Popular Post rott Posted April 6, 2022 Popular Post Share Posted April 6, 2022 22 hours ago, RafPinto said: Probably in their culture is better to lie then to admit you did something wrong. Face over everything. A very, very good point. Is lying just instinctive.? Could be why they don't believe anybody else. A lot to be said for the old adage "a liar always expects everyone else to be lying." 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RafPinto Posted April 6, 2022 Share Posted April 6, 2022 3 hours ago, rott said: A very, very good point. Is lying just instinctive.? Could be why they don't believe anybody else. A lot to be said for the old adage "a liar always expects everyone else to be lying." My ex was a professional liar. She told the same lie 2 times to herself and took it for granted. I think she even didn't remember her real name. Lying When confronted, even identifying her lies. Attacking the one who discovered the lies and accusing him/her Compulsive liar. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bert bloggs Posted April 6, 2022 Share Posted April 6, 2022 When i got custody of my child from my first wife. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post thaibeachlovers Posted April 6, 2022 Popular Post Share Posted April 6, 2022 Ended for me when the sex stopped. Looking back it was apparent when they stopped loving me, but I ignored the signs, to my later disadvantage. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChrisP24 Posted April 7, 2022 Share Posted April 7, 2022 (edited) How long were you together? Four years, married two of those. Western woman. We were both in our late 20s. How did you know it was coming to an end? We went through some financial hardship, but nothing permanent. She moved out. Then I got deployed with the military for a year. She moved back in (while I was gone and I was paying all the bills). She moved back out a couple of weeks before my deployment ended and I was to return home. After I got back there were many calls on the landline from various men she had hooked up with looking for another go (this was before cell phones). Do you still have any contact with your ex partner? Nope. No reason or interest. Did it break your heart to split up ? Nope. Her conduct in blatantly using deception to derive financial support from me made it clear that there was nothing to salvage, so no hesitancy in moving on. Did it hurt you emotional or did you just carry on? A bit, but mostly surprised at myself for not seeing the mistake as it was unfolding. Thankfully no kids, no alimony, the divorce was just simple paperwork without even a court hearing, so I got closure once the phone calls stopped. Enjoyed just dating for the next seven years, had a couple of near misses, but had much higher standards and awareness by then, so didn't settle for anyone who would need sandpapering to shape into a great partner. Was that person your soulmate ? Nope. I thought I could help her grow, had her enrolled in a junior college with goals for the future, thought she'd be grateful for support in improving her future. Ultimately it was a work in progress that never took root. Did you find love again ? Yep. Married 20+ years to an educated, industrious, family-oriented southeast asian lady. Edited April 7, 2022 by ChrisP24 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BritManToo Posted April 7, 2022 Share Posted April 7, 2022 11 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said: Ended for me when the sex stopped. Looking back it was apparent when they stopped loving me, but I ignored the signs, to my later disadvantage. Yes, I never understand men that live with a woman and have no sex with them. I can only guess they are looking to replace their mothers. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post simon43 Posted April 7, 2022 Popular Post Share Posted April 7, 2022 I decided that it was time for a divorce when she started throwing plates and knives at me from behind, as opposed to doing it from the front when I could see her and jump out of the way. I was getting a stiff neck from watching her when she was behind me. (That's all true BTW, mad ex #2...) 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gottfrid Posted April 7, 2022 Share Posted April 7, 2022 On 4/5/2022 at 3:45 PM, WEBBYB808 said: Just like dying... the minute you are in love and together the closer you are to ending it and time running out. Even those that manage to love until death have an end date. You must realize that not only in Thailand but other countries every culture is different, and loves differently. Its like food in some Asian cultures, eating is almost like a religion. (Look at tik tok, They love to watch others eating big disgusting meal's, as sloppy as tgey can) Thais will tell you they eat to live, not live to eat, but eating together is on another level with them. If a man and woman, from same culture eat together it means more in that instant(Romanticly, and close relationship), than it does in some Western cultures. In the west eating together and sharing is still a good and special moment, but in Thailand its its really special. So your question is when is love over? Imhop... two different cultures especially here, have obstacles and both will veiw love differently. Yes there are different subcultures in Thailand, but there is still a similar foundation. One way to look at how different it can be was once shared with me in a story of love as told from the perspective of a Thai man, but he was raised in the west. Forgive me I dont remember the article or story, but one thing tgat stands out was that he said,"No way would he ever believe anything a Thai lady would say in English." He futher said,"If she says I love you in English", no way would he believe it carries any weight. She must say it in Thai and in front of others He said also depending on where she was from, where he met her. And what she did for a living, would also impact, if he believed what she would speak in her native language. You have to understand, many people come to Thailand with a few bucks, that goes very far in Thailand, and wouldn't go far in their home country. They use these funds to exploit and use the poor to do things that wouldn't be acceptable in their home country. These exploited and financially challenged people dont know they are being used and abused, all they see is(Robert Plant)"All that gliters is gold"! So they get jaded, and that can really hinder any chance at love. In Thailand I see many doing a (Justin Bieber) "Running to the alter like a track star," without once realizing the charm and culture doesn't change, and they dont think it will get old. I see ladies with children being raised by their mother and father while they work in a tourist city, some even marry knowing the lady has a child, but in their mind tgey are happy to leave the child with the grandparents, so they can be alone with the lady, and the lady as its business, will often agree, but if you leave the child in the village, and arent raising with your wife then you nor her love each other. She will know you are just business and will play the long game. Other Examples, going to village and no one speaks English but their girl, The food in Issan is different than tourist areas, when in their village the ladies act differently than they do in tourist cities, and the ladies will visit their school friends male and female frequently, no matter what type of family your girls was raised as, as a foreigner they will treat you like their bank(so to speak) the culture is just diffent and the facade put on you in the tourist cities will wear off if she wasnt serious. Even if shes a good lady, and she means well there will be cultural challenges and you shouldnt try to change her. So no matter who you love, male or female, the min you fall in love you are inching ever closer to the death of that relationship. Make a good choice with reason not for love. Especially here! Please show some love! Put it up in paragraphs and make it readable. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post rumak Posted April 7, 2022 Popular Post Share Posted April 7, 2022 On 4/5/2022 at 6:19 PM, Airalee said: In the beginning, they all seem like “good girls”. Going to temple means nothing. Many, due to their abusive (and neglectful) upbringings end up with personality disorders such as Borderline Personality Disorder or Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It’s textbook. Unfortunately, there is no therapy nor medication for it. They are essentially soulless. The relationships follow the same patterns and I have known many guys (myself included) who have fallen prey to their (initially) charming wiles. First, there is the “Lovebombing” stage. This is what you fall in love with and you also see a reflection of yourself in them. It feels great. The sex is great. They’re bubbly, fun and attentive. Unfortunately, it’s all fake. Next, the cracks start to show. Their insecurities become apparent. They might make mention of the “honeymoon phase” coming to an end. “Do you love me?” and other similar statements become commonplace. Then comes the gaslighting, confabulation, (unnecessary) lies, accusations (which are most likely projections of what they are actually guilty of). After that, the devaluation/dismissal stage. The silent treatment that they are so well known for is part of this stage. They no longer feign interest in the things you are interested in. At this point, they are regressing into their real state. It’s a definite mind-bender and leaves you confused. Finally, the discard phase. When you start to withdraw from the relationship, they sense it. You are no longer providing whatever benefit they were usually after. Here, of course, it is usually money/fun/travel/security. They might start “breadcrumbing” you (showing little bits of love/attention/affection) in order to reel you back in and even possibly apologize for their misdeeds/transgressions, but it will be a very vague non-specific apology. “I’m sorry for everything” is what they will say. They will never own up to specific things. At this point, they are usually already looking for their next source of “Narcissistic supply” and are probably back on Tinder/Thaicupid/Thaifriendly…..hidden from you of course. They may also accuse you of cheating at this time. (Projection) Finally, when they have found their next unwitting target, they bail….if you haven’t already bailed first. If that new source of supply doesn’t work out, they may try to return to you (this is called “hoovering” in narcissist relationship lingo). Don’t fall for it. The only thing to do is go “no contact” and leave them in the rear view mirror. Mind you, they’re not all bad. Some people have very successful loving relationships. But, when they are bad, they’re hell. you sir...... have some experience and insight into what are very common transition points in many relationships involving "true love seeking farangs" who are blinded by that Thai smile and "up to you" come on. Except for the minority of guys posting here who believe they are real catches and women will love them unconditionally and their love will grow and blossom ......... I think most guys (even younger ones) are quick to 'fall in love" and then destined to go through the phases that ensue. Not very many happy Hollywood endings. But in older years some guys will use their experience to choose someone who might be compatible and long (er) lasting. Others, just repeat their mistakes 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Airalee Posted April 7, 2022 Share Posted April 7, 2022 58 minutes ago, rumak said: you sir...... have some experience and insight into what are very common transition points in many relationships involving "true love seeking farangs" who are blinded by that Thai smile and "up to you" come on. Except for the minority of guys posting here who believe they are real catches and women will love them unconditionally and their love will grow and blossom ......... I think most guys (even younger ones) are quick to 'fall in love" and then destined to go through the phases that ensue. Not very many happy Hollywood endings. But in older years some guys will use their experience to choose someone who might be compatible and long (er) lasting. Others, just repeat their mistakes All it takes is one wrong one ???? 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rumak Posted April 7, 2022 Share Posted April 7, 2022 1 hour ago, Airalee said: All it takes is one wrong one ???? you're right . I had a few . haha The red flags get easier and easier to spot as we get wiser. I guess its the real crazy ones that we remember most ! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ColeBOzbourne Posted April 7, 2022 Share Posted April 7, 2022 Shaking with anger and adrenaline, my Peruvian wife pointed her favorite knife at my crotch, the one she sharpened every day, and swirled it in circles and said she was going to cut my nuts off while I slept at night. Maybe not tonight, maybe not tomorrow, but soon it will happen. I believed her 100%, and somehow instantly fell out of love with her. Go figure. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaibeachlovers Posted April 9, 2022 Share Posted April 9, 2022 On 4/7/2022 at 2:22 PM, BritManToo said: Yes, I never understand men that live with a woman and have no sex with them. I can only guess they are looking to replace their mothers. I understand them, but it's never a happy life ( for the guy ) if the he has any urges at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaibeachlovers Posted April 9, 2022 Share Posted April 9, 2022 On 4/7/2022 at 5:47 PM, rumak said: you're right . I had a few . haha The red flags get easier and easier to spot as we get wiser. I guess its the real crazy ones that we remember most ! The ones I think about the most were the ones I never got to do the biz with. Perhaps they'd have worked out better than the ones I did get homely with, or perhaps not. I once knew a woman at work that I got on very well with, and most importantly we had a lots of laughs together. She was married at the time, and when her husband died in an accident she had remarried by the time I found out. I met a few in my life that I really liked, and might have made a go of it with, but as usual, the ones I liked didn't like me that way, or someone else got there first. The most beautiful woman I ever had a friendship with unfortunately had a flat mate that disliked me, so that one never came to anything either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mac Mickmanus Posted April 9, 2022 Share Posted April 9, 2022 3 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said: The ones I think about the most were the ones I never got to do the biz with. Perhaps they'd have worked out better than the ones I did get homely with, or perhaps not. I once knew a woman at work that I got on very well with, and most importantly we had a lots of laughs together. She was married at the time, and when her husband died in an accident she had remarried by the time I found out. I met a few in my life that I really liked, and might have made a go of it with, but as usual, the ones I liked didn't like me that way, or someone else got there first. The most beautiful woman I ever had a friendship with unfortunately had a flat mate that disliked me, so that one never came to anything either. Couldn't you go out tonight and try and meet a Female ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaibeachlovers Posted April 9, 2022 Share Posted April 9, 2022 On 4/7/2022 at 3:15 PM, rumak said: you sir...... have some experience and insight into what are very common transition points in many relationships involving "true love seeking farangs" who are blinded by that Thai smile and "up to you" come on. Except for the minority of guys posting here who believe they are real catches and women will love them unconditionally and their love will grow and blossom ......... I think most guys (even younger ones) are quick to 'fall in love" and then destined to go through the phases that ensue. Not very many happy Hollywood endings. But in older years some guys will use their experience to choose someone who might be compatible and long (er) lasting. Others, just repeat their mistakes Others, just repeat their mistakes. Indeed. Getting divorced once is unfortunate, twice is a mistake, but three times or more is just inexcusable IMO. I gave it a good try with one long term partner and one marriage, but lesson learned, and never again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaibeachlovers Posted April 9, 2022 Share Posted April 9, 2022 1 minute ago, Mac Mickmanus said: Couldn't you go out tonight and try and meet a Female ? Where I live? Not in a million years. The women here scare the <deleted> out of me they are so PC, and a good looking one would be of an age that she would not even give me a second glance. I have no idea why I'd try with an unattractive woman with baggage. I miss Thailand more than you could imagine. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rumak Posted April 10, 2022 Share Posted April 10, 2022 5 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said: Others, just repeat their mistakes. Indeed. Getting divorced once is unfortunate, twice is a mistake, but three times or more is just inexcusable IMO. I gave it a good try with one long term partner and one marriage, but lesson learned, and never again. I have lived with Nine different ladies . Only count the ones that were one year or more. Four farangs , four thais (one marriage) , and one filipina . I was always the one to call it quits . All were ok , only one that was a real mistake. I never paid a "salary" just for someone to live with me. My fifties was best and craziest times. Sooner or later, we all reach our expiration date though (time to retire) . Luckily number nine is the best of the bunch and will be staying ( i think haha) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BritManToo Posted April 10, 2022 Share Posted April 10, 2022 6 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said: I have no idea why I'd try with an unattractive woman with baggage. How about if she had a nice house? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KhunLA Posted April 10, 2022 Share Posted April 10, 2022 46 minutes ago, BritManToo said: How about if she had a nice house? Only if it had a nice pool ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post CharlieH Posted April 10, 2022 Popular Post Share Posted April 10, 2022 When did you fall out of love ? When she said the baby may be black ! (Being pregnant was the reason we got married). Way too young, way too stupid ! So round one was over, round two came a few years later, lasted 15 years ! Caught her messing around with a younger guy. Devastated ! Didnt go near another female (relationship wise) for 10 years Round three, Thai girl, been married 15 years and counting. As the bloke who jumped off a multi storey building was heard to say as he passed each floor "so far so good" ! ???? 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaibeachlovers Posted April 11, 2022 Share Posted April 11, 2022 22 hours ago, BritManToo said: How about if she had a nice house? Only if the baggage didn't live with us and I didn't have to sleep with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mania Posted April 11, 2022 Share Posted April 11, 2022 On 4/4/2022 at 9:34 PM, georgegeorgia said: Just asking when did you know when to split with your partner? Baby when I met you I thought it was good news Now that its morning I see it was just the booze ???? Just kidding but I had two marriages previously both lasted 12 years then I knew it was a slow death not really sure why but it just became hard work But my current marriage to a Thai girl has been 14 years & I know this is it. We just are made for each other None the probs of the previous marriages I think we just have more respect for each other & she unlike previous (non Thai) wives never hounds me about anything She is appreciative & feminine yet still strong in her own way without being over bearing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xylophone Posted April 11, 2022 Share Posted April 11, 2022 (edited) I don't know that I have really ever been in love, more being infatuated or attracted to a girl/woman, and when that wore off, I would move on. As a teen I had plenty of girlfriends as I was a well-known local footballer and I attended lots of parties and had lots of great times, and along with that would come the occasional girlfriend, until another one came along. The thought of ever being "tied to one person" was abhorrent to me, and experiencing the rows, arguments and infidelities of my "so-called" parents convinced me that I didn't want to be in a relationship. I wanted to be free to do my own thing, never having to explain to anybody where I was going or why I was doing something; I wanted to be free and a single man, and way back when in the UK (the swinging sixties and beyond) there was never a shortage of short time/part time girlfriends, and love never really entered into it, as there were many available one night stands. I did live with a lovely lady here for about five or six years, and although I thought she was a lovely woman, I always felt a little trapped, and even just being in a relationship gave me that feeling, and perhaps she sensed that because we parted company 11 or 12 years ago (amicably) and I've been very happy living in my own ever since, as I was for the majority of my life. Edited April 11, 2022 by xylophone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaibeachlovers Posted April 11, 2022 Share Posted April 11, 2022 15 hours ago, xylophone said: I don't know that I have really ever been in love, more being infatuated While I have often been infatuated, I have been in love, deeply, but it was never reciprocated by the object of my love. The two women that professed to love me forever were just lying <deleted>. If I could go back knowing what I know now, I wouldn't love any woman. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparktrader Posted April 13, 2022 Share Posted April 13, 2022 Love lasts like 8 or 10 years. After that its just less sex with an older woman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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