Does your wife/partner work?

[khunPer]

3 hours ago, Celsius said:

and equally contribute to the household?

 

Or she just plays on the phone ogling and chatting with real Thai men while you are not watching?

 

If she doesn't work, then why not?

Not really, but my clever girlfriend has some income, mainly from her investments (and I've got some good advises from her...👍).
I'm the major provider to the household; that how it often is in Thailand, the man is the provider...

[Startmeup]

25 minutes ago, BobDobbs said:

Yes. Large/st media company in Thailand. Production side. Easy job, 25k pm plus great benefits. She had the position before I met her and it doesn't seem right to take her away from it to do nothing. That's just ridiculous. Decent jobs for Thai are so hard to find. It also provides me with an out if she were to ask for money for her parents which she does not or at least very rarely.

 

I retired mid 40s. Part of that deal with the devil was to never get married which I had already sworn off decades before. It was also part of the early retirement plan. So, she needs to work for her spending money and retirement for now.

 

In about 5 or 7 years she will age out of her job (at 55). I should have the finances more in order. She'll get 15k spending pm from me after she stops working - I pay all expenses now. We will make all those longer and more expensive trips that could never fit into our work schedules.

Wife is absolutely lovely to be around. Everyone that meets her loves her. No issues with prolonged time together. Even after 15 years. I'm the weak link.

 

I'm just trying to figure out what is a target amount of money that I should feel comfortable with leaving her up on my death. I'm not sure I can get there but I will try. I'm not going to sacrifice my or our life style in the extreme in order to take care of a woman I met when I was 50 and she was 32 - after I'm dead. Discussing this with friends half of them think that it's pretty much her responsibility almost entirely and she should be happy with anything I can give her. I feel more bound to her than that.

Interesting as Im in a similar situation except there is a smaller age gap and we are both younger than you and yours.

I think the best gift I could give her is the opportunity for her to improve her position. Enticing/helping her to rise the ladder from an earnings perspective so if we break up she has something to fall back on, a liveable wage. She works reception in a busy tourist hotel 6 days a week 10 hours a day for not alot of money. She never misses a day. She's underpaid.

As it stands I pay for most things and she does what she pleases with her earnings. Over the last 6-12 months she saved to go on a trip to Japan with her sisters/cousins. She's obsessed with Japan and wants me to go with her next year after she has saved up. She offered to pay for the tickets if I look after the rest. To me this isn't sustainable, her spending all her money each year. It's nice to be able to do but longer term thinking isn't a strong point nowadays.

Bangkok is probably the place to be to make this happen? Maybe further studies or just knocking on doors with a positive attitude? 

[scubascuba3]

1 hour ago, fredwiggy said:

You're really talking about the women some buy here,that they aren't proud being with, don't want to be seen with around their friends, or secretly despise even though they get pleasure from them, for a price. A good woman a good man wants around as much as possible. If she wants to work, that's her prerogative, and he waits home for her. This is why having a woman closer to your age is better. Most younger ones work, or want to, even if they are getting money from a foreigner, of course subtracting the greedy or lazy., who lie around all day on their phones waiting for the next withdrawal.

Some have a woman 24/7 because they haven't got any friends

[john donson]

wow, many people here need a nanny or a mother

 

seem not being able to do anything

 

I liked my ex worked and contributed

 

we had a maid for those things

[BobDobbs]

1 minute ago, Startmeup said:

Interesting as Im in a similar situation except there is a smaller age gap and we are both younger than you and yours.

I think the best gift I could give her is the opportunity for her to improve her position. Enticing/helping her to rise the ladder from an earnings perspective so if we break up she has something to fall back on, a liveable wage. She works reception in a busy tourist hotel 6 days a week 10 hours a day for not alot of money. She never misses a day. She's underpaid.

As it stands I pay for most things and she does what she pleases with her earnings. Over the last 6-12 months she saved to go on a trip to Japan with her sisters/cousins. She's obsessed with Japan and wants me to go with her next year after she has saved up. She offered to pay for the tickets if I look after the rest. To me this isn't sustainable, her spending all her money each year. It's nice to be able to do but longer term thinking isn't a strong point nowadays.

Bangkok is probably the place to be to make this happen? Maybe further studies or just knocking on doors with a positive attitude? 

 

If she's relatively young and attractive it's possible to find office work in BKK. The money is probably not all that much better especially starting out than what she's making now but better hours.

 

First few years of marriage I felt the same way. I didn't want to take her away from her job if the marriage soured. After this amount of time and what a quality human being she is I'm very happy to support her.

 

Your girlfriend or wife? Probably better off in some sort of face-to-face service job. I think AI is going to destroy a lot of jobs here.

 

Even those having graduated from the top five universities struggle often over one year to find their first job.

 

My wife loves Japan as well I've taken her three times. We'd love to go back but there's more of the world that she wants to see like Europe. I'm about done with traveling and I'm looking forward to just kicking back on the beach. All this is for her at this point

[BobDobbs]

4 minutes ago, john donson said:

wow, many people here need a nanny or a mother

 

seem not being able to do anything

 

I liked my ex worked and contributed

 

we had a maid for those things

 

Your ex

 

Guess that turned out well...

 

So liberated taking the mother away from the children for her to go work to pay for someone to take care of the children 👍

[DeathShroud]

I'm 58 my wife is 43. I'm retired from the US military so I'm living a quiet life. We have a house near Chiang Mai that we rent and then we are buying a house in her home village. 

She's a government officer roughly the equivalent of lieutenant colonel. 

She was a government officer when I met her. She doesn't want to quit her job because she actually likes the work and she's good at it. 

She wants to have her retirement plus she needs the healthcare benefits for her aging parents who are both 77. So I get health care from her government plan also. So I'm not lonely because I'm an introvert and I write so when I'm home alone it's just me with my calculator and math books writing science fiction. We have two kids that are five and seven. A lot of driving between the city and the schools and her work but it's what it is. We're saving money and I'm alone most of the day but that gives me time to write. I would never ask her to quit her job, basically we're saving a pile of money for the kids because we know that I'm going to expire first, statistically.

[fredwiggy]

3 minutes ago, scubascuba3 said:

Some have a woman 24/7 because they haven't got any friends

Or they really love their partner who gives them more than a friend can. Or they live in an area without many others like himself, so he can't relate to the locals because he can't speak the language.

[scubascuba3]

2 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

Or they really love their partner who gives them more than a friend can. Or they live in an area without many others like himself, so he can't relate to the locals because he can't speak the language.

or personal skills are lacking so has a rent a friend instead

[fredwiggy]

4 minutes ago, scubascuba3 said:

or personal skills are lacking so has a rent a friend instead

Many come here to escape the law in their own country. Some come for the younger women. Or a cheaper lifestyle. Some aren't social, and just want a woman to help them in life for whatever reasons. People don't rent friends. Others aren't around you as friends on a cash basis as friends are people who share like interests. That's reserved for prostitutes and those that need them, or think they do.

[Hummin]

It is her farm, so yes, and her parents to! 

 

When she get her family reunion visa, she will work and go to school 

[BobDobbs]

27 minutes ago, scubascuba3 said:

Some have a woman 24/7 because they haven't got any friends

 

I think we all probably have few friends. It's expat life for most 40+. The younger set does all kind of stupid meetup things because they can't exist without something /one entertaining themselves. "Friends". Personally, I've always had few friends since childhood - which are more acquaintances truth be told. Drinking pals, people that I've just bumped into and we've had some thing in common. I've never valued having a lot of superficial acquaintances.

 

I think probably the British tend to have more friends and I'm going to talk that up to kind of a pub and football culture.

 

I never tire of my wife's company. Not in the 15 years that I've been with her. I've never wanted to just 'get away'. I'm the crazy one truth to tell and she's quite all right with my company as well. We're really best friends and we share a lot of common interests that we enjoy in the greater world especially traveling.

 

I'm very okay with my own company. One thing that it completely cured me if I had any desire to go out and find friends was working with all the idiots that teach.

 

I was out last night down Cowboy..met some British guy was great fun people watching.

Edited July 24 by BobDobbs

[Gottfrid]

1 hour ago, OneMoreFarang said:

 

Do they want to work? Or do they want to get away from "home" or him?

As you already told your girlfriend to stay home, that comment make you look a little bit insecure in your relationship. 😉 

[BobDobbs]

2 hours ago, scubascuba3 said:

Thing is many don't want to drag them around 24/7

 

No one need drag anyone around. When I was working we had a perfect setup. I left very early in the morning giving her a couple hours in the condo alone. I returned early and I had a few hours before she got home.

 

I don't remember my father dragging my mother or us children around. When he had things to do he did it, when he could bring us kids along he did it and when we went out as a family he did it.

[BobBKK]

41 minutes ago, Jeffrey346 said:

That's such BS. Some of us have partners/wives who are professionals. It's not about money.

And those who brag about money, usually are broke....

 If there is a 20+ year gap, they are definitely "professionals"

[Bangel72]

23 minutes ago, john donson said:

wow, many people here need a nanny or a mother

 

seem not being able to do anything

 

I liked my ex worked and contributed

 

we had a maid for those things

 

Haha, yep I opted for the actual maid/nanny option.

 

Much cheaper, less naggy than the ex and works a lot harder, even though ex had her own business.

 

Before anyone asks, that's a no, she's like 100 years old or something. 

 

 

[fredwiggy]

Just now, BobBKK said:

 If there is a 20+ year gap, they are definitely "professionals"

Wrong. It just means they like older men and what they can provide.

[retarius]

Of course not. Why on earth should she work? I wouldn't see her then. 

She manages the gardens. I worked until I was 54 to make sure she wouldn't have to. Besides which she is a full time carer of me. 

[Neeranam]

4 hours ago, Celsius said:

and equally contribute to the household?

 

Or she just plays on the phone ogling and chatting with real Thai men while you are not watching?

 

If she doesn't work, then why not?

 

 

 

 

Doesn't work, used to but.

Looks after me now, and the kids, dogs, garden. 

Also, pays the delivery guys every hour or so. 

[DualSportBiker]

My dearest has her own company which does translation services and business consulting. She is also the (local) regional president of a global charity. She recently passed a Thai Army course in news presenting so technically she could deliver the Royal Household news - an activity restricted to officially certified Thais. She also got IFA certs, not because she wants to sell investments, but so she can better understand what we do with our money. She has two condos she rents and also helps me with my business as needed. We had a business together 14 years ago here. Unfortunately that tanked, but not because of anything she did...

 

We definitely don't spend 24/7 together! Last time we did that we got frustrated with a lack of personal time/space.

 

In her mind she has to justify her parents investment and effort to send her and all five siblings to university between 30 and 40 year back. Doing nothing of value for herself or others would be a waste of their effort and a path to a lack of self-respect - that's as she explains it to me.

 

Anyhow, she is a smart lass and I am lucky to have met and married her.

[jimn]

Why on earth would I want my wife to work earning a small wage for long hours when she don't need too. We live our life together. We go to the gym, the beach, go shopping go out for drinks and meals. If she worked most of this would not br be possible. 

[Hummin]

18 minutes ago, DualSportBiker said:

My dearest has her own company which does translation services and business consulting. She is also the (local) regional president of a global charity. She recently passed a Thai Army course in news presenting so technically she could deliver the Royal Household news - an activity restricted to officially certified Thais. She also got IFA certs, not because she wants to sell investments, but so she can better understand what we do with our money. She has two condos she rents and also helps me with my business as needed. We had a business together 14 years ago here. Unfortunately that tanked, but not because of anything she did...

 

We definitely don't spend 24/7 together! Last time we did that we got frustrated with a lack of personal time/space.

 

In her mind she has to justify her parents investment and effort to send her and all five siblings to university between 30 and 40 year back. Doing nothing of value for herself or others would be a waste of their effort and a path to a lack of self-respect - that's as she explains it to me.

 

Anyhow, she is a smart lass and I am lucky to have met and married her.

Thats what matters at the end, we are greatful for what we have, and how we live our lives. 

[Denim]

3 hours ago, BritManToo said:

I don't drag mine around at all, once a month to Makro is our only 'outside the home' joint activity. She has her friends and hobbies, I have my friends and hobbies.

 

Agreed.  We also do our own thing. She is in a folk dance troupe that performs at temples , weddings and government functions. I can't be bothered to go out much because everything I need is at home. We almost never dine out in the evenings unless friends are visiting or we are on a road trip. Disabled MIL lives next door so my wife and her sister do shifts taking care of her.

[Lacessit]

2 hours ago, SAFETY FIRST said:

Mine is a skilled worker.

 

She was studying to be a doctor, Phd but I asked her to stop, spending too much time away from home, too many hours at university. 🧑‍🎓

 

Now she just does nursing duties. 

 

 

 

Do you have a fetish for uniforms?

[proton]

Mine did self employed teaching Thai language, taught a few off here. Since covid it dried up now she just mopes about on the phone all day. 

[KhunLA]

Different stroke for different folks, and circumstance.  Retired, working, need or simply enjoyment, enough money ... way too many variables, for one size fits all.

 

24/7 doesn't mean we spend every minute together, in the same room, or house.   We can be in the same room like now, she's on her laptop, I'm on mine/here/AN, dog next to me, snoring.   I'll get back up in a few, turn the oven on, wait 10 mins, and put the bread it.

 

There's days where she's in the other room, sewing, making a dress, or clothes for me, and we barely talk to each other for 6 ish hours.  I might be prepping & cooking a couple meters away.   

 

Or she'll spend half the day in the Greenhouse & garden.   I may be at the park or surf with the dog, which dog & myself do daily, alone, and or Makro shopping while out.  Sometimes shop together, sometimes not.  

 

There's just no need to work, or enjoyment to do so for either of us.

 

 

Edited July 24 by KhunLA

[Yellowtail]

5 hours ago, Celsius said:

and equally contribute to the household?

 

Or she just plays on the phone ogling and chatting with real Thai men while you are not watching?

 

If she doesn't work, then why not?

 

 

 

 

You first

[freedomnow]

2 hours ago, scubascuba3 said:

Some have a woman 24/7 because they haven't got any friends

....and some may like being with their women on purpose as half the foreigners met in Thailand are oddballs/unstable wildcards.

[Celsius]

Just now, Yellowtail said:

You first

 

100,000 baht a month including bonuses

[Ralf001]

5 hours ago, Celsius said:

and equally contribute to the household?

 

Yes.