helpful, I will consider employment in procrastination.

May I start up a friendly advice column such as yours?

Is there money potential in this line of work?

Thanks you,

Blergh.

Dear Chowny,

I was kinda gonna ask the same thingy as Kayo (who ever he is!) but was too shy.... I wanna know - can I make a living advising nutters like all of us who wanna live in weird locations but after a couple o years decide it's not really feasible in the real world and perhaps it was a pipe dream but then again maybe some people can make do with very strange pipe dream kinda professions and do ok out of it and then maybe there is something to start with - I don't know what do you think? perhaps we have a start here but we should chat and decide where to start - what do you think - where should we start?

Bravo!

Light is neither a particle or a waveform, it is a combination of both, it is unique, but it still, apparently follows the basic physical laws.

One beam of light can pass through another and there will be no effect, the same way that you can throw two stones into the sea and the ripples will continue in a circle without changing each others shape, only factoring in other external influences would you see a difference in shape, size and energy.

As a particle, light can be affected by one thing, gravity. No items of any mass around the vicinity, straight line, otherwise, it bends,

Saw a TV program once where these scientific dudes were messing with light , trying to

understand how it worked. They had it figured that light is made up of photons (I'm sure

they pinched the word from Star Trek) and were sending machine-gun bursts at a screen

with pin-holes in it and observing where they landed the other side and deducing which

pin-hole them photons had gone through. The results were puzzling so they fired a single

photon (and you have to be VERY fast with the on/off switch on your torch to do that!) at

a screen with a two pin-holes in it. They concluded that said photon had gone gone through

both pin-holes simultaneously. Hmmm.... After that , well , who cares ? Think what you want.

Sorry, what was the question..... should I be answering this question?

Probably not.

Why is my underwear blue when I go to sleep, but green when I wake up?

A shower before retiring might help.

<deleted> , Chowna's gonna be on my case about this post in HIS column.

yeah well, regarding above and stuff - Chownah can I PLEASE direct you to some direst more info ? feel free to stick with the 'usual' if that is what turns your bits (!?)......

Kayo,

Jepoardy, I think that's how it's speld, is the place to go for work. I heard on the wireless that they are modernising Arkwrights Loom Company 1849 Limited and a thousand jobs are in Jepoardy.

Chownah, where does the light go to when you turn off the switch and if you put a light in a sealed box does the box eventually fill up with light to bursting point?

Dear Chownah - where do all the threads go when they die? I see really interesting discussions on things like the best place to buy a blue bobbin for a '06 Vigo FWD or where to go for "laser surgery that is cheap" and start to really get into it when bam suddenly the thread dies. Surely in these troubled times these questions are important and the answers should be kept for posterity or even a long time.

thanks

CB

Kayo,

Jepoardy, I think that's how it's speld, is the place to go for work. I heard on the wireless that they are modernising Arkwrights Loom Company 1849 Limited and a thousand jobs are in Jepoardy.

Chownah, where does the light go to when you turn off the switch and if you put a light in a sealed box does the box eventually fill up with light to bursting point?

It's very simple, PhilHarries....the light goes away.

About the sealed box....why not try it and see if it eventually fills the box.....I think you will eventually figure it out!!!!

Next.

Dear Chownah - where do all the threads go when they die? I see really interesting discussions on things like the best place to buy a blue bobbin for a '06 Vigo FWD or where to go for "laser surgery that is cheap" and start to really get into it when bam suddenly the thread dies. Surely in these troubled times these questions are important and the answers should be kept for posterity or even a long time.

thanks

CB

Threads that die go to the giant spool in the sky.....except for some which are used for cat's cradle in a type of thread purgatory....there is no thread hel_l...don't know why and don't blame me for this 'cause I'm only reporting the facts and not making them up.

Next.

Dear Chownah - where do all the threads go when they die? I see really interesting discussions on things like the best place to buy a blue bobbin for a '06 Vigo FWD or where to go for "laser surgery that is cheap" and start to really get into it when bam suddenly the thread dies. Surely in these troubled times these questions are important and the answers should be kept for posterity or even a long time.

thanks

CB

Threads that die go to the giant spool in the sky.....except for some which are used for cat's cradle in a type of thread purgatory....there is no thread hel_l...don't know why and don't blame me for this 'cause I'm only reporting the facts and not making them up.

.

I think I am in Thread He_l now

CB

Dear Chownah - where do all the threads go when they die? I see really interesting discussions on things like the best place to buy a blue bobbin for a '06 Vigo FWD or where to go for "laser surgery that is cheap" and start to really get into it when bam suddenly the thread dies. Surely in these troubled times these questions are important and the answers should be kept for posterity or even a long time.

thanks

CB

Threads that die go to the giant spool in the sky.....except for some which are used for cat's cradle in a type of thread purgatory....there is no thread hel_l...don't know why and don't blame me for this 'cause I'm only reporting the facts and not making them up.

.

I think I am in Thread He_l now

CB

My advice is to stop thinking....total cessation of thought.......try it.... you'll like it!!!

Next.

My advice is to stop thinking....total cessation of thought.......try it.... you'll like it!!!

Next.

Oh sure. Answer everyone else's questions but mine.

After all I've done for you !

Wassa matta, the question too difficult, or too personal, for you to respond ?

My advice is to stop thinking....total cessation of thought.......try it.... you'll like it!!!

Next.

Oh sure. Answer everyone else's questions but mine.

After all I've done for you !

Wassa matta, the question too difficult, or too personal, for you to respond ?

You posted, "I think I am in Thread He_l now". This is not a question....you can tell because there is no question mark...and also the meaning of the words.

It is becoming clearer and clearer that you really do need to follow my advice....total cessation of thought......seems like your attempts at thinking are just leading you astray anyway so why not try it?.....you'll like it.

Next.