Told Him Big C, Got Jomtien and a 400 Baht Stitch Up Instead

[Lewie London]

Right, so early this morning I says to meself, “That’s it, I’ve had enough of this fake Thai cod and soggy chips rubbish in Patts. I’m makin’ me own fish and chips tonight, proper job.” So I’m off to the large Big C on the Sukhumvit Highway, yeah, to pick up some bits, taters, stuff to make the batter, oil, tin of mushy peas if I’m lucky, and a bottle of Lea and Perrins if the gods are smiling and that. Gotta be done proper or not at all, mates.

 

I hop a baht bus off Soi Diana, nothing flash, just one of them red ones making the looping rounds from north to south, with no one in the back but some scruffy barefoot geezer snoring into his farm hat and a box of what looked like pineapples. I says to the driver, “Big C Sukhumvit, yeah?” It’s a standard 60 to 80 Baht fare for this location when you take one off his usual loop. He gives me the usual blank stare followed by that little nod like he’s Einstein in fake Ray Bans.

 

So I jump in, feet up, vibing out, thinking about me crispy haddock and that first golden bite. Fifteen minutes later, I clock we’ve gone completely sideways. We’re out near bloody Jomtien and I’ve got no clue what’s going on. I knock on the side of the cab and go, “Oi, bruv, where’s me Big C?”

 

Driver pulls over sharp and hops out, looking like I just insulted his nan. Starts wagging his finger and saying, “Private, 400 Baht pay now,” like I booked a bloody limo.

 

I go, “You what? Sod off, mate. You’re taking the piss.” Told him I never agreed to that. I asked for Big C, not a grand tour of the Eastern Seaboard of Thailand. Now I’m starting to get me back up.

 

Then some other geezer comes out from nowhere, standing by a noodle cart like he’s been planted there just for drama. They start with the finger-pointing, talking quick in Thai, giving it all that, and one of them says I’ll have to pay or they’re calling the coppers.

 

I said, “Call ‘em then, go on. Let’s all have a butchers at how this plays out, shall we?” I weren’t about to get mugged off. I told ‘em, “You’re telling porky pies, mate. I never agreed to nothing private or no 400 Baht. I said Big C, full stop. Don’t you fackin' start and all.” If you’re gonna charge somebody a bunch of money above the standard fare then you should make it clear upfront.

 

Bloke starts shouting, trying to wind me up, getting right in my face like he’s gonna get physical. I says, “Wind your neck in, pal. You don’t scare me. You’ve already hacked me right off and I’m two seconds from sitting down on the kerb and letting the whole street watch this unfold.”

 

So I reach in me pocket, take out 200 Baht, slap it on the seat and go, “That’s more than fair for a cocked-up ride I didn’t even ask for. Take it or bugger off.” They weren’t happy, face like someone nicked their winning lottery ticket, but I’d had enough. I turned round, walked off towards Big C, drenched in sweat, shirt sticking to me back, muttering “Fackin’ hell” under me breath. Just wanted a cold bevvie at that point, a pint of Guinness would do me right and a seat near a big screen showing some footy on the tele. 

 

But honestly lads, what would you have done? Coughed up the full whack to keep things civil or told ‘em to stick it in his arse like I did?

[Espanol]

 

Next time, hire an air-conditioned Grab for 100 baht, with a fixed price upfront.

[marin]

Give us a break lewie. That was awful 

[rough diamond]

14 minutes ago, Espanol said:

 

Next time, hire an air-conditioned Grab for 100 baht, with a fixed price upfront.

Or better still is to stay inside and away from a keyboard!

[rough diamond]

10 minutes ago, marin said:

Give us a break lewie. That was awful 

Probably one of Bob's worst! And that is saying something!

[stubuzz]

44 minutes ago, Lewie London said:

I says to the driver, “Big C Sukhumvit, yeah?”

You told him where to go. Creating a private hire. 

 

[johng]

They don't have red busses in Pattaya (well except for the double decker tourist bus)  so the story is suspect IMHO.

[Espanol]

14 minutes ago, johng said:

They don't have red busses in Pattaya (well except for the double decker tourist bus)  so the story is suspect IMHO.

 

 

Indeed, the red buses are those in Chiang Mai.

 

 

[SAFETY FIRST]

1 hour ago, Lewie London said:

Private, 400 Baht pay now,”

Buy yourself a disability scooter, CHEEEEAP. Just a few thousand baht. 

 

Plenty of room in the back for your fish & chips 

 

 

Then head up Thepprasit in the fast lane, you'll p*ss everyone off. 

 

Another stupid foreigner, selfish woman. 

 

Poor Thailand. 

 

 

[Moonlover]

Was his first post as bad as this one?

[blaze master]

51 minutes ago, marin said:

Give us a break lewie. That was awful 

 

You actually read that dribble. 

[FriscoKid]

No bad. Good for a giggle. Far better than 90% of the windups and trolling posts I read on AN. 

[FriscoKid]

30 minutes ago, johng said:

They don't have red busses in Pattaya (well except for the double decker tourist bus)  so the story is suspect IMHO.

Prolly color blind or drinks too much to tell the difference between blue and red.

[FriscoKid]

57 minutes ago, marin said:

Give us a break lewie. That was awful 

Obviously you can do better, right?

[petermik]

57 minutes ago, johng said:

They don't have red busses in Pattaya (well except for the double decker tourist bus)  so the story is suspect IMHO.

Spot on....

[CallumWK]

1 hour ago, FriscoKid said:

No bad. Good for a giggle. Far better than 90% of the windups and trolling posts I read on AN. 

\

Does that include yours?

 

[FriscoKid]

7 minutes ago, CallumWK said:

\

Does that include yours?

 

And you are who again?