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A Fable of Woe from the Fraught Streets of Pattaya
Another satirical tribute in fond memory of the original, hapless, Bob Smith. His waylaid wisdom is greatly missed, wherever his rugged adventures may now be taking him… Alright, lads, gather ‘round, cause I need to vent, yet again. Last night was meant to be one for the books. My old mate Gary-the-Gimp is back in town from Birmingham, so we did what any respectable, upstanding pair of English country gentlemen would do, we hit Soi 6 for a few cold bevies and a bit of cultural, happy-ending enrichment. Started off alright, a few frosty tins at a loud, packed bar, some fun and games, rubbed up against much of the local female talent, some of them ladyboys, Gimps doesn't mind them, and you know how it goes (I boom boom you, ok?). Nothing too crazy, just a respectable night out between two fine, worldly, British scholars sharing knowledge. Meanwhile, after we’d had our fill of fraternizing with all the happy slappers, we decided to call it a night like the responsible, posh blokes that we are. Gimps stumbles off in one direction for his hotel with his wife-of-the-night in tow, and I, alone, tapped out, and in my infinite Asian-old-hand wisdom, head to the end of Soi 6/1 by Second Road to hop a motorbike taxi and quickly get back home to the eagerly awaiting missus smith. And that’s where the night took a harrowing sharp turn. I grab one of these helmetless hooligans, tell him where I live (clearly and politely, IN THAI, mind you), I know he at least understood when I said the second word in the name of my apt block "Mansion" because he repeated it back to me "Mann-Chunnn!". Then I hopped on the back and well, lads, let me tell you, I might as well have signed up for a zip-line wedgie. This absolute lunatic, prolly on meth, wearing only flip-flops and loose, baggy, football trousers, took off like he was being chased by the village headman. Zero regard for potholes, speed bumps, or human life. Every time we hit a divot, I felt my spine pop itself back out again. At one point, I swear we caught air. It was like racing in the sidecar division at the TT Races over on the Isle innit. I’m gripping on for dear life, internally drafting my own obituary, thinking, “This is it, this is how the great bob smith tops out and leaves with a smear, splattered across Pattaya Second Road like a poorly made kebab with lots of extra ketchup.” Then, to top it all off, the plonker takes me to the wrong apartment block. I glance down at the shiny, new Rolex on my wrist, it's already 2:20 am, and I tell him, “No, mate, not this mansion.” The geezer just laughs at me, turns around, and speeds off again, taking me on another scenic detour, this time through half of the abandoned buildings on Third Road. By the time we finally get to MY flat on the backside of Buakhao, I’m shaken, battered, and questioning every life decision that ever led me to this moment. And THEN, oh, and get this, the best part of it all, the little rice-rocket-jockey tries to fleece me. The ride should’ve been 60 baht max. The git knows it. I know it. He tells me 200. 200 BATH!? That much for a journey that nearly ended in my untimely demise and almost had me doing my shorts into a state? And for the mere pleasure of having my internal organs rearranged? I tell him “Mate, you’re having a laugh.” He starts getting shirty, raising his voice, acting like I’m an unreasonable Cheap-Charlie. At this point, I’m knackered, butt-bruised from the ride, half snookered from all the Leo, and I’m not about to get into a street scuffle with a 5-foot-nothing Somchai in front of my flat in Patts over a mere 140 baht grift attempt. So I throw the numpty 100 just to get rid of the tosser, and he speeds off shouting "farang key-nok", probably to go on to terrorize another poor, drunken sod. So, I ask you, boys, is it just me? Or has basic decency already gone out the window here in The Land of Smiles? You try to support the locals, buy their services, spread the quid around, try to do things right for the struggling and working classes of this country, in a dignified way, with kindness and politeness, and this is the treatment you get? No manners, no respect, just outright piss-taking??? Really??? sigh. bob. -
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What Movies or TV shows are you watching (2025)
That's because they are typically the count at the time the file was first listed on X1337, and don't tend to be updated after that. -
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Is It Just Me, Or Are Thai Staff Getting Ruder By The Day?
Maybe thais are getting tired of our crap .... -
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Truth Social
Lol seem to me that Maga has founded a new sort of economy. No matter how much losses you make it's still a great firm. Well dear right wingers put your money where your your mouth is and invest heavily in Trump social.
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