How much sin sod for 28 yo single mom of 2 Bangkok suburb (Rangsit)

[oceanbluejewell]

On 11/27/2024 at 3:51 AM, thainomad3 said:

How much sin sod for 28 yo single mom of 2 Bangkok suburb (Rangsit)?

She has 2 daughters and agreed to give me a kid. She is requesting 100k baht.  

I am a 22 yo college graduate from a top western university.

Hi Thaiinnomad3

Congratulations on meeting a nice (fertile) thai lady. I strongly recommend you read the comments made here.

But, as a Canadian married to a Thai National (who works for thai government) I will share my limited experience:

 

1) SinSod = mothers milk is money & gold that is negotiated with the mother & father of the bride. It represents their investment in the woman and considers: education, upbringing, social status in community, abilities and even if her virginity is intact. The gold portion is security for the wife; incase you run away before ceremony. Thai woman are obliged to help support their parents in thai culture, in marriage her ability to help support them is lessened as she must focus on her new family. I too was told if a thai woman was previously married NOT to pay sinsod.

(Prior to my current wife I dated a woman previously married and with 2 children. Our relationship goto the point of discussion about possible marriage. At no time did she or her family bring up sinsod)

2) Marriage in Thailand can be informal meaning not registered at the local Ampuer office or registered. If registered each can declare assets not brought into the marriage as well as other conditions.

3) Now days sinsod is most often returned 3 days later by the parents as capital for your new family.

4) Now days sinsod is often rented as a symbol used in the ceremony as well as many young men don't have the capital to pay it.

 

Your question, description and language used is cause for concern. And, raises some questions/concerns:

a) In her previous marriage was it registered? If so there will be marriage contract and divorce contract. 

b) Getting married either informal or registered is easy, getting divorced in Thailand is not easy, can take 3 or more years and is expensive. Have you spoke to a Thai family law lawyer?

According to my Thai family lawyer if her previous marriage is unregistered you could become financially responsible for the 2 previous children too.

 

https://www.samuiforsale.com/

The above link is translation of law in Thailand. Goto the family law section, read and reread. 

 

If your marriage is to obtain a visa, you will annually be at her mercy as her signature is required on one document for the marriage visa renewal at the immigration office

 

Best of luck to you.

[TheFishman1]

Run Forrest run TIT

[transam]

8 hours ago, JamesPhuket10 said:

 

I think none of us understand Thai customs, I think most Thais do also not understand Thai customs, the reason being there is such a huge class difference in Thailand and so many different customs for each class.

 

During my wedding feast, the ex-vice-prime minister made a toast at the hotel reception, and a photo of him, my wife, and I was in the Bangkok Post Society section, I think that is not standard, it had nothing at all to do with me, so I am not claiming anything, I am merely stating a point about Thailand and its class system. It is an observation. 

 

People from Issan like to eat fried crickets etc, I asked a brother-in-law who was born and schooled in Bangkok if he ate them and he said no chance, I would not eat such food, I am not from upcountry. 

 

They had chauffeurs, servants, the lot, wealthy, and looked down on the more uneducated Thais, that made no difference to me as my wife and I were already living in the UK and we were only in Thailand for our wedding so what they did in Thailand had no bearing on our lives in England. 

 

A friend was talking to me a couple of years ago and he mentioned how his Thai wife crouched down on her heels down to the floor and ate, he said you know, in the manner Thais eat, I told him I have never seen any Thais eat that way, they use a spoon/knife/fork and table and chairs just like we farangs do.

 

I found out she came from a small village in Isaan, with so many different standards and ways of life in Thailand, one group never mixes with the other.

 

In my experience most farangs I have come across mix only with the poor Thais and for some reason most of the women are from Isaan.

 

Any farang who claims to know about Thailand and its culture is kidding themselves, they also generally mix with the same group or class and so do have many years of experience as they claim but in one level of Thailand, the level they are living at.

 

I have been living in Thailand for two years now although I am visiting the UK for a month at the moment.

 

You mentioned money and my lack of understanding of it, I don't need to know about Thai money whatever that means in this context, I send bank transfers to my Thai bank account when I need to, and my wealth, and property are all safe in the UK in my name and under my control.

 

We never know when temporary year-by-year visitors like us on yearly visa extensions might have to run for the hills (well in our case the airport) so keeping the majority of what we own in a safe country is the only sensible thing to do.

 

Although it must be very tempting to marry a poor Thai woman,  buy her a car and a house, pay for her parents and the sick buffalo as a lot of dim farangs do, and then think it is the norm, a while later they find it has all been taken,  they do make me laugh though, they are so gullible.  🤪

 

I don't think I would like to live in a typical Thai village as many farangs seem to do (or maybe that is what they can afford), it would be so boring, I prefer Phuket which is international and has international standards (but I do avoid the tourist areas), I can't see what people like about living in the back of beyond in a poor Thai village, why not go one step further and live in a cave. 

 

 

But, you are looking at things from your farangy hi-so perspective.........😉

 

As for your Phuket, you 'avin a larf...............

[Wrwest]

On 11/27/2024 at 3:51 AM, thainomad3 said:

How much sin sod for 28 yo single mom of 2 Bangkok suburb (Rangsit)?

She has 2 daughters and agreed to give me a kid. She is requesting 100k baht.  

I am a 22 yo college graduate from a top western university.

Nope. Sin Sot only for unmarried, first time Husband to pay, even then it depends. Explain to her that there is a cultural difference ... in your western culture it is the Bride who traditionally brings a "Dowry" to the marriage. Granted, in modern times this has taken the form of the Bride's family paying the wedding costs ... Recommend the book, "Thailand Fever" as background reading for Tai - western relationships. It is in both English and Thai languages in the same book. Two existing children and you want a 3rd? Stepping into it ...

[renaissanc]

On 11/27/2024 at 6:48 AM, thesetat2013 said:

perhaps you did not understand the dowry... if she already has a kid from someone else... you do not need to pay dowry. They can demand it. But if they do they only want so they can get that money from you. Dowry is abused by so many Thai families because the foreigner does not understand it. The dowry goes to the family. Not to your wife. So does not need to be paid if she is tainted (used loosely) with a child from another man. 

On a side note. She should feel lucky she has found you. With a child in tow from another man pretty much no Thai man will want to marry her. Or not very many. Which is why there are so many single mothers in Thailand. 

 

If you already have a kid with her then why do you not tell the woman and or family that you will put the 100k in an account in the childs name only. At least that way you will not really be losing it. So your child will be sure to have a future. The dowry is really only supposed to be paid to the family for a woman who never had kids with another man and never been married. 

It seems to me like the dowry is a big issue for your wife. Which makes me think she or her family are more concerned with getting that money that with their childs happiness and future having at least one grandchild with both legitimate parents. 

You also seem to think that her other child from a different man will not be your responsibility in raising. You will learn in time that is an incorrect assumption and you will end up supporting her and all the kids. Especially if there is a Thai father. He will not support the kid long after she remarries or marries you. 

 

(but she'll let me live in her home) She does not let you live there. She chooses to do this to be together there on her terms using your money. If there is a problem between both of you. Then you can be sure your ass will be on the street quickly. If you plan to buy a condo, or think you will. Best to do it prior to any legitimate marriage or she will obtain it in the future. 

 You are only 22... and seems that you are not thinking too much about future possibilities simply because she had your kid along with another mans child. 

Your life is just starting out. Be careful the choices you make. I would hate to see your life ruined and future poverty and misery caused by such a marriage. 

 

I've lived in Thailand for 40 years. I think that thesetat2013's post is full of common sense and good advice. I would add that your heart seems to have taken over too much and you are marrying a Thai woman far too early in your life. I wonder how much you understand the regional culture of the woman. As for the dowry, I agree with the many posters who say "No!". spidermike007's suggestion is very wise, I think. If you don't understand why, then I suggest you delay the marriage until you are financially stable and you understand Thai culture better. Having lived here for so long and being 68, if my Thai-British son came to me with your situation, I'd say to him: "Are you crazy? You should know better!" Despite this, don't be afraid to keep asking posters here for their advice.

[RocketDog]

On 11/27/2024 at 11:42 AM, spidermike007 said:

Try the approach we used, we agreed to pay a 400,000 baht dowry, but the agreement was that we would give it to the parents the day before and we would get it back the day after, so it was strictly a face-saving measure for the family and it worked out fine. 

And if they had not given it back as agreed?

 

I'm not that trusting myself.

[Hanuman2547]

You don't pay a woman with two kids any sin sod.  

She's 28 and you're 22?  Go find a woman that is single, with zero kids, and much closer to your age.  

[thainomad3]

4 hours ago, oceanbluejewell said:

Hi Thaiinnomad3

Congratulations on meeting a nice (fertile) thai lady. I strongly recommend you read the comments made here.

But, as a Canadian married to a Thai National (who works for thai government) I will share my limited experience:

 

1) SinSod = mothers milk is money & gold that is negotiated with the mother & father of the bride. It represents their investment in the woman and considers: education, upbringing, social status in community, abilities and even if her virginity is intact. The gold portion is security for the wife; incase you run away before ceremony. Thai woman are obliged to help support their parents in thai culture, in marriage her ability to help support them is lessened as she must focus on her new family. I too was told if a thai woman was previously married NOT to pay sinsod.

(Prior to my current wife I dated a woman previously married and with 2 children. Our relationship goto the point of discussion about possible marriage. At no time did she or her family bring up sinsod)

2) Marriage in Thailand can be informal meaning not registered at the local Ampuer office or registered. If registered each can declare assets not brought into the marriage as well as other conditions.

3) Now days sinsod is most often returned 3 days later by the parents as capital for your new family.

4) Now days sinsod is often rented as a symbol used in the ceremony as well as many young men don't have the capital to pay it.

 

Your question, description and language used is cause for concern. And, raises some questions/concerns:

a) In her previous marriage was it registered? If so there will be marriage contract and divorce contract. 

b) Getting married either informal or registered is easy, getting divorced in Thailand is not easy, can take 3 or more years and is expensive. Have you spoke to a Thai family law lawyer?

According to my Thai family lawyer if her previous marriage is unregistered you could become financially responsible for the 2 previous children too.

 

https://www.samuiforsale.com/

The above link is translation of law in Thailand. Goto the family law section, read and reread. 

 

If your marriage is to obtain a visa, you will annually be at her mercy as her signature is required on one document for the marriage visa renewal at the immigration office

 

Best of luck to you.

Her previous marriage was legally registered + 100k cash or 2 baht gold.
She does not require a legal marriage or help with US visa, only 100k baht

 

While I completely understand divorcees shouldn't get sin sod.
She will have limited earnings while pregnant and I'm a flight risk since I'd only stay in Thailand a few months a year. From their perspective isn't sin sod an insurance? She also got pregnant for me before marriage before but we lost the baby. 

I keep getting conflicting answers im getting exploited or im exploiting her. I considered 10k baht/month for 9 months as "sin sod" but in the meantime shed be pregnant and not working for several months.

 

Her folks are quite friendly but poor and were likely only nice to me to get sin sod

[thainomad3]

38 minutes ago, Hanuman2547 said:

You don't pay a woman with two kids any sin sod.  

She's 28 and you're 22?  Go find a woman that is single, with zero kids, and much closer to your age.  

If she can't be reasonable I will. 

[thainomad3]

22 hours ago, richard_smith237 said:

 

Untrue...  The 'TopTier' international schools offer outstanding facilities, extremely high-standards of teaching...   Simply cannot be surpassed in Thailand and potentially the region (across the Middle East to Singapore).

Extra Fee's are only charged for ECA's and these are very reasonably priced (especially when compared to activities outside of school).

 

 

I disagree - Its up the Parents and the ethic's the instil in the child along with the 'drive' and ethics instilled by the school...  That said, I would never put my kid in a government school here (I'd move back to the UK instead).

 

 

No... and yes:   the Top Tier International Schools here are recognised world wide.

But I also agree, a UK Boarding School / Grammar School / Boarding Grammar a school is also an outstanding education.

 

 

The attitudes shown by the Op are extremely odd - even for a troll. 

This idea that a 23 year old suddenly wants to be a parent and have a child, almost as if he could grow it in a test tube so there is no mother in the first place is wrong on many levels...  particularly morally where any child growing up in a such a situation has a far higher probability of suffering 'issues' due to many factors primarily a morally bankrupt and emotionally obscure father. 

I'm absolutely not trolling. Unusual sure. 
I don't see the return on investment for international schools. If the purpose is a western education just raise the kids in the west for hundreds of thousands too. As long as the kid speaks English and you get them a western passport they'll be fine. Nature over nurture. 

[thainomad3]

On 11/28/2024 at 12:45 AM, RichardColeman said:

What seems missing from this post is what is she doing to support herself , as Thai men (if two different fathers) will be unlikely to pay enough child support for her not to work and child benefit here seems very little. Who takes care of the kids if she is working, what does she work at ? 

 

You should NOT be paying anything in sinsod, she is too used for this money. I paid zero, she had 2 good kids and good family but far too old and used - don;t like saying that but its true

 

If you feel the need to give her FAMILY some monetary help then that is OK, but spread it out over time in the form of support and not a lump sum.

 

I also fail to see from your post how you would live with her, you do not appear to have a job to work here and can't stay here without work.

 

 

1 baby daddy. What did you pay for your wife in other ways? How much for the condo and jewelry? 

Agree on spreading out support.
Regarding job I'll be fine since mostly working in the US and only staying a few months a year. 

She keeps bringing up unicorn examples of some ladies getting sin sod multiple times for more than 100k.

She pays someone several K baht a month to take care of the kids (pickup school food etc)

Previous she worked as a hospital assistant making 12k-15k baht/month. Now teaching assistant 10kbaht/month (minimum wage almost).

Is 10k/month for 9 months while pregnant unreasonable for 3 months Id live in her home. 

[richard_smith237]

5 minutes ago, thainomad3 said:

I'm absolutely not trolling. Unusual sure. 
I don't see the return on investment for international schools. If the purpose is a western education just raise the kids in the west for hundreds of thousands too. As long as the kid speaks English and you get them a western passport they'll be fine. Nature over nurture. 

 

There are plenty of parents who don't see the return on investment - their children grow up to sweep the roads, become delivery drivers etc...   

 

Those who want to give their children the best possible opportunity do so to the best of their ability... this involves moving to the catchment areas of better schools, paying for better private schools, giving their kids additional tuition to get into grammar schools etc...

... In Thailand, this means placing our children at the best school we can afford, i.e. International Schools.

 

Just 'speaking English and having a Western Passport' is most certainly not sufficient...  in my opinion of course. 

 

 

Thus: In this example of an immature man wanting a child - is he aware that if he plans or hopes for the best success of his child, education is a key factor and that is expensive in Thailand. 

Before anyone takes that out of context, happiness is also extremely important, but that does not mean an excellent education and happiness are mutually exclusive. 

 

 

[Elkski]

2 minutes ago, thainomad3 said:

1 baby daddy. What did you pay for your wife in other ways? How much for the condo and jewelry? 

Agree on spreading out support.
Regarding job I'll be fine since mostly working in the US and only staying a few months a year. 

She keeps bringing up unicorn examples of some ladies getting sin sod multiple times for more than 100k.

She pays someone several K baht a month to take care of the kids (pickup school food etc)

Previous she worked as a hospital assistant making 12k-15k baht/month. Now teaching assistant 10kbaht/month (minimum wage almost).

Is 10k/month for 9 months while pregnant unreasonable for 3 months Id live in her home. 

So you're planning to have a child but only planning to be around 3/12 months.    Surely there are many desperate women 6 years older from your own country with 2 kids so you could live together full time. 

[ross163103]

On 11/27/2024 at 3:51 AM, thainomad3 said:

I am a 22 yo college graduate from a top western university.

 

Maybe you've got a degree in something but no street smarts!

Spend a little time in Thailand before you jump in with both feet. The water can be deep and perilous in the Land of Smiles.

[thesetat2013]

23 minutes ago, thainomad3 said:

1 baby daddy. What did you pay for your wife in other ways? How much for the condo and jewelry? 

Agree on spreading out support.
Regarding job I'll be fine since mostly working in the US and only staying a few months a year. 

She keeps bringing up unicorn examples of some ladies getting sin sod multiple times for more than 100k.

She pays someone several K baht a month to take care of the kids (pickup school food etc)

Previous she worked as a hospital assistant making 12k-15k baht/month. Now teaching assistant 10kbaht/month (minimum wage almost).

Is 10k/month for 9 months while pregnant unreasonable for 3 months Id live in her home. 

Why would you pay her for 9 months when she can work 8 of them? Plus the school will give her 3 months paid leave from work? 

[KireB]

On 11/27/2024 at 1:45 PM, OneMoreFarang said:

 

 

Did you get a place in that top western university because of some DEI "qualifications"?

It seems you are not the smartest cookie in the jar.

Why would you want an old woman with kids? You should be able to find some nice 20 year old hottie.

 

 

 

What a derogatory post. The man is in love, so who are you to call him dumb! I bet you could only date the girl in the photo, if you pay big bucks.

[richard_smith237]

3 minutes ago, KireB said:

What a derogatory post. The man is in love, so who are you to call him dumb! I bet you could only date the girl in the photo, if you pay big bucks.

 

He's clearly not in love !... he just wants to rent a womb... 

[thainomad3]

39 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

 

There are plenty of parents who don't see the return on investment - their children grow up to sweep the roads, become delivery drivers etc...   

 

Those who want to give their children the best possible opportunity do so to the best of their ability... this involves moving to the catchment areas of better schools, paying for better private schools, giving their kids additional tuition to get into grammar schools etc...

... In Thailand, this means placing our children at the best school we can afford, i.e. International Schools.

 

Just 'speaking English and having a Western Passport' is most certainly not sufficient...  in my opinion of course. 

 

 

Thus: In this example of an immature man wanting a child - is he aware that if he plans or hopes for the best success of his child, education is a key factor and that is expensive in Thailand. 

Before anyone takes that out of context, happiness is also extremely important, but that does not mean an excellent education and happiness are mutually exclusive. 

 

 

Different parenting strategies. https://www.morebirths.com/p/high-intensity-parenting-is-a-real

But I respect your opinion on international schools. The more competent the child the more investment. 
I should add she is okay with me banging other girls though shed get upset if she found out I want as many children as possible. 

[thainomad3]

20 minutes ago, thesetat2013 said:

Why would you pay her for 9 months when she can work 8 of them? Plus the school will give her 3 months paid leave from work? 

It would be paid while pregnant but it's for when the Childs born she needs to take several months off. In the end if she gets a net profit of 60k or so baht that's fine. Because I didn't need to rent a condo or car or jewelry. I'd overall be saving compared to some Farang who buys a car for their wife. 

[thainomad3]

11 hours ago, JamesPhuket10 said:

 

Why are a lot of people arguing about whether this guy should pay sin-sod or not, he just wants to have a kid for some reason as some sort of lifestyle that will fit into him visiting Thailand now and then.

 

Either this kid is mentally ill or he is having us on and is laughing while some of us leave serious replies to his nonsense.

 

He must be joking I bet.

"he just wants to have a kid for some reason as some sort of lifestyle that will fit into him visiting Thailand now and then."
True

 

Not joking. I want to make sure both parties get a fair deal out of this relationship. I absolutely love her, enough to visit her every year. Not so much id buy a house or car or pay an exorbitant "sin sod."

[thainomad3]

On 11/27/2024 at 9:33 PM, kingstonkid said:

She is already paying him.  Room and board as well as sex all for 4k a month

 

As wellas he is giving her the honour of getting pregnant with his seed while he then leaves her to raise his illegitamate child  on her own while he enjoys the grat U.S. and all the left leaning sex he can get.  He is also allowing her the honour of bearing the next line in his family even though mom and dad will never meet or see it.

 

God what more can she dofor him.

 

 

So do you think im getting a fair deal or not? On one hand single moms dont deserve sin sod. On the other hand she's giving me a lot and a baby for cheaper than most farangs. I dont need to buy a car or condo etc

[NanLaew]

On 11/27/2024 at 3:51 AM, thainomad3 said:

How much sin sod for 28 yo single mom of 2 Bangkok suburb (Rangsit)?

She has 2 daughters and agreed to give me a kid. She is requesting 100k baht.  

I am a 22 yo college graduate from a top western university.

 

I guess she has a 100k debt that's way overdue.

 

She's not a teacher is she? Government worker maybe? They're all riddled with debt as they get easy loan approval but end up living well beyond their means before thy can cash out with their pensions on retirement.

[OneMoreFarang]

4 hours ago, KireB said:

What a derogatory post. The man is in love, so who are you to call him dumb! I bet you could only date the girl in the photo, if you pay big bucks.

It seems many guys marry the first Thai woman who agrees. And they might be happy with her, for a while. And then many of them discover that they could have married younger and prettier women, maybe even without kids. And then some of those guys realize that now it's too late.

IMHO a guy like he describes himself should not marry a woman who is older than himself and no woman with kids - at least if that is not exactly what he wants. 

Most of us prefer young and pretty and no kids. That is nature. And there are enough of them in Thailand for almost all of us.

[Caldera]

On 11/27/2024 at 3:51 AM, thainomad3 said:

How much sin sod for 28 yo single mom of 2 Bangkok suburb (Rangsit)?

 

Zero. Anything else would be insane for a woman who's already given birth.

[bogozy]

On 11/27/2024 at 5:26 AM, thainomad3 said:

I understand divorcees usually don't get anything. but she'll let me live in her home so I dont need to buy a condo or pay for a hotel in Thailand. also she hasn't asked me to pay for her kids but only pay for my kid

Also doesn't expect any gold

Are you fool?  Are you believe, live together, with two stepchildreen, in her house, cost free? You would be asked for money, for school, food, electricity, water, fuel, maintanence, etc. No any cheap lunch. 

[JamesPhuket10]

14 hours ago, transam said:

But, you are looking at things from your farangy hi-so perspective.........😉

 

As for your Phuket, you 'avin a larf...............

 

And you are looking from your farang perspective, it is what everyone in the world does.

 

Phuket is great, but it does depend again on people's perspectives, I have come across a lot of farangs who said they do not like it as it is full of girly bars, etc, which is more a reflection on their low lives and it shows what they spend their time doing, they have that opinion as they never went to the 99% of the island which does not have girly bars, etc.

 

But that is good as we like the rif-raf low life to stay away. 😃

 

The difference between you and me is I can see why and how people's view of Thai culture is different, you seem to think your version of it is the correct one and so you try and take the piss out of people who do not share your view, that approach will always fail. 

[JamesPhuket10]

10 hours ago, thainomad3 said:

"he just wants to have a kid for some reason as some sort of lifestyle that will fit into him visiting Thailand now and then."
True

 

Not joking. I want to make sure both parties get a fair deal out of this relationship. I absolutely love her, enough to visit her every year. Not so much id buy a house or car or pay an exorbitant "sin sod."

 

I think if you change the word 'love' into 'lust after' then you will maybe realise the real situation.

 

Maybe in a few years, you might come to find the true meaning of the word 'love', it does not mean knocking out kids just for the fun of it.

 

[thainomad3]

Not directly related to sin sod. But how do you deal with Thai girls misbehaving. 

Especially when it's hard to leave not because of emotional attachment but youve invested time and money (like flights). 
Sunk cost fallacy 

Ive tried cutting off a small allowance, ghosting for days, communicating my concerns, asking her to return the small money ive given her etc. Seems toxic idk how to deal with her doing stupid <deleted> that pisses me off 

 

I gave her 3000 baht because she chose an easy but less pay teaching assistant job. 
But I told her 1000 baht needs to go to the gym. She spent it on TikTok orders

[thainomad3]

6 hours ago, bogozy said:

Are you fool?  Are you believe, live together, with two stepchildreen, in her house, cost free? You would be asked for money, for school, food, electricity, water, fuel, maintanence, etc. No any cheap lunch. 

Only this spring. in the future I'll stay like a month a year and she should let me since Id pay child support for my kid. 

[thainomad3]

12 hours ago, NanLaew said:

 

I guess she has a 100k debt that's way overdue.

 

She's not a teacher is she? Government worker maybe? They're all riddled with debt as they get easy loan approval but end up living well beyond their means before thy can cash out with their pensions on retirement.

Has 1 million baht car (think its paid off though but expensive to maintain compared to her salary)
Family home 2.5 million baht. Still has mortgage. Father and mother blue collar works almost everyday.

She had 50k (probably 20k now though) baht in the bank. 

Not a real teacher. But teachers assistant. Helps kids go to nap time, serves meals that sort of thing.
Used to be nurse assistant. Checking in patients, helping doctor. Check blood pressure. But not any real medical treatment.

 

I will do my best to negotiate it down from 100k and spread it over a few months. Making sure she's pregnant before any big money comes. The first 3 months of 10k/month is fine since im living in her home and sex daily.