One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't

Feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT???!!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to

hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a Woman enough for

me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for

who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time

with her.

We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, unnamed

department store.

I walked around with her while she tried on several different very

expensive outfits.

She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them

all.

She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get

a pair for each outfit.

We went to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of

diamond earrings.

Let me tell you, she was so excited.

She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.

I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis

bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is

all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurt out, "No honey, I don't feel

like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled

WHAT??!!!"

I then said "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a

while.

You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me

to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me

I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the

things I buy you?"

Apparently I won't be having sex again until sometime after pigs fly

over a frozen ######.

Can't think which wife this reminds me of!