It has come to my attention, that several members are being derelict in their Bedlam duties.

Newbies are sneaking in and running amok, an elephant escaped, food fights are being fought during the predertermined food fight times, our ICBM (inter cell ballistic missile) and air support systems were used to ante up in a poker game (OK, I won, but that's not the point; security was slack), and med supplies are being replaced with cut-up crayons.

Security must be bolstered. Kerryd cannot take care of every little thing. Raro and Mr BJ, birthday not withstanding, <deleted> is going on here? Some oldies must move up to security.

The new job postings for the week:

Rookie cowboy to muck cells (Cawbie is now on full-time air defense duties)

Helper for collecting fur for porkpie hats (new gel is bladdy useless)

Trolley pusher (pablum and mushy peas)

VP, corporate communications

Bookeeper (must know spreads for odds on a variety of businesses)

To apply: submit CV and Bt5,000 administration fee.

That is all.

VP, corporate communications

I'll do that one. Treat the fokkers like mushrooms i tell ya

BJ, how can we hire you for that when you cannot follow the instructions? CV and Bt5,000.

Jetty, that shows I'm a typical head of communications and ideal for the job. I don't read things

OK, how would you explain to the press than more idiots are breaking into Bedlam than breaking out?

I'd be unavailable for comment. They always are

Edit// Sorry, no comment.

Official statement:- "The VP of communications is away on holiday until all this blows over"

You missed a vital postion, Jetty, and one I'll happily fill - Meds Quality Assurance Manager.

You missed a vital postion, Jetty, and one I'll happily fill - Meds Quality Assurance Manager.

Well, since we're all being dispensed coloured crayon wedges these days, I don't see how it's gonna do any harm, except constipate your gastrointestinal system. No crayola farts in the wards! But go ahead. You don't get the keys to the cabinet, mind.

I think there should be a job "Occasional runner, kicker and screamer" (Part-time appointment, also possible to job share. Please remember Bedlam is not an equal ops employer.)

Please remember Bedlam is not an equal ops employer.

No, that would be madness.

I'm quite good at pillow fluffing ....... any positions?

Second thoughts, I'll just collect the empties, plastic, glass, tin, beer, wine, valium, prozac ..... it matters not, you get good money for empties around here.

Burn your own blister packs though

I'll start a "Doctor Dog" scheme (google it). Stroking & playing with the hounds will bring those stress levels right down - so less need for meds. Then Tip & I can have all the meds that aren't needed any longer. And it'll provide more fur for the hats. Whaddya think Jettie? BTW, I ain't paying 5,000bt for implementing an idea I came up with...

I will introduce my 'crap talking skills'

I used to be very good at it, and my time at the F.C. has honed it to a tee. I could learn some more though. In fact just now, I am lying in 27th place out of a field of 28.

we need a Bedlam employment officer now. Nobody applies for the posts on offer, just devises their own. Then we're gonna need CVic to set up computer programming. Let's just go back to the cart and interns: meds? book? diaper change? visit from mommy?

I want to be in charge of chasing all the little rodents that lurk at the bottom of the page.

( When I catch them. I'll hand them over to Richard Gere. That'll put a smile on his face and wipe the smirk off their's !!! )

I'll start a "Doctor Dog" scheme (google it). Stroking & playing with the hounds will bring those stress levels right down

I'm predicting many male members acquiring dog avatars.

Stroke a Wolf !!! Stroke a Wolf !!!

Can I be the official Grumpy Old Git that sits in the corner that everyone steers clear of, complete with twitchy eye, slightly musty smell and three day old eggstains on his tweed jacket. Every office must have one.

What would you have me do Gorgon?

Don't really have a great list of qualifications, but I'm a fast learner! I am very good at being obnoxious. Does this help my chances in any way?

If you give me some pointers, I'm sure I can carry tasks out dutifully.

Then again, unless you can guarantee some work satisfaction, whats the point?

Can you guarantee? If so lets talk money.

Blaster.

Can I be the official Grumpy Old Git that sits in the corner that everyone steers clear of, complete with twitchy eye, slightly musty smell and three day old eggstains on his tweed jacket. Every office must have one.

Hmmm.... we'll have to fire Raro then

I thought he was the office clown?

That would be Kayo.

I thought he was the office clown?

That's Kayo. Raro is only covering during his LOA.

I hold overwhelming skills and experience in the field of flock all. There's room for me in any huge multinational.

If you look like your avatar, you can be our male model.

Jet says the rest of us are pug ugly.

I gotta call a board meeting to deal with fthis sh*t. NO back-dated stock options. No golden poop chutes. No free postits, clips or RW DVDs.

You know Bendix, those corner office guys die and nobody notices until they start leaking.

Blaster, you had a job already -- the elevator music. Prob is, we don't have an elevator. Make something up.

I gotta design a birthday card for my sis now that shows how much I love her and yet denigrates the couch slouch git she lives with, so let's adjourn until tomorrow. Unless you bright lights have any ideas for me.

Do the Dog thing, NR. Anything with dogs is fine by me. Just keep them away from the git corner.

Insight, pick any exec position you want and I'll back you for it.

Blaster, you had a job already -- the elevator music. Prob is, we don't have an elevator.

That's why I don't go to the visa forums much. Too many bloody stairs.

I'll be first aid officer, specialising in gynacology. I've no previous experiance, but i'll have a good look anyways to be on the safe side.

Not sure how the current CEO of Bedlam attained the position, perhaps longivity, but I think what the place most needs is a hostile take-over bid and a new broom to give it a shake up and force the stocks higher.

It's grown a little familiar in the market place and punters are deserting in droves. Bankrupcy, or worse, irrelevence, looms.

Likely forum merges may include the Pattaya forum - sure to rock Bedlam to it's socks!

Or perhaps the Ladies home which would guarantee decorum, respect, and new pink curtains.

Staffing issues, and indeed job titles, could be decided when the new crew take over.

I thought he was the office clown?

That's Kayo. Raro is only covering during his LOA.

We, the BSB, protest vehemntly against the above statements.

In fact, we are here to maintain peace and order in Bedlam.

As long as the BSB is looking after the Bedlam members and gives newbies a guiding hand, no harm will be done.

We identified Jet's "Career Opportunities" as a scam and will confiscate any 5,000 Baht "submission fees" and punish her with 2 weeks of loo cleaning. Now you understand how important we are for Bedlam.

Love the BSB as much as the BSB loves you!

raro

chairman of the BSB