How do you deal with requests for money .

[GrungthepGringo]

Sadly very little has changed in Thailand over the last 40 years in regards to the "sick buffalo" story and only slight variations have emerged. However, the foreign victim is often to blame for his own naivety if he chose to marry a woman from the sex trade whose sole intention was only to secure a foreign husband to support her family for the long term. 
 

This doesn't mean that marrying a Thai woman from the sex trade is always going to result in the same type of outcome. Nor does it mean that marrying a Thai woman who is not involved in sex the trade will always avoid the same outcome either. But it does seem that marrying a woman who is involved in the sex trade does increase your chances of facing overwhelming financial difficulties with her family in the future.

[Lacessit]

3 hours ago, bob smith said:

I play the thai's at their own game.

 

I get them to foot the bill 99% of the time and also shower me with gifts.

 

Thais are actually quite servile when you engineer them properly.

Of course, this technique doesn't work with the lowest strata of Thais,

which I guess is who many AN members spend time with.

 

bob.

So you spend your time with HiSo's exclusively, who respond to your manipulation.

 

Apologize. My BS meter is totally destroyed.

[Ralf001]

3 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

So you spend your time with HiSo's exclusively, who respond to your manipulation.

 

Apologize. My BS meter is totally destroyed.

 

I reckon he selected Bob Smith as a username because BullShit was not allowed !

Edited May 19 by Ralf001

[ChumpChange]

8 minutes ago, Sticky Rice Balls said:

dated a few thai girls but never been in a "salary" type and never given money to anyone apart from a thai buddy that asked for 1000 as hes held my stuff/motorbike etc...when i go home so i had no issue and dont expect a repayment either..

 

as with the many girls that have asked me for cash..within minutes..esp on the TF app..or after you get to chatting on LINE app

 

I trust but verify..even tho im sure its not for what they ask....had one ask for college tuition so i called her bluff and said i would pay the school directly and forward me the info....actually have one the other day ask for 5000...we met and had a bubble tea....i said id offer her the money but what do i get for that....I KNOW..but im waiting for her to ask as we face off in this poker match...she's on TF asking for cash and I offered....now just waiting to see what shes willing to trade...lol

 

I like the ones that dont even want to meet and want you. a stranger, to transfer the cash without ever having to meet...555

 

I told one that i western union'd it and to go wait for it..........just like when i tell the tuk tuk guy ill be right back from the atm...

 

as for her family id go to their house just for spite to see the need for repair etc and fix it myself etc....but then i wouldnt put it past them to sell the item you just fixed.........the thing about living in LOS so long is you begin to learn all the thai hustles too!

 

is like going to jail on a dwi etc and coming out a better criminal.....

The majority of those blind money requests you get on any dating site are male scammers (not real women), using photos stolen from social media accounts, often Nigerians, who are posing as women.
 

Not sure what is your actual intention by going onto those sites, but if you regularly get those kinds of money requests then I wouldn't try to play games with the scammers. Not smart. I would just block them right away as you are also at risk of identity theft, the more you engage with them. 

[Hummin]

15 minutes ago, Sticky Rice Balls said:

dated a few thai girls but never been in a "salary" type and never given money to anyone apart from a thai buddy that asked for 1000 as hes held my stuff/motorbike etc...when i go home so i had no issue and dont expect a repayment either..

 

as with the many girls that have asked me for cash..within minutes..esp on the TF app..or after you get to chatting on LINE app

 

I trust but verify..even tho im sure its not for what they ask....had one ask for college tuition so i called her bluff and said i would pay the school directly and forward me the info....actually have one the other day ask for 5000...we met and had a bubble tea....i said id offer her the money but what do i get for that....I KNOW..but im waiting for her to ask as we face off in this poker match...she's on TF asking for cash and I offered....now just waiting to see what shes willing to trade...lol

 

I like the ones that dont even want to meet and want you. a stranger, to transfer the cash without ever having to meet...555

 

I told one that i western union'd it and to go wait for it..........just like when i tell the tuk tuk guy ill be right back from the atm...

 

as for her family id go to their house just for spite to see the need for repair etc and fix it myself etc....but then i wouldnt put it past them to sell the item you just fixed.........the thing about living in LOS so long is you begin to learn all the thai hustles too!

 

is like going to jail on a dwi etc and coming out a better criminal.....

Or you find someone who do not hustle you? 🤷 seems you searching for the wrong girls

[Photoguy21]

I would just say no and not enter into an arguement

[MangoKorat]

12 hours ago, AnotherOneHere said:

Actually, no. Telling a (thai) woman that you don't have enough money will land you in even hotter water..................

The word 'some' is missing from your post - some Thai women.

 

Whilst constant demands for money occur in Thai/Thai marriages, they are much higher in Thai/Foreign marriages.  I'd suggest that the reason for that is mainly due to the type of Thai women that foreigners meet and where they meet them.

 

Most of my friends in Thailand are Thai nationals, most are married and none of them suffer from the same problems that Thai/Foreign marriages do when it comes to money (that is not to say it doesn't happen, just not amongst those I know).  All of them met in the 'traditional' ways, at school, through friends, on nights out, etc.etc.

 

I think it would be a fair guess that most foreigners meet their Thai wives through dating apps or in bars.  Those places have a very high percentage of women who's sole intention is to get access to a foreigner's money in one way or another. It should not come as a surprise then, that so many Thai/Foreigner marriages suffer from some form of problem created by demands for cash.

 

I've been in one of those marriages but very quickly got out of it. Quite often the strength of your partner's 'love' can be tested by just saying no to a financial request.

[Lacessit]

I give out small cash gifts to my GF's family at Christmas. They have never asked me for money.

 

I am sharing the cost of putting my GF's grand-daughter through university.

[tomgreen]

On 5/19/2024 at 10:38 AM, proton said:

I wonder what the OP paid in sinsot? if you start off shelling out without negotiation especially for an over the top amount they are bound to think you are a soft touch. I forked out 10k to get the mrs brother out of trouble after he had a bike accident with no insurance or license 15 years ago, but nothing after that. That was the only request.

 

Thanks to every one for your comments and advice.

 

When I married my Thai wife I paid no SinSod and did not have any party or celebration , we just went together to Bangkok and registered our marriage at my embassy and at the Thai government marriage office.

 

One thing I forgot to include in my original post was the fact that my wife’s parents owned a small house with some attached land. My wife’s deadbeat layabout older brother told his parents that he had been offered a fantastic job in Korea , but the agency who offered that fantastic employment opportunity was asking for a ‘’ deposit ‘’ to pay for arranging a visa , air fare and accommodation in Korea, and the deposit amount was …. 95,000.00 Baht.

 

The wife's parents who are poor farming folk and who worked on the land , in no way had that sort of money . What the wife's parents did have was another small house they owned in another province that had been empty for many years , so the deadbeat layabout older brother managed to talk his parents into selling that current house and move to the other small empty house in another province .

 

The parents once they had sold their current house and moved into the once small empty house in another province , now had a bank balance that contained several hundred thousand Baht . So the parents then gave their deadbeat layabout son the deposit money of 95,000.00 Baht so he could go to Korea and in the deadbeat layabout son’s words , pay his parents back the 95,000.00 Baht loan and send large amounts of money that he would be earning in Korea back home to his parents every month .

 

I have a funny feeling you know whats coming next .😁

 

Well the deadbeat layabout son paid the deposit money of 95,000.00 Baht to the employment agency and never heard from them ever again. 

 

To my utter amazement after the layabout son had lost the 95,000.00 Baht deposit money , his parents as far as I know never made a big issues about it and felt sorry that their deadbeat layabout son was scammed. 

 

Now the wife’s parents are living in the small house in another province and the money they managed to get from the sale of their first house , is now due to the deadbeat layabout son’s stupidity down 95,000.00 Baht . 

 

Around a month later the deadbeat layabout son tell his parents that his friend ( another deadbeat layabout ) is going to start a transport company delivering metal steel work for building company’s using large trucks, and the friend wants the deadbeat layabout son to become a partner in the new venture .The deadbeat layabout son goes on to tell his parents that to become a partner in the new transport company, he needs to help pay for the truck leasing costs and a rented building to safely keep the trucks overnight . The deadbeat layabout son then assures his parents that he know’s what he’s doing and this new transport business is going to make a lot of money .

 

As far as Ive managed to find out the deadbeat layabout son’s parents ( my wife’s parents ) handed over all the money from the sale of their past house , to their deadbeat layabout son in order that he could become a partner with his friend in a soon to be highly profitable transport company. It seems that the deadbeat layabout son’s friend on receiving a large amount of money from the deadbeat layabout son’s parents , promptly disappeared with all the money .

 

So the wife’s parents are now living hand to mouth in the small house in another province and their once healthy bank balance has all gone , due to them believing what their deadbeat layabout son had told them. 

 

Its a sad situation that the deadbeat layabout son managed to convince his parents to hand over their entire life savings . My wife tells me that her deadbeat layabout older brother is still unemployed and is still asking his parents for money . 

 

Now you can see why I don’t give any cash to the wife’s parents , as I know that money would for sure end up in the deadbeat layabout son’s pocket. 

 

Any requests for money come from my wife’s mother and my wife then tells me. My wife can clearly see the situation and is in agreement that we don’t send any cash to her parents , but help by providing things directly. 

 

 

Tom

 

.

 

 

 

 

[GrungthepGringo]

41 minutes ago, tomgreen said:

Thanks to every one for your comments and advice.

 

When I married my Thai wife I paid no SinSod and did not have any party or celebration , we just went together to Bangkok and registered our marriage at my embassy and at the Thai government marriage office.

 

One thing I forgot to include in my original post was the fact that my wife’s parents owned a small house with some attached land. My wife’s deadbeat layabout older brother told his parents that he had been offered a fantastic job in Korea , but the agency who offered that fantastic employment opportunity was asking for a ‘’ deposit ‘’ to pay for arranging a visa , air fare and accommodation in Korea, and the deposit amount was …. 95,000.00 Baht.

 

The wife's parents who are poor farming folk and who worked on the land , in no way had that sort of money . What the wife's parents did have was another small house they owned in another province that had been empty for many years , so the deadbeat layabout older brother managed to talk his parents into selling that current house and move to the other small empty house in another province .

 

The parents once they had sold their current house and moved into the once small empty house in another province , now had a bank balance that contained several hundred thousand Baht . So the parents then gave their deadbeat layabout son the deposit money of 95,000.00 Baht so he could go to Korea and in the deadbeat layabout son’s words , pay his parents back the 95,000.00 Baht loan and send large amounts of money that he would be earning in Korea back home to his parents every month .

 

I have a funny feeling you know whats coming next .😁

 

Well the deadbeat layabout son paid the deposit money of 95,000.00 Baht to the employment agency and never heard from them ever again. 

 

To my utter amazement after the layabout son had lost the 95,000.00 Baht deposit money , his parents as far as I know never made a big issues about it and felt sorry that their deadbeat layabout son was scammed. 

 

Now the wife’s parents are living in the small house in another province and the money they managed to get from the sale of their first house , is now due to the deadbeat layabout son’s stupidity down 95,000.00 Baht . 

 

Around a month later the deadbeat layabout son tell his parents that his friend ( another deadbeat layabout ) is going to start a transport company delivering metal steel work for building company’s using large trucks, and the friend wants the deadbeat layabout son to become a partner in the new venture .The deadbeat layabout son goes on to tell his parents that to become a partner in the new transport company, he needs to help pay for the truck leasing costs and a rented building to safely keep the trucks overnight . The deadbeat layabout son then assures his parents that he know’s what he’s doing and this new transport business is going to make a lot of money .

 

As far as Ive managed to find out the deadbeat layabout son’s parents ( my wife’s parents ) handed over all the money from the sale of their past house , to their deadbeat layabout son in order that he could become a partner with his friend in a soon to be highly profitable transport company. It seems that the deadbeat layabout son’s friend on receiving a large amount of money from the deadbeat layabout son’s parents , promptly disappeared with all the money .

 

So the wife’s parents are now living hand to mouth in the small house in another province and their once healthy bank balance has all gone , due to them believing what their deadbeat layabout son had told them. 

 

Its a sad situation that the deadbeat layabout son managed to convince his parents to hand over their entire life savings . My wife tells me that her deadbeat layabout older brother is still unemployed and is still asking his parents for money . 

 

Now you can see why I don’t give any cash to the wife’s parents , as I know that money would for sure end up in the deadbeat layabout son’s pocket. 

 

Any requests for money come from my wife’s mother and my wife then tells me. My wife can clearly see the situation and is in agreement that we don’t send any cash to her parents , but help by providing things directly. 

 

Tom

Sounds like the son/brother might have even scammed the parents for the money himself to pay off gambling debts, buy alcohol, drugs, etc, but none of this really even matters. The brother is just a sideshow which has gotten you very distracted. Possibly even part of their original plan. There is very often a deadbeat brother with endless problems injected into these situations who then becomes the main focus of why all the money is needed from the foreigner and/or where it is all going. 
 

Your question really was/is how do you stop paying money out to her family on a regular basis after doing it already for 20 years. But it sounds like there is no turning back now for you. Your wife still wants you to buy things for her family so it sounds like it will never end. You probably should have looked more closely at the situation 20 years ago when it all started and then it might have turned out a bit differently. But you didn't. So there you are, that is the dichotomy, and there is your answer. 
 

 

 

Edited May 20 by GrungthepGringo

[tomgreen]

21 minutes ago, GrungthepGringo said:

Sounds like the son/brother might have even scammed the parents for the money himself to pay off gambling debts, buy alcohol, drugs, etc, but none of this really even matters. The son is just a sideshow which has gotten you very distracted. Possibly even part of their original plan. There is very often a deadbeat brother introduced in these situations who becomes the focus of why all the money is needed from the foreigner and/or where it is going. 
 

Your question really was/is how do you stop paying money out to her family on a regular basis after doing it already for 20 years. But it sounds like there is no turning back now for you. Your wife still wants you to buy things for her family so it sounds like it will never end. You probably should have looked more closely at the situation 20 years ago when it all started and then it might have turned out a bit differently. But you didn't. So there you are, that is the dichotomy, and there is your answer. 
 

 

 

 

Hindsight can be a thorn in the side that comes back to haunt you , like the old saying goes 
if I had my time over again , with what I now know .☹️

 

 

Marrying my Thai wife was one of the best things that ever happened to me , but not understanding and taking firm action from the beginning on things related to the Thai way was a big mistake. 

 

My other big mistake that still haunts me to this day , was selling my house back home in England instead of renting it out .

 

We live and learn .

 

 

Tom

 

.

[GrungthepGringo]

1 minute ago, tomgreen said:

 

Hindsight can be a thorn in the side that comes back to haunt you , like the old saying goes 
if I had my time over again , with what I now know .☹️

 

 

Marrying my Thai wife was one of the best things that ever happened to me , but not understanding and taking firm action from the beginning on things related to the Thai way was a big mistake. 

 

My other big mistake that still haunts me to this day , was selling my house back home in England instead of renting it out .

 

We live and learn .

 

 

Tom

 

.

Indeed, hindsight is 20/20, but an ounce of prevention is always worth a pound of cure. Anyway, it is what it is now. Can only go forward and can't go back and change anything.
 

It sounds like going forward though still nothing will change in regards to paying for things regularly for her family. Perhaps that's the sad part in it for you since it seems you were hoping it would. Well, best wishes to you. 

[tomgreen]

35 minutes ago, GrungthepGringo said:

Indeed, hindsight is 20/20, but an ounce of prevention is always worth a pound of cure. Anyway, it is what it is now. Can only go forward and can't go back and change anything.
 

It sounds like going forward though still nothing will change in regards to paying for things regularly for her family. Perhaps that's the sad part in it for you since it seems you were hoping it would. Well, best wishes to you. 

 

Thanks , Ive now learnt my lesson , but it seems the die is cast and there’s going to be no immediate changes . One positive thing is that my wife agrees with us not giving cash to her parents  but still in the back of my mind is a nagging thought of what may have been if the wife’s parents had not lost all their money to their deadbeat layabout son. Currently the wife’s parents make a small living from growing and selling vegetables. I keep wondering what would their life style be like to day if they had not lost their life savings .  

 

 

Tom

 

.

 

 

 

 

[GrungthepGringo]

2 hours ago, tomgreen said:

I keep wondering what would their life style be like to day if they had not lost their life savings .

 

Probably would be a lot more comfortable with a lot less grief.  

[djayz]

On 5/19/2024 at 1:21 AM, AnotherOneHere said:

 

Actually, no. Telling a (thai) woman that you don't have enough money will land you in even hotter water. Saying to (thai) woman that you don't have 20,000 Baht or that you have only 500 Baht left until the transfer comes from abroad is a no-go. You really don't want to approach it from this angle. 😅 Because before that next transfer comes or before you can prove you actually have some money, you will be seen as low as a street dog to her. 🐕‍🦺

 

You always want to present yourself as someone who is looking to buy a brand new BMW next week and, at the same time, looking for a new apartment in Bangkok paid in cash. Without ever letting her see your account and just second guessing. 🤑 When requests for money come, you just want to say no. Because I said no. Maybe there will be hurt feelings for an afternoon. But it's better than telling her you don't have 20,000 Baht.

 

A husband who doesn't have 20,000 Baht can be cheated on by a local Somchai, considered for replacement with a new farang, or have a loan taken out behind his back without being told, because he obviously doesn't know a thing about finances. 😑 However, presenting yourself as successful (without specifying how much) will just result in afternoon tantrums about not loving her family, followed by a return to normal a few hours later. Because in a woman's mind, you are worth it. 🤑

Did you just get off the plane yesterday?

Edited May 20 by djayz

[ericzimmer]

I've had similar issues with family asking for money all the time. I started buying the things they needed and delivering them myself. This way, I knew the money was actually being used for what they said.
If you need some extra cash, you might want to look into games that pay instantly to PayPal. It's a fun way to make a little money without too much effort. Just a suggestion if money is tight and you're dealing with these requests.

Edited August 5 by ericzimmer

[SAFETY FIRST]

On 5/18/2024 at 11:49 PM, tomgreen said:

After we first married the wife’s parents started to ask for money from us

What's the mother in law look like?

 

You need to be rewarded for your cash that you hand out, maybe some hankypankee with the mother in law. 

 

Don't be shy, ask her husband, they freely ask you for money. 

 

Jiggy jig, boom boom, root or maybe just a quick blowie 😎

 

Swings and Roundabout, what goes around, comes around. 

Take care of #1

 

Edited August 5 by SAFETY FIRST