Kids v no kids

[RafPinto]

Sometimes you wish but...

Send me a picture of your lady and I will do the hard work for you.

[BritManToo]

8 minutes ago, Kwasaki said:

My mob came over from England every year until covid.

I visited my mum 5x a week before she died.

[RafPinto]

13 hours ago, BritManToo said:

I've had 6,

Two in the UK & finished the job

Two in the UK I abandoned (not by choice)

One in Thailand & finished the job

One in Thailand work in progress

 

All worthwhile, wish I'd had a few more.

I've had to buy a few rabbits to keep the love coming.

And soon, Britman will be the new Dean of the Chaing Mai university.
Around 260 ex students all got pregnant from the one and only BritmanToo and soon their offspring will start university as well.

[BritManToo]

4 minutes ago, RafPinto said:

And soon, Britman will be the new Dean of the Chaing Mai university.
Around 260 ex students all got pregnant from the one and only BritmanToo and soon their offspring will start university as well.

I prefer the girls from CMRU,

My woman (Political Science) and step-daughter (International Business Studies) both went there.

[86Tiger]

14 hours ago, Grecian said:

after 50 i found living for my own pleasures doesn't seem to cut it anymore.

I'm 54 now and 55% of me wishes I had found someone when l was your age and banged one out. ????

 

 

I lived 50 years with never an intent to have a wife.  I saw so many friends and family lives ruined back in USA, guys left with nothing simply because she decided she didn't want to be married any more.  Vowed it would never happen to me and stuck to my guns.  My attitude softened towards marriage when I started visiting Thailand in 2005, I learned there is a better culture than western.

 

My attitude softened on kids after a long illness for my dad.  The one of if not the saddest thing I ever saw was so many elderly in hospital with no one ever coming to see them.  No one. Ever.  I know no one came to see them because mom, brother and I was with my dad 108 days straight before I had to return to work in Afghan.  I decided I did not want to be those people.

 

Now I am 59.  I have 4 yo, 5 yo and 7 yo.  And they are joy of my life.  We are separated a lot for my work but just seeing and hearing them on the phone at the end of long hard day puts me on cloud 9.  Yes, they are expensive.  Yes, they break everything in the house.  And, yes, I will not be able to retire for a good while yet. 

 

I lived the dream for 50+ years of a single man with world by the tail.  But, honestly, I don't remember not having those 3 little souls and their mom in my life.   When one of the little monkeys crawls up in my lap and puts their little head on my chest nothing else in the world matters......

[shackleton]

Me and the wife tried for a long time I basically gave up thinking it's not going to happen 

Then the wife was called in my our medical people and told you are pregnant 

Best news I have ever received we had a son that was 34 years ago 

We watch football ⚽️ matches  together have a very close bond 

Waiting for him and his Fiancée to have children themselves later on if they chose to decide 

[Scouse123]

2 hours ago, BritManToo said:

How often do you see your Brit sons?

How often do/did you visit your Brit parents?

I suspect hardly ever ...... so why are you expecting more from nieces?

I expect children to leave home after their education, and my expectations are usually met.

I did the same when I was young.

I will see my British sons this Monday coming, the last time was last November. 2021 I fly to the UK as a rule four times a year and both my sons and my mother (when she was living) came out here regularly. So your suspicions are way off the mark.

 

As I said in my post, I basically expect nothing from the nieces as it is my other half who is disappointed and not me.

 

Sure, it sticks in her throat when she has paid for them everything whilst they were children and when the youngest does visit, (she is only two hours away in Khonkaen) she visits her mother just up the road who did absolutely nothing for her and forgets her Aunt who did the lot.

[BritManToo]

2 minutes ago, Scouse123 said:

when she has paid for them everything

She? or you? paid for everything?

[ivor bigun]

never wanted kids ,my first wife persuaded me to have one ,when we divorced i had custody of her she was 4 yrs old ,best thing that ever happened in my life and believe me many things in my life have been great.

[Scouse123]

1 minute ago, BritManToo said:

She? or you? paid for everything?

Well, I think you know the answer to that one.

 

But the other half classes as what is mine is hers, and what is hers is also hers.

 

I've been up here in Isaarn a long while now and follow the old motto:-

 

"Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed "

[falang1969]

I didn't have kids until I was 46.

 

My life until then, consisted of partying, drinking, travelling, experiencing life and living the high life to a degree. I had no responsibility, plenty of spare cash and only had to think for myself! 

 

I was getting bored of that life (both in the UK and Thailand), having lived it for the last 25 years, I wanted more of a purpose in my life.

 

I have done a lot, more than most and decided the time was to have kids....best thing I have ever done, I have a 7yr old and 2yr old, my life seems more fulfilling and more fun to be honest! 

 

They have a great Mum and life is good! Would I want my "old" life back? No!

 

 

[Kwasaki]

1 hour ago, BritManToo said:

I visited my mum 5x a week before she died.

I don't go England my mob know that I'm here. 

[rickudon]

As a man, it is never too late to have kids (unless you have a physical problem). When i came to live in Thailand, i was open to having kids, but had 2 in the UK so it was not a priority. I was 59, wife 40, when daughter was born, 10 and a half years ago. I wouldn't change that. Is every thing perfect? Of course not, paradise is a idea, not reality. Life is good enough. 

I have 3 children who love me, and a good family here in Thailand. Would i have liked to see more of the world, had more women, yes, but you have to be realistic.

 

I think cities are a bad place for Kids - i agree a house, garden, nature are best for a child. As for education, no need to spend millions - I have seen many of the selfish entitled jerks who come from 'top' schools. Just need a reasonably good school, you can get ones in most places - i pay about 40,000 baht a year all in. Money isn't everything in life, but western culture emphasises 'success' but makes home ownership beyond the reach of most these days. I do actually think us baby boomers had a better life than most of our children will.

 

I do try to instil a belief in caring for the planet in my children, rather than just for themselves.

[khunPer]

17 hours ago, Sparktrader said:

What you do you think?

If you had no kids are you happy with decision?

If you had kids was it worth it?

I had my first - and so far only - child when I was 56.

 

I presume it's a question of lifestyle and expectation - and of course if you need an heir to all the wealth you saved up, by not already have a horde of children - a man can often wait for the right moment in his life to have a child, or children, of course providing he can find a partner of the the right age.

 

A benefit for me being father a little late in life was that I could better afford a child, and I could also afford domestic help like a live-in nanny for some years - an affordable expense when living in Thailand - which probably made life and relationship less complicated, when a small child becomes part of it...????

 

"If worth it", is quite relative. "Worth it" in money, you shall count 5 million baht in cost per child in Thailand, if you wish to provide a reasonable level of schooling, but still not the best, i.e. most expensive. Even in my Scandinavian home country a similar cost would appear, even that reasonable schooling is free, as everything else is more expensive than Thailand; and that sum does of course not include an au-pair or nanny.

 

So "worth it" has probably more to do with lifestyle - i.e. if your life get enriched by a child - in modern terms a child is not an income, it's rather an expense, sometimes a huge expense...????

 

But of course, if you get a beautiful daughter, then you might be able to claim 5 million baht, or more, in sin sot, and recover your expenses and perhaps even a bit more...

[JBChiangRai]

Having kids changes you beyond all recognition, further a man is not complete until he has had a daughter.

 

I had 2 boys in my 20s in the UK with my English wife and 2 girls in my 50s (adopted as a single parent). Daughters round you off as a complete individual.

[sanuk711]

32 minutes ago, JBChiangRai said:

Having kids changes you beyond all recognition, further a man is not complete until he has had a daughter.

Yer..... reminds of that old Yorkshire saying---although I think  its more pertinent with Thai women-:

 

Your Son's your Son until he finds a wife........

 

Your Daughters your Daughter for the rest of your life....

[Bangel72]

I was happy without kids, my son makes me happier with a bit more sense of purpose in general.

 

It's quite a bit of responsibility though but for me a reasonable trade off, main downside is it sort of tied in some level of responsibility for his mother.

 

Do I want more, nope.

 

 

 

 

[ivor bigun]

2 hours ago, sanuk711 said:

Yer..... reminds of that old Yorkshire saying---although I think  its more pertinent with Thai women-:

 

Your Son's your Son until he finds a wife........

 

Your Daughters your Daughter for the rest of your life....

in my case the truest thing ever said.

[DJ54]

I’ve a son and daughter both early 40s living in the US. 4 grandchildren twins (boy and girl) 1 boy 1 girl.

Kids as awesome and wish I’d have spent more time with them but was a workaholic...but nevertheless all good ... 

 

I think the notion of having children to take care of you when your old is nonsense... Times are changing... I’m sure my children would take care of me if needed but the reason for having 

them is to love them.. teach them the best you can about life .. get an education and are able 

to stand in their if needed.

 

Parents who think children will take care of them when old. ... give the best education 

you can.. don’t let them be 14-15 years old out of school. If their truly your meal ticket educate

them so you’ll have better meals... 

 

 

[jack71]

23 hours ago, Grecian said:

after 50 i found living for my own pleasures doesn't seem to cut it anymore.

Its the reason I had one and so happy I did. But 1 is enough...

[jack71]

23 hours ago, Sparktrader said:

If i find a good woman under 35yo i think i bang one out.

YOu sound like a classy guy. Good luck to you

[jack71]

22 hours ago, Sparktrader said:

Its something that bothers me. What would the kid look like? I never know if I dont have one.

If you are ugly as sin it doesnt matter as long as the lady is a real stunner. It will turn out looking ok. 

[jack71]

22 hours ago, BritManToo said:

2 Thai children showed me more love than the 4 Brits.

why. What happened with the british kids?

[jack71]

6 hours ago, rickudon said:

Just need a reasonably good school, you can get ones in most places - i pay about 40,000 baht a year all in.

Its so true. Actually most cities have at least 1 top government secondary school. Ones child has to pass a test to get into it and its full on program. My kids in one of these and very impressed at the high standards there

[jack71]

6 hours ago, JBChiangRai said:

Having kids changes you beyond all recognition, further a man is not complete until he has had a daughter.

I agree. Its made me grow up...

[BritManToo]

24 minutes ago, jack71 said:

why. What happened with the british kids?

I was always at work in the UK.

Here, retired, I'm always at home.

[2009]

23 hours ago, 1FinickyOne said:

interesting subject - maybe poor people have lower expectations and have less pressure and stress... ??

 

Been said that a Westerner has a big house, 2 cars, several computers, several tv's and is miserable while a poor Thai has a small house w/a hammock underneath, a little b&W tv and a small plot of land to grow some veggies and he is in heaven... 

And you forgot the million baht of farmland.

 

Not to mention the gambling to try to get more.

 

Happy. How do you know?

[1FinickyOne]

1 hour ago, 2009 said:

And you forgot the million baht of farmland.

 

Not to mention the gambling to try to get more.

 

Happy. How do you know?

oh, its just a saying, not to be applied to everyone, but I have spent near 20 years living in a farming village and it seems mostly on point.. 

[Rampant Rabbit]

Its  bad  enough taking care of my hamster let  alone a kid...theres  also more than enough people in the world already

[thaibeachlovers]

11 hours ago, StevieAus said:

An excellent response which I believe sums up the situation perfectly.

I fall in the category of your second paragraph and couldn’t be happier. 
I would imagine that if could be an unhappy marriage if one party wanted children and the other didn’t.

Isn't that the sort of thing to be sorted BEFORE getting married?