Filial Piety - What's wrong with it?

[1FinickyOne]

27 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

I don't really care if anyone in her family dies ......... not my business.

Don't really understand why you would care either.

It is difficult for you to understand why I might care about a family member?

 

One of those people was a baby who spent 4 days in coma that nobody thought she would survive. When she did survive, the family gave her to my wife and I to raise... you have close family members that you live in a compound together with, you care about them. You raise a little girl from age 1-17, in your house, driving her home from school every day, helping educate her, going on vacations w/you and your wife together, she is someone I care about a great deal - do you care about your daughter? 

[BritManToo]

18 minutes ago, 1FinickyOne said:

It is difficult for you to understand why I might care about a family member?

 

One of those people was a baby who spent 4 days in coma that nobody thought she would survive. When she did survive, the family gave her to my wife and I to raise... you have close family members that you live in a compound together with, you care about them. You raise a little girl from age 1-17, in your house, driving her home from school every day, helping educate her, going on vacations w/you and your wife together, she is someone I care about a great deal - do you care about your daughter? 

That's a little different from what you originally posted.

I care about the people who live in my house with me ............ not so much anyone else.

I wouldn't ever put myself in the position of living in an extended 'her family' compound, that's just madness IMHO. The more of 'her family' that are around, the less attention/service/love you get. Filial Piety is all about her bloodline, and you will never be part of that bloodline.

[wwest5829]

8 hours ago, Leaver said:

 

My observations and conversations with people here.

 

What about those that did not keep their wits about them?

 

What percentage are they?  The majority, or minority?  It is these people that I am commenting on.

 

 

Good luck to you.

 

Once again, do you think you are in the majority, or minority? 

What I think about being in the minority or majority means only a guess as we do not know. Reading the disaster stories one is tempted to think they are the majority but that would be a conclusion not based on knowledge of the reality. I suppose that is the only point I make.

[BritManToo]

14 minutes ago, wwest5829 said:

What I think about being in the minority or majority means only a guess as we do not know. Reading the disaster stories one is tempted to think they are the majority but that would be a conclusion not based on knowledge of the reality. I suppose that is the only point I make.

I've seen so many 'disaster stories' (10-20) in person and only one success story.

No need to read any more to know 'disaster' is the norm.

 

On two separate occasions,

American guy in a bar comes over to me and boasts how his wife is different, faithful, loyal, loving ..... I'd banged her the night before, at the time she was pointing to her phone behind his back.

French guy in a different bar crying into his beer, blubbing about his wife sleeping with other men all the time, showed me her photo ...... yep, I'd had her too.

I felt bad for both those guys.

[wwest5829]

30 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

I've seen so many 'disaster stories' (10-20) in person and only one success story.

No need to read any more to know 'disaster' is the norm.

 

On two separate occasions,

American guy in a bar comes over to me and boasts how his wife is different, faithful, loyal, loving ..... I'd banged her the night before, at the time she was pointing to her phone behind his back.

French guy in a different bar crying into his beer, blubbing about his wife sleeping with other men all the time, showed me her photo ...... yep, I'd had her too.

I felt bad for both those guys.

I understand. The thing is, I realize that my 7th Greatgrandfather was at Valley Forge, What he saw and heard was real, he was not making things up but ... well, he had a limited perspective based on his personal experience. He as not aware of the struggles getting supplies from Congress, certainly did not have access to the British war records. My point being, our experiences might be valid for us but that does not get to the the truth of a matter. Yes, certainly, I too have heard the bar stories and they have been well exposed here. 

[Sqoop]

On 4/15/2022 at 8:13 AM, OneMoreFarang said:

 

At an early age I asked myself: Would I chose this and that family member as my friend?

 

That is a good quote and I agree with it. Family members can be a real head ache even in good times. 

[giddyup]

10 hours ago, Leaver said:

 

Sure, but at least they would be in control of their life, not begging to a Thai women for some crumbs to go and have a beer with the lads. 

 

Many have enslaved themselves here due to their poor decisions.

Oh, how we generalise. Honestly, where do you get this rubbish?

[1FinickyOne]

On 4/14/2022 at 9:07 PM, Lacessit said:

I asked her whether she would do the same for me after I died.

why in the world would you ever ask someone something like that? Especially after her father's death - why would you need to make comparisons? 

 

How insecure can you be? 

 

Trying to seek out praise when it is time to honor her father... what could she possibly say? [and still retain her paycheck?] 

[BritManToo]

1 minute ago, 1FinickyOne said:

why in the world would you ever ask someone something like that? Especially after her father's death - why would you need to make comparisons? 

 

How insecure can you be? 

 

Trying to seek out praise when it is time to honor her father... what could she possibly say? [and still retain her paycheck?] 

Agree, nearly all Thais will tell you what they think you want to hear, pointless to ask such questions.

The only question I ask my wife, "Do you want the seafood", answer is always yes.

Everything else, I issue commands, same as a Thai man would do.

[Lacessit]

9 hours ago, Leaver said:

 

Which makes for an interesting relationship for many here. 

 

 

Only the individual knows the answer to that question.  For many, they are so far in, the only way forward is to keep paying. 

 

Many here can simply not afford to start again, after ploughing their life savings into a particular relationship, and assets into within that relationship. 

 

 

That's great. 

 

How many others can say the same? 

 

What percentage do you put at relationships that actually have love involved, not money?

 

 

Great.

 

Once again, how many other do you think have been as sensible as you?

 

 

Interesting comment. 

 

For me, if a relationship here is solely based on money. then those people are strangers to me.  I would be happy to pay for honest care here, not a sham relationship. 

 

I am not singling you out.  You know the many many relationships here I am talking about. 

 

IMO it boils down to three factors - male-female relationships break down over sex, infidelity, or money. Maybe that's an oversimplification. A lawyer once told me money brings out the worst in people.

 

In Thailand, it is possible for women to be on a similar financial footing as a foreign retiree; however, I would say it's extremely rare. Such women can pick and choose among Thai men, which would make the probability of engaging with a foreigner even lower.

 

It's enjoyable to be able to play the field of beautiful women here, been there, done that. However, when I met a woman who was ticking a lot of boxes, my situation changed. I read the price tag very carefully.

 

There's also a price tag in one-night stands, either wear protection or run the risk of potentially life-threatening STD's. Plus the risk of meeting a complete nutter. As one poster said, nowadays I pay them to leave.

 

Relationships develop over time, what started out as a straightforward sex/money contract developed into warmth, affection and commitment.

 

How many people have been as successful as me? I don't know. On the basis bad news sells, I'd say there are a lot more than appear on ASEAN threads talking about how she did me wrong. Likewise, I can't say how many relationships go from commercial to loving.

 

I'm saying the price tag you are facing is loneliness, and having no-one to care for you in extremis except professionals. To them, you are just another slab of meat.

 

I suggest you read "Nicholas Nickleby" by Charles Dickens. It's a pretty good description of the fate of people whose sole focus is money.

[Gottfrid]

On 4/14/2022 at 8:48 PM, Leaver said:

 

Not bitter. Single.  Never had a Thai girlfriend.  Never sent money for a sick buffalo.  I'm not a member of the Issan House Builders Club.

 

Do you deny Money Number One in Thailand? 

 

You speak of your experience, but do you think that is the experience of many who have been fleeced here? 

That, Mr Leaver, is a question of judgement. If you are not clever enough to to chose your partner wisely, than the same thing will happen in your home country. You buy a house, a car and make some children. The wife want´s divorce. Who then gets the house, car, children and some of your money?

But, with your attitude, you probably do not own that kind of good judgement. So, for you it is definitely best to stay alone and rent your needs on a day by day basis. Out of that reason you should not blame Thailand and it´s people. There are bad and good people in all countries. What is the thing here, is that too many foreigners comes to Thailand and make bad judgements. That based on the availability of booze and girls/sex.

They get blinded and start thinking with the wrong head. So, at the end, you own NO right to blame Thai people for yours or other foreigners losses and bad judgement in Thailand. 

[BritManToo]

2 minutes ago, Gottfrid said:

What is the thing here, is that too many foreigners comes to Thailand and make bad judgements. That based on the availability of booze and girls/sex.

Every decision in my life has been based on the availability of booze/girls/sex.

What else is there?

 

Thailand is a great place to live!

(along with the rest of SEA)

[Kwasaki]

10 hours ago, Leaver said:

 

So single guys can not comment on this thread.  Really? 

 

Like I said, I have no intention of joining the Issan House Builders Club, however, my reasons for not doing so, I believe,  are very much on topic.  

I was just saying you not having a Thai family commitment is why someone said you were off topic, comment as much as you like about your single life mush. 

[Lacessit]

11 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Every decision in my life has been based on the availability of booze/girls/sex.

What else is there?

 

 

Golf courses and food.

[Lacessit]

10 hours ago, LaosLover said:

What percentage of older males anywhere in the world are happy with their sex and love life? Expats in Thailand likely top the charts.

That's a no brainer, not too many other places in the world where a woman 40 years younger than me would be asking to hook up with me.

[Lacessit]

9 hours ago, Leaver said:

 

What bout the previous farang owners of the pub or guest house that went broke?  Are they happy?

 

 

I don't know how many went broke, or how many were successful.

IMO trying to own a business of any kind in Thailand is financial suicide for most foreigners. A minimum requirement would be complete fluency in Thai, well connected, and successful in the same type of business in their home country.

[BritManToo]

8 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

I don't know how many went broke, or how many were successful.

IMO trying to own a business of any kind in Thailand is financial suicide for most foreigners. A minimum requirement would be complete fluency in Thai, well connected, and successful in the same type of business in their home country.

Agreed, an easy way to lose all your money very quickly.

Best to come out here with enough to last you, or work back in the west and just holiday here.

[473geo]

To answer the question, in my family in the Uk my siblings and I have negotiated life with the support of each other, neither of our parents were in care homes, despite one having a long battle against illness. We are a very close family though do not live in each others pockets. I think the family unit is strong because of one simple reason. On no occasions does anybody seek to take advantage or take the <deleted>, if support is required it is genuine and frequently offered before a request is made. So yes family is very important to me.

Also important my immediate family in Thailand, who will receive as much support as is required and I am able to deliver. 

The wider family I will not change my plain speaking if I feel people are taking the <deleted>, and will protect my family from being 'used' fortunately it is up to my wife to fulfil my wishes as my Thai is not yet up to scratch. So far most of my thoughts are actioned.

So as far as extended Thai family goes fully expect them to support each other, overlook things outsiders like myself may not. 95% of the time all is good and that to me is as much as can be expected.

 

The other relationship 'under topic' well having seen many who failed, recounting their misery in bars, I can only say having noted their behaviour, had I been doing the same my marriage would probably have failed too ???? as it did in many relationships previously ????

[1FinickyOne]

4 hours ago, BritManToo said:

I wouldn't ever put myself in the position of living in an extended 'her family' compound, that's just madness IMHO.

I kind of liked it - I just visit now but it is very comfortable having close family around to deal w/stuff I don't want to - - and now that I am a few hours away, they still come here and stay and help out w/things... they are the most considerate and easy houseguests I have ever had. I really like these people - - most of them anyway. There are/were a couple of exceptions who tend to work my nerves a little, but there are like 20 people living in the compound now... from age 5 to 75... 

[rumak]

2 hours ago, Gottfrid said:

They get blinded and start thinking with the wrong head. So, at the end, you own NO right to blame Thai people for yours or other foreigners losses and bad judgement in Thailand. 

The losses to women happens everywhere .   But damn,  thai ladies are soooo good at it .  

[billd766]

12 hours ago, Leaver said:

 

Care to comment on what percentage are? 

 

 

I wish you best.

 

How many have had your luck?

 

 

What would have happened if you couldn't / wouldn't have helped them when they were down? 

 

 

Question is, will there always be a place for you?  Family is family, but Thailand is Thailand.   

 

It hasn't come up yet but my Thai MIL came up and lived with us in her small house for 4 or 5 years before she died about 6 years ago.

 

Before her Dad died a few years ago my wife spent 2 weeks out or 3 sharing the load with the family down in Bangkok.

 

I really don't care what people on this thread try to spread negative views about Thai families and what will happen to the farang.

 

I know what my wife has told me and that is good enough for me.

 

I have helped her family out for over 20 years and they have helped us out as well when we needed help.

[473geo]

2 minutes ago, rumak said:

The losses to women happens everywhere .   But damn,  thai ladies are soooo good at it .  

What losses? pack a bag and go chapter closed ????

Sure I have built houses for girlfriends, and now my wife and family, no more than I would expect, but its no loss can't take it with me if I leave or die ????

 

[billd766]

13 hours ago, Leaver said:

 

Which makes for an interesting relationship for many here. 

 

 

Only the individual knows the answer to that question.  For many, they are so far in, the only way forward is to keep paying. 

 

Many here can simply not afford to start again, after ploughing their life savings into a particular relationship, and assets into within that relationship. 

 

 

That's great. 

 

How many others can say the same? 

 

What percentage do you put at relationships that actually have love involved, not money?

 

 

Great.

 

Once again, how many other do you think have been as sensible as you?

 

 

Interesting comment. 

 

For me, if a relationship here is solely based on money. then those people are strangers to me.  I would be happy to pay for honest care here, not a sham relationship. 

 

I am not singling you out.  You know the many many relationships here I am talking about. 

 

I also know personally around 25 or so farang/Thai marriages that have worked very well over the years and only 2 have ended in divorce.

 

By personally I mean that I know both partners and not read about them on the sad sack threads.

 

A few years ago on TVF there were several good news threads that were overwhelmed by the moaners and whiners who refuse to believe that good mixed marriages worked then and still work now.

 

You can even see it on this thread if you look.

[Gottfrid]

27 minutes ago, rumak said:

The losses to women happens everywhere .   But damn,  thai ladies are soooo good at it .  

Why do you think that? Have you made bad judgements yourself, and suffer the consequences of them? Or, might it be that you have heard so many, half wit, drunkards coming to Thailand complaining over their mistakes?

[Gottfrid]

2 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Every decision in my life has been based on the availability of booze/girls/sex.

What else is there?

 

Thailand is a great place to live!

(along with the rest of SEA)

Ok, so when you decided what education get, then that was based on that the teachers were so sexy?
The first work you applied for and got, you said yes to because there were so many girls working there and for the availability of booze every lunch?

You have been buying all your cars in life from the seller that gave you most booze or pussy?

The choice of banking, was made after great sex with the branch manager?

What you eat today is based on how many beer you drunk yesterday, and the performance of your last sex partner?

The place you live in today, was sold by a very sexy woman that throw in her own body in the deal?

If you have any insurances, they were all bought and signed for under the influence of alcohol?

[jerrymahoney]

3 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Every decision in my life has been based on the availability of booze/girls/sex.

What else is there?

Guns.

[Led Lolly Yellow Lolly]

10 hours ago, Enoon said:

 

You've a way to go yet.

 

That's not to say that you are guaranteed to go further.

 

 

 

 

. . . get to where, the point where I can delude myself I have no regrets? No thanks grandad.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Led Lolly Yellow Lolly]

3 hours ago, Gottfrid said:

Or, might it be that you have heard so many, half wit, drunkards coming to Thailand complaining over their mistakes?

It cannot be denied that for a long time, and as continues to be the case, the vast majority of farang relationships with Thai women started out with a beer, a lady drink and a commercial arrangement. For the rest, whatever was left had personality issues, which the westerner missed because he thought it was sufficient to communicate in pidgin. Combine this with the fact the majority of those westerners were (are) bitter divorcees living on the finite resource of whatever they got from the sale if their house, the results are entirely predictable.

 

And so, when times get tough and the family asks for help, or the elders need some care, the dumb brain dead loser farang just writes them off as money-grubbing filth. Likewise, when the farang's own money runs out, he's alienated himself so badly here, no one wants to help, he's on a one way ticket back to a bedsit in Leeds.

I'm pretty sure that what I describe is the bulk of ThaiVisa and yes, the overwhelming negativity here regarding marriages to Thai women does get very tiresome. . .

 

This is changing. Very slowly, but it is changing. The expat profile is shifting, as is the way they interact with locals. I was fortunate to meet my wife at work. I was fortunate she can live with the baggage I brought with me. I was fortunate she was able to spend time in the west and have a good grasp of farang ways. I'm very fortunate. I imagine most men stuck in the UK would do anything for my life here.

Full disclosure: I was a drunkard before I got married.

 

If anyone has anything to add on the OP please chime in.

 

 

 

[Led Lolly Yellow Lolly]

9 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Filial Piety is all about her bloodline, and you will never be part of that bloodline.

This is just so badly wrong. You remind me of a friend that once suggested those with stepchildren could not love those stepchildren with the same sincerity as a child with their own blood. I was so deeply offended by the suggestion, and so shocked that such an intelligent person could at the same time be so utterly clueless, I gave up on the friendship.

 

 

 

[BritManToo]

3 minutes ago, Led Lolly Yellow Lolly said:

This is just so badly wrong. You remind me of a friend that once suggested I could not love my stepdaughter as much as someone with my own blood. I was so deeply offended by the suggestion, and so shocked that such an intelligent person could at the same time be so utterly clueless, I gave up on the friendship.

Women only care about their bloodline.

I thought you were a man?

Men and women don't have the same biological programming.

I love my Thai step-daughter much more than my four Brit kids, but I'm not a woman.