Sinsod

[proton]

1 hour ago, hotchilli said:

More than he should by the sound of it.

Those that 'fell in love with the culture' have to pay the price, ???? it's normally  little compared to most western weddings.

[Kenny202]

6 minutes ago, proton said:

Those that 'fell in love with the culture' have to pay the price, ???? it's normally  little compared to most western weddings.

There is culture and then there are greedy predators, praying on a good hearted soul who wants to fit in with the culture. What you pay for a Western wedding in neither here nor there. No one likes to get ripped off or treated like an idiot. It doesn't matter if its a deliberate overcharge of 10 baht at the cashier of 7/11. The request for huge sums of money like this is a test....and will set the scene for the remaining relationship with your inlaws which will ultimately effect your marriage

Edited December 22, 2022 by Kenny202

[scorecard]

11 hours ago, FritsSikkink said:

Should have hit him in the face

Yep and that would have created more problems.

 

He was punished by severe loss of face, when all concerned / whole village were told by his mother and my son that his claims of 50,000Baht a month from the gov't proven by the embassy to be not true.

 

After all informed that he was telling lies/bs he disappeared for several months. Went to live with his very wealthy Thai part-time LB bf in Chiang Mai. 

Edited December 22, 2022 by scorecard

[Harveyboy]

On 12/21/2022 at 9:17 AM, FriendlyFarang said:

At first I was thinking about offering 100k just to keep the family peace, but considering that they probably now have something like 5 million baht in their head, I guess they would never be happy with 100k, so I guess it will be 0 baht.

I gave the mother in law 200.000 she paid for the wedding 160 guests marquee in the garden ..monks ect...all inc I think I had a good deal

[proton]

2 hours ago, Kenny202 said:

There is culture and then there are greedy predators, praying on a good hearted soul who wants to fit in with the culture. What you pay for a Western wedding in neither here nor there. No one likes to get ripped off or treated like an idiot. It doesn't matter if its a deliberate overcharge of 10 baht at the cashier of 7/11. The request for huge sums of money like this is a test....and will set the scene for the remaining relationship with your inlaws which will ultimately effect your marriage

Thais also pay sinsot so it's not a case of the foreigner being ripped off or treated like an idiot. Normally the sums are not huge and most or all is often returned. Amusing the amount of cash many would be grooms have paid over the years here on 'entertainment' with bar girls, yet feel offended over sinsot for a decent woman. ???? Does not set the relationship with the in laws, just another Thai myth.

Edited December 22, 2022 by proton

[ed strong]

19 hours ago, youreavinalaff said:

You appear to have missed my point.

 

I don't recall saying I paid off any debts. I also don't recall saying I was asked to pay of loan sharks. Certainly not for other family members.

 

By discussing these points with my wife and her parents at an early stage, it negated the possibility of such happening. 

I find it bizarre that you have to have these type of discussions with your future wife and her parents.

 

Negotiations in the prelude to marriage seem crass to me and not something i would get involved in but each to their own.

 

 

[Kenny202]

8 minutes ago, ed strong said:

I find it bizarre that you have to have these type of discussions with your future wife and her parents.

 

Negotiations in the prelude to marriage seem crass to me and not something i would get involved in but each to their own.

 

 

I don't think anyone from the west would really feel comfortable about it, irrespective of how they put a nice face on it. I'd be cringing during the negotiations,  particularly demonstrating my worth to penniless drunks. As far as proving wealth and ability to support the daughter...(who grew up wiping her a$$ barehanded) surely a glimpse at your bank book should suffice. Maybe a letter from the bank aka immigration lol. Anyway, it's the way it's done here (sometimes). Everything here seems to start and end with money.

[youreavinalaff]

6 hours ago, ed strong said:

I find it bizarre that you have to have these type of discussions with your future wife and her parents.

 

Negotiations in the prelude to marriage seem crass to me and not something i would get involved in but each to their own.

 

 

I got involved in next to nothing. My wife did. She didn't bring the conversations up either. She was responding to questions being asked. Just like any father of daughter, as I am, would want to know the boyfriend, what he does, what his plans are, etc. Nothing out of the ordinary.

6 hours ago, Kenny202 said:

I don't think anyone from the west would really feel comfortable about it, irrespective of how they put a nice face on it. I'd be cringing during the negotiations,  particularly demonstrating my worth to penniless drunks. As far as proving wealth and ability to support the daughter...(who grew up wiping her a$$ barehanded) surely a glimpse at your bank book should suffice. Maybe a letter from the bank aka immigration lol. Anyway, it's the way it's done here (sometimes). Everything here seems to start and end with money.

Not sure why you call them negotiations. There were no such thing.

 

Shame you need to belittle my family. I guess you had these experiences yoursrlf and are tarring everyone with the same brush.

Edited December 22, 2022 by youreavinalaff

[ed strong]

2 hours ago, youreavinalaff said:

I got involved in next to nothing. My wife did. She didn't bring the conversations up either. She was responding to questions being asked. Just like any father of daughter, as I am, would want to know the boyfriend, what he does, what his plans are, etc. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Not sure why you call them negotiations. There were no such thing.

 

Shame you need to belittle my family. I guess you had these experiences yoursrlf and are tarring everyone with the same brush.

I'm not belittling your family, i just don't like the open discussions with regards to what you can actually provide to their families bur also appreciate that many if these relationships do work and everyone's happy.

 

I might well end up in a similar situation when I'm 60 however I would go into any relationship with my eyes wide open, unlike the majority of farangs that I've met over the years and some good guys have been screwed over

[youreavinalaff]

1 hour ago, ed strong said:

I'm not belittling your family,

I didn't say you were. That was in relation to another poster.

 

However, you do seem to have changed your tune to try to undermine me. Never mind. It's to be expected, occasionally.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 12/21/2022 at 3:48 PM, ChrisP24 said:

Maybe offer something modest like 30k baht, that they can keep, or alternatively something much larger with the agreement that all of it will be "for show only" as proof that you can take care of your bride, and you take it home from the wedding ceremony.  And that support for the family will come after based on whatever criteria you want to set. A good family of course is worth supporting - - the elderly, the young with school expenses, etc.   And they will support you in return in other ways, to the degree that they can.  But for the freeloaders, nothing.

Offer nothing except for show. It's farangs that give large amounts that have caused Thais to think all farangs are rich.

Don't start a relationship letting the family think they have won the lottery.

It's not a farang's job to make Thai families rich. If they are nice to the farang and helpful without expecting largess in return by all means help them with things they need help with, but don't let them think they have a right to the farang's money.

 

BTW I took my own advice- 50,000 baht for show.

[thaibeachlovers]

14 hours ago, proton said:

Amusing the amount of cash many would be grooms have paid over the years here on 'entertainment' with bar girls, yet feel offended over sinsot for a decent woman.

You apparently think it's OK to "buy" a wife, that should be marrying because she loves the groom.

The amount we pay for sex prior to getting married has nothing to do with getting married. Should a farang pay sinsod because in the past he spent a lot on cars, or travel?

[FriendlyFarang]

Some more entertainment every day.

The mother said that for the wedding they expect about 250 guests, we will have it at their home, it will cost about 500k Baht. We should just transfer them the money, they would organize it.

Sure... 5555

 

After a bit asking around, I estimate that a village wedding for 250 people costs probably less than 100k all-in.

There is also simply no way to seat 250 people outside of their home.

I guess if we would just give them the money, in the end there would be 50 people, but somehow the 500k would still all be gone.

[Kenny202]

1 hour ago, FriendlyFarang said:

Some more entertainment every day.

The mother said that for the wedding they expect about 250 guests, we will have it at their home, it will cost about 500k Baht. We should just transfer them the money, they would organize it.

Sure... 5555

 

After a bit asking around, I estimate that a village wedding for 250 people costs probably less than 100k all-in.

There is also simply no way to seat 250 people outside of their home.

I guess if we would just give them the money, in the end there would be 50 people, but somehow the 500k would still all be gone.

Brother, without purposely trying to be a naysayer, I think anyone has any experience here (and not just bitter hardened old guys who have already been rinsed) would tell you this is not a good way to start a relationship and normally the actions of the parents will have much bearing on your future and possibly it's demise. Ask yourself how is your missus handling it all? Is she keeping them in check or acting as "Millie in the middle"? ie she doesn't or says she doesn't agree, but is going along silently?

 

Essentially they are trying to rob you. I assume they are not wealthy people? Next thing the old man will want to "manage" the build of your house. He'll need 400k baht to get the land cleared and build started. 2 months later....ooops, builder took off with the money no where to be seen....need another 400k.

 

Use your common sense and don't try and justify it to yourself as Thai culture. People with hardly a pot to pess in demanding 250k, 60% of which they will skim and gamble away in a month or two... and the rest to pess up against the wall on a shindig for all the local drunks is just ridiculous. 

 

 

[youreavinalaff]

2 hours ago, Kenny202 said:

Brother, without purposely trying to be a naysayer, I think anyone has any experience here (and not just bitter hardened old guys who have already been rinsed) would tell you this is not a good way to start a relationship and normally the actions of the parents will have much bearing on your future and possibly it's demise. Ask yourself how is your missus handling it all? Is she keeping them in check or acting as "Millie in the middle"? ie she doesn't or says she doesn't agree, but is going along silently?

 

Essentially they are trying to rob you. I assume they are not wealthy people? Next thing the old man will want to "manage" the build of your house. He'll need 400k baht to get the land cleared and build started. 2 months later....ooops, builder took off with the money no where to be seen....need another 400k.

 

Use your common sense and don't try and justify it to yourself as Thai culture. People with hardly a pot to pess in demanding 250k, 60% of which they will skim and gamble away in a month or two... and the rest to pess up against the wall on a shindig for all the local drunks is just ridiculous. 

 

 

I agree with your post in principle.

 

However, generalising that all possible inlaws for expats are poor, gamblers, drunks and theives, undermines your comments.

[proton]

3 hours ago, FriendlyFarang said:

Some more entertainment every day.

The mother said that for the wedding they expect about 250 guests, we will have it at their home, it will cost about 500k Baht. We should just transfer them the money, they would organize it.

Sure... 5555

 

After a bit asking around, I estimate that a village wedding for 250 people costs probably less than 100k all-in.

There is also simply no way to seat 250 people outside of their home.

I guess if we would just give them the money, in the end there would be 50 people, but somehow the 500k would still all be gone.

Ask for the receipts, i wish I had!. Try to avoid a large payment for wedding up front, likely they will then spend as little as possible while inflating the prices when you ask. Also get it clear what is included- flowers, monks, food drink, music etc. That way they wont be asking for things they thought you knew would be extra.

Edited December 23, 2022 by proton

[Kenny202]

28 minutes ago, youreavinalaff said:

I agree with your post in principle.

 

However, generalising that all possible inlaws for expats are poor, gamblers, drunks and theives, undermines your comments.

Well certainly been here long enough to know that isn't the case as far as all Thais including rural /!village Thais are concerned, and sorry if read that way, but these particular people certainly seem to fit into that category. I know families here put kids through uni farming a bit of rice and selling bbq chicken. Or working 15 hours a day on construction sites. Totally in awe of them and some of the loyalist people I have known....anywhere

[JBChiangRai]

Most foreigners meet their prospective wives in a bar, a fact that is conveniently erased when they marry them and another type of meeting is invented.

 

You don't pay Sinsod to the parents of sex workers in bars.  You pay it based upon social standing, education level and being unsullied.

 

You don't pay it to the parents of previously married girls, nor do you pay it to unmarried girls with children, you can of course pay it in all of these circumstances if you're an idiot.

[puchooay]

4 hours ago, FriendlyFarang said:

Some more entertainment every day.

The mother said that for the wedding they expect about 250 guests, we will have it at their home, it will cost about 500k Baht. We should just transfer them the money, they would organize it.

Sure... 5555

 

After a bit asking around, I estimate that a village wedding for 250 people costs probably less than 100k all-in.

There is also simply no way to seat 250 people outside of their home.

I guess if we would just give them the money, in the end there would be 50 people, but somehow the 500k would still all be gone.

Speak to your wife to be.

 

Explain to her you think things are getting out of hand. Let hercexplain this to her parents. Explain you think the two of you should be deciding andcarranging wedding plans.

 

Which ever way the decision goes will help to to decide if you have a good lady. Probably also give you an insight to how future discussions about finance might go.

[puchooay]

1 minute ago, JBChiangRai said:

Most foreigners meet their prospective wives in a bar, a fact that is conveniently erased when they marry them and another type of meeting is invented.

 

You don't pay Sinsod to the parents of sex workers in bars.  You pay it based upon social standing, education level and being unsullied.

 

You don't pay it to the parents of previously married girls, nor do you pay it to unmarried girls with children, you can of course pay it in all of these circumstances if you're an idiot.

The biggest generalisation so far.

[Kenny202]

8 minutes ago, JBChiangRai said:

Most foreigners meet their prospective wives in a bar, a fact that is conveniently erased when they marry them and another type of meeting is invented.

 

You don't pay Sinsod to the parents of sex workers in bars.  You pay it based upon social standing, education level and being unsullied.

 

You don't pay it to the parents of previously married girls, nor do you pay it to unmarried girls with children, you can of course pay it in all of these circumstances if you're an idiot.

Blunt but unfortunately true appraisal. Done it myself without the sinsot. We initially get sucked in by the "no have choi, need support family" line, and the knight in shining armor comes to the rescue. No different to marrying a hopeless junkie hooker back home, buying her a home in her name, throwing money at her family and thinking "what could go wrong" ???????? lol. And the thai parents of these girls you just gave $xxxxx of dollars to must be thinking we are as stupid as a hookers parents sitting in a trailer park back home would ???????? 

Edited December 23, 2022 by Kenny202

[puchooay]

22 minutes ago, JBChiangRai said:

Most foreigners meet their prospective wives in a bar,

Maybe in the past but now, I believe, an outdated assumption.

 

My wife ran a catering business dedicated to supplying expats with western food. 95% of customers were expats.

 

We noticed a big upturn in customers around 2013/14. This coincided with the broadened availability of the internet. We also noticed a change in the occupation of expats wives. Quite a few teachers, nurses, government officials.

 

I believe a large %%% of expats now meet their partners/wives on the internet.

[FriendlyFarang]

1 hour ago, puchooay said:

Let hercexplain this to her parents. Explain you think the two of you should be deciding andcarranging wedding plans.

She did this already, and so the story continues.

After my girlfriend told her mom that we will arrange it ourselves, and because 250 guests don't fit at the house, we would hold the wedding instead at the temple, her mom said: "Why 250 people? Where should all these people come from? I would invite maybe 30 people, just family and a few neighbors."

Yesterday her mom said there would be 250 people when she tried to justify the cost of 500k, when we make it clear that we will organize it ourselves and won't just give money to her there are only 30... strange...

[ed strong]

2 hours ago, Kenny202 said:

Blunt but unfortunately true appraisal. Done it myself without the sinsot. We initially get sucked in by the "no have choi, need support family" line, and the knight in shining armor comes to the rescue. No different to marrying a hopeless junkie hooker back home, buying her a home in her name, throwing money at her family and thinking "what could go wrong" ???????? lol. And the thai parents of these girls you just gave $xxxxx of dollars to must be thinking we are as stupid as a hookers parents sitting in a trailer park back home would ???????? 

You cant compare western junkie hookers to Thai bar girls!

 

Ive enjoyed many thai bar girls but never have I, or would i think about going with a UK junkie hooker.

 

 

[NativeBob]

3 hours ago, JBChiangRai said:

Most foreigners meet their prospective wives in a bar, a fact that is conveniently erased when they marry them and another type of meeting is invented.

My most beloved subject: no she was not. no, she just started to help her family's buffalo that broke his leg. no, she worked at that venue as a cashier, not a boom-boom. no, she didn't get money for pooki-dooki, sake-sake and wanky-shmenky, she only comforted customers.

If I get 50 satang each time I got this "no, she wasn't" I would be rich ) 

Seriously - all good mannered, well educated and spoken ladies are married decent thai men long time ago. What's left is 

[puchooay]

33 minutes ago, NativeBob said:

My most beloved subject: no she was not. no, she just started to help her family's buffalo that broke his leg. no, she worked at that venue as a cashier, not a boom-boom. no, she didn't get money for pooki-dooki, sake-sake and wanky-shmenky, she only comforted customers.

If I get 50 satang each time I got this "no, she wasn't" I would be rich ) 

Seriously - all good mannered, well educated and spoken ladies are married decent thai men long time ago. What's left is 

Send my your bank account details. I'll send you 50 satang. My wife has never worked in any of the ways you have mentioned.

 

I could also list quite a few other guys I know as the same. I'm sure they'd all be pleased to forward you 50 satang too.

 

Why do people have to generalise so much?

[youreavinalaff]

2 minutes ago, puchooay said:

Why do people have to generalise so much?

Because they made the mistakes they talk about and just think (hope) everyone else did.

[Kenny202]

2 hours ago, FriendlyFarang said:

She did this already, and so the story continues.

After my girlfriend told her mom that we will arrange it ourselves, and because 250 guests don't fit at the house, we would hold the wedding instead at the temple, her mom said: "Why 250 people? Where should all these people come from? I would invite maybe 30 people, just family and a few neighbors."

Yesterday her mom said there would be 250 people when she tried to justify the cost of 500k, when we make it clear that we will organize it ourselves and won't just give money to her there are only 30... strange...

If your future wife is reasonable and she can deal with parents (and other family members) like this, you might be on a winner. The ones that are the problem are the ones that want you to "loan" everyone that asks to save her the perceived embarrassment of refusal or just wants to avoid confrontation and your money is the solution. The villagers will all be baiting her up...you have farang and if you not loan them money you kie neow (tight a$$) or husband kie nok (bird shet), not have money. You need a wife can see through this and strong enough to say no.

 

Word to the wise also. Not sure on your circumstances but would strongly recommend not living in the home village for at least 2 or 3 years until you get the lay of the land. Not sure on your girl background etc but a lot of temptations and history re gambling, old boy friends etc and you wont even know. People walking in and out day and night...particularly meal times. Family members "borrowing" things without asking.  She will probably be keen to build a home there but stand on your digs and put a bit of distance between you and them before you scope things out, at least initially

Edited December 23, 2022 by Kenny202

[Kenny202]

1 hour ago, ed strong said:

You cant compare western junkie hookers to Thai bar girls!

 

Ive enjoyed many thai bar girls but never have I, or would i think about going with a UK junkie hooker.

 

 

In reality probably not, but I am talking about the decision of living with / marrying one....not short time performance lol. Not always but odds are not in favor of a good life outcome with any sex worker

[Hummin]

To much single minded people in this world! 

 

There are decent good girls even In Pattaya, and Sin Sod is as much as just paying for the party and show he can take care.

 

Around us now the Thai couple start to share the cost (sin sod) and helping each other.