What are the best ways to meet other expats?

[JimTripper]

I was in an upscale chocolate/sundae place one day in Bangkok and a large group started slowly filtering in.

 

Apparently, it was an expat meetup that day. As I watched the group it felt kind of weird though and not natural. Like people did not know what to say really.

 

One guy came in and announced "I'm an expat!" and left after about 5 minutes of small talk 🤣.

 

I thought of joining in but it felt weird to me so I never did. I don't like large groups like that just meeting for the first time. Feels to contrived and also makes me nervous because it feels like I'm expected to play a role or say the right things.

 

Like someone mentioned above, I think you need an activity in common to focus on like biking, exercise or whatever to make it easier. So my answer to the Op is do what you enjoy doing and talk to other people you meet doing those things. If everything you enjoy is solo, you may not want to meet people at all. 🤷🏻‍♂️

Edited August 11 by JimTripper

[steven100]

33 minutes ago, brianthainess said:

Yea most of mine are too, just had another carp it 2 days ago, although I wouldn't call him a friend but his Thai wife is, I've known her for 18 yrs. 

yep ....  they get on a bit and then it's kapoof ' .....    I don't have a dog so my only real friend is the bottle.  

 

 

 

Edited August 11 by steven100

[rickudon]

When i came to Udon 15 years ago, i found most expats friendly and helpful, made a few friends. There was an expat meetup once a month which would see about 20 people turn up.

Unfortunately all started to change about 3 years later. Other expats stopped saying hello to strangers, the monthly meetup attendance fell until i was alone or just one or two others. Had up to 12 people at our local bridge club, now down to 4 or 5, but half over 80 now, haven't been able to recruit anyone new in 5 years. Had 3 fishing companions, one dead, one gone and one had a stroke and doesn't fish anymore.

 

I think many are just too old and sit at home most of the time. Others have become conspiracy nuts or take offence at the slightest perceived offence. Declining exchange rates and frozen pensions have not helped.

 

It is true i have never met so many people who admitted to being criminals here!

 

I must admit i rarely socialise with other expats now, as bars not my thing and i stopped drinking (rarely drank much anyway, stopped when wine taxes made it as expensive as imported spirits). Only know of one social gathering on a Friday, but other side of town and conflicts with school pickup, so rarely go.

 

If you live in Udon Thani and would like  to play bridge (no experience necessary) or go fishing I am still friendly enough! Can PM me.

[Photoguy21]

On 8/8/2024 at 5:01 PM, RT555 said:

Why? Do you have a socializing problem?

Maybe he is anti-social? Just saying.

[JimTripper]

41 minutes ago, Photoguy21 said:

Maybe he is anti-social? Just saying.

Or they find Thai people annoying.

[Photoguy21]

1 minute ago, JimTripper said:

Or they find Thai people annoying.

Maybe he is like a number of people who come to Thailand in that they expect the locals to speak their language.

[KannikaP]

If you want the initial to be contact via this forum, I would suggest you change your Avatar.

[gargamon]

I think Bob is looking for a friend.

[gomangosteen]

I had an approx 15 minutes conversation with an expat in January and was concerned I might have a bad year as my 2023 total was five, all either at the beach or shops. But here we are in August and my tally remains at one.

 

I don't need to go out of my way to avoid them, it's rare to meet one in Chanthaburi other than a walking-past nod of acknowledgement.

 

 

 

 

 

[JimTripper]

2 hours ago, Photoguy21 said:

Maybe he is like a number of people who come to Thailand in that they expect the locals to speak their language.

That's a common rebuttal but you are playing word games. I doubt he cares what others do. He meant he wants to be around others who speak english like other expats. It does not seem like he is interested in Thai people or getting them to speak english.

Edited August 11 by JimTripper

[simon43]

On 8/8/2024 at 10:55 AM, sungod said:

I was always quite surprised on the 'well to do professional expats' I bumped into in a club in Bangkok, Sukhumvit 7/1- 'Eden' I think it was called. Not sure why, but they were always rather shy when recognised.

I recall yonks ago seeing a good British friend of mine jump out of a taxi on Silom road.  I was just about to call out to him when he was followed out of the taxi by a very butch-looking ladyboy... 

 

I kept my mouth shut and went to have a hotdog at the nearby restaurant 🙂

[sungod]

25 minutes ago, simon43 said:

I recall yonks ago seeing a good British friend of mine jump out of a taxi on Silom road.  I was just about to call out to him when he was followed out of the taxi by a very butch-looking ladyboy... 

 

I kept my mouth shut and went to have a hotdog at the nearby restaurant 🙂

 

I'm sure he had sausage too

[Photoguy21]

19 hours ago, JimTripper said:

That's a common rebuttal but you are playing word games. I doubt he cares what others do. He meant he wants to be around others who speak english like other expats. It does not seem like he is interested in Thai people or getting them to speak english.

If you want to live in a country that is not your place of birth then try to learn some of the language. You are not superior to the locals. Get over you superior attitude.

[JimTripper]

7 hours ago, Photoguy21 said:

If you want to live in a country that is not your place of birth then try to learn some of the language. You are not superior to the locals. Get over you superior attitude.

That's not a requirement and most locals don't care if you speak their language (unless they need to sell something). It has nothing to do with superiority.

 

It seems you have developed a complex of sorts. Look at why you think people care so much about what you do or why you need to please other people.

[Photoguy21]

16 hours ago, JimTripper said:

That's not a requirement and most locals don't care if you speak their language (unless they need to sell something). It has nothing to do with superiority.

 

It seems you have developed a complex of sorts. Look at why you think people care so much about what you do or why you need to please other people.

It has the air of entitlement. If you want to enjoy a culture you need to attempt to assimilate to the culture. If you don't want to bother learning a little of their language but expect them to communicate with you then go go back to your home country where I assume the people can understand you

[Yellowtail]

Why not hang around the bathrooms at immigration? 

[soalbundy]

On 8/7/2024 at 3:54 PM, Conan The Barbarian said:

Are there any expat events or get-togethers? I'm really tired of only seeing Thai faces, especially since they can't speak English and I don't know Thai.

Go to the IDC in Bangkok

[Conan The Barbarian]

3 hours ago, Yellowtail said:

Why not hang around the bathrooms at immigration? 

That's where you stay usually?

[CANSIAM]

At 9:30am in the beer bars.........😆

[Yellowtail]

59 minutes ago, Conan The Barbarian said:

That's where you stay usually?

Nom but I see guys like you hanging there when I do my 90-day reports. 

[JimTripper]

6 hours ago, Photoguy21 said:

It has the air of entitlement. If you want to enjoy a culture you need to attempt to assimilate to the culture. If you don't want to bother learning a little of their language but expect them to communicate with you then go go back to your home country where I assume the people can understand you

You're projecting your own complexes onto other people. The reality is you have no idea what they are assuming unless you ask them.

 

They could be thinking the exact opposite and there are many other scenario's. For example, they could feel sorry for you that you can't communicate, they could be happy because they don't want to talk or explain things, they could just accept it, or they could even like it, etc. The list goes on.

 

I suggest you ask the people involved in that kind of interaction next time to see what they are thinking. Instead of assuming you know straight away and going off in a huff. Is that what you typically do? The answers you get may surprise you and not be what you were assuming at all. If you don't speak their language then use body language and facial expressions the best you can. Let me know if you find any entitlement that the person agrees they are doing.

 

If you still see "stuff" underneath in the behavior of others no matter what feedback you are given you need to consider therapy. That's what psychoanalysis does is it help you release these "phantoms" that are causing you to react negatively to others. When you clear this stuff up it feels like other people have changed around you for some reason, are happier and Ok, etc, but it's really your perception of them that has changed.

Edited August 13 by JimTripper