Did you try to learn from others before you made mistakes with your darling?

[OneMoreFarang]

CharlyH just started the thread below.

I wonder how many people actually try to learn from others and how many do actually learn from others.

IMHO most guys think they don't need to learn anything about relationships. Maybe they think they are smart, or they think "my one is different", or lots of other reasons.

 

How about you? Did you try to learn from others? 

Did you actually pay attention and learn and avoided some mistakes?

Or did you make all the same mistakes which many others made because you just had to experience it yourself to understand it?

 

For me personally the situation was relatively easy. I didn't have much money and stayed in a cheap place. I didn't give any girl the idea that I have a lot of money because I didn't have a lot of money. So, for me it was: If you like to stay with me, fine. I should make enough money for both of us to have a basic life. But don't expect must more than that.

For me that worked out. Obviously, I also met some girls who wanted more money. But they had to realize I couldn't give it to them even if I would want to do that. Problem solved. 

 

Over time, my money situation improved. But luckily, I was never a target for girls who want (only) money.

 

 

[MalcolmB]

30 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I should make enough money for both of us to have a basic life. But don't expect must more than that.

Or perhaps they could get an actual job.

Is that asking too much?

[OneMoreFarang]

3 minutes ago, MalcolmB said:

Or perhaps they could get an actual job.

Is that asking too much?

It depends on what you want.

I don't like home work like cleaning and cooking and all that. My gf is a great cook and she accepts that she does most of the cleaning, etc.

Many Thais, including my gf, are not able to get any well-paid job. My could work for a minimum wage job or more money i.e. working in a bar (as cashier or whatever). Personally, I prefer that she is mostly at home taking care of our home and me.

 

I know other couples were both work. Then some share the work at home. And/or they have a maid and nanny etc. Everybody up to their tastes. 

[Upnotover]

But how did you find your darling's "others" in order to learn from their mistakes?

[Hummin]

I learned by just doing, and I learned alot living in the same condomenium as many service workers in Patong. Internet cafe at the first floor and learned their lives for good and bad. Aslo write many e-mails and letters for their lovers and boyfriends, and maybe one or two here have recieved one I did write back in the early 2000 😄

 

Anyway it was a good learning and also seen who of those I met there and other places turned out to be good wifes later on. I still kept contact with many of them until I married myself. Even some of the most hardcore party girls I have seen manage to establish good lifes with what I could see was good men who lived normal lifes back home, but I rarely see the same happening with hardcore prostetutes who like to drink and party, and their man also enjoy the bar life setting, manage the same success. 

 

Every girl I hanged out with for a longer period, seems to have managed their lives well, and I have to say at a time, I regret I didnt give a couple of them a change, but today I do not regret. I did find my soul mate finely, and regret nothing, it was a great learning all of it. And maybe the best of all, I do not feel any negativity against any of the women I met, and hopefully they do not have any negativity against me. Anyway, I was young and fresh, and more of a buddy to them than anything else, even I have to admit I did fell in love a few times, but I promised myself, to never ever go in to a long distance relationship, and if I was going to have a relationship with a thai women, I would live here, and be here and learn them to know by time. Unfortunately, not one of those women I met, was faithfull to any of their boy friends, after they left. And I can understand why, since most of the men they met, promised to come back, and most did not, so they learned after a heartbreak or two, to not trust any man who promised to come back to them. 

 

I also learned they had a hearth to, and quite a few of them had serious brake downs leading them to doing stupid things. 

 

Service workers meaning all kind of different work from entrepenours to hardcore bar girls, or just sweet innocent freelancers. 

 

 

[Njoku]

2 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

CharlyH just started the thread below.

I wonder how many people actually try to learn from others and how many do actually learn from others.

IMHO most guys think they don't need to learn anything about relationships. Maybe they think they are smart, or they think "my one is different", or lots of other reasons.

 

How about you? Did you try to learn from others? 

Did you actually pay attention and learn and avoided some mistakes?

Or did you make all the same mistakes which many others made because you just had to experience it yourself to understand it?

 

For me personally the situation was relatively easy. I didn't have much money and stayed in a cheap place. I didn't give any girl the idea that I have a lot of money because I didn't have a lot of money. So, for me it was: If you like to stay with me, fine. I should make enough money for both of us to have a basic life. But don't expect must more than that.

For me that worked out. Obviously, I also met some girls who wanted more money. But they had to realize I couldn't give it to them even if I would want to do that. Problem solved. 

 

Over time, my money situation improved. But luckily, I was never a target for girls who want (only) money.

 

 

No mate I didnt learn from experience, when the time arrived and I thought about dating Thai women exclusively I had just joined Thaivisa back in the day, back then it was less regulated so all those sad tales of wow and getting taken to the cleaners where all over the place, looking back now im guessing a fair bit of it was trolling but never the less it was a warning, so eventually about a year later I got on to one of those Thai dating sites, I had worked out a strategy and stuck with it like forever, over 30, University educated with a real job, no kids, and never had any issues dating here for close to 20 ys when sticking to my criteria, now you go through a few lean times here and there so you drop your guard when they either dont match your criteria or a few red flags go up and thats when ive had a few misfiring moments, but im well in control of my feelings, let the big head on my head do all the thinking and making the decisions you ghost them quicker than you can blink an eye. 

[OneMoreFarang]

2 hours ago, Upnotover said:

But how did you find your darling's "others" in order to learn from their mistakes?

I have to admit it took me a little longer to understand the meaning of your post.

With my current (long time) gf that was easy for me. I was her first boyfriend ever. 😉 

[Gottfrid]

3 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

How about you? Did you try to learn from others? 

Did you actually pay attention and learn and avoided some mistakes?

Or did you make all the same mistakes which many others made because you just had to experience it yourself to understand it?

Some people do understand things, and do not need to learn from other. Moreover, not everyone f-k up.

[connda]

Hell no.  It's just "Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!"

 

[novacova]

6 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

How about you?

If you hadn’t learned from life experiences before you got here, then you’re more likely going to have a rough time of it. 

[OneMoreFarang]

1 hour ago, novacova said:

If you hadn’t learned from life experiences before you got here, then you’re more likely going to have a rough time of it. 

I don't know where you got your life experience, but I have to admit my life experiences before Thailand did not adequately prepare me for this place.

Many things in Thailand are different, very different. 

And for many guys, me included, it was overwhelming how many beautiful girls were interested in me when I arrived in Thailand. And many of them knew very well how to make me happy - not just in bed.

Like I mentioned above, luckily, I didn't have much money at that time. I am pretty sure if I would have had money, then I would have helped a couple of sick grandmothers in hospitals far away, and maybe also the sick buffaloes...

[atpeace]

Over 25 years in Thailand made many of the common mistakes. Really didn't see them as mistakes the first 15 years and just rolled with the up and downs.  Great times but at 52 (5 years ago) I was lucky enough to be able to walk away from all my stupid decisions and only lost 50% of my wealth in the process and started fresh. 

 

Now with a new Thai woman and making all the right choices.  Life is good.  I didn't learn from others specifically but life itself.  As I got older, it becomes easier to do the right thing or at least it did for me.  It started with seeing a woman walking in a market and then everything after just became easy.  I started doing everything for us and not mostly for me.