Woke up this morning with a right stonker of a headache, shirt stuck to me chest and a taste in my mouth like I’d been licking a bulldog's arse for a week straight. Thought I’d slept funny or something, but then I clocked it, I’ve only gone and got a tattoo. FFS mates!

Pulled the West Ham jersey off me chest and there it was, clear as day, a 3" long Harley-Davidson wings logo inked just below me collarbone. No clue how it got there. Nigel near pissed himself when he saw it. Said I’d been banging on all last night about “freedom” and “riding the open road in the north,” like I’m some big-shot biker. I ain’t even got a license, mates.

We were out on Soi BuaKhao right, Red Bull buckets flying round like tits on a cow, ended up chatting to this bloke in the side soi next to the bar. He was right outside a dodgy looking tattoo shop wedged between a grass shop and some ladyboy pole dancing dump with pink lights and more cocks in frocks than a pride parade in Rio. Fella says he’ll do me a deal, 10,000 Baht right, pay half now, rest tomorrow. Apparently I nodded along like it was the bargain of the century.

Anyway, this morning I’m sat there in me smalls in the flat, no shirt on, trying to stay cool in this heat, clutching a bottle of water and trying not to breathe too hard cause me head it throbbin like I gone smashed it with a can of beans, when there’s a knock on the door. It’s the tattoo bloke, what does he want? Stood there with some other geezer and a proper attitude. Says I still owe him 5,000 Baht for the ink or he’s calling the old bill.

I told him to do one. Said I didn’t even want the bloody thing, and if he had any correct morals he wouldn’t be sticking needles in people who are half soaked and can’t even stand up straight. He reckons I signed something. Mate I was so off me b$llocks, I’d’ve signed a bargirl's soiled nickers if you handed them to me.

He weren’t having it. Bit of shouting, bit of finger-pointing. Simon just stood there in his pants eating a mango scone like it was all perfectly normal. Eventually they buggered off in a huff, muttering God knows what in Thai. All I could make out was the word kwai or e-kwai or something like that.

So now I’m sat here with cling film taped to me chest, a scabby Harley logo I didn’t ask for, and no idea what I’m meant to tell me mates at the pub when I get back. Might just say it’s a temporary sticker I got from a bag of crisps.

But real talk, what would you lot have done? Paid the bloke to keep the peace or told him to jog on like I did?

Twelve more days left in this overpriced Airbnb gaff and I’m already thinking of flying home early to The Old Dart.

If I were you Bob I change my meds and get of the piss.

well, a west ham united avatar. must be a real bloke from london.

ha ha !! nice one ... way more entertaining than another trump thread. 

Lets see a photo of it then

Scrape it off with a veggie peeler its still scabbing. Keep drinking, wont hurt.

Was BLMFem with you, I think I saw a tat on her that looked like yours.

Have you tried a Vitamin A enema? According to the self designated health experts of Asean Now, it will rid you of the condition you describe. Your syndrome was most likely caused by a conspiracy  of big pharma. Those were not  tattoo needles, but vaccine  doses being stuck in you. That's why you are ill. 

8 hours ago, Lewie London said:

I told him to do one. Said I didn’t even want the bloody thing, and if he had any correct morals he wouldn’t be sticking needles in people who are half soaked and can’t even stand up straight. He reckons I signed something

Pay the guy Lewie.

 

Stay off the booze

 

12 hours ago, proton said:

Lets see a photo of it then

He would, but the phone battery is flat!

 

Isn't that so Bob?

 

2 minutes ago, JAG said:

He would, but the phone battery is flat!

 

Isn't that so Bob?

 

 

Jeez he has a bad run with phone batteries... given he stole that massage girls phone last week surely he could keep 1 charged.

How many of these freaks are going to be trotted out.

 

Yawn. Always the same. 

15 hours ago, proton said:

Lets see a photo of it then

What would that do? You don't know what a Harley logo looks like?

I have to admit I really don't understand tattoos on men. For me it sort of reeks of desperation and a desire to be accepted. I find that some tattoos on women are kind of sexy, but on men forget about it.

 

It's just so overplayed at this point, so overdone, and it has a real paint by numbers feel to it. 

Waste of $ if you ask me

2 hours ago, spidermike007 said:

I have to admit I really don't understand tattoos on men. For me it sort of reeks of desperation and a desire to be accepted. I find that some tattoos on women are kind of sexy, but on men forget about it.

 

It's just so overplayed at this point, so overdone, and it has a real paint by numbers feel to it. 

No man excepts you to find a tattoo sexy. 

8 hours ago, spidermike007 said:

I have to admit I really don't understand tattoos on men. For me it sort of reeks of desperation and a desire to be accepted. I find that some tattoos on women are kind of sexy, but on men forget about it.

 

It's just so overplayed at this point, so overdone, and it has a real paint by numbers feel to it. 

I only have one tattoo and it is part of who I am. I honestly don't care what others think about it. I really want two more but I'd need to stop traveling a bit to afford what I want.

Look at the sign. No refunds. 

12 hours ago, spidermike007 said:

I have to admit I really don't understand tattoos on men. For me it sort of reeks of desperation and a desire to be accepted. I find that some tattoos on women are kind of sexy, but on men forget about it.

 

It's just so overplayed at this point, so overdone, and it has a real paint by numbers feel to it. 

Girls love it, they dont even care if it looks bad

10 hours ago, nick supreme said:

No man excepts you to find a tattoo sexy. 

Expects

Bad spelling on tatts is funny

2 hours ago, Harrisfan said:

Expects

...except...........

 

2 hours ago, Harrisfan said:

Bad spelling on tatts is funny

As it is here on AN

38 minutes ago, KannikaP said:

...except...........

 

As it is here on AN

excepts 

 

Not as funny as idiots who try to correct you and get it wrong.

Buh bye bye

On 4/7/2025 at 5:58 AM, Mike_Hunt said:

Bob, cool story bro. 

A close family member ????

5 hours ago, Harrisfan said:

Bad spelling on tatts is funny

 

No Regrats.

On 4/6/2025 at 9:43 AM, proton said:

Lets see a photo of it then

He ain’t got no tat, no HD, just a wanna be story teller.

On 4/6/2025 at 8:36 AM, Mason45 said:

If I were you Bob I change my meds and get of the piss.

And Pay up for what you obviously got! 

Removed over a dozen posts for disrupting the topic. A quick reminder:

 

• Nobody is forced to read anything here. The decision to click on the topic and read it is purely your own. If you can't help yourself, that's not our problem. Stop misusing the report function. If you don't like the content, or the author, the font, or whatever objection you have, scroll past. It's a skill all adults should have.
• If you think someone is trolling and you reply, you lose. They got you. People who get ignored don't post for long. People you reply to with derisive comments every time they post are laughing at you. They marvel at how easy it is to get to you. If you really think someone is trolling you, don't feed them. Others may and do enjoy others' stories. If you don't then read one of the other 15,000,000+ posts on the forum. Disrupting other people's topics is not going to be tolerated.

Look on the Bright Side....

 

Almost anything is better than looking like.....

 

QUEEQUEG.

 

But, anyway....

 

How was your harpoon, the following morning....?

Was it up to snuff?

Or snuffling?

 

 

You were, probably, fortunate to get off so lightly....

By the sounds of things.

 

 

29 minutes ago, GammaGlobulin said:

Almost anything is better than looking like.....

 

QUEEQUEG.

 

Here are better pics of QueeQueg.  I bet his tattoos cost more than 5,000 baht.