Marrying a Thai Wife: Overrated or Underrated?

[Hummin]

1 minute ago, Yagoda said:

Marriage is for breeding. Once breeding is finished and the Spawn leaves the nest, a wife has no purpose and should be discarded in favour of a new model, which should be leased on a hourly basis.

Very shallow, dont you think? 

[save the frogs]

4 hours ago, SoCal1990 said:

So, is having a Thai wife everything it’s cracked up to be, or does it come with more challenges than would be expecting or find acceptable?

 

it could enhance your life or make you miserable.

there are too many variables involved to make a sweeping generalization for everyone. 

 

[sqwakvfr]

9 minutes ago, Yagoda said:

Marriage is for breeding. Once breeding is finished and the Spawn leaves the nest, a wife has no purpose and should be discarded in favor of a new model, which should be leased on a hourly basis.

In my last deployment to A-stan our FOB had an Afghan Security superviosr who had 5 wives. This guy was about 50 and he said the wives ranged from 40 to 15. He married the 15 year old when she was 13. I can't recall excatly but he had a lot of kids and they all lived happily after in one house. Mind you we were paying this guy about $700 per month.  

[proton]

Over rated as time goes on- mine gets up at noon now and spends most of the day on her phone

[ikke1959]

Marrying in Thailand is different than in western countries.. Here a foreigner is same as a jackpot, Many Thais don't care about age as long as they can get enough money to spend, as in Thailand everything is about being rich and beautiful. That also means that you have to take for the rest of the family too, parents, brothers and sisters, grandparents even cousins....They ll want to borrow money and will never pay it back as it is seen as your duty to help the family. If you don't do it they will not like you and it even could be dangerous...There are many stories known that foreigners died at suspicious circumstances. The best thing to do is that you don't live close to the Thai family... You will get a more private life. Another thing that is a threat is that Thais are very jealous. If you two are happy, they will start to gossip, telling lies, and try to ruin your relationship. It is real as Thai friends don't like it when somebody has a better life than they have. I had similar problems and I know several other with that problem too.. Even when I lived in my own country. The Thai population is gathering and are your friends, but in the meantime they start to destroy the relationship. Nobody who my partner knew in my homecountry is still married, but all divorced because of that.. and in our relationship I stopped it in time.. Not allowed to go to casinos, not allowed to drink with them, not allowed to go out with them as they all were hunting for a one-night stand, and see the result.. we are still in love and together and they are all divorced. Just to say. Same now we are living in Thailand we live away from the family, but if needed we help them, but they can't come over and don't know anything about our life and it is quiet... so after 23 years we are still happy together, what is almost a special case in Thailand, as mostly relationships don't hold as long.  So yes marrying a Thai can be good, but you have to careful not to let you take into the Thai culture of adultery, drinking, gambling and moneygiving,,,, just live your own life together 

[Yagoda]

32 minutes ago, sqwakvfr said:

In my last deployment to A-stan our FOB had an Afghan Security superviosr who had 5 wives. This guy was about 50 and he said the wives ranged from 40 to 15. He married the 15 year old when she was 13. I can't recall excatly but he had a lot of kids and they all lived happily after in one house. Mind you we were paying this guy about $700 per month.  

Looks like he was living the hedonistic lifestyle at the Playboy Mansion, albiet with mud bricks, no booze or coke, and random goats. For the guys who dont like old 13 year olds.

[Yagoda]

59 minutes ago, Hummin said:

Very shallow, dont you think? 

Im not one of the folks here who pretends to be something he isnt.  I am who I am and Im living my best life.

 

This is a Forum about Thailand for Westerners. I would bet that a huge majority of the posters here have wallowed in the fleshpots, or want to. 

 

I bet a large majority still do.

 

Hypocrisy is unattractive dont you think?

[Gobbler]

5 hours ago, SoCal1990 said:

Marrying a Thai woman often sounds like a unique and appealing opportunity, but how can one know in advance what they’re really getting themselves into?

The idea of having a potentially beautiful, caring, and devoted wife who values family and home life is undoubtedly enticing. Add the cultural charm, great food, and warmth that many Thai women are known for, and it’s easy to see why many foreigners might be encouraged to take the plunge.

 

But is the reality as perfect as it seems? Financial expectations, for example, can be a major consideration. In many cases, marrying a Thai woman involves supporting her family to some extent. Is this considered a reasonable cultural norm, or does it often become an overwhelming burden on the husband over time? And how can foreigners navigate this expectation without running into relational challenges and a feeling of being fleeced?

 

Cultural compatibility is another question. The whole Thai cultural aspect that values harmony and “saving face” can sometimes lead to indirect communication. Does this help relationships by reducing unnecessary conflict, or does it cause frustration for someone from the West who is used to a more direct approach? And what about language barriers? How much do they limit deeper connections and understanding between two people when both partners might struggle to fully express themselves because of language?

 

Finally, there’s the lifestyle factor. Some thrive in cross-cultural marriages, embracing the blend of tradition and modernity that a Thai wife can bring. But others might find themselves struggling to bridge the gap between two very different ways of life.

So, is having a Thai wife everything it’s cracked up to be, or does it come with more challenges than would be expecting or find acceptable? For those already married or considering it, what other questions or concerns should weigh the most on one's mind before taking such a plunge?

 

Why marry? It's too much trouble. 

 

[Hummin]

7 minutes ago, Yagoda said:

Im not one of the folks here who pretends to be something he isnt.  I am who I am and Im living my best life.

 

This is a Forum about Thailand for Westerners. I would bet that a huge majority of the posters here have wallowed in the fleshpots, or want to. 

 

I bet a large majority still do.

 

Hypocrisy is unattractive dont you think?

You could look it from another perspective, you want a good wife, but you cant get one? The hypocrisy goes both ways you see. What you think of me, I really do not care, and if you do not believe there is other values than yours, fine, thats your experience, from your life, your life eperiences

[richard_smith237]

4 hours ago, KhunLA said:

Someone thinks too much.   Fantasy vs Reality ... who comes up with this stuff.

 

Take the word 'Thai' out.  It's a woman, hopefully, if that your preference.  No different than any other woman of the world.  

 

Same everywhere, emphasis on 'potentially' ... as all people aren't ...

... beautiful  (sounds a bit shallow)

... caring, good luck with that

... devoted, divorce rates not different 

... values family and home life  ???

 

More important, do you want to be married and or .... why ?

 

You're marrying the woman, not the family.   Why would you support anyone else ?  Is this something you do in home country ?

 

Cultural compatibly and the rest is just made up BS.  You're 2 people, you get along or you don't.  The rest is just BS excuses people use when things fail.   

 

Like all relationships, either works or doesn't, no need for excuses.  What makes you happy, what makes her happy, and if not like minded, it will fail.

 

Culture, language, other people have nothing to do with it.   The fantasy of marriage is a failed institution, and why so many fail.   

 

2 people finding out everything there is to know about each other and still liking each other .... 

 

GOOD LUCK WITH THAT ONE 

 

My advice ... if never wanting to be divorced, never get married.  That piece of paper is a fantasy, and for many, a curse.

 

I agree with all of this except for the final sentence, I'll also add another point:

 

1) The 'never get married comment' - For some, if wanting to be together, live together, travel together etc - then not getting marred isn't an option:  Of the majority of marriages I know, the couple could not live together before marriage. 

Thats awkward and requires patience and a learning curve - nevertheless, many families here do not allow their daughters to live to travel with another male unless they are married - and getting to that state of trust with the family so they accept you into their family takes time.

 

2) The other point - socico-economomic-educational compatibility - (IMO) dating someone within your social status (yes its a silly word but lets roll with it for a moment), someone who speaks educated English (not learned in a bar), someone with their own means (family is independently comfortable - there is no pressure for you to the the financial saviour...   Someone who 'matched your level basically'... who can interact comfortably in any situation globally, can comfortably relate to family, who's family and friends you can comfortably related.

 

IMO those are the key things.... 

My Wife and I had part 2...   but I wasn't going to be able to spend much time with her unless we were married. 

She's snuck away to the UK a couple of times to meet her Cousin working there...  But, as soon as I was 'known' to her parents, the UK trips and overseas holidays were off the cards...   We had to go through the song and dance of getting the the parents to accept me, like me etc.. Always respectfully, this worked out and we were married.

 

Her Parents are awesome, they visit us weekly, and even though they live half an hour away, they often stay over night....

 

So, yes... when we marry, we marry the family to as they also become part of our lives... 

 

As Khun LA wrote - that piece of paper might be a fantasy - but for some its a necessary box to have checked.

 

[richard_smith237]

54 minutes ago, ikke1959 said:

Marrying in Thailand is different than in western countries.. Here a foreigner is same as a jackpot, Many Thais don't care about age as long as they can get enough money to spend, as in Thailand everything is about being rich and beautiful. That also means that you have to take for the rest of the family too, parents, brothers and sisters, grandparents even cousins....They ll want to borrow money and will never pay it back as it is seen as your duty to help the family.

[clipped]

 

You have simply described on end of the spectrum and thrown it out there as a blanket generalisation when really its the worst case scenario. 

 

The primary factor is the 'standard of person you are' and the 'standard of person you marry'...

 

 

 

[richard_smith237]

1 hour ago, Yagoda said:

Marriage is for breeding. Once breeding is finished and the Spawn leaves the nest, a wife has no purpose and should be discarded in favour of a new model, which should be leased on a hourly basis.

 

But, what if you really like their cooking ???  

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, Yagoda said:

Marriage is for breeding. Once breeding is finished and the Spawn leaves the nest, a wife has no purpose and should be discarded in favour of a new model, which should be leased on a hourly basis.

I've got a 13yo ......... doubt I'll still be alive when he leaves the nest.

[BritManToo]

32 minutes ago, Yagoda said:

Im not one of the folks here who pretends to be something he isnt.  I am who I am and Im living my best life.

This is a Forum about Thailand for Westerners. I would bet that a huge majority of the posters here have wallowed in the fleshpots, or want to. 

I bet a large majority still do.

Hypocrisy is unattractive dont you think?

I revel in my shallowness!

[Yagoda]

Just now, BritManToo said:

I've got a 13yo ......... doubt I'll still be alive when he leaves the nest.

Well hopefully you will be. 

 

Because even a 90 year old can shuffle off this mortal coil with a 20 year old bouncing on his lap.

 

 

[BritManToo]

5 hours ago, KhunLA said:

Take the word 'Thai' out.  It's a woman, hopefully, if that your preference.  No different than any other woman of the world.  

Mine is a bit smaller than those I had access to in the west.

[Yagoda]

1 minute ago, BritManToo said:

I revel in my shallowness!

I consider it to be a redeeming quality.

[mdr224]

1 hour ago, Yagoda said:

Marriage is for breeding. Once breeding is finished and the Spawn leaves the nest, a wife has no purpose and should be discarded in favour of a new model, which should be leased on a hourly basis.

I could do that but then id feel like a POS. My kids would think so too

[BritManToo]

32 minutes ago, Hummin said:

You could look it from another perspective, you want a good wife, but you cant get one? The hypocrisy goes both ways you see. What you think of me, I really do not care, and if you do not believe there is other values than yours, fine, thats your experience, from your life, your life eperiences

My definition of a good wife, is one that is under 50Kg and will bang me when I feel like it.

You'd need to state your definition of a good wife in order for me (or anyone else) to decide if they agree or disagreed with you. There's a lot of guys (probably you) that consider a good wife one that cooks, cleans and does their laundry with no requirement for good looks or sex.

[Yagoda]

6 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

 

But, what if you really like their cooking ???  

Have her bring food over when you are hungry, geez. Leave it at the door and ring the bell. Make it for two Im expecting company.

 

 

[Yagoda]

1 minute ago, mdr224 said:

I could do that but then id feel like a POS. My kids would think so too

Your kids are going to think you are a POS no matter what. Give them money, they will shut up.

 

Who is the dumbest kid in the known universe. Elon Musks tranny one.

[BritManToo]

6 minutes ago, Yagoda said:

Your kids are going to think you are a POS no matter what. Give them money, they will shut up.

Who is the dumbest kid in the known universe. Elon Musks tranny one.

Kids, the more you give then, the less they like you!

This is a worldwide truth!

[Yagoda]

26 minutes ago, Hummin said:

You could look it from another perspective, you want a good wife, but you cant get one? The hypocrisy goes both ways you see. What you think of me, I really do not care, and if you do not believe there is other values than yours, fine, thats your experience, from your life, your life eperiences

Im in Cambodia. If I want a wife, Ill go to Thailand and buy one. Wives are a dime a dozen.

 

In fact, if I wanted a blonde supermodel  50 years younger than me as a wife, I would just go buy one in Dubai. 

 

Whats your childish point?

[richard_smith237]

15 minutes ago, Yagoda said:

24 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

 

But, what if you really like their cooking ???  

Have her bring food over when you are hungry, geez. Leave it at the door and ring the bell. Make it for two Im expecting company.

 

 

You misinterpreted the nature of the comment...  It was meant as a dumbed down over simplified flippant comment to a subject you are generalising from the extremes of the spectrum of experiences.... 

 

There are loads of reasons to marry & there are loads of reasons not to...  You clearly see things from the 'loads of reasons not to' perspective.... perhaps because you've been burnt like others, or just never met the right person.

 

One think I am certain of - every generalisation on this subject is highly flawed from the perspective of someone else with different experiences. 

 

 

[richard_smith237]

11 minutes ago, Yagoda said:

43 minutes ago, Hummin said:

You could look it from another perspective, you want a good wife, but you cant get one? The hypocrisy goes both ways you see. What you think of me, I really do not care, and if you do not believe there is other values than yours, fine, thats your experience, from your life, your life eperiences

Im in Cambodia. If I want a wife, Ill go to Thailand and buy one. Wives are a dime a dozen.

 

In fact, if I wanted a blonde supermodel  50 years younger than me as a wife, I would just go buy one in Dubai. 

 

Whats your childish point?

 

Thats not a wife... Thats an employee...     

 

A Wife is someone who would be with you through anything and everything... some fail at that because either both parties or one of them change....   many don't fail even though both parties or one of them have changed because the bond is stronger than the change....   

 

I think my Wife and I could be perfectly happy without each other...  We are just happier with each other, for the most part of course, there are times we get under each others skin, but there are far more times we want to be in each others company - is just very pleasant to live like this.

 

 

 

[Yagoda]

3 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

 

Thats not a wife... Thats an employee...     

 

A Wife is someone who would be with you through anything and everything... some fail at that because either both parties or one of them change....   many don't fail even though both parties or one of them have changed because the bond is stronger than the change....   

 

I think my Wife and I could be perfectly happy without each other...  We are just happier with each other, for the most part of course, there are times we get under each others skin, but there are far more times we want to be in each others company - is just very pleasant to live like this.

 

 

 

Oh how romantic. Ill be sure to put some in the contract, clause 4, Wife shall act like she cares about husband.

 

Thats right above clause 5, wife shall service husbands perverted needs whenever requested. Im a good guy, so I will list the prohibited acts.

 

Clause 3 is the important one "should Husband die a natural death, wife shall be entitled to (list $$ here)"

[BritManToo]

15 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

 

Thats not a wife... Thats an employee...     

 

A Wife is someone who would be with you through anything and everything... some fail at that because either both parties or one of them change....   many don't fail even though both parties or one of them have changed because the bond is stronger than the change....   

 

I think my Wife and I could be perfectly happy without each other...  We are just happier with each other, for the most part of course, there are times we get under each others skin, but there are far more times we want to be in each others company - is just very pleasant to live like this.

 

An employee is also with you for as long as you pay their wage (and they don't get a better offer).

In other words, exactly the same as a wife, the only difference being entirely in your own imagination.

[Yagoda]

13 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

 

You misinterpreted the nature of the comment...  It was meant as a dumbed down over simplified flippant comment to a subject you are generalising from the extremes of the spectrum of experiences.... 

 

There are loads of reasons to marry & there are loads of reasons not to...  You clearly see things from the 'loads of reasons not to' perspective.... perhaps because you've been burnt like others, or just never met the right person.

 

One think I am certain of - every generalisation on this subject is highly flawed from the perspective of someone else with different experiences. 

 

 

The easiest reason is I have no problem living alone, so a wife is just a vessel to me. I prefer to drink out of a crystal glass vis a vis an old rusty pail thats leaky out the bottom.

 

And because once I drink from the glass, I dont like it anymore so I rent a new one.

 

Im too cheap to spend the $$ right now to buy a real fancy goblet that I would keep for a while.

[Yagoda]

1 minute ago, BritManToo said:

 

An employee is also with you for as long as you pay their wage (and they don't get a better offer).

In other words, exactly the same as a wife, the only difference being entirely in your own imagination.

This should be a sticky.

[chercheur888]

2 hours ago, simon43 said:

Marrying a Thai wife?

 

I think it depends on whose wife you marry..... 🙂

Yes please tell us who's wife you want to marry, maybe the Thai wife of one of the members here?🫣

If that is the case, be fair and let him know in advance.