What stage of the relationship are you currently in with your Thai lady?

[Gandtee]

6 hours ago, JK-Trilly said:

Ah, the crescendo of any romantic relationship. Who could possibly ask for anything more. 

'I fart in your general direction' Monty Python.

[NorthernRyland]

1 hour ago, FarmerJoe said:

is very good at bookkeeping and money management.

the perfect women!

[newbee2022]

10 hours ago, Chris Daley said:

Stage 1 Honeymoon Phase - She is adorable and you want to buy her things.  She seems like a decent person.

 

Stage 2 Financial Dependency Stage - The mask is now off.  She demands for things.  'If you don't keep this job, we are finished!!'

 

Stage 3 Abusive Stage - She is now an emotional an psychological bully.  Every little thing is an argument.  You can't do right for doing wrong.  Your entire life is now just to make her happy.

 

I drifted into stage 3 so I said 'okay sure, I'm going'...  She quickly went back to stage 2.  Nice meals, nice outfits, and a more pleasant personality.

 

How about you?  What stage of the relationship are you at with your Thai lady?

The stage to jump into the coffin. 😱

[fondue zoo]

 

The bushy bush stage, but we're good.

 

 

[ChipButty]

Well past it's use by date

[Wrwest]

10 hours ago, save the frogs said:

 

To pretend we're living in a world where money doesn't matter in relationships is delusional.

Best thing is to gauge at the beginning of the relationship what the financial expectations are.

Although it's impolite to discuss openly in a polite society that likes to pretend that relationships are all about love. 

This delusion and lack of being up front about finances is the single biggest reason for divorce. 

 

Agreed and consistent with my approach as an older retired American. Quite honestly stated that I was not rich. That I could not afford to retire in my own country. That I had a sustainable monthly income of the required immigration 65K. Willing to share that amount but ... that is all there is (any baht currency benefit goes toward trips mostly). Going on 8 years.

[Celsius]

11 hours ago, Chris Daley said:

She is adorable and you want to buy her things.  She seems like a decent person.

 

Where's Batman slap meme?

 

 

[Celsius]

11 hours ago, Chris Daley said:

She is adorable and you want to buy her things.  She seems like a decent person.

 

Oh here it is

 

 

 

[thaibeachlovers]

11 hours ago, Chris Daley said:

Stage 1 Honeymoon Phase - She is adorable and you want to buy her things.  She seems like a decent person.

I never had a stage 1. I gave them what they agreed to and they earned their stay.

 

Perhaps you are employing the wrong women.

If you have to threaten them to make them stay, they won't be happy campers.

 

Perhaps I'm not reading the OP properly and the OP is talking about non employees, in which case the OP is IMO living in Lala land thinking a Thai lass will fill his needs voluntarily, in which case it's no wonder he's having problems.

[thaibeachlovers]

11 hours ago, save the frogs said:

 

To pretend we're living in a world where money doesn't matter in relationships is delusional.

Best thing is to gauge at the beginning of the relationship what the financial expectations are.

Although it's impolite to discuss openly in a polite society that likes to pretend that relationships are all about love. 

This delusion and lack of being up front about finances is the single biggest reason for divorce. 

 

I don't know about others reasons but I exited both my long term relationships because they became people I no longer wished to live with. Nothing to do with money.

[OneMoreFarang]

10 hours ago, save the frogs said:

To pretend we're living in a world where money doesn't matter in relationships is delusional.

Best thing is to gauge at the beginning of the relationship what the financial expectations are.

Although it's impolite to discuss openly in a polite society that likes to pretend that relationships are all about love. 

This delusion and lack of being up front about finances is the single biggest reason for divorce. 

 

In theory that works. But does it work in the real world?

I.e. lots of girls work in minimum wage jobs, about 10,000B per months.

I am sure many of them would be delighted if you would suggest to them that you give them 15k or 20k per month and they have to pay all their living cost, support for their family, etc.

And then, most likely more sooner than later, they find out that 20k is not as much as they thought it is. (I am not talking about 20k pocket money, I talk about all kind of expenses which in my case, I pay all by myself).

It reminds me of my first job back home. Like: Wow, so much money, I will never be able to spend so much. I was able to spend a lot more. And so are the girls.

Higher living standard, higher expenses, and likely it will get higher and more expensive.

 

With my gf we often go to the fresh market, and she buys a kg of shrimps, and a kg crabs, and things like that. Most of the time seafood which she always liked but couldn't afford when she was alone. Luckily, she is a good cook and likes the fresh market. If we would buy the same in the supermarket it would be more expensive. And she/we would eat seafood in restaurants all the time, it would obviously be a lot more expensive.

Does she realize that she has all the good food which she always wanted? Not really, it's just there. Sometimes, when she sends picture of the food to her friends, they all tell her they want the same. But for her, it's "normal".

[thaibeachlovers]

2 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

 

In theory that works. But does it work in the real world?

I.e. lots of girls work in minimum wage jobs, about 10,000B per months.

I am sure many of them would be delighted if you would suggest to them that you give them 15k or 20k per month and they have to pay all their living cost, support for their family, etc.

And then, most likely more sooner than later, they find out that 20k is not as much as they thought it is. (I am not talking about 20k pocket money, I talk about all kind of expenses which in my case, I pay all by myself).

It reminds me of my first job back home. Like: Wow, so much money, I will never be able to spend so much. I was able to spend a lot more. And so are the girls.

Higher living standard, higher expenses, and likely it will get higher and more expensive.

 

With my gf we often go to the fresh market, and she buys a kg of shrimps, and a kg crabs, and things like that. Most of the time seafood which she always liked but couldn't afford when she was alone. Luckily, she is a good cook and likes the fresh market. If we would buy the same in the supermarket it would be more expensive. And she/we would eat seafood in restaurants all the time, it would obviously be a lot more expensive.

Does she realize that she has all the good food which she always wanted? Not really, it's just there. Sometimes, when she sends picture of the food to her friends, they all tell her they want the same. But for her, it's "normal".

When the "special" becomes abundant it's no longer special, but the "norm".

[OneMoreFarang]

7 hours ago, Utalk2mutt said:

I married her last week. Together 7.5 years

Why did you marry her after all those years?

Do you expect that your relationship including marriage will be the same? Do you think that makes it better? Do you fear it might make it worse (for you)?

[Cameroni]

4 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

 

In theory that works. But does it work in the real world?

I.e. lots of girls work in minimum wage jobs, about 10,000B per months.

I am sure many of them would be delighted if you would suggest to them that you give them 15k or 20k per month and they have to pay all their living cost, support for their family, etc.

And then, most likely more sooner than later, they find out that 20k is not as much as they thought it is. (I am not talking about 20k pocket money, I talk about all kind of expenses which in my case, I pay all by myself).

It reminds me of my first job back home. Like: Wow, so much money, I will never be able to spend so much. I was able to spend a lot more. And so are the girls.

Higher living standard, higher expenses, and likely it will get higher and more expensive.

 

With my gf we often go to the fresh market, and she buys a kg of shrimps, and a kg crabs, and things like that. Most of the time seafood which she always liked but couldn't afford when she was alone. Luckily, she is a good cook and likes the fresh market. If we would buy the same in the supermarket it would be more expensive. And she/we would eat seafood in restaurants all the time, it would obviously be a lot more expensive.

Does she realize that she has all the good food which she always wanted? Not really, it's just there. Sometimes, when she sends picture of the food to her friends, they all tell her they want the same. But for her, it's "normal".

 

Can I ask, since you've been together for so long, do you feel the two of you have a real "connection"? Do you watch the same movies, have long conversations about serious things, etc? Because I am wondering, if the girlfriend speaks mediocre English and the bf speaks mediocre Thai, if building this "connection" is possible. Or does it come anyway after so many years?

[brianthainess]

11 hours ago, Chris Daley said:

How about you?  What stage of the relationship are you at with your Thai lady?

Just paying the bar fine so far, I'll get back to you when I'm putting a condom on.......

[ChrisKC]

11 hours ago, Chris Daley said:

Stage 1 Honeymoon Phase - She is adorable and you want to buy her things.  She seems like a decent person.

 

Stage 2 Financial Dependency Stage - The mask is now off.  She demands for things.  'If you don't keep this job, we are finished!!'

 

Stage 3 Abusive Stage - She is now an emotional an psychological bully.  Every little thing is an argument.  You can't do right for doing wrong.  Your entire life is now just to make her happy.

 

I drifted into stage 3 so I said 'okay sure, I'm going'...  She quickly went back to stage 2.  Nice meals, nice outfits, and a more pleasant personality.

 

How about you?  What stage of the relationship are you at with your Thai lady?

 

Anything to do with you, I wonder?

 

Thank goodness (for me) none of the stages you have attracted!

[paul1804]

Divorced and severely ripped off, my own fault! I was way to trusting and generous only to be manipulated, lied to and stolen from, and of course now slandered!!!

 

I am sure there are many Thai ladies that make great partners but most Thai's have an extreme love of money that often over rides ethics and morals of the western world, I am quite sure these over sights are known to Thai's but old habits die hard and override what they most likely know will be problematic in a relationship. Its easy to be wise afterwards, set a firm precedent from the start and dont let the situation become available and your relationship will have a greater chance of survival. 

[OneMoreFarang]

2 minutes ago, Cameroni said:

Can I ask, since you've been together for so long, do you feel the two of you have a real "connection"? Do you watch the same movies, have long conversations about serious things, etc? Because I am wondering, if the girlfriend speaks mediocre English and the bf speaks mediocre Thai, if building this "connection" is possible. Or does it come anyway after so many years?

 

We are mostly happy together. We enjoy being together. And we also accept that we both have our own friends. I.e. sometime I see my friends. She knows most of them, but she also knows if we have i.e. lunch together than I would speak 90% of the time with my friend and little with her. As a consequence I see my friends mostly without her. And she sees her family and some friends mostly without me. I "know" her family. But visiting them up country without AC and lots of dogs and cats and children is just not my thing. My gf likes it.

 

I have very few serious conversations with her. And I don't miss that. If I want to talk about serious issues, then I can have such conversations with other people.

With her I don't see the need for serious conversations. If there is anything important to decide, I do it by myself. And she doesn't want to be a dominant partner. When she says "up to you" she mostly means it.

 

About movies and things like that, sometimes we watch movies together and enjoy them together. But there are definitely enough movies and video clips on which we have opposing taste. I.e. likes to watch Thai people preparing food and eating food. I understand watching how they prepare food, but I don't know why anybody would watch "for hours" when other people just eat.

 

I watch i.e. videos from guys working on cars and bikes and maybe electronics. She is not interested in any of that.

 

Summary: It's nice to be together with a nice girl. But it is also important that we both have our own friends. It doesn't make sense to try to do everything all the time only together. 

 

[retarius]

Blissfully happy with her after 20 years.

[Cameroni]

2 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

 

We are mostly happy together. We enjoy being together. And we also accept that we both have our own friends. I.e. sometime I see my friends. She knows most of them, but she also knows if we have i.e. lunch together than I would speak 90% of the time with my friend and little with her. As a consequence I see my friends mostly without her. And she sees her family and some friends mostly without me. I "know" her family. But visiting them up country without AC and lots of dogs and cats and children is just not my thing. My gf likes it.

 

I have very few serious conversations with her. And I don't miss that. If I want to talk about serious issues, then I can have such conversations with other people.

With her I don't see the need for serious conversations. If there is anything important to decide, I do it by myself. And she doesn't want to be a dominant partner. When she says "up to you" she mostly means it.

 

About movies and things like that, sometimes we watch movies together and enjoy them together. But there are definitely enough movies and video clips on which we have opposing taste. I.e. likes to watch Thai people preparing food and eating food. I understand watching how they prepare food, but I don't know why anybody would watch "for hours" when other people just eat.

 

I watch i.e. videos from guys working on cars and bikes and maybe electronics. She is not interested in any of that.

 

Summary: It's nice to be together with a nice girl. But it is also important that we both have our own friends. It doesn't make sense to try to do everything all the time only together. 

 

Thanks for your honest answer, much appreciated. I've just come out of a 20 year marriage to a woman who spoke my language well, and with whom I shared interests, and could have fairly intelligent conversations. The downside was that she eventually thought she was so smart that she should take over our business and thought her way was always the best. Eventually I hit the exit button. Now, since last year, I'm with a Thai girl who is exactly like you say always says "up to you" and expects you to take the lead on everything, we have completely different tastes in flms, food etc, and she longs for visits to her family.

 

Even though she went to uni, speaks ok English and manages well to convey meaning, it's not the same as talking to a highly educated person who speaks English like a native. I do miss that closeness, the shared interests in films you can talk about and so on. i just don't feel all that close to my current Thai gf, though she's cute and affectionate, just that "connection thing" seemed missing. I was hoping it could come, but it looks like without major language training it's not.

 

Ultimatley, it looks like it's not necessary and you can still be happy. It's just a different type of living I suppose.

[radiochaser]

Maybe a little off topic.

I found out after I married my Thai wife, she was going to wait until she got her permanent green card, which would be two years after our marriage, then leave me!!

After 30 years of waiting for her to leave, she is still here!!!

Oh, and she has an income that is 3 times what mine is.   

[Hummin]

12 hours ago, Kinnock said:

13 years at Stage 1 .... except for a few days each month when it's like the beach landing scene from Saving Private Ryan.

5 days a month, 

 

Except that wonderful wife. 

 

Stage: Happy wife Happy life

[Hummin]

Just now, radiochaser said:

Maybe a little off topic.

I found out after I married my Thai wife, she was going to wait until she got her permanent green card, which would be two years after our marriage, then leave me!!

After 30 years of waiting for her to leave, she is still here!!!

Oh, and she has an income that is 3 times what mine is.   

She kept you on gras for 30 years? 

[radiochaser]

2 minutes ago, Hummin said:

She kept you on gras for 30 years? 

Does, "gras" mean: Generally Recognized As Safe.?

I had to do an internet search for that term.    

If that is the description, then yes, I guess she did.   

 

But I supported her until she started earning more money than I did, and she still stayed with me. 

[OneMoreFarang]

9 minutes ago, Cameroni said:

Thanks for your honest answer, much appreciated. I've just come out of a 20 year marriage to a woman who spoke my language well, and with whom I shared interests, and could have fairly intelligent conversations. The downside was that she eventually thought she was so smart that she should take over our business and thought her way was always the best. Eventually I hit the exit button. Now, since last year, I'm with a Thai girl who is exactly like you say always says "up to you" and expects you to take the lead on everything, we have completely different tastes in flms, food etc, and she longs for visits to her family.

 

Even though she went to uni, speaks ok English and manages well to convey meaning, it's not the same as talking to a highly educated person who speaks English like a native. I do miss that closeness, the shared interests in films you can talk about and so on. i just don't feel all that close to my current Thai gf, though she's cute and affectionate, just that "connection thing" seemed missing. I was hoping it could come, but it looks like without major language training it's not.

 

Ultimatley, it looks like it's not necessary and you can still be happy. It's just a different type of living I suppose.

 

I met my gf in a bar, when she was young. She does not have much formal education. So, for us, it's not surprising that we don't have conversations about serious things.

 

But, it seems to me that "educated" Thai women are (mostly) not much better. A friend married a Thai woman almost the same age. She is well educated and has a well-paid job in accounting. And, does he talk to her about serious things, world politics, something like that? No! And she also watches tiktok videos.

I also met enough educated women through work. There are very few who would want to have a serious conversation. Fun (like tiktok) is just so much more important...

 

I have from time to time serious conversations with farang women (who I know through business). I like to talk to them. But on the other hand, not one of those serious women was ever on my "it would be nice to be with her" list.

 

[Celsius]

20 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

But, it seems to me that "educated" Thai women are (mostly) not much better

 

Of course not, because you convinced yourself that way.

[Cameroni]

19 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

 

I met my gf in a bar, when she was young. She does not have much formal education. So, for us, it's not surprising that we don't have conversations about serious things.

 

But, it seems to me that "educated" Thai women are (mostly) not much better. A friend married a Thai woman almost the same age. She is well educated and has a well-paid job in accounting. And, does he talk to her about serious things, world politics, something like that? No! And she also watches tiktok videos.

I also met enough educated women through work. There are very few who would want to have a serious conversation. Fun (like tiktok) is just so much more important...

 

I have from time to time serious conversations with farang women (who I know through business). I like to talk to them. But on the other hand, not one of those serious women was ever on my "it would be nice to be with her" list.

 

 

It seems to be that way in Thailand from friends I talk to. I have to say it was different when I was with a Filipina before, again there was that shared interest, ability to talk about things and that was as much about her personality as it was because the English was quite a bit better. However, sadly she was a liar and completely unreliable as time revealed. My experience in Thailand has been different, the girl is more reliable but less able to speak English, so I thought that might be the reason this connection building takes longer. But I feel a lot more safe in the sense of being with someone who is not a liar or unreliable. Just my personal experience so far. 

 

I think the connection is getting better, we're getting closer. Just quite slowly and carefully, and I'm not sure if there'll ever be that full meeting of minds that was possible with someone who spoke much better English.

[spidermike007]

2 hours ago, GinBoy2 said:

Yeah those of us in the 20+ years it's a whole different thing.

 

We're in our 50's 60's, kids are all grown up and we're just 'comfortable' with each other.

 

Nothing to prove, we just live a generally happy life, kids and grandkids.

 

I certainly don't understand how the older guys figure it out with a gf half their age, I'd be exhausted.

 

So me and my old bird, we potter around, go to work, go out for dinner day trips to the kids.

 

Must sound pretty boring for some, but for us, it's just back to that 'comfortable' thing

Well in my particular case my woman is a couple of decades younger than I am. But I figured out very early in life that I preferred younger women. I tried women my age, I even tried some that were older, and it just didn't work for a dozen good reasons. But, that's just me. 

[OneMoreFarang]

15 minutes ago, Celsius said:

Of course not, because you convinced yourself that way.

 

Really?

This reminds me of the female Thai manager who I asked about Biden a day or two after he told the world that he won't be the DEMs candidate anymore. Her "answer"? Biden? Who is that?

And I am sure she is not the only educated Thai person who does not recognize that name.

 

In a way I like to be well informed what is happening all over the world. I read articles and news and watch videos from educated and well-informed people all the time. So, I am able to talk about these things if I want to. But to be fair, what happens if I talk with someone about Israel or the UK or USA or Ukraine or other issues? Nothing! We talk about it, and mostly we agree that things don't happen the way we like it, but we can't do anything about it. Nothing. Zero.

 

So, if many Thais are not informed about world wide events, what does that tell us? Are they all ignorant and don't care? Or do they know that there is no point of knowing lots of things which have almost nothing to do with our daily lives?

 

My gf has a good idea about many people in our building, the food vendors outside, the motorcycle taxis and their families. I don't know anything about most of them.

Now is it so much better that I know about Biden, or she knows about our neighbors? 

[Celsius]

2 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

 

Really?

This reminds me of the female Thai manager who I asked about Biden a day or two after he told the world that he won't be the DEMs candidate anymore. Her "answer"? Biden? Who is that?

And I am sure she is not the only educated Thai person who does not recognize that name.

 

In a way I like to be well informed what is happening all over the world. I read articles and news and watch videos from educated and well-informed people all the time. So, I am able to talk about these things if I want to. But to be fair, what happens if I talk with someone about Israel or the UK or USA or Ukraine or other issues? Nothing! We talk about it, and mostly we agree that things don't happen the way we like it, but we can't do anything about it. Nothing. Zero.

 

So, if many Thais are not informed about world wide events, what does that tell us? Are they all ignorant and don't care? Or do they know that there is no point of knowing lots of things which have almost nothing to do with our daily lives?

 

My gf has a good idea about many people in our building, the food vendors outside, the motorcycle taxis and their families. I don't know anything about most of them.

Now is it so much better that I know about Biden, or she knows about our neighbors? 

 

You are confused. Although my wife knows who Biden is or Jabba the Hut for that matter, this is not what I meant by educated.

 

My examples would be different than asking her about US politics where even most non-Americans on this forum don't care