Age Gap Relationships... in the Later Years? (Opinions/Experiences Sought)

[vinci]

Quote

Thailand is a poor country

i think you got your facts wrong

[BangkokReady]

40 minutes ago, Will B Good said:

Being pedantic......not a poor country......just a disproportionate number of staggeringly poor and staggeringly rich citizens.......but that's corruption for you.

So if the original commenter had said: "Thailand might be wealthier than her neighbouring countries, but she still has an abundance of poor women that would enter into an age-gap relationship with an older man in order to improve their standard of living", would that be more accurate?

[BritManToo]

1 minute ago, BangkokReady said:

So if the original commenter had said: "Thailand might be wealthier than her neighbouring countries, but she still has an abundance of poor women that would enter into an age-gap relationship with an older man in order to improve their standard of living", would that be more accurate?

True for any country that doesn't give single moms welfare.

[Will B Good]

4 minutes ago, BangkokReady said:

So if the original commenter had said: "Thailand might be wealthier than her neighbouring countries, but she still has an abundance of poor women that would enter into an age-gap relationship with an older man in order to improve their standard of living", would that be more accurate?

Sounds spot on.......copy and paste?

[RafPinto]

20 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I don't know what Thai guys think is ugly. I know what some Thai guys think is pretty or sexy and I wouldn't want any of them.

 

One situation which I will never forget is when I was in an office and someone mentioned something like I should talk to Nit about an issue. I told them sorry I forgot the names, who is Nit? The answer was: She is the darkest girl in this office. I still didn't know because I never cared about their skin color. And when I finally found Nit I didn't think she was much darker then the others.

After that I told that story to my gf and then later other office girls. And they all confirmed to me that every girl in every office knows exactly the order of white to dark in their office. Like if 10 girls work there you can ask them who is the 3rd whitest and they all know. I think that is crazy but it seems like that's the way it is in Thailand.

They are quite racisst.
Mother of my daughter is portuguese. A bit darker than girls from central Europe.

My Thai ex was such a racisst. Look at your ex wife, ugly. black, dirty. Even your daughter is a bit darker.
I told her: you were, are and always will be a poor Isaan girl no matter how much whitening creme you use. And: my ex wife is a Dr. You better shut up and go and work the ricefields in a full body suit.
Real BKK women can see you from far.
They have some kind of a complex. If they didn't achieve anything in live, they want to find something, to look down on others.

[Mac Mickmanus]

2 hours ago, Isaanlife said:

Get it over it.

 

Thailand is a poor country

Living an Issanlife , they could be just from your viewpoint viewing your surroundings 

[BangkokReady]

58 minutes ago, Will B Good said:

Sounds spot on.......copy and paste?

All my own work.  I always cite my sources. 

[OneMoreFarang]

2 hours ago, RafPinto said:

They have some kind of a complex. If they didn't achieve anything in live, they want to find something, to look down on others.

To be fair that is true for a huge part of humanity all over the globe.

And much of it is "inherited" from the parents and everybody around you.

I.e. when I was young "gay" was one of the worst insults you could say to someone. I am sure we as children learned and used it even before we understood the meaning. That was just the way it is.

 

Some people rethink what they do and change their mind and language over time. But others, especially people who are together with the same kind of people their whole life, don't change or learn much. Because everybody in their group has the same attitude (simply put).

[GinBoy2]

3 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

To be fair that is true for a huge part of humanity all over the globe.

And much of it is "inherited" from the parents and everybody around you.

I.e. when I was young "gay" was one of the worst insults you could say to someone. I am sure we as children learned and used it even before we understood the meaning. That was just the way it is.

 

Some people rethink what they do and change their mind and language over time. But others, especially people who are together with the same kind of people their whole life, don't change or learn much. Because everybody in their group has the same attitude (simply put).

Well it's somewhat true that that people change their minds and opinions over time.

 

I know for one what I held as Gospel truth in my 20's can be a far cry from what I think and believe in my 60's.

 

But you are some right folks never change.

 

I'm always struck by the quote from Bukowski, which I think rings true.

 

“The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence.”

Edited April 8, 2022 by GinBoy2

[connda]

Now that I'm 70 myself, I think you fools who go after 20 year olds are insane as well as insecure.  Of course, Money Equals "Love" in many instances. But it borders on pedophilia. Well, imho.

 

Edited April 8, 2022 by connda

[GinBoy2]

5 minutes ago, connda said:

Now that I'm 70 myself, I think you fools who go after 20 year olds are insane as well as insecure.  Of course, Money Equals "Love" in many instances. But it borders on pedophilia. Well, imho.

 

Well neither of us are gonna get many likes for our opinions.

 

But I've opined in many of my posts that 'some' relationships do border on the creepy.

 

But on a more practical everyday, just living with life what are these relationships like?

 

What do they talk about, what do they do together?

 

I'm not trying to cast judgement.

 

But and Mrs G are kinda close in age. We like the same TV shows (exclude the Thai Lakorns for me), the same 80's music, we ain't into nightclubs anymore, bedtime might mean cocoa and our usual argument over who is gonna clean up the kitchen before we go to bed.

 

I'm not sure that that kinda mundane life things really work in a wide age difference.

[BangkokReady]

11 minutes ago, connda said:

Now that I'm 70 myself, I think you fools who go after 20 year olds are insane as well as insecure.

What is an acceptable age-gap for you?

 

11 minutes ago, connda said:

But it borders on pedophilia. Well, imho.

Hmmm... Well, paedophilia is a sexual attraction to prebubecent children, so I'm not sure if any age of man dating a woman of 20+ would fit that description, but I would think 70 and 20 would be quite unusual anyway.

[BangkokReady]

7 minutes ago, GinBoy2 said:

But on a more practical everyday, just living with life what are these relationships like?

 

What do they talk about, what do they do together?

What about if that isn't an issue, for whatever reason? Two people meet, there is a mutual attraction, they have similar interests, the older one still likes to socialise, the younger one is a homebody, both want to start a family and focus on that? Is that OK?

 

(That being said, I do realise that being at two completely different stages in life could be an issue.)

Edited April 8, 2022 by BangkokReady

[The Hammer2021]

At the 50/70 Sex won't be an issue and won't  have been for decades. She will look after him. He will support  her. The problem  arises when two elderly  people are the same age and both ill or too frail to look after each other. The marriage  age issue a relatively new concern. Traditionally, in the west,elderly men always married much younger girls for practical reasons.

[Tony125]

4 minutes ago, The Hammer2021 said:

At the 50/70 Sex won't be an issue and won't  have been for decades. She will look after him. He will support  her. The problem  arises when two elderly  people are the same age and both ill or too frail to look after each other. The marriage  age issue a relatively new concern. Traditionally, in the west,elderly men always married much younger girls for practical reasons.

How old are you ? I ask that as you say that at 50--70 sex  has probably not been an issue for decades, really?  You think guys in their 60's---70+ can't or don't have/enjoy sex anymore?  

[The Hammer2021]

Just now, Tony125 said:

How old are you ? I ask that as you say that at 50--70 sex  has probably not been an issue for decades, really?  You think guys in their 60's---70+ can't or don't have/enjoy sex anymore?  

Not with their wives! Unless he is very unlucky or stupid or she is very unlucky and long suffering

[habuspasha]

I feel I should say something on this thread since I am something of an outlier--about to turn 81, GF just turned 40.  We met 8 years ago so there's some continuity and stability to rely on.  We live apart except for my visits every few months.  I expect them to become longer in the following years.  Eventually we will probably establish a home together in Thailand.  Now she lives in a house I bought for her in Bangkok and I live in New York, caring for my dying wife.

 

Maybe I can help clear up some misconceptions about the age difference.  First, we rarely talk about it.  She said in the beginning that it didn't concern her: what mattered was whether I was a good person. 

Second there is clearly an unspoken contract of exclusivity for security.  Even when I just started supporting her, her mother shooed other guys from snooping around on the grounds that I supported the whole family (which I didn't).  Her father told her she should be prepared to care for me when I become unable to care for myself  (i.e. she couldn't leave me).  She says she wouldn't want to.  I put her in my will.

But this is not just an insurance policy.  For me, and I think for her, it is a love match.  For me based initially on her stunning looks.  For her, I don't know.  I'm no Cary Grant, but I lost my belly and kept my hair.  She sometimes says I look handsome.  I'm her best friend.  She talks to me more than everyone else combined.  We enjoy each other's company.

Finally, sex is not over at 80.  I look forward to many more years and increasing activity.  She worries more about  "not being a young girl anymore" at 40.  But we're both in it for the duration.

[GinBoy2]

Well we got 14 pages of this, and clearly we split into tribes.

 

There some of us who marry Thai women in middle age, close in age and look forward to in many cases decades of marriage and children

 

Then you have the older guys who have no problem with a woman who is young enough to be their Granddaughter, where who knows how long it can last.

 

I have my own opinions on this, but I'm not gonna judge, we all make our own moral judgements.

 

I'm not completely sure how Thai's really view it, and cut the <deleted> about Buddhist culture and fidelity. I speak perfect Thai and Lao, and I've overheard enough snide comments to believe it's not really 'alright', and they tolerate the money aspect of the relationship, just like they do the Mia Noi thing.

 

Then worst of all, take a massively age gap wife back to mystical farang land, and you will be in serious mail order bride territory.

The worst part of of that scenario, is that 20/30 something woman might well discover young 20/30 something men with the same financial resources as 60/70 farang!

[BangkokReady]

1 hour ago, GinBoy2 said:

The worst part of of that scenario, is that 20/30 something woman might well discover young 20/30 something men with the same financial resources as 60/70 farang!

Do you honestly think that the type of 20/30 something Thai woman that would marry a 60/70 year old foreigner is going to appeal as a wife to an affluent 20/30 something guy back home?  I'm not saying it's impossible, but I think that if they were going to choose a Thai wife close to their age, they might look for something different.

 

Simple cheating would be more of a concern here, I think.

[Will B Good]

Just now, BangkokReady said:

Do you honestly think that the type of 20/30 something Thai woman that would marry a 60/70 year old foreigner is going to appeal as a wife to an affluent 20/30 something guy back home?  I'm not saying it's impossible, but I think that if they were going to choose a Thai wife close to their age, they might look for something different.

 

Simple cheating would be more of a concern here, I think.

Agree......I am far from convinced a 20/30 something Thai woman would find a 20/30 something man overly attractive .......immature, childish, possessive, aggressive.......

[BangkokReady]

16 minutes ago, Fat is a type of crazy said:

You had a go at me for not marrying or buying a house and land for my partner, implying it is a type of abuse and not fair, but when others do buy their partners house and land you say they are being ripped off. 

He certainly seems to be a bit of an odd duck.  You do get all sorts in online communities and there are those that seem to simply want to disagree or tell others that they are wrong, regardless of the actual context or whether they end up contradicting themselves.

[Will B Good]

Just now, BangkokReady said:

He certainly seems to be a bit of an odd duck.  You do get all sorts in online communities and there are those that seem to simply want to disagree or tell others that they are wrong, regardless of the actual context or whether they end up contradicting themselves.

I wonder where I fit in?.....wife is 26 years younger and is just finishing off building a three bed detached house on 2 rai of land.......all her money.

[BangkokReady]

23 minutes ago, Will B Good said:

I wonder where I fit in?.....wife is 26 years younger and is just finishing off building a three bed detached house on 2 rai of land.......all her money.

I have no idea.  Reading the comments on this thread suggests that there are certainly two different types of foreigner-Thai age-gap relationships occurring.  Certainly there are younger Thais with older men based solely on money, but there also appear to be younger Thais with older men where money is not a factor (although the guy would likely need to be fairly affluent). 

 

One camp seems to be pretty firm that the other camp does not exist and only money is a factor, while the other camp seems to acknowledge that both camps exist with the individual context defining which type of relationship is there.  The second camp also seems to acknowledge that there are other factors, such as culture and the individual experience or life goals of the woman, that make her want to marry an older foreigner.

 

I'm a little surprised at the lack of acknowledgment of cultural differences in the way that a Thai or foreign man might treat a woman or what they expect from her.  I've certainly heard things like Thai men always cheat, the woman has to focus only on the Thai man, Thai women have to tolerate XYZ, etc., which I think would be a factor, since men often treat women very differently in the West.  Many commenters seem to be in denial that a foreigner can even bring anything other than money to a relationship with a younger Thai.  Perhaps many users aren't actually exposed to as much Thai culture as others?

 

Why do you think your wife chose you over a Thai man her own age?  Is it just that you have more money than she could hope to find in a Thai guy?  Or is there something in how you treat her or something you bring into her life?

Edited April 9, 2022 by BangkokReady

[Will B Good]

1 minute ago, BangkokReady said:

Why do you think your wife chose you over a Thai man her own age?  Is it just that you have more money than she could hope to find in a Thai guy?  Or is there something in how you treat her or something you bring into her life?

I would say she simply grasped the opportunity to break free from her life in Thailand and gambled that life would be better with me than any Thai man she had met.......she had no idea about my financial standing, where I lived or what my future prospects were ......looking back she was incredibly trusting (or stupid) and in the end....... relatively lucky.

 

 

 

 

[BangkokReady]

2 minutes ago, Will B Good said:

I would say she simply grasped the opportunity to break free from her life in Thailand and gambled that life would be better with me than any Thai man she had met

Can you expand on this at all?  According to many, Thai women would choose any Thai man over all but the richest and closest to death foreigner.

[Will B Good]

2 minutes ago, BangkokReady said:

Can you expand on this at all?  According to many, Thai women would choose any Thai man over all but the richest and closest to death foreigner.

Not sure what to say......maybe she is the odd one out?

 

Doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, no tattoos, no piercings........doesn't mind going out to eat, but not happy going to a bar and would never consider going to a club.......hates it if i go away anywhere.......shows no interest at all in other men, although she is very friendly and affable towards them and other women.......she just gets on with life.

[EVENKEEL]

There is one upside for the Thai lady to have a foreigner (even an old one) and that is to have a kid with the western genes, light skin, curly hair and all that. Even the average - middle class Thai guy doesn't make much more than about 40K/mo. So, yes for the Thai lady with a kid finding a foreigner is not a bad way to go. Is it about love? Probably not, I mean realistically speaking. Not fairy tale love anyway. 

 

How many 25 yr old ladies with minimal education are going to get married to a Thai guy bringing home 100K/mo?  Now the older foreigner may not be her dream come true, but he buys her a house, some land, together they have a brown haired kid, new car. Was it love on her part? Well the last time she loved it didn't work out so well. So was it love with me? meh, don't know, don't care. 

 

If you're an old guy with a young lady, have fun, enjoy. This isn't Kansas.

 

 

[BangkokReady]

1 hour ago, Will B Good said:

Not sure what to say......maybe she is the odd one out?

 

Doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, no tattoos, no piercings........doesn't mind going out to eat, but not happy going to a bar and would never consider going to a club.......hates it if i go away anywhere.......shows no interest at all in other men, although she is very friendly and affable towards them and other women.......she just gets on with life.

Sounds perfect.  Congratulations.  Where did you meet?  I assume not in a bar! ????

[Will B Good]

9 minutes ago, BangkokReady said:

Sounds perfect.  Congratulations.  Where did you meet?  I assume not in a bar! ????

She was out shopping with a group of girls in Bangkok. They all worked in a sweatshop, hand stitching Gilbert rugby balls 10 hours a day, 6 days a week*........I was outside sat on the steps leading into the mall......just got chatting............the rest is history.

 

* Escaping that must have made me quite appealing.

[BangkokReady]

2 minutes ago, Will B Good said:

She was out shopping with a group of girls in Bangkok. They all worked in a sweatshop, hand stitching Gilbert rugby balls 10 hours a day, 6 days a week*........I was outside sat on the steps leading into the mall......just got chatting............the rest is history.

 

* Escaping that must have made me quite appealing.

Interesting.  Thank you for your numerous comments.  A solid contribution. 

 

Oh, and, chatting in Thai or English?

Edited April 9, 2022 by BangkokReady