Marrying a Thai Wife: Overrated or Underrated?

[MCos]

You could be disappointed if you think you’re performing some sort of rescue service and your wife will be forever grateful

Doesn't work that way. It’s an equal partnership 

[Hummin]

  On 11/25/2024 at 4:15 AM, richard_smith237 said:

 

Thats not a wife... Thats an employee...     

 

A Wife is someone who would be with you through anything and everything... some fail at that because either both parties or one of them change....   many don't fail even though both parties or one of them have changed because the bond is stronger than the change....   

 

I think my Wife and I could be perfectly happy without each other...  We are just happier with each other, for the most part of course, there are times we get under each others skin, but there are far more times we want to be in each others company - is just very pleasant to live like this.

 

 

 

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Everything can be simplified same as my description as your understanding.

 

In one sentence, I help her she helps me. We both contributes to each other lives as good we can. A relationship is more than mutual exploitation, it is also mutual respect, responsibility, and caring for each other as well stimulate each other to be the best version of your self, but now I think 50% already started to puke just by reading all this obviously points involving  being in a relationship 😁

 

 

[Hummin]

  On 11/25/2024 at 3:59 AM, Yagoda said:

Im in Cambodia. If I want a wife, Ill go to Thailand and buy one. Wives are a dime a dozen.

 

In fact, if I wanted a blonde supermodel  50 years younger than me as a wife, I would just go buy one in Dubai. 

 

Whats your childish point?

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You fit your own narrative, well done

[Yagoda]

  On 11/25/2024 at 4:58 AM, Hummin said:

You fit your own narrative, well done

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Whats my "narrative"?

[Purdey]

Everything depends on the woman. You just have to take time to observe and know. I once went to live in an apartment with a western girlfriend. Perfectly sweet until we moved in, then she was screaming about the stove and how i needed to change it. 

I have always told girlfriends to live with me first and we will see what happens.

[Expat68]

They can change and very often do, then even the Soi dog is of higher ranking than the husband 

[richard_smith237]

  On 11/25/2024 at 4:58 AM, Hummin said:

Everything can be simplified same as my description as your understanding.

 

In one sentence, I help her she helps me. We both contributes to each other lives as good we can. A relationship is more than mutual exploitation, it is also mutual respect, responsibility, and caring for each other as well stimulate each other to be the best version of your self, but now I think 50% already started to puke just by reading all this obviously points involving  being in a relationship 😁

 

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I think this thread has turned into a circle jerk of those who's relationships have failed - its interesting that those who's relationships have failed show the greatest extent of misogynism...   given many of the comments its not surprising they remain alone, or in relationships where respect is lost, quite likely through their poor choice in the first place or erosion of respect in the first place... 

[richard_smith237]

  On 11/25/2024 at 5:11 AM, Expat68 said:

They can change and very often do, then even the Soi dog is of higher ranking than the husband 

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That's solely down to who you have chosen in the first place....       

 

James Sanford's Garden of Pleasure: proverb is "qui cum canibus concumbunt cum pulicibus surgent"

... He that goeth to bedde wyth Dogges, aryseth with fleas"... 

 

"lay with dogs, wake with fleas"...          as brutal as it seems, there are many who chose 'dogs' (in the figurative sense) then question why they wake up 'bitten'..   

.... many have chosen their partners very poorly, then moan about it in bars, pubs and forums such as this....  

 

For many the breakdown may be their own fault, or they just chose very poorly in the first place. 

Or, they or the partner just changed and evolved beyond recoverable differences. 

 

Then there are so many many successful happy partnerships / marriages...     there is no one size fits all salutation...  but I would argue that operating within specific criterial lends towards a probability of far less drama, hassle, and less chance of failure.

 

 

 

[ikke1959]

  On 11/25/2024 at 3:42 AM, richard_smith237 said:

 

You have simply described on end of the spectrum and thrown it out there as a blanket generalisation when really its the worst case scenario. 

 

The primary factor is the 'standard of person you are' and the 'standard of person you marry'...

 

 

 

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How long are you married with a Thai if I may ask?? It seems you have more experience than I have

[richard_smith237]

  On 11/25/2024 at 5:31 AM, ikke1959 said:

How long are you married with a Thai if I may ask?? It seems you have more experience than I have

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15 years... 

[wwest5829]

How long is a piece of string … as with the question, so many variables. Fro me? 13 years retired in the Lanna North, although my Thai Wife came from Changchoensao. Could not be happier. I have observed to others that settling here, relationship wise, has been like stepping back to the 1950s in the USA. The man is expected to provide the financial support and the Wife is to take care of her Husband. Yes, you can say it is, in large measure, reliant on the financial aspect. But we are both quite happy and think we are quite fortunate to have found each other. All boils down to the individuals involved.

[rct99q]

  On 11/25/2024 at 12:21 AM, Hummin said:

You are marrying a women, who is connected to her family with strong bonds, so the only way to figure out how it is going to be, is to know her family and friends, and live together for at least 5 years, or more, before marrying her, and you will know. 

 

Simple as that

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Actually the first thing one needs to do is ask oneself why you never married in your home country (US,UK, CAD,etc)? If you did, same rules apply here. If not, probably a good reason why a female/male in your home country did not accept. Here in Thailand money can compensate for your failures.

[rct99q]

...add to this if you have B.O., have dark or black skin, you will need a LOT of money here.

[Thingamabob]

First marriage to a Brit for 23 years was a disaster. Second marriage to a Thai for 34 years is a joy. It seems to me the pleasures/hazards of marriage are much the same the world over.

[Polaky]

Change your heading, I don't think you want to marry a thai wife , she is already married!!

[gearbox]

Another AI article....Bob is more entertaining.

[BritManToo]

  On 11/25/2024 at 5:01 AM, Yagoda said:

Whats my "narrative"?

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Brutal truth and honesty.

Vs other mens

Hopeless optimism, self delusion and fantasy.

 

I prefer your (and mine) narrative.

At least we ain't surprised and depressed when our 'fantasy' falls apart.

[BritManToo]

  On 11/25/2024 at 5:59 AM, Thingamabob said:

First marriage to a Brit for 23 years was a disaster. Second marriage to a Thai for 34 years is a joy. It seems to me the pleasures/hazards of marriage are much the same the world over.

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Same but my British wife disaster lasted 30y, and so far 15y joy with the Thai wife.

Far more sex with the Thai wife, and obviously much smaller and prettier.

[richard_smith237]

  On 11/25/2024 at 6:29 AM, BritManToo said:

Brutal truth and honesty.

Vs other mens

Hopeless optimism, self delusion and fantasy.

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This is a pathetic distortion of the realities of the spectrum of experiences.

 

Your relationships failed - thus you argue anyone who presents the 'failure' perspective shows "Brutal Truth and Honesty"...

... meanwhile, anyone else who is not experiences this broken existence is shows "Hopeless optimism, self delusion and fantasy"... 

 

When making such statements Brit, the self delusion is entirely yours are you repeatedly fail in comprehending that any perfectly healthy relationships exists because you have only ever experienced failure - You are unable to comprehend that your experiences fall on a a spectrum ranging from horrific experiences to outstanding experiences... 

 

.. Its as if you don't want to accept there is a reality outside of your negative experiences - its strange that you remain to persistently blind to the realities of normal life.

 

[Mark Nothing]

There are quite a few significant hurdles to a western foreigner marrying a thai.  Such as language, religion, culture, her family, education, promiscuity.  The list is endless.

 

But by far the biggest hurdle for me was the social hierarchy system and the foreigner not having any rank at all. Being treated as the village idiot was the final nail in the coffin.  The straw that broke the camel's back. 

 

Although never married, I dated  but was unable to overcome the downsides. So cut my losses 15 years ago and no longer interact with any of them except to conduct basic business, always politely.

[BritManToo]

  On 11/25/2024 at 6:38 AM, richard_smith237 said:

Your relationships failed - thus you argue anyone who presents the 'failure' perspective shows

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One did, one didn't!

How about you, ever been divorced, or didn't anyone in you home country want you?

[Airalee]

  On 11/25/2024 at 6:29 AM, BritManToo said:

Brutal truth and honesty.

Vs other mens

Hopeless optimism, self delusion and fantasy.

 

I prefer your (and mine) narrative.

At least we ain't surprised and depressed when our 'fantasy' falls apart.

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I was going to say the same thing with regards to you and yagoda.  An honest, unapologetic narrative.

 

Whenever I see the virtue signalers come out, I think of Bill Cosby, Michael Jackson and Catholic Priests.

 

 

[BritManToo]

  On 11/25/2024 at 6:39 AM, Mark Nothing said:

western foreigner marrying a thai.  Such as language, religion, culture, her family, education, promiscuity.  The list is

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Language, didn't take me long to teach mine how to bring me a cold beer and make me a sandwich.

 

Religion, invisible friends, she can have as many as she wants.

 

Education, I fixed that by sending her to high school and then university, wasn't even expensive.

[richard_smith237]

  On 11/25/2024 at 6:39 AM, Mark Nothing said:

There are quite a few significant hurdles to a western foreigner marrying a thai.  Such as language, religion, culture, her family, education, promiscuity.  The list is endless.

 

But by far the biggest hurdle for me was the social hierarchy system and the foreigner not having any rank at all. Being treated as the village idiot was the final nail in the coffin.  The straw that broke the camel's back. 

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I think that is an individual facet to each family and the culture within which they exist.

I have seen Western guys married a Thai lady of 'solid means' - the husband is placed on a pedestal and respected - life is good, they be able to 'leap frog' the lower pegs of the social hierarchial ladder so to speak...  

... Not that it matters... but because of 'who' they have married, their status (the Western male) has been elevated from a local perspective...   and I've seen this numerous time.

 

 

  On 11/25/2024 at 6:39 AM, Mark Nothing said:

Although never married, I dated  but was unable to overcome the downsides. So cut my losses 15 years ago and no longer interact with any of them except to conduct basic business, always politely.

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Clearly exposure varies... I thing much of the issues surrounding success is the education and socio-economic status of who we meet and also our own status, how we behave, interact, how respectful we are... it works both ways for a relationship to develop a winning long term mutual respect...   

.... Some women are just byatches... and some men are just ayholes - and if either or a combination is in any relationship, its doomed. 

 

[pacovl46]

  On 11/24/2024 at 9:27 PM, SoCal1990 said:

Marrying a Thai woman often sounds like a unique and appealing opportunity, but how can one know in advance what they’re really getting themselves into?

The idea of having a potentially beautiful, caring, and devoted wife who values family and home life is undoubtedly enticing. Add the cultural charm, great food, and warmth that many Thai women are known for, and it’s easy to see why many foreigners might be encouraged to take the plunge.

 

But is the reality as perfect as it seems? Financial expectations, for example, can be a major consideration. In many cases, marrying a Thai woman involves supporting her family to some extent. Is this considered a reasonable cultural norm, or does it often become an overwhelming burden on the husband over time? And how can foreigners navigate this expectation without running into relational challenges and a feeling of being fleeced?

 

Cultural compatibility is another question. The whole Thai cultural aspect that values harmony and “saving face” can sometimes lead to indirect communication. Does this help relationships by reducing unnecessary conflict, or does it cause frustration for someone from the West who is used to a more direct approach? And what about language barriers? How much do they limit deeper connections and understanding between two people when both partners might struggle to fully express themselves because of language?

 

Finally, there’s the lifestyle factor. Some thrive in cross-cultural marriages, embracing the blend of tradition and modernity that a Thai wife can bring. But others might find themselves struggling to bridge the gap between two very different ways of life.

So, is having a Thai wife everything it’s cracked up to be, or does it come with more challenges than would be expecting or find acceptable? For those already married or considering it, what other questions or concerns should weigh the most on one's mind before taking such a plunge?

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Have a conversation about all those topics beforehand and if you still want to marry her, get a prenuptial agreement, that besides the financial also regulates all the points you discussed. If she doesn't want to sign that she's a gold digger! 

[atpeace]

  On 11/25/2024 at 1:31 AM, Celsius said:

Another thread where I find out more about members who pay a salary to wife and parents.

 

 

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I don't but understand why many should.  This isn't the west and the majority of older parents are supported by children in some manner.  That is the system here and ignoring it could be quite cruel IMO.  in my first long term relation here the parents were dead.  Current woman has her own money but if she fell on hard times I wouldn't hesitate helping out.  

[richard_smith237]

  On 11/25/2024 at 6:42 AM, BritManToo said:

One did, one didn't!

How about you, ever been divorced, or didn't anyone in you home country want you?

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I came here when I was 22 with work....  so it was natural I ended up dating and marrying a Thai lady - thats just probability.

There were never any issues meeting or dating women in the UK before that late teens and early 20's as a student - life was fun, plenty of girlfriends...   meeting the right woman in the UK would have just been a matter of time there as it was here. 

 

Hasn't seemed to have bothered nearly all my friends who are all married, and seem very happily so.

One divorced (very early one - we could see his mistake from the offset).

One never got married (but they've been together for 30 years with kids.

 

So... not being 'wanted' is your thing...  You're projecting your failures on everyone else again.

 

And...  as yo mentioned 'one did, one didn't'  [fail] - you admit to paying one a salary...   our idea of a successful relationship differs - though if you are both happy, thats great....   you are clearly have no hangups about someone being with you for the money - good for you.

 

[richard_smith237]

  On 11/25/2024 at 6:44 AM, Airalee said:

I was going to say the same thing with regards to you and yagoda.  An honest, unapologetic narrative.

 

Whenever I see the virtue signalers come out, I think of Bill Cosby, Michael Jackson and Catholic Priests.

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I don't think arguing the narrative of Guys like 'Brit and Yagoda' as virtue signalling - its simply arguing that their perspective is one facet towards the fringes of the spectrum of experiences... 

... There are many experiences... some more horrific than theirs, and many much much better....  thats not a virtue signal, thats basic common sense in understanding that their experiences are not representative of the whole, so when they spread their narrative as a generalisation, it must be countered with 'other facts'....

 

 

[BritManToo]

  On 11/25/2024 at 7:01 AM, richard_smith237 said:

And...  as yo mentioned 'one did, one didn't'  [fail] - you admit to paying one a salary...   our idea of a successful relationship differs - though if you are both happy, thats great....   you are clearly have no hangups about someone being with you for the money - good for you.

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I've always been fairly wealthy, nobody in my family needed to work, not me, not any woman that lived with me. I did work after university, but I was just wasting my time, thinking back I'm not sure why I bothered.

[atpeace]

  On 11/25/2024 at 7:01 AM, richard_smith237 said:

 

I came here when I was 22 with work....  so it was natural I ended up dating and marrying a Thai lady - thats just probability.

There were never any issues meeting or dating women in the UK before that late teens and early 20's as a student - life was fun, plenty of girlfriends...   meeting the right woman in the UK would have just been a matter of time there as it was here. 

 

Hasn't seemed to have bothered nearly all my friends who are all married, and seem very happily so.

One divorced (very early one - we could see his mistake from the offset).

One never got married (but they've been together for 30 years with kids.

 

So... not being 'wanted' is your thing...  You're projecting your failures on everyone else again.

 

And...  as yo mentioned 'one did, one didn't'  [fail] - you admit to paying one a salary...   our idea of a successful relationship differs - though if you are both happy, thats great....   you are clearly have no hangups about someone being with you for the money - good for you.

 

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You're  comparing your relationship here to relationships back in the UK.  Don't partners in The UK share funds? I would bet there are many women that do get a salary/budget every month.  

 

So you came here at 22 and married a Thai.  First, 22 must have been a good time and wish I was here before my early thirties.   Most expats here make much more than their partners and as happens in the UK, end up supporting their partners.  Many of my friends fully support their wife back in the USA financially even though the wife is fully capable of working.  If you were the exception and didn't make more than your wife, then not supporting her makes complete sense.  If you made much more, like most here do, then not supporting her financially would be strange and selfish?