Foreigner Questions Thai Dowry: Netizens Respond

[RobU]

17 minutes ago, TigerandDog said:

Returning the dowry is only a recent trend. Traditionally the dowry is for the parents to keep and spend as they please.

It's not a dowry. A dowry is paid to the husband

[richard_smith237]

9 hours ago, webfact said:

And less than a week after the wedding, both my wife's grandchildren received...

 

He paid SinSod for a 'granny' ?????? 

[TigerandDog]

Just now, RobU said:

It's not a dowry. A dowry is paid to the husband

dowry is the english for sin sod which is traditionally paid to the brides parents.

[RobU]

1 minute ago, TigerandDog said:

dowry is the english for sin sod which is traditionally paid to the brides parents.

No it's not. Bride Price is the English translation for sin sod

[DLock]

1 hour ago, fredwiggy said:

Perhaps growing old together as a couple, which brings security, trust, comfort, shared times over the years, a bond that dating people will never have, tax breaks, a family if they have kids to share and teach together, safe sex, with no chances of diseases, etc. You can have some of these with a girlfriend, but without a commitment, which a marriage is for those mature enough to understand what it means, people can just walk out easier. And it is much easier to walk because not getting married means no real commitment. I know Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell are still together, but that's a rarity.

 

A rather traditional view, and that's fine, but marriage does not enhance any of what you described over a long-term relationship. It's an old fashioned and dated concept.

 

If parachutes opened less that 50% of the time, would anyone jump out of a plane? No, no they wouldn't. Yet, people still get married when over 50% fail.

 

It's a trap guys. Turn back.

 

 

[Mr Dome]

Do any of you remember Stickmanbangkok from NZ?

How he used to write post after post against the dowry and then in the end paid one himself for his own wedding? 

 

Did that wedding last btw? I only remember him going back to NZ. His posts sure warned me about Thai ladies though. The readers stories section was amazing (not just for horror stories).

[fredwiggy]

19 minutes ago, TroubleandGrumpy said:

Yes mate - crazy biased divorce laws are why many of us left the western BS behind.  I recall one debate I had with a feminist about Greg Norman (Aussie Golfer) going through a divorce and whose wife was demanding half of everything he had earned at golf and business ($millions).  I pointed out the clearly logical and rational point that Greg's wife had done nothing more than any normal wife (not a golf coach or business expert) - why should she get half of his $millions. When I got all the usualy khrapp back about supporting and enabling Greg to achieve in life etc etc., I pointed out that Alan Bond was sentenced to jail for his corruption that netted him $millions, but his wife was not punished - why not??!! She had enabled and supported him !!!  If looks could kill I would not be typing this right now. Western women are so full of BS they think they are entitled to all the upsides of a man but none of his downsides - the divorce system here is far more reasonable and fair.  

Here they always get custody, and the ex husband pays child support (usually only a farang). The women gets half of the marital assets, just like in western countries, and she will get the house if she chipped in anything towards the building of it. If she paid part, they will usually be forced to sell it, or buy the other out. If she didn't chip in, and he paid 100%, he keeps it until he leaves, then she gets it. Anything he had before the marriage is his and vice versa. Pretty much the same as western countries.

[fredwiggy]

Just now, Mr Dome said:

Do any of you remember Stickmanbangkok from NZ?

How he used to write post after post against the dowry and then in the end paid one himself for his own wedding? 

 

Did that wedding last btw? I only remember him going back to NZ. His posts sure warned me about Thai ladies though. The readers stories section was amazing (not just for horror stories).

One of his best articles is. "Why I didn't marry a Thai" , by someone other than himself.

[fredwiggy]

2 minutes ago, DLock said:

 

A rather traditional view, and that's fine, but marriage does not enhance any of what you described over a long-term relationship. It's an old fashioned and dated concept.

 

If parachutes opened less that 50% of the time, would anyone jump out of a plane? No, no they wouldn't. Yet, people still get married when over 50% fail.

 

It's a trap guys. Turn back.

 

 

Marriages fail because people,including myself, didn't get to really know the other partner before marrying. The longer you take to get to know each other, the better you know them in all situations. The only way it will work is if both can communicate, be faithful, loyal, and have mutual interests and future plans. That's the reason so many fail, and so many still stay miserable together.

[renaissanc]

A dowry never played a role in my marriage because my wife's an orphan who was working in a noisy factory on the outskirts of Bangkok. Because she has no parents and because she was happy to have a new life a dowry was never even mentioned. But I expect that foreigners will be required to pay quite a lot of money nowadays, especially if a lot of gold is expected. One Baht is around 40,000 Baht now.

[TigerandDog]

3 minutes ago, RobU said:

No it's not. Bride Price is the English translation for sin sod

Perhaps you should have read the article that had the link below posted BEFORE making such a comment.

 

I'm posting it again so you can read it and educate yourself.

 

Dowry in Thailand | ThaiEmbassy.com

[Paulgo]

I think in India it’s the Girls/woman’s family that pay dowry to the man. Now that’s completely different to thailand. 

[ThaiFelix]

I paid 150k and it was the best money Ive ever spent.  Shes a great cook, great in bed, a real workhorse and would rather be in the garden than anywhere else.  Our house block came with the package plus some farm land and paddy.  I have no complaints.

 

Her sister on the other hand has just hooked a Turk she met in a hands on job in Phuket while he was on holiday.  Hook, line and sinker he was looking at a price tag of close to a milionl baht plus gold until he came to his senses.  Last I heard it was 700K and Songkran wedding postponed another 6 months while he scratches some more cash together plus refurbishes his house in Turkey more to her standards.   I really want to say something......my tongue is bloody.

[looplaw]

8 hours ago, Crossy said:

 

Indeed, if she's new and "undamaged", this lady was a granny!

[DjSilver]

When a foreigner is forced to pay sinsod, it's like the womans parents are selling their daughter like a pier of meat, or as a prostitute. It's just so ridiculous stupid if any foreign man would agree to this, no matter how desperate they are.

 

However, It is more common in poor areas like Isan, where my Thai wife, has said, that the parents are teaching their daughters to find a foreign husband to simply support them and their family. And usually these men are really older than the wife. And so it continues.

 

If you are going to find a Thai woman and marry her, at least make sure she has a university degree, and a good job, so she will and is working. That way, you won't have to support her sorry poor ass. And make sure, she doesn't come from a poor Thai family. At least middle class. I don't understand why so many foreign men would simply choose something that is of less social class then themselves?

 

Like if you have a high school diploma, that is not much, so why choose someone who only gone to school until they are maybe 13 years old? The same if you have gone to university, why choose someone of leas class without a university degree?

 

Okay, it's okay to have some fun with sex, but never give her money like a prostitute and never support her family's sick buffalo (which might be her mother) 🤣

[CecilM]

Was it agreed beforehand that the money would be returned?

Probably not. So why complain now?

(And 150k is cheap. So even less of a reason to complain.)

[crazykopite]

In the first place I would never marry a thai as I’ve seen to many friends end up with nothing there like vultures as most especially those from the North have never had money 50,000 baht would’ve like winning the lottery  anyway you’ve paid it you’ve bought your wife was it a proper wedding or was it just a blessing from the monks a proper wedding would be down at the local amphur and you get a certificate I ask because one friend thought he was married but all he had was a blessing he to handed over a large sum of money and his grandmothers jewellery 

[Tatman95]

It's all about the 

Money 

Money 

Money 

Money

No money No honey

[fredwiggy]

1 minute ago, DjSilver said:

When a foreigner is forced to pay sinsod, it's like the womans parents are selling their daughter like a pier of meat, or as a prostitute. It's just so ridiculous stupid if any foreign man would agree to this, no matter how desperate they are.

 

However, It is more common in poor areas like Isan, where my Thai wife, has said, that the parents are teaching their daughters to find a foreign husband to simply support them and their family. And usually these men are really older than the wife. And so it continues.

 

If you are going to find a Thai woman and marry her, at least make sure she has a university degree, and a good job, so she will and is working. That way, you won't have to support her sorry poor ass. And make sure, she doesn't come from a poor Thai family. At least middle class. I don't understand why so many foreign men would simply choose something that is of less social class then themselves?

 

Like if you have a high school diploma, that is not much, so why choose someone who only gone to school until they are maybe 13 years old? The same if you have gone to university, why choose someone of leas class without a university degree?

 

Okay, it's okay to have some fun with sex, but never give her money like a prostitute and never support her family's sick buffalo (which might be her mother) 🤣

No one is forced to pay. They can always refuse and leave if they won't give in. Men choose women for a lot of things. Men coming here aren't looking for a university degree as much as they're looking for a great smile, body and a good cook. You are right that if a man waits, and looks around a long time, and is patient, he can find both, but many fall in love fast. Looking at these women, it's easy to see why. Working and someone who has a good relationship with her dad are major things, especially the daughter-dad thing. A woman who has daddy issues will always cause trouble.

[craighj]

As a general rule you are not expected to pay Sin Sot to marry a woman who has been married before, has kids and or grand kids.  You might pay for a gold chain or two, total 2 or 3 baht.  But rarely should you pay Sin Sot, unless you really want look after the family or feel extremely generous.  By the way Sin Sot does not go to your wife it goes to the family and in many cases it is either partially or fully returned.

 

Anyway good luck with that 😉

 

Craighj

[BerndD]

I met my wife 16 years ago. I built our house 12 years ago. We got married 5 years ago.

There was never any mention of a dowry.

[scorecard]

9 hours ago, TorquayFan said:

Just say NO !!  You'll need to say NO again to your Thai wife, so start NOW.

 

B230,000 ?  Say sorry, NO dowry possible ?

 

If she loves you, she'll marry you anyway . . . . .

 

 

 

 

 

Seems to have been forgotten that dowry is common in many countries and has been for centuries.

 

-  In some countries the groom / groom's family pays the dowry.

-  In some countries the bride / brides family pays the dowry. 

 

Ultimately these activities are standard, But if one person doesn't like the idea then that's their personal attitude / choice.

 

Ultimately these things are cultural. 

[Crazy Noobie]

I might be wrong, but I always though if a dowry is required it is paid to the Thai wife's parents, not the Thai wife? If you are paying the money to your Thai wife, then what you did was pay her to marry you, right?

[thecyclist]

It's also possible that in  grandma's village the dowry is calculated by taking a base amount and multiplying it by the age of the bride. 

[thecyclist]

1 hour ago, drand11 said:

Thai Families are very tight. IF the family is DEMANDING a dowry.. run away.  But in all honesty, I would not have an issue with paying 120K to 250K dowry. 
You must always know that the daughter is responsible for the parents.  Her job is to make sure that her parents are setup into the future for retirement.  
If you do not understand this, do not marry an Asian lady.  Plain and simple.  Do you not want the same for your parents?  The gold is just like cash. Thais can sell gold in 30 minutes. Do what makes you happy. 

If she is from a Chinese Thai family, maybe. Most Thais will splurge and burn through that cash in no time, especially if they know  there  is a farang sucker around who is always good for more. 

[kevin612]

it’s only 230k, little amount of money 

[ChrisKC]

Irrespective of the rules of the dowry game; a foreigner is entitled to his own "culture and traditions" to play a part of the "deal"

 

After all, it is HIS money

 

Let's get something straight: Dowries are NOT obligatory, if they are agreed to, the idea is for it to be a show of good faith in terms of the ability for the new husband to be financially sound - basically, it is a formality. In Thai rak Thai cases, sometimes the parents of the girl will deny marriage to those men unable to show willing but in many cases also, if the man is known and respected the dowry won't be pushed.

 

I have been to a few weddings of both persuasions, Thai/Thai, Foreigner/Thai, where dowry has been a feature. I have seen all the money on the ground in front of the couple where beforehand they went to the bank and had it all changed into B20 notes to look like a lot of money - this is accepted with good humour.

 

In many cases the money is given back to the couple as it is anticipated that while it might all have originated with the husband, it will later be shared as part of the spirit of genuine compatibility between them.

 

Dowries should not be considered at all if the bride has been married before and/or is not a virgin, so this obviously excludes any children. This does not stop those parents (often in league with their daughter) to extract what they can from a gullible or uninformed foreigner. "Love" might be tested to its extreme in these situations

[ujayujay]

I gave her 500k Baht over all, it was a present, I would never ask for a gift back. So what she do with the Gift is up to her! Too many cheap Charlies here

[Leigh958]

A 47 year old  good girl from Issan. I wonder how many times she has married and how much the Thai males would offer for soiled merchandise ?
She possibly convinced the groom by saying:  "I love you long time".  Then later looked at the new ipads or iphones and said:  "Whoops time is up"

[ujayujay]

11 hours ago, webfact said:

 

 

A foreign man, feeling perplexed, posted online, asking, "Am I stupid to pay a dowry to my Thai wife? After getting married, I never saw the money again. And less than a week after the wedding, both my wife's grandchildren received new iPhones and iPads."

 

Married in 2023 to his 47-year-old wife from Isaan, after four years of online courtship, he agreed to pay 300,000 THB but was later negotiated down to 150,000 baht and 80,000 baht worth of gold, reported Daily News.

 

Netizens weighed in, some sympathizing, others suggesting cultural understanding. One commented, "It depends, we Japanese husbands understand dowries. I gave my father-in-law the entire dowry without asking how it would be used."

 

Another advised, "He's not stupid, just forgetful. Nowadays, he must explain to his wife's side that some families don't require dowries."

 

The story sparked a debate about cultural norms and modern expectations, resonating with many facing similar dilemmas.

 

-- ASEAN NOW 2024-04-03

 

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230k Baht.....stingy!!!!