Popular Post ASEANTraveler Posted July 18, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted July 18, 2023 So, the rules of the “dating” game are clearly different here in Thailand. I need some advice on how to handle a situation that keeps occurring to me. Here’s what is happening: Me: age 46, based in Thailand, not a bad looking guy, I come across as polite and a gentlemen (which is mostly accurate). I personally do not drink alcohol or go to bars, but I do meet a variety of Thai women when out and about. Examples include: An Accountant, age 36 Hair Salon Owner, age 42 Dental Assistant, age 37 Retail Worker At A Mall, Age 43 When I meet these women, if I have a nice little conversation with them, I always invite them to dinner. This is usually fairly quickly…often during our initial conversation or after a short second conversation. I enjoy the company of a woman for dinner and always happily pay for our meals. Dinner usually turns into a walk around the night market, a park, etc., some dessert, and more conversation into the evening. I have made it a point to avoid sexual relations with the these women. There has been some going back to my place and “snuggling”/“touching,” but no sex — so I am not using the women for sex. The dinner dates have been great: laughing, smiling, good conversation to the extent possible given the language barrier. I think the woman have enjoyed the evenings as much as I have. NOW comes the challenge. These women seem to get “very attached” after just one date. They say things like “will I see you tomorrow.” They text me on LINE, etc. I genuinely enjoy the dinner dates with each woman. I would like to continue to take them out to dinner. However, I definitely DO NOT consider them “girlfriends” right away as they seem to want, imply, and act. I want to handle the situation in a dignified manner that does not unnecessarily hurt anyone’s feeling. So, how do I handle this is Thailand? 1 2 2 18 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scubascuba3 Posted July 18, 2023 Share Posted July 18, 2023 Maybe don't date so many at the same time, date one, see if it goes anywhere, if not move to the next and repeat 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Berkshire Posted July 18, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted July 18, 2023 4 minutes ago, ASEANTraveler said: NOW comes the challenge. These women seem to get “very attached” after just one date. They say things like “will I see you tomorrow.” They text me on LINE, etc. This happens to many of us. But it's not about us being "special" or being the 2nd coming of Brad Pitt. It's more about the women themselves. "Very attached" is almost synonymous with being desperate. These are all older women that you're dating. They're past their prime and are ready to settle with almost anyone with means. Are you looking for a GF or future wife? If you're just dating for fun, I'd recommend a young hottie in her early twenties. She won't get attached to you. 11 1 1 9 2 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ASEANTraveler Posted July 18, 2023 Author Share Posted July 18, 2023 2 minutes ago, scubascuba3 said: Maybe don't date so many at the same time, date one, see if it goes anywhere, if not move to the next and repeat A fair comment and appreciated. However, even if you “date” just one at a time, they still all “act/imply/nudge” toward girlfriend status after just one date. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post DaLa Posted July 18, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted July 18, 2023 I don't know whether sympathy is in order or congratulations. I don't have any advice either even though I've encountered the same issue. One lady started mentioning the word 'marriage' on the first day. I could be pleased that I come across as a decent person, but also sad to see that maybe there's a pot of desperation for some of these women. 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Hanaguma Posted July 18, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted July 18, 2023 3 minutes ago, Berkshire said: This happens to many of us. But it's not about us being "special" or being the 2nd coming of Brad Pitt. It's more about the women themselves. "Very attached" is almost synonymous with being desperate. These are all older women that you're dating. They're past their prime and are ready to settle with almost anyone with means. Are you looking for a GF or future wife? If you're just dating for fun, I'd recommend a young hottie in her early twenties. She won't get attached to you. I think this may be sage wisdom. The ladies aren't looking for "Mr. Right", they are looking for "Mr. Right Now". The bio clock is ticking, or maybe they already have a kid or three back in Isaan with the grands. For whatever reason, time is of the essence for them. 6 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post JeffersLos Posted July 18, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted July 18, 2023 (edited) 16 minutes ago, ASEANTraveler said: So, how do I handle this is Thailand? The first 24 hours are vital. It entails: Sh ag. Block. Next. Edited July 18, 2023 by JeffersLos 3 2 3 1 2 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scubascuba3 Posted July 18, 2023 Share Posted July 18, 2023 8 minutes ago, ASEANTraveler said: A fair comment and appreciated. However, even if you “date” just one at a time, they still all “act/imply/nudge” toward girlfriend status after just one date. Yep probably because not many decent farang out there, not much you can do about that, maybe be ruthless, if you don't like enough just move on quickly 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ASEANTraveler Posted July 18, 2023 Author Share Posted July 18, 2023 7 minutes ago, Berkshire said: This happens to many of us. But it's not about us being "special" or being the 2nd coming of Brad Pitt. It's more about the women themselves. "Very attached" is almost synonymous with being desperate. These are all older women that you're dating. They're past their prime and are ready to settle with almost anyone with means. Are you looking for a GF or future wife? If you're just dating for fun, I'd recommend a young hottie in her early twenties. She won't get attached to you. You know..I am “open” to the idea of a GF, but that takes time to develop organically. Same as in my country, I have to date/get to know a woman for 2-3 months before going down the road of “okay, I want to be more serious with this woman.” Here - seems second “date” and they think you are looking for something permanent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Berkshire Posted July 18, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted July 18, 2023 2 minutes ago, ASEANTraveler said: You know..I am “open” to the idea of a GF, but that takes time to develop organically. Same as in my country, I have to date/get to know a woman for 2-3 months before going down the road of “okay, I want to be more serious with this woman.” Here - seems second “date” and they think you are looking for something permanent. Did these women approach you or did you approach them (to ask out on a date)? If you approached them, they can be of the belief that you're interested in them for a relationship. That's not unreasonable. Perhaps you should only date women that you think have the potential to be long term. That way, you might appreciate them becoming "attached" to you. 8 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Trippy Posted July 18, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted July 18, 2023 That's the way it is here. If you have dinner, just the 2 of you, it's assumed that you're interested in a romantic way. If you go out in a group, there isn't the same assumption. It's on you to adjust to the Thai way in Thailand, not the other way around. 3 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ASEANTraveler Posted July 18, 2023 Author Popular Post Share Posted July 18, 2023 (edited) 37 minutes ago, Berkshire said: This happens to many of us. But it's not about us being "special" or being the 2nd coming of Brad Pitt. It's more about the women themselves. "Very attached" is almost synonymous with being desperate. These are all older women that you're dating. They're past their prime and are ready to settle with almost anyone with means. Are you looking for a GF or future wife? If you're just dating for fun, I'd recommend a young hottie in her early twenties. She won't get attached to you. No women in their 20s, TYVM! This dynamic about being “past their prime” in Thailand if they are mid 30s or whatever is a strange one to me. These women I meet are attractive ladies: slim, long healthy hair, no tattoos, nice smooth skin, eat right, don’t smoke/drink, dressed feminine and look great. Edited July 18, 2023 by ASEANTraveler Typo 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post CG1 Blue Posted July 18, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted July 18, 2023 42 minutes ago, ASEANTraveler said: I genuinely enjoy the dinner dates with each woman. I would like to continue to take them out to dinner. However, I definitely DO NOT consider them “girlfriends” right away as they seem to want, imply, and act. I want to handle the situation in a dignified manner that does not unnecessarily hurt anyone’s feeling. Tell them you're gay? You can always come out as straight later down the line, if you decide you like one of them 1 1 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post JayClay Posted July 18, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted July 18, 2023 50 minutes ago, ASEANTraveler said: They say things like “will I see you tomorrow.” They text me on LINE Obsessive behaviour if I ever did hear it... 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post freedomnow Posted July 18, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted July 18, 2023 Too many chicks into me - get me out of here. 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post FruitPudding Posted July 18, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted July 18, 2023 Drop 1000 baht on the floor. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FruitPudding Posted July 18, 2023 Share Posted July 18, 2023 27 minutes ago, Trippy said: It's on you to adjust to the Thai way in Thailand, not the other way around. Nah, if she is looking for a farang, she can adjust too. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FruitPudding Posted July 18, 2023 Share Posted July 18, 2023 56 minutes ago, ASEANTraveler said: So, how do I handle this is Thailand? I find if you don't reply to their Line message, they start acting crazy and immature within an hour or so. Then, you say, "Bye"???? 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lacessit Posted July 18, 2023 Share Posted July 18, 2023 This is par for the course in Thailand. Thai women know when they get to age 60, for the most part they can look forward to a government pension of 600 baht/month. They also know farangs, even retired ones, are much more financial than they will ever be. It's the luck of the draw, one either gets one that will take good care of you in return for support, or one that tries to take you for as much as they can gouge. You may encounter one that you feel is worth more investment of your time. Otherwise, withdraw after one or two dates. Block your phone. Good luck. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ASEANTraveler Posted July 18, 2023 Author Popular Post Share Posted July 18, 2023 2 minutes ago, JayClay said: Obsessive behaviour if I ever did hear it... You’re right. It is. I would be “open” to the idea of a potential relationship (down the road) with any of these woman. I would not have asked them out to dinner in the first place if I thought they were not “possibilities.” But the whole process of “dating” — effectively getting to know each other BEFORE commitment — is what I am struggling with here in Thailand. It’s like the “let’s see if we are compatible” phase is missing. Going out with a lady 5-8-10 times BEFORE you make her a girlfriend seems important to me. How does she react to different situations? What are her interests? How does she react and solve a small disagreement? Is she even tempered? Does she seem responsible with money? Do we have a shared sense of humor? And on and on…. 1 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Celsius Posted July 18, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted July 18, 2023 They are attached to Farang wallet. 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kwasaki Posted July 18, 2023 Share Posted July 18, 2023 https://images.app.goo.gl/ePYeMinC6Aa6eZ1L8 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JayClay Posted July 18, 2023 Share Posted July 18, 2023 26 minutes ago, ASEANTraveler said: You’re right. It is. No, asking if they'll see you tomorrow and sending some messages via Line is not obsessive behaviour. Unless there's more to what they're doing than you actually describe, I suggest your two options are either put up with it or stop dating. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orchis Posted July 18, 2023 Share Posted July 18, 2023 avoid creating expectations. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BE88 Posted July 18, 2023 Share Posted July 18, 2023 46 minutes ago, ASEANTraveler said: You’re right. It is. I would be “open” to the idea of a potential relationship (down the road) with any of these woman. I would not have asked them out to dinner in the first place if I thought they were not “possibilities.” But the whole process of “dating” — effectively getting to know each other BEFORE commitment — is what I am struggling with here in Thailand. It’s like the “let’s see if we are compatible” phase is missing. Going out with a lady 5-8-10 times BEFORE you make her a girlfriend seems important to me. How does she react to different situations? What are her interests? How does she react and solve a small disagreement? Is she even tempered? Does she seem responsible with money? Do we have a shared sense of humor? And on and on…. What you write is the right complement, it's not because you're in Thailand you have to change your approach, keep going until you find the one that really interests you. And forget it without a second thought to those who just want a farang ATM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Kwasaki Posted July 18, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted July 18, 2023 9 minutes ago, orchis said: avoid creating expectations. Or ask mummy. ???? 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Sticky Rice Balls Posted July 18, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted July 18, 2023 I suspect you took them to KFC..hence the attachment and messaging you ???? If you take me to KFC I may be tempted also to text bomb you! can i get the cole slaw too? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hummin Posted July 18, 2023 Share Posted July 18, 2023 1 hour ago, ASEANTraveler said: So, the rules of the “dating” game are clearly different here in Thailand. I need some advice on how to handle a situation that keeps occurring to me. Here’s what is happening: Me: age 46, based in Thailand, not a bad looking guy, I come across as polite and a gentlemen (which is mostly accurate). I personally do not drink alcohol or go to bars, but I do meet a variety of Thai women when out and about. Examples include: An Accountant, age 36 Hair Salon Owner, age 42 Dental Assistant, age 37 Retail Worker At A Mall, Age 43 When I meet these women, if I have a nice little conversation with them, I always invite them to dinner. This is usually fairly quickly…often during our initial conversation or after a short second conversation. I enjoy the company of a woman for dinner and always happily pay for our meals. Dinner usually turns into a walk around the night market, a park, etc., some dessert, and more conversation into the evening. I have made it a point to avoid sexual relations with the these women. There has been some going back to my place and “snuggling”/“touching,” but no sex — so I am not using the women for sex. The dinner dates have been great: laughing, smiling, good conversation to the extent possible given the language barrier. I think the woman have enjoyed the evenings as much as I have. NOW comes the challenge. These women seem to get “very attached” after just one date. They say things like “will I see you tomorrow.” They text me on LINE, etc. I genuinely enjoy the dinner dates with each woman. I would like to continue to take them out to dinner. However, I definitely DO NOT consider them “girlfriends” right away as they seem to want, imply, and act. I want to handle the situation in a dignified manner that does not unnecessarily hurt anyone’s feeling. So, how do I handle this is Thailand? Easy solution, play date game with pro's problem solved, even they play attached, you know and they know the game. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ASEANTraveler Posted July 18, 2023 Author Share Posted July 18, 2023 13 minutes ago, JayClay said: No, asking if they'll see you tomorrow and sending some messages via Line is not obsessive behaviour. Unless there's more to what they're doing than you actually describe, I suggest your two options are either put up with it or stop dating. Just to be clear…as I said in my original post: “I want to handle the situation in a dignified manner that does not unnecessarily hurt anyone’s feelings.” It is not that I am annoyed with any of these women’s behavior. I am somewhat confused by them, but not angry or annoyed. Bottom line: I just don’t know how to communicate to these women that hey: “you are an attractive lady, I had a nice evening with you, and I would like to do it again to get to know you better and see if we are compatible. (But FYI — you are NOT a girlfriend)” That is the message I want them to hear, but (either because of cultural issues or I am saying it wrong), it does not seem to be what they are hearing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sticky Rice Balls Posted July 18, 2023 Share Posted July 18, 2023 1 minute ago, Kwasaki said: Or ask mummy. ???? Id ask Dracula as well...or Count Chocula.... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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