Child support and alimony

[Gottfrid]

[JWRC]

There are of course legal steps that you can take in trying to get some of the funds back. I do think you need to get your mind right, and stop saying me and mine because technically you own nothing. If you don't want to support the whole family then move to another country. Incidentially, I don't know anyone here Thai or otherwise who pays child support, I do know lots of couples who have split and the ones left with the children just have to manage.

[n00dle]

13 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

Comes from reading 65 books

glad you counted! 

that is quite the impressive list of octogenarians.

 

 i have had enough of your "facts" for today. 

[fredwiggy]

20 minutes ago, n00dle said:

Facts stand huh, I must have missed the part where you quoted your sources. 

Your dense walls of text are nothing but opinions. All i see is you telling other people how to live their lives despite your own failures. 

Smacks of narcissistic delusion to me.

I made a reply to help him because I've gone through a divorce more than once, and gotten custody. He's an adult and can make his decision based on this and other sources, some of which ARE opinions and biased. Failure is how you learn to be better, unless you ARE a true narcissist that controls others and thinks their way is the only way. I'm an empath, which is the opposite of a narcissist, and if you would research before replying, you would understand what a narcissist is, and their habits. I got custody of my children because with me they would have a better life, not as revenge as others do. You must try and read up on a subject before you reply. I'm trying to help here. You are making an opinion to try and build your ego up, and it's not working. Looking at a lot of your posts, it's plain to see this. When a man reads up on subjects to understand women batter, how to raise children better, and how to live better, it's not narcissism but a caring for someone else besides myself. Every relationship comes with problems, and they only way to fix them is to understand the other side, and to communicate with that side to get to a place where both win. Not one in control and the other miserable.

[fredwiggy]

3 minutes ago, n00dle said:

glad you counted! 

that is quite the impressive list of octogenarians.

 

 i have had enough of your "facts" for today. 

Guess you think that being older makes you senile? Sounds of ignorance and prejudice, or maybe jealousy. If you can't make a helpful reply here, better to go elsewhere.

[fredwiggy]

7 minutes ago, JWRC said:

There are of course legal steps that you can take in trying to get some of the funds back. I do think you need to get your mind right, and stop saying me and mine because technically you own nothing. If you don't want to support the whole family then move to another country. Incidentially, I don't know anyone here Thai or otherwise who pays child support, I do know lots of couples who have split and the ones left with the children just have to manage.

He is entitled to visitation and half of the marital assets. I, and a few other farangs I know, pay child support because I (we) wanted to be in our children's lives. A lot just leave when divorce happens here , and go back to their own countries. Child support is not enforced here for Thai males, which is one reason they keep on making more girls pregnant. No responsibility. Rinse and repeat, generation to generation, and it's the courts failures. In America, if you don't pay from age 1 to 18, you go to jail, like my ex  did when I took custody of our daughter. If that was enforced here, the population wouldn't be half as high as it is now, and kids would grow up a lot more secure.

[Lolothai]

1 hour ago, fredwiggy said:

A lot of women here leave once the boyfriend leaves and they give the kids to grandma to raise. Thailand leads the world in kids raised by grandparents and it's a big cause for problems for the kids later in life. Mine gave two away and will eventually, if not already, bet bored with my 6 year old, and I'll take her to the US for a much better life. She's a US citizen so it won't be a problem anyway. You should look into just going back to France with the kids, as it looks like she's more interested in the latest man than a family. Wanting her cake and eating it too sometimes isn't good for children. She's cheated so in my book she's out. Your 7 year old shouldn't be your best friend, nor at any age. You are the father, and have to be one. They need a father and not another friend. Like mentioned earlier, if you can prove infidelity, it will help with custody, and she might not fight it anyway. If a lawyer told you it's ok for her to be living with another man while she's still married, he's an idiot, find another. Staying with a woman that lies will only bring heartbreak for you, and teach the kids it's okay that mom does this. They need stability, not a lying, cheating, greedy mom. Raising a  child is hard enough in a divorce. Sex is great with her, while she's having it with a Thai man, who is most likely having it elsewhere, which is dangerous to you, isn't an excuse to stay. There are millions of women everywhere that are faithful, and that would appreciate a good, working man. Get proof now what she's doing. When you go for custody, you'll need everything you can get because of the bias here. Think of what you'll be teaching your kids if you allow this to continue as they age.

I said she is like my best friend, I thought it obvious that she is not, she is a kid, what I meant is that we are always together, I bring her to the water park, to the beach, to playground, read book for her, play and dance with her for her to keep feel some sort of family happiness. My "wife" was coming almost every week end for family trip so she has this too. It's not ideal, especially since she just spent a year in free school and I will do everything I can to avoid this, they really have a low education, the girls at 10 are already looking at men like wallet, my partner told me that she heard them speaking about having relation with older man for money etc, with all the details, I just can't picture it but I believe her by the way they behave. So really anything but free school for my daughter.

You are right about the danger of her having sex elsewhere, condom should do the trick, have to say right now I'm not very tempted, I will do more to let her feel we are a happy couple.

I'm not completely sure in which direction I should head but I will try to see how things are when she is there and how the kids feel, at least this way I'm with them. I can always have a gik when I get a better salary and eventually we will divorce, hopefully when the kids are old enough to choose with who they want to stay. It's a try anyway.

She won't let me come back to France and honestly I don't want to, it would be just perfect for them, we spent two month there at my father house in a beautiful village surrounded by mountain, everything there is wonderful and the kids were very happy in their school, even they could not speak French. The problem is that I'm completely depressed there, there is job but nothing compare to the career I can still make here, I could take care of garden or clean the street or work in mc donald but I really have a much better position and prospect where I am now.

She is not interested in her boyfriend, she is using him. It's even possible than in her twisted mind she thought to have good time with him and make a lot of money then come back with me. It's very strange, I feel like I'm her lover and if I wasn't so annoying about her lying and having relation with other men I would be perfect for her. However when she started with this guy and during the 2 first months she thought he was perfect, she was in love with him, fascinated by his power and money until the feeling wore off and then the money too. There is a lot of rebound in this story, when she thought she loves him she dump me like a <deleted> then when she realizes she wasn't in love she took me as a lover but she was obnoxious because she thought she was very rich. I dumped her and got a girlfriend for 2 months and my "wife" became jealous because I was starting to remake my life, new car, traveling everywhere so she blackmailed me to get back our daughter. Her jealousy was not out of love but because I got a very beautiful girlfriend and was enjoying nice week ends while she had to entertain a boyfriend that she despises (maybe not all the time). I wasn't in love with my girlfriend and still had feeling for my "wife" we came back together and I told her it would work as long she stopped with this guy too. I did stop with my girlfriend but she casually saw her boyfriend to get some extra income as she was in debt, note that she didn't ask me one bahts during all this time.

I'm not sure what she feels for me, at each break up (so many) she stop eating and sleeping, usually we come back together after a week and she is a bit slimmer (not in a healthy way).

The first few years I was proud she was my wife, she is good looking and you feel the envy in the eyes of others, something light but appreciable. Today I'm ashamed, when others look at her I'm just thinking that if they wanted and had the money she would go with them, even for a short time if they pay very well. She would simply think that as long as I don't know what's wrong?

So I'm not yet in position to remake my life, I invested everything I had in her, I have absolutely nothing except a car that I bought by credit. Even my job is not completely stable for now but I have good prospect.

Maybe I should just stop seeing her as my wife and just consider her as a partner. She keeps enjoying calling me my husband...

What a weird weird story, I would never have imagined it could be mine.

 

 

[Lolothai]

1 hour ago, Gottfrid said:

The whole thing or just the segment he is pointing with his stick?

[Lolothai]

1 hour ago, fredwiggy said:

Actually a former bodybuilder that still looks in my 40's at 66, and have worked out for 45 years, weight training and training others until I moved here 5 years ago. Still going to the gym weekly. Not a barstool philosopher by any means.

I'm 44 and working out too but I lost a lot of weight with depression, 12% fat, nothing bad but I don't feel as powerful as before. I have always been doing a lot of sport, muay thai mainly and gym. Congratulation for keeping working out at your age, I hope to be the same in 20 years.

Thanks for all your answers by the way.

I think it's difficult for people to accept or understand that others can have their reasons to do what they are doing, sometimes it's plain stupidity like the other guy explain with gif of the missing brain but sometimes it's a bit deeper than this.

Even with my annoying text wall answers I don't think I could manage to explain or justify my feelings.

Thanks anyway for your experience, many interesting points

[fredwiggy]

7 minutes ago, Lolothai said:

I said she is like my best friend, I thought it obvious that she is not, she is a kid, what I meant is that we are always together, I bring her to the water park, to the beach, to playground, read book for her, play and dance with her for her to keep feel some sort of family happiness. My "wife" was coming almost every week end for family trip so she has this too. It's not ideal, especially since she just spent a year in free school and I will do everything I can to avoid this, they really have a low education, the girls at 10 are already looking at men like wallet, my partner told me that she heard them speaking about having relation with older man for money etc, with all the details, I just can't picture it but I believe her by the way they behave. So really anything but free school for my daughter.

You are right about the danger of her having sex elsewhere, condom should do the trick, have to say right now I'm not very tempted, I will do more to let her feel we are a happy couple.

I'm not completely sure in which direction I should head but I will try to see how things are when she is there and how the kids feel, at least this way I'm with them. I can always have a gik when I get a better salary and eventually we will divorce, hopefully when the kids are old enough to choose with who they want to stay. It's a try anyway.

She won't let me come back to France and honestly I don't want to, it would be just perfect for them, we spent two month there at my father house in a beautiful village surrounded by mountain, everything there is wonderful and the kids were very happy in their school, even they could not speak French. The problem is that I'm completely depressed there, there is job but nothing compare to the career I can still make here, I could take care of garden or clean the street or work in mc donald but I really have a much better position and prospect where I am now.

She is not interested in her boyfriend, she is using him. It's even possible than in her twisted mind she thought to have good time with him and make a lot of money then come back with me. It's very strange, I feel like I'm her lover and if I wasn't so annoying about her lying and having relation with other men I would be perfect for her. However when she started with this guy and during the 2 first months she thought he was perfect, she was in love with him, fascinated by his power and money until the feeling wore off and then the money too. There is a lot of rebound in this story, when she thought she loves him she dump me like a <deleted> then when she realizes she wasn't in love she took me as a lover but she was obnoxious because she thought she was very rich. I dumped her and got a girlfriend for 2 months and my "wife" became jealous because I was starting to remake my life, new car, traveling everywhere so she blackmailed me to get back our daughter. Her jealousy was not out of love but because I got a very beautiful girlfriend and was enjoying nice week ends while she had to entertain a boyfriend that she despises (maybe not all the time). I wasn't in love with my girlfriend and still had feeling for my "wife" we came back together and I told her it would work as long she stopped with this guy too. I did stop with my girlfriend but she casually saw her boyfriend to get some extra income as she was in debt, note that she didn't ask me one bahts during all this time.

I'm not sure what she feels for me, at each break up (so many) she stop eating and sleeping, usually we come back together after a week and she is a bit slimmer (not in a healthy way).

The first few years I was proud she was my wife, she is good looking and you feel the envy in the eyes of others, something light but appreciable. Today I'm ashamed, when others look at her I'm just thinking that if they wanted and had the money she would go with them, even for a short time if they pay very well. She would simply think that as long as I don't know what's wrong?

So I'm not yet in position to remake my life, I invested everything I had in her, I have absolutely nothing except a car that I bought by credit. Even my job is not completely stable for now but I have good prospect.

Maybe I should just stop seeing her as my wife and just consider her as a partner. She keeps enjoying calling me my husband...

What a weird weird story, I would never have imagined it could be mine.

 

 

Leopards can't change their spots, and she has proven what she is. Kids seeing this kind of lifestyle, where farangs are looked at as walking ATM's, is not good for them and is one reason I will take mine to the US to live. Girls, especially those that don't have a college degree here, don't do well. Generations have ingrained of how women are looked at here, and I will not have that for my daughter. It's hard enough to find a good man anywhere. Here, it's extremely hard, unless you want to be a farmer's wife. Nothing wrong with that if that's what you want, but farming is a very hard way of life, and not what I want for my daughter. There are, if you're intending to stay here because of your not completely stable job, many good looking, young women who would love to have a man take care of them. In my case, when my wife left with my daughter, for the 4th time, she had help from a man here who was after her for awhile, while he was married. He posted that she was his wife while we were still married, and this was known, by facebook to others, what she was doing. I treated her with more love, respect, generosity, romance and care than she ever saw before, or since, and she still says I'm her husband forever. This, after I have a gf of over two years and I live in the house here I has built. This "man" hits her, is a drunk and smells bad, (that told to me by my daughter also). He hasn't laid a hand on my daughter, as I've told him, and my ex, if he does he won't walk again. Being part of a "threesome", with this other man, is dangerous to you, and a child's worst enemy is usually a man that isn't her family, meaning a boyfriend or stepdad, of course this doesn't mean all boyfriends or stepdads. There are quite a few women here that get money from husbands that live overseas and they have Thai boyfriends here. Pretty scummy yes, but it happens, and no one wins except the boyfriend, because he will eventually leave her anyway. A lot don't care, because they have that cash to buy things to impress their "girlfriends" , and the gold for others to see. A condom won't protect you from some drunk, jealous local who's bent on having you disappear. Your best bet is to do anything you can to get the kids away from this drama, and if that means leaving this country, that's what you need to do. I would be very surprised if she fights you on this, as kids are looked at differently here than in America, and I'm sure France also. A small village in France around your family is a lot better than being here, with all of what could happen to you or those kids. You might like it here, but remember what those kids will be seeing as they grow up here. Thailand can be okay, if you do what it takes to live a peaceful life for you and your kids.

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, fredwiggy said:

I made a reply to help him because I've gone through a divorce more than once

Thought you were a Christian?

I was a Christian, then my wife divorced me and I was no longer a Christian (divorce prohibited).

Guess life is easier for those with flexible morality.

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, n00dle said:

glad you counted! 
that is quite the impressive list of octogenarians.

i have had enough of your "facts" for today. 

Agreed!

My best advice to the OP, cut your losses, walk away, make more kids with a nicer woman. You're still young enough to do it.

Edited February 28, 2023 by BritManToo

[fredwiggy]

10 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Thought you were a Christian?

I was a Christian, then my wife divorced me and I was no longer a Christian (divorce prohibited).

Guess life is easier for those with flexible morality.

Divorce is necessary when one is married to a cheater, drug addicted or abuser. You don't leave because they upset you in some small way. Only reason for divorce is abuse, neglect or infidelity. Doesn't matter if you're a Christian or not. Some things can't be tolerated.

[fredwiggy]

14 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Agreed!

My best advice to the OP, cut your losses, walk away, make more kids with a nicer woman. You're still young enough to do it.

Good advice as long as he takes care of the kids he's already made. A father is just that. Any idiot can make a baby. It takes a parent to raise them. Kids need two parents to grow up okay.Divorce doesn't mean the kids are left out. Even more so, they need support so they can know sometimes people can't be together, but you don't use the kids as pawns or belittle the other for your own ego. The kids are part of both, even though one, or both parents might be totally disturbed. It's best you leave advice up to those that actually care about their children, and don't see them as baggage.

Edited February 28, 2023 by fredwiggy

[Lolothai]

18 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

Leopards can't change their spots, and she has proven what she is. Kids seeing this kind of lifestyle, where farangs are looked at as walking ATM's, is not good for them and is one reason I will take mine to the US to live. Girls, especially those that don't have a college degree here, don't do well. Generations have ingrained of how women are looked at here, and I will not have that for my daughter. It's hard enough to find a good man anywhere. Here, it's extremely hard, unless you want to be a farmer's wife. Nothing wrong with that if that's what you want, but farming is a very hard way of life, and not what I want for my daughter. There are, if you're intending to stay here because of your not completely stable job, many good looking, young women who would love to have a man take care of them. In my case, when my wife left with my daughter, for the 4th time, she had help from a man here who was after her for awhile, while he was married. He posted that she was his wife while we were still married, and this was known, by facebook to others, what she was doing. I treated her with more love, respect, generosity, romance and care than she ever saw before, or since, and she still says I'm her husband forever. This, after I have a gf of over two years and I live in the house here I has built. This "man" hits her, is a drunk and smells bad, (that told to me by my daughter also). He hasn't laid a hand on my daughter, as I've told him, and my ex, if he does he won't walk again. Being part of a "threesome", with this other man, is dangerous to you, and a child's worst enemy is usually a man that isn't her family, meaning a boyfriend or stepdad, of course this doesn't mean all boyfriends or stepdads. There are quite a few women here that get money from husbands that live overseas and they have Thai boyfriends here. Pretty scummy yes, but it happens, and no one wins except the boyfriend, because he will eventually leave her anyway. A lot don't care, because they have that cash to buy things to impress their "girlfriends" , and the gold for others to see. A condom won't protect you from some drunk, jealous local who's bent on having you disappear. Your best bet is to do anything you can to get the kids away from this drama, and if that means leaving this country, that's what you need to do. I would be very surprised if she fights you on this, as kids are looked at differently here than in America, and I'm sure France also. A small village in France around your family is a lot better than being here, with all of what could happen to you or those kids. You might like it here, but remember what those kids will be seeing as they grow up here. Thailand can be okay, if you do what it takes to live a peaceful life for you and your kids.

Very interesting, you are right on everything and obviously would be a very wise choice but it's without counting on emotion and feelings.

Was her boyfriend a thai guy? how long did you stay with your ex wife? how old is your daughter?

That's personal questions, I hope you are not offended about me asking, please skip them if it's too personal.

[BritManToo]

6 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

Divorce is necessary when one is married to a cheater, drug addicted or abuser. You don't leave because they upset you in some small way. Only reason for divorce is abuse, neglect or infidelity. Doesn't matter if you're a Christian or not. Some things can't be tolerated.

That's not what you said in your wedding vows.

[fredwiggy]

2 minutes ago, Lolothai said:

Very interesting, you are right on everything and obviously would be a very wise choice but it's without counting on emotion and feelings.

Was her boyfriend a thai guy? how long did you stay with your ex wife? how old is your daughter?

That's personal questions, I hope you are not offended about me asking, please skip them if it's too personal.

Bf is Thai, I was married for 6 years until I filed, and daughter is 6.

[fredwiggy]

Just now, BritManToo said:

That's not what you said in your wedding vows.

I didn't see you there. And God, if you believe in his laws, knows certain things can't be tolerated, like infidelity. It doesn't say anything about taking abuse, but to me, a woman, or man, should not stay with anyone if they are being taken advantage of and hurt.

[Lolothai]

1 minute ago, fredwiggy said:

I didn't see you there. And God, if you believe in his laws, knows certain things can't be tolerated, like infidelity. It doesn't say anything about taking abuse, but to me, a woman, or man, should not stay with anyone if they are being taken advantage of and hurt.

I'm will try to stay because the alternative is probably worse and technically I believe it's not yet the right time to leave. I have to work a lot on my feelings, emotion and also prepare a budget. I understand that she will never change, it's her nature to betray and lie, even when she thinks she loves.

[Lolothai]

19 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

Bf is Thai, I was married for 6 years until I filed, and daughter is 6.

So your story is quite similar to mine then, except the way you handled it

[fredwiggy]

3 minutes ago, Lolothai said:

So your story is quite similar to mine then, except the way you handled it

When she came back, we went to court,visitation was granted, and she lives near me. The bf came into the picture mainly after the divorce, and his habits came to light soon after. I'll be here awhile until I can set things up back home. That will take a couple years to do, and my daughter will still be very young.I will not see her drive a scooter here, as that's a pet peeve of mine, seeing so many young kids dying because their parents, or grandparents, which is the case so often, let them drive scooters, without helmets, by the time they're 8. And I can get her in school back home, where education is not weak like it is here.

[Lolothai]

7 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

When she came back, we went to court,visitation was granted, and she lives near me. The bf came into the picture mainly after the divorce, and his habits came to light soon after. I'll be here awhile until I can set things up back home. That will take a couple years to do, and my daughter will still be very young.I will not see her drive a scooter here, as that's a pet peeve of mine, seeing so many young kids dying because their parents, or grandparents, which is the case so often, let them drive scooters, without helmets, by the time they're 8. And I can get her in school back home, where education is not weak like it is here.

Very good plan, what about your current girlfriend? are you going to marry her and bring her back home too?

[fredwiggy]

1 minute ago, Lolothai said:

Very good plan, what about your current girlfriend? are you going to marry her and bring her back home too?

That's the plan

[Lolothai]

4 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

That's the plan

Congratulation

[fredwiggy]

4 minutes ago, Lolothai said:

Congratulation

Thanks, but it's going to take a  lot of planning, visiting back home, and dealing with other people to make it work. Think of those kids, and do what you think is best for their futures. Don't worry about your wife. She obviously isn't thinking of you or what's best for the children, so let that be your guide.

[Lolothai]

1 minute ago, fredwiggy said:

Thanks, but it's going to take a  lot of planning, visiting back home, and dealing with other people to make it work. Think of those kids, and do what you think is best for their futures. Don't worry about your wife. She obviously isn't thinking of you or what's best for the children, so let that be your guide.

I'm not doing anything for her really, I despise her, I have good moments with her but they feel more and more fake. She got punished by her own decisions, she didn't find happiness in any of the choices she made, our family suffered from her selfishness and she is learning nothing. Well it's not completely true, she is learning more and more how to manipulate men. I think she got SLE lupus, that could be her Karma, messing up her body and health, she doesn't deserve her beauty and it's a weapon she should not carry.

Since she left for this guy I sometimes hate her more than anything and sometimes believe she is not that bad or could change but I understand today that's her nature and she won't ever change.

I stay with her because I would not have enough for lawyers, my school kids and then paying child support which would actually be money for her and her boyfriend or family and nothing for my kids.

I will seduce her enough for her to be satisfied and let me time to strengthen myself by finding a better job.

The day my job is ok then I will explain her nicely that she could probably find more happiness with a rich old farang man, old because they are usually quiet or wiser and their emotion are less invasive, rich because she needs a lot to cover her family need and her own, farang because they accept much more, man well it doesn't matter she likes both...

I believe that if I approach in a very nice manner she would not mind and would accept a good deal, very favorable for her, she loves her kids it's just that she is making even worse decisions than mines.

Hopefully in a year or two, this way I could get a divorce where she could keep the house and everything as I would have enough to make my life. I could probably even get custody of one of my daughter as long as she feels we are in very good term.

That's my plan but it changes quite often. I'm worried that she feels how fake I am, she is much better than me at this game or she accept it less than I do.

[fredwiggy]

7 minutes ago, Lolothai said:

I'm not doing anything for her really, I despise her, I have good moments with her but they feel more and more fake. She got punished by her own decisions, she didn't find happiness in any of the choices she made, our family suffered from her selfishness and she is learning nothing. Well it's not completely true, she is learning more and more how to manipulate men. I think she got SLE lupus, that could be her Karma, messing up her body and health, she doesn't deserve her beauty and it's a weapon she should not carry.

Since she left for this guy I sometimes hate her more than anything and sometimes believe she is not that bad or could change but I understand today that's her nature and she won't ever change.

I stay with her because I would not have enough for lawyers, my school kids and then paying child support which would actually be money for her and her boyfriend or family and nothing for my kids.

I will seduce her enough for her to be satisfied and let me time to strengthen myself by finding a better job.

The day my job is ok then I will explain her nicely that she could probably find more happiness with a rich old farang man, old because they are usually quiet or wiser and their emotion are less invasive, rich because she needs a lot to cover her family need and her own, farang because they accept much more, man well it doesn't matter she likes both...

I believe that if I approach in a very nice manner she would not mind and would accept a good deal, very favorable for her, she loves her kids it's just that she is making even worse decisions than mines.

Hopefully in a year or two, this way I could get a divorce where she could keep the house and everything as I would have enough to make my life. I could probably even get custody of one of my daughter as long as she feels we are in very good term.

That's my plan but it changes quite often. I'm worried that she feels how fake I am, she is much better than me at this game or she accept it less than I do.

Karma always hits. Just takes some time. People usually cannot change, even if they want to, unless they see what their habits are doing to themselves and others and have a conscience. A woman that was brought up without a good father figure doesn't know how to relate to other men and usually will do what she sees being done around her. Here especially, more so than other countries, that means using for money, although that happens everywhere, in poorer countries it's a tactic that they think will give them a better life, or things. Make  your plan, and when the time is right, and you see that she's no longer interested in the kids, especially as they get older and are more of a "burden", then you can leave with them. You mentioned that she is living with this man, but then now ,you stay with her. Meaning you're still "with" her, but in separate houses? That's okay,and better if the girls can be with you more. Her looks can get her a man, at least for awhile, until they see her for what she is, and leave themselves. Some will tolerate that behavior, as long as they can have the woman themselves, but Std's are rampant here, and playing Russian roulette with a bar girl isn't anything besides dangerous. If she continues with this lifestyle, it will end up with her all alone, as her past and fading looks won't attract anyone but the most desperate. Losing a house doesn't compare with giving children a better way of life, and girls here have an uphill battle from the start, with only a few ending up with a good man and lifestyle. Renting a house, and making a deal that you get the kids at least on weekends, paying some support, figuring in your wages, is fine for now. You don't have to give her anything more. Let her choices bring about her karma, and live your life in more peace. I came here for peace, and didn't get it, but I'll be getting it eventually. I know you have feelings, and lust for her, but you'll never find that peace staying with this type of woman. My ex is beautiful, but a covert narcissist that was damaged from childhood, and took that into her adult relationships and how she looks at kids. And narcs, although they are damaged themselves, never change.

[Lolothai]

7 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

Karma always hits. Just takes some time. People usually cannot change, even if they want to, unless they see what their habits are doing to themselves and others and have a conscience. A woman that was brought up without a good father figure doesn't know how to relate to other men and usually will do what she sees being done around her. Here especially, more so than other countries, that means using for money, although that happens everywhere, in poorer countries it's a tactic that they think will give them a better life, or things. Make  your plan, and when the time is right, and you see that she's no longer interested in the kids, especially as they get older and are more of a "burden", then you can leave with them. You mentioned that she is living with this man, but then now ,you stay with her. Meaning you're still "with" her, but in separate houses? That's okay,and better if the girls can be with you more. Her looks can get her a man, at least for awhile, until they see her for what she is, and leave themselves. Some will tolerate that behavior, as long as they can have the woman themselves, but Std's are rampant here, and playing Russian roulette with a bar girl isn't anything besides dangerous. If she continues with this lifestyle, it will end up with her all alone, as her past and fading looks won't attract anyone but the most desperate. Losing a house doesn't compare with giving children a better way of life, and girls here have an uphill battle from the start, with only a few ending up with a good man and lifestyle. Renting a house, and making a deal that you get the kids at least on weekends, paying some support, figuring in your wages, is fine for now. You don't have to give her anything more. Let her choices bring about her karma, and live your life in more peace. I came here for peace, and didn't get it, but I'll be getting it eventually. I know you have feelings, and lust for her, but you'll never find that peace staying with this type of woman. My ex is beautiful, but a covert narcissist that was damaged from childhood, and took that into her adult relationships and how she looks at kids. And narcs, although they are damaged themselves, never change.

Right now she is living with him in our family house that I had to give up. She has our youngest daughter and I have the oldest.

I'm making a deal for her to come to live all together where I work, our two daughters she and me. I will give her 10 000 a month and she can work to get better income. It's a test and anyway for me it's temporary, as I said it's for me to have time to get better and separate in better condition, at least with money to pay lawyers. Now if by miracle she was becoming a good person then why not continue.

She will leave her boyfriend in 3 weeks or one month but I know they will keep contacting each others and she will probably use him when she go back to her house to take care or resource herself. Condom will become my best friend from now on.

You are right about feelings and lust, that's a weakness but I thought it was a good way to enjoy life before, I'm quite physical so these are the kind of things I enjoy.

It's quite clear now that I would never be happy as long as I'm with her. It will probably be even harder after, maybe a year or two being depressed and then start to be alive again.

[Etueno]

Wow the whole story sounds to ke like self destruction. You are throwing years away to live with somebody that will have multiple other partners with your own consent. Also for your daughters this is not the best life example they can get. Hope the best for you, only way is to terminate this, 'relation', but admit it can be hard. Good luck.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 2/27/2023 at 8:36 PM, Lolothai said:

how much could she asked me for alimony and child support?

Far as I know there is none of that American abomination of alimony in LOS, but you need to take care of the child you brought into the world.