American man faces dilemma as Thai girlfriend’s parents demand 1 million baht dowry

[thaibeachlovers]

10 hours ago, MPoll said:

The brides father “gives” her away as if she is property.

That dates back to when western women were the property of men- the wife became her husband's property, their daughter his property till he "gave her away" to another man.

[thaibeachlovers]

11 hours ago, MPoll said:

Is it all about money? If you are going to marry into a Thai family and live in Thailand then get used to money being a part of the vast complications that go along with the concept of “Face”. In any case, when have western marriages not been about money? You won’t even get a date with her if you make less money than her much less get married. Money figures into the high divorce rate in the US and the divorce settlement. 

Everything is about money. One can not live on sunshine and moon beams.

 

However, it is not true that a farang having married into a Thai family is obligated to give any of them money. That is BS promoted by greedy Thais and foolish farangs. That that is not true is proven by the fact that many farangs do NOT give money to their married into families, and do not suffer for not doing so.

[thaibeachlovers]

11 hours ago, MPoll said:

I paid a sin sod of 100k and 100k for the Thai wedding. The village wedding was fascinating, moving, and beautiful and well worth 200k. I don’t care what the sin sod is for or what it means and I can’t imagine what a similar wedding in the US would cost. My first wedding in the US in 1980 probably cost more. For that wedding my fiancé and I paid for it ourselves so our parents wouldn’t be involved with the wedding plans.

It must be nice to be rich, but to expect everyone to be able to spend money as lavishly as you do is ridiculous.

[thaibeachlovers]

double post

Edited September 16, 2023 by thaibeachlovers

[quake]

On 9/16/2023 at 4:21 AM, Reginald Prewster said:

I was living 2002 - 2020 in Pattaya but in the beach road gogo bars and walking street I must have been less than 20 times. 

Only when I had to bring out a customer for a job interview or if friends came for vacation. 

I used to have my beers in Pattaya Darkside... until I moved to Isaan

Ok.

No worries. my mistake.

[Felton Jarvis]

A woman I once planned to marry tried to rip me for sinsod, even though she was divorced and had two daughters. She thought I was stupid enough or rich enough to fall for that. Obviously we didn’t get married. She ended up skipping out of the country and now lives in Germany with her intended husband. Her daughters live with the sister of her former husband. Definitely a screwed-up affair.

[JBChiangRai]

4 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Are you being obtuse on purpose?

The post I quoted was referring to weddings in the USA.

If you keep on being insulting it'll be off to the ignore list with you.

Oh sorry, I didn’t realise you had gone “off-topic”, this thread is about an American in Thailand wanting to marry an Isaan girl.

[thaibeachlovers]

26 minutes ago, JBChiangRai said:

Oh sorry, I didn’t realise you had gone “off-topic”, this thread is about an American in Thailand wanting to marry an Isaan girl.

It is but you made an insulting comment which wasn't even based on what I was responding to. I guess you just like insulting other posters.

[owl sees all]

Just hand over the dosh. Americans have so much money. Thailand needs all the money it can get. And she is a special Isaan lady.

 

Spread it around; why don't you? Money is round to go round.

[EVENKEEL]

5 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

It must be nice to be rich, but to expect everyone to be able to spend money as lavishly as you do is ridiculous.

While I'm not married, I've been with same lady 15 yrs, have a kid. 200K baht is a small amount of money. I paid that much almost for the house party we had. A live band on stage in the rice paddy. A truly epic affair. Lasted 3 days, one to set up, one for party and one for clean up. 

 

If resources are limited then why even think of marriage.  If paying a bit of money is a challenge then stay single and enjoy the bar ladies.

[JBChiangRai]

21 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

It is but you made an insulting comment which wasn't even based on what I was responding to. I guess you just like insulting other posters.

I used the same phrase you used to me prior.

[thaibeachlovers]

15 minutes ago, JBChiangRai said:

I used the same phrase you used to me prior.

I just looked through all 16 pages and I do not see where I used an insulting phrase on you. Perhaps you can quote me saying such.

[JBChiangRai]

3 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

I just looked through all 16 pages and I do not see where I used an insulting phrase on you. Perhaps you can quote me saying such.

This was your post, I don’t go around, insulting, posters, only when they insult me

 

LOL, LOL, LOL.

It's nowhere REQUIRED to have a typical Thai wedding, I didn't. We went to the amphur signed the paper, got a copy each and went back home.

Didn't even have a village ceremony when we went to live there.

 

Try again.

[thaibeachlovers]

2 minutes ago, JBChiangRai said:

This was your post, I don’t go around, insulting, posters, only when they insult me

 

 

LOL, LOL, LOL.

It's nowhere REQUIRED to have a typical Thai wedding, I didn't. We went to the amphur signed the paper, got a copy each and went back home.

Didn't even have a village ceremony when we went to live there.

 

Try again.

Nothing insulting about that post.

 

Off to the ignore list I think.

[JBChiangRai]

8 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Nothing insulting about that post.

 

Off to the ignore list I think.

You don’t think saying “Try again” is insulting? At the very least it’s passive aggressive.

 

if I am on your ignore list, then I will consider that as a badge of honour.

[quake]

1 hour ago, JBChiangRai said:

I don’t go around, insulting, posters, only when they insult me

 

On 9/15/2023 at 12:57 PM, JBChiangRai said:

Don’t be an idiot

Oh dear, Pants on fire. 

 

 

Edited September 17, 2023 by quake

[Cult of the Sun]

On 9/13/2023 at 7:09 AM, Trippy said:

He loves her very much, but not a million baht worth.  Too funny. 

I don't get this comment.  The female has no agency here? Are we to all assume it's just prostitution for her & love for him? Is that how this poster lives their life? 

 

Let's reverse engineer the statement.

 

 She loves him very much, but not enough to marry him without getting paid and half going to her pimps.

[transam]

2 minutes ago, Cult of the Sun said:

I don't get this comment.  The female has no agency here? Are we to all assume it's just prostitution for her & love for him? Is that how this poster lives their life? 

 

Let's reverse engineer the statement.

 

 She loves him very much, but not enough to marry him without getting paid and half going to her pimps.

The parents get paid and usually give it back in one form or another.....????

 

Back to your Sun and followers, chap..............????

[youreavinalaff]

Dowry should not be between in-laws and the groom. It should be between all parties.

 

The question has to be asked, does she love him? If she does, she should either speak to her parents about the amount, just tell them nothing will be paid and go ahead or just tell them they'll live together and sign names in the registry office, NO PARTY. All of which should get a result.

 

If the bride to be won't do any of the above, well.............................

[transam]

1 minute ago, youreavinalaff said:

Dowry should not be between in-laws and the groom. It should be between all parties.

 

The question has to be asked, does she love him? If she does, she should either speak to her parents about the amount, just tell them nothing will be paid and go ahead or just tell them they'll live together and sign names in the registry office, NO PARTY. All of which should get a result.

 

If the bride to be won't do any of the above, well.............................

I have found with nice Thai folk, the mum & dad rule, respected, so it is difficult to say what should or not be said regarding their daughters expected future.............????

[Cult of the Sun]

On 9/15/2023 at 12:09 AM, JBChiangRai said:

True legally, but in reality almost all Thais will abide by their parents. If they don’t it would ring alarm bells with me.

A grown adult woman not allowing her parents to run her life would ring alarm bells with you?  When you meet men who make their own decisions, are you equally as alarmed or is it only women you see as children for life? ????

[Cult of the Sun]

13 minutes ago, transam said:

The parents get paid and usually give it back in one form or another.....????

 

Back to your Sun and followers, chap..............????

The article clearly states they are keeping half 'for safe keeping'..   Safe keeping until they spend it?    I guess you want to spin this how you see fit. How much did you pay the p1mps?  If the money goes right back to the couple, which is clearly not the case here, why bother doing it then?

[youreavinalaff]

Just now, transam said:

I have found with nice Thai folk, the mum & dad rule, respected, so it is difficult to say what should or not be said regarding their daughters expected future.............????

My point is, if the bride to be truly loves the guy, she will have a bit of a haggle. 

 

My wife did exactly that. Nicely and fairly. It was agreed a village party would be wasting money that could be spent on more important things at a later date.

 

We've been married 23 years. I have a very good relationship with in laws and my wife and I have the freedom to spend on what and where we want. As apposed to others who sow the seeds by paying big dowry.

[Cult of the Sun]

5 minutes ago, transam said:

I have found with nice Thai folk, the mum & dad rule, respected, so it is difficult to say what should or not be said regarding their daughters expected future.............????

'Nice' people ask for bribes?  Nice people pimp their daughters?   What about them makes them nice?

[transam]

Just now, Cult of the Sun said:

The article clearly states they are keeping half 'for safe keeping'..   Safe keeping until they spend it?    I guess you want to spin this how you see fit. How much did you pay the p1mps?  If the money goes right back to the couple, which is clearly not the case here, why bother doing it then?

You are guessing, because you have a suspicious mind.....

 

You obviously know nothing about the tradition, I do...????

 

Back to the cult chap..............????

 

 

[Cult of the Sun]

4 minutes ago, transam said:

You are guessing, because you have a suspicious mind.....

 

You obviously know nothing about the tradition, I do...????

 

Back to the cult chap..............????

 

 

Welcome as the first to my ignore list. Your dismissive attitude comes off as feminine. Are you dismissed by your wife & other family members a lot?

Edited September 17, 2023 by Cult of the Sun

[transam]

Just now, Cult of the Sun said:

'Nice' people ask for bribes?  Nice people pimp their daughters?   What about them makes them nice?

You are a totally confused cult member.........Reminds me of Waco, or was it whacko................

[transam]

Just now, Cult of the Sun said:

Welcome to my ignore list. Your dismissive attitude comes off as feminine. Are you dismissed by your wife & other family members a lot?

No, but a cult might.................????

[JBChiangRai]

30 minutes ago, Cult of the Sun said:

A grown adult woman not allowing her parents to run her life would ring alarm bells with you?  When you meet men who make their own decisions, are you equally as alarmed or is it only women you see as children for life? ????

I didn’t say that, and yes son or daughter equally, the culture here is to honour your parents.  That doesn’t mean they make decisions for you, but it does ring alarm bells with me if they disrespect their parents wishes, certainly I would want to know why.

[Hummin]

29 minutes ago, Cult of the Sun said:

The article clearly states they are keeping half 'for safe keeping'..   Safe keeping until they spend it?    I guess you want to spin this how you see fit. How much did you pay the p1mps?  If the money goes right back to the couple, which is clearly not the case here, why bother doing it then?

Does it say anything about who is paying for the wedding?