Family Remmitance

[GinBoy2]

When my wife went to work on the local AFB, she attended an orientation session, and the question was asked 'why do you want to work here'

 

She answered to 'send money to help family'

 

I already got that, and to this day she still sends money back to Thailand every month,.

 

But I wonder how many farang husbands don't get that this is a big thing in their culture

[sidjameson]

Did you pay sinsod?

Just asking because it seems a bit rich that when in Thailand Mr Farang is often asked to follow Thai culture but when Mrs Thai is in his country the Thai family often expect her to follow Thai culture too.

Rather a bit one sided, bit like colonialism in reverse.

[Morch]

59 minutes ago, GinBoy2 said:

When my wife went to work on the local AFB, she attended an orientation session, and the question was asked 'why do you want to work here'

 

She answered to 'send money to help family'

 

I already got that, and to this day she still sends money back to Thailand every month,.

 

But I wonder how many farang husbands don't get that this is a big thing in their culture

 

Guess it might have something to do with economic circumstances.

Say, if the foreigner husband is poor, doesn't make much, health issues etc.

Then the expectation would be to pull resources together.

 

If there's more than enough, and the Mrs. income is a side-show, maybe a non-issue.

 

[brianthainess]

1 hour ago, GinBoy2 said:

She answered to 'send money to help family'

Most do and some still have kids here.

[surreybloke]

I find it quite shocking just how little educated thais actually earn   .    School teachers, public servants and alike.    Mr Farang arrives in village for retirement then builds a house .   Farang dies 10 years later   say late sixties.    Mrs Thai gets some of farang occupational pension and his savings  and maybe  assetts in the west.    Other women must  look at this and think did I pick the right husband.  

 

But look at this as an example.    Two thai children grow up.   One goes abroad to work maybe marry foreigner.   The other stays behind looks after parents and farm.     Does the one who left owe anything to the one who stayed ? 

[it is what it is]

1 hour ago, GinBoy2 said:

When my wife went to work on the local AFB, she attended an orientation session, and the question was asked 'why do you want to work here'

 

She answered to 'send money to help family'

 

I already got that, and to this day she still sends money back to Thailand every month,.

 

But I wonder how many farang husbands don't get that this is a big thing in their culture

 

maybe because, like me, they date educated women with decent jobs, condos and cars, who don't need to send money to their families... just saying, not all foreigners target, date and marry the low class, low educated women here

[1FinickyOne]

I am a regular contributor for over 20 years... my wife has a big family and everyone helps each other - - we have several visiting now. 

[bunnydrops]

When I moved here around 14 years ago, my wifes' sister gave me her truck to use for a year. She wouldn't let me pay for the upkeep and she had new tires put on. When I built my house her four brothers helped with labor for free. It's not always one-sided. Now, the twin daughters of one of my wife's sisters are going to the university. I pay for  one of the dorm rooms (Although it is two to a room, the U won't let them room together???). One brother pays for the other, one bought them MB to use. It is one of the Thai customs that the west lacks. Everyone pitches in to help.

Edited December 8, 2023 by bunnydrops
addition

[GinBoy2]

My wife is a bit of an oddity.

 

Her parents both died young, and her and four other siblings were farmed out to relatives.

 

My wife got lucky and went to live with her aunt and uncle in Chicago, where she grew up and went to college.

 

So she ended up with good jobs as an engineer, but the other four not so lucky.

 

So she's always considered it's her responsibility as the eldest to help her brother and sisters who didn't have the opportunities she had.

 

That's not so common in Western culture

Edited December 8, 2023 by GinBoy2

[Presnock]

17 hours ago, GinBoy2 said:

When my wife went to work on the local AFB, she attended an orientation session, and the question was asked 'why do you want to work here'

 

She answered to 'send money to help family'

 

I already got that, and to this day she still sends money back to Thailand every month,.

 

But I wonder how many farang husbands don't get that this is a big thing in their culture

I do blv that is the same custom in most poor countries.

[Gecko123]

I think it's quite possibly one of the biggest myths out there about Thai culture. Largely promulgated by bar girls as a sympathy ploy. 

 

Not saying no one helps their extended families or aging parents, of course they do. But it's not as entrenched in the culture as some have been led to believe. Those who have seen "evidence" of money being sent upcountry need to understand that most of the time the money is being sent to take care of the woman's own children (food, child care, school, etc.) I can cite countless examples of Thai women who have moved overseas, are living in places like Koh Samui, Pattaya, Phuket, etc., are known to be working in entertainment venues or have steady long term employment in Bangkok, etc. and their parents, grand parents siblings, nieces and nephews - you name it - are living in next to abject poverty with zero evidence that monies are being received to improve their standard of living. More often than not, this applies to the woman's children as well who are frequently poorly nourished, poorly dressed, lacking in school supplies, etc. 

 

On a couple of occasions, I have been jolted by people in my village proclaiming that they were "building a house for their mother." At first, I was very moved by these gestures of filial devotion and seriously questioned whether I might be under-estimating the generosity of the village children. But in virtually every case, either a foreigner was financing the construction, or the "it's for my mother" turned out to be a cover story, and the mother never ended up living in the house, or if they did, only briefly.

 

Another reality which undercuts the veracity of this myth is with today's skyrocketing inflation, how many kids in their 30's, 40's, 50's trying to save to buy a home or a condo, graduate from a motorcycle to a car to more safely transport their family and put food on the table, have the wherewithal to be showering their parents with monthly stipends.

 

What I'm saying is I don't think it happens that often, and when it does, quite often a foreign guy is bankrolling the largess.

[bunnydrops]

53 minutes ago, Gecko123 said:

I can cite countless examples of Thai women who have moved overseas, are living in places like Koh Samui, Pattaya, Phuket, etc., are known to be working in entertainment venues or have steady long term employment in Bangkok, etc. and their parents, grand parents siblings, nieces and nephews - you name it - are living in next to abject poverty with zero evidence that monies are being received to improve their standard of living. More often than not, this applies to the woman's children as well who are frequently poorly nourished, poorly dressed, lacking in school supplies, etc. 

You have visited these "abject poverty" people?

[Gecko123]

4 minutes ago, bunnydrops said:

You have visited these "abject poverty" people?

 

I have lived in a rural Thai village for 20 years.

[bunnydrops]

Well, You have gotten me beat on the years in a Thai village, only 15 here. We must not live in the same village. I don't know any working bar girls so I can't speak for them. All the working girls I know from here send money back even though they may be only making 10-15000 in the city. As for the farang backrolling the parent's house-- That is still the daughter caring for her parents.

I do agree with you that the custom is fading, western me, me, me, got to have, got to have mentality setting in.

[Gecko123]

6 minutes ago, bunnydrops said:

Well, You have gotten me beat on the years in a Thai village, only 15 here. We must not live in the same village. I don't know any working bar girls so I can't speak for them. All the working girls I know from here send money back even though they may be only making 10-15000 in the city. As for the farang backrolling the parent's house-- That is still the daughter caring for her parents.

I do agree with you that the custom is fading, western me, me, me, got to have, got to have mentality setting in.

 

"All the working girls I know from here send money back even though they may be only making 10-15000 in the city."

 

It's not clear whether you are using the term "working girls" to mean women engaged in the sex trade or are otherwise gainfully employed. At any rate, if they are only making 10-15,000 baht a month, how much could they possibly be sending back home after paying the monthly bills, and as I said in my earlier post, if you do a bit of digging I'll bet in the vast majority of cases those remittances aren't going to support the parents or other family members but to pay for the care of her own children who have been left in the care of her parents while they are working in the city.

 

"As for the farang bankrolling the parent's house-- That is still the daughter caring for her parents."

 

I hope we can agree that In terms of cultural values and personal integrity, manipulating someone who is naive about Thai culture into building a house for your parents is not the same thing as doing this with your own hard earned cash.

[surreybloke]

There is an old saying " son is a son until he finds a wife a daughter is for life" 

[bunnydrops]

5 hours ago, Gecko123 said:

if they are only making 10-15,000 baht a month, how much could they possibly be sending back home

Not a hell of a lot. But that isn't the point of this conversation is it.

[GinBoy2]

Well I was hoping this wouldn't devolve into a bargirl discussion but I guess that was for a section of this group inevitable.

 

My wife's family were poor.

 

Not uncommon. but Dad was a chronic gambler, lost the family home and pretty much everything they owned so embarked on moving around the country, job to job dragging his family with him before he died of a heart attack. Mom followed a few months later in a motorbike accident, again not uncommon, but it left 5 young kids parentless.

 

My wife's eldest sister ended up dying from AIDS, courtesy of her philandering hubby, and before retroviral's became available. 

Her brother, is less than 100% and I'm pretty sure in the west he'd be on anti psychotics. She paid for a house for him, just to make sure he wasn't homeless on the streets.

Her twin sisters, another tale of woe.

 

One tried to upgrade through marriage, after three failed attempts, she gave up and is now a hairdresser. The other twin sister made her way into the 'entertainment' business, and there there is not a day my wife doesn't worry about her.

 

I don't think many in West can really appreciate how tough life can be for a lot of Thai's

[still kicking]

My wife is a well-paid nurse she supports her nephew who is still in Uni 

[georgegeorgia]

Filipinos are bigger on this , send everything back to their family 

 

Family comes first for filipino!

Unfortunately sometimes 

[Gecko123]

8 hours ago, GinBoy2 said:

Well I was hoping this wouldn't devolve into a bargirl discussion but I guess that was for a section of this group inevitable.

 

My wife's family were poor.

 

Not uncommon. but Dad was a chronic gambler, lost the family home and pretty much everything they owned so embarked on moving around the country, job to job dragging his family with him before he died of a heart attack. Mom followed a few months later in a motorbike accident, again not uncommon, but it left 5 young kids parentless.

 

My wife's eldest sister ended up dying from AIDS, courtesy of her philandering hubby, and before retroviral's became available. 

Her brother, is less than 100% and I'm pretty sure in the west he'd be on anti psychotics. She paid for a house for him, just to make sure he wasn't homeless on the streets.

Her twin sisters, another tale of woe.

 

One tried to upgrade through marriage, after three failed attempts, she gave up and is now a hairdresser. The other twin sister made her way into the 'entertainment' business, and there there is not a day my wife doesn't worry about her.

 

I don't think many in West can really appreciate how tough life can be for a lot of Thai's

 

Your OP attempted to generalize about Thai culture based largely on your wife's behavior towards her family, which by your own admission is an unusual circumstance. The observations I shared were based on 20 years of living in a Thai agricultural community, many of whose residents are no strangers to economic hardship. Many of the middle-aged and elderly residents lead hardscrabble lives, and there is no shortage of candidates who might benefit from assistance from their children. I have taught school locally, and am quite familiar with kids who have gone off to the "big city" to make their way in life.

 

In an agricultural village people have a pretty good idea of how much people are making as everyone knows commodity prices and wages, and there aren't many secrets. If someone is enjoying a standard of living which can't be explained by their outwardly visible earnings it attracts attention, sometimes even suspicion or jealousy. What I reported was that I have rarely seen evidence that children who have landed comparatively lucrative employment either in an urban setting or abroad are sending money home to their parents sufficient to move the needle on their parent's standard of living. I further pointed out that in the vast majority of cases where money is being sent home it is for childcare expenses for the woman's own children, rather than for the parents or immediate family.

 

I will leave it to readers to decide for themselves whose observations and sample size should be given more weight. 

 

Edited December 10, 2023 by Gecko123

[GinBoy2]

On 12/8/2023 at 3:30 AM, surreybloke said:

I find it quite shocking just how little educated thais actually earn   .    School teachers, public servants and alike.    Mr Farang arrives in village for retirement then builds a house .   Farang dies 10 years later   say late sixties.    Mrs Thai gets some of farang occupational pension and his savings  and maybe  assetts in the west.    Other women must  look at this and think did I pick the right husband.  

 

But look at this as an example.    Two thai children grow up.   One goes abroad to work maybe marry foreigner.   The other stays behind looks after parents and farm.     Does the one who left owe anything to the one who stayed ? 

Well obviously one size doesn't fit all.

 

But, my wife feels that out of all her siblings, she was the one that got the break and went to live in the US with her aunt & uncle, which unlocked education and job opportunities that her siblings didn't get with the other relatives in Thailand and she does owe a debt.

 

This is nothing to do with me, she was supporting family long before she met me.

 

She earns good money working for the DoD, and you could almost think of it as a tithe that she sends home every month.

 

She's now in her 50's and has been doing this every month since  she got her first job after graduating college in Chicago.

 

You might find this corny but it's who she is, and I gotta admire her for it, damn helluva strong tough woman

Edited December 25, 2023 by GinBoy2

[gomangosteen]

No need in our family, however - there had to be an exception - wife, her sister and grandma offer some support to a brother who is a sole parent, children 12 and 15.

 

Practical things, for new years they're getting full sets of new sheets, towels and some additional money for the son and daughter's new clothes,  though the daughter does ok for fashion clothes she gets our daughter's (18) hand-me-downs.

 

Small stuff, he's a good guy working full-time and appreciates the family support.

 

No difference culturally - I'd do the same if I had someone in a similar situation.