Stuck With Someone Irresponsible and lazy – How Do You Leave Without Guilt When Dogs?

[ThreeCardMonte]

14 hours ago, proton said:

14 dogs, why?

Hoarders .

[ThreeCardMonte]

4 hours ago, save the frogs said:

This story is bs.

No one in their right mind keeps 14 dogs.

rat-infested? really? that bad, huh?

 

 I really don’t think it’s BS.  Animal hoarders are a real phenomenon.

 

I can only imagine the stench.

 

If I were a landlord and a person showed up to rent with 14 dogs the reply would not be pretty.

[VillageIdiot]

29 minutes ago, MalcolmB said:

What was she working as when you met her?

Do you really need to ask?

[BritManToo]

21 hours ago, falangUK said:

insights or hard-earned advice would really help.

Thanks in advance.

Her age and your age?

Cos it seems you're dad from your op.

[save the frogs]

11 hours ago, ThreeCardMonte said:

 I really don’t think it’s BS.  Animal hoarders are a real phenomenon.

 

I can only imagine the stench.

 

If I were a landlord and a person showed up to rent with 14 dogs the reply would not be pretty.

 

So when he said rat-infested, he was being literal?

 

Maybe needs a few cats too then. Replace the wife with 2 younger cats. 

 

[newbee2022]

On 5/11/2025 at 3:56 PM, falangUK said:

Hi everyone,

I’ve been stuck in a draining, dysfunctional relationship for almost 13 years, and I don’t know how to get out without feeling guilty—mainly because of the 14 dogs we live with. The truth is, I’m the only one who actually cares for them. I cook for them, clean up after them, prep their food daily, and do all the real work. She just lives in the same space.

 

This partner of mine is lazy, uneducated, irresponsible with money, and emotionally checked out. I’ve sponsored multiple things over the years—guesthouses, her spending, daily expenses—and she’s managed to run everything into the ground. She hoards clothes, handbags, and dogs while expecting me to keep everything afloat. The place is filthy, rat-infested, chaotic—and I’ve tolerated it far too long.

 

While I’m at home scrubbing floors and feeding dogs, she’s out with her friends 8 to 10 hours a day—BBQs, parties, hikes, shopping—then comes home late. When she is home, she’s glued to her phone, scrolling YouTube and Facebook while the TV blasts Thai soap operas in the background. It’s mind-numbing. She contributes nothing meaningful and expects everything.

 

There’s no real communication. When I’m sick, she doesn’t even notice—no help, no care, nothing. But if *she* needs something? I’m expected to drop everything and pay, fix, or sort it. I know I sound like a real mug—and that’s probably because I am. I’ve been holding this mess together out of guilt and attachment to the dogs.

 

Now that I’ve finally refused to sponsor her anymore, she’s suddenly “looking for jobs”—or at least pretending to. The reality is, she’s extremely unlikely to get anything. She doesn’t even have the most basic qualifications, and even a waitress job is a long shot. And even if she does land something, it’s not going to sustain her lifestyle of parties, outings, and hoarding.

 

I know this is a self-created trap. I could walk away and have a more peaceful life elsewhere, but the dogs keep me rooted here. Has anyone else gone through something similar? How do you leave a situation like this without abandoning the animals? How do you stop being the caretaker for someone who offers nothing in return?

 

Any insights or hard-earned advice would really help.

Thanks in advance.
 

The animals would be collected and live in a shelter. 

Run away as long you can. Don't look back👍

[Muhendis]

On 5/11/2025 at 3:56 PM, falangUK said:

Hi everyone,

I’ve been stuck in a draining, dysfunctional relationship for almost 13 years, and I don’t know how to get out without feeling guilty—mainly because of the 14 dogs we live with. The truth is, I’m the only one who actually cares for them. I cook for them, clean up after them, prep their food daily, and do all the real work. She just lives in the same space.

 

This partner of mine is lazy, uneducated, irresponsible with money, and emotionally checked out. I’ve sponsored multiple things over the years—guesthouses, her spending, daily expenses—and she’s managed to run everything into the ground. She hoards clothes, handbags, and dogs while expecting me to keep everything afloat. The place is filthy, rat-infested, chaotic—and I’ve tolerated it far too long.

 

While I’m at home scrubbing floors and feeding dogs, she’s out with her friends 8 to 10 hours a day—BBQs, parties, hikes, shopping—then comes home late. When she is home, she’s glued to her phone, scrolling YouTube and Facebook while the TV blasts Thai soap operas in the background. It’s mind-numbing. She contributes nothing meaningful and expects everything.

 

There’s no real communication. When I’m sick, she doesn’t even notice—no help, no care, nothing. But if *she* needs something? I’m expected to drop everything and pay, fix, or sort it. I know I sound like a real mug—and that’s probably because I am. I’ve been holding this mess together out of guilt and attachment to the dogs.

 

Now that I’ve finally refused to sponsor her anymore, she’s suddenly “looking for jobs”—or at least pretending to. The reality is, she’s extremely unlikely to get anything. She doesn’t even have the most basic qualifications, and even a waitress job is a long shot. And even if she does land something, it’s not going to sustain her lifestyle of parties, outings, and hoarding.

 

I know this is a self-created trap. I could walk away and have a more peaceful life elsewhere, but the dogs keep me rooted here. Has anyone else gone through something similar? How do you leave a situation like this without abandoning the animals? How do you stop being the caretaker for someone who offers nothing in return?

 

Any insights or hard-earned advice would really help.

Thanks in advance.
 

 

This is just like the stuff Bob used to write.

Is he still about?

[SAFETY FIRST]

On 5/11/2025 at 3:56 PM, falangUK said:

Any insights or hard-earned advice would really help.

Rent her out, where are you located? 

 

Post a photo, what's her age, weight, height?

 

I'm sure a few guys here would be interested, might cheer some of the grumpies up. 😂

 

[Felton Jarvis]

I certainly respect your devotion to your dogs, but first, you have to look after YOU!!!!

[Presnock]

On 5/11/2025 at 6:29 PM, AnnaBanana said:

It sounds like you've "gone to the dogs" in every conceivable sense of the term.

While I might feel sorry for you uh I don't.  Man up !  either find a place where you can re-locate the dogs and move away from this person that sounds like a real taker without any giving, the sooner the better for both of you and the dogs I guess.

[Stevemercer]

Is your situation likely to get better in the future if you continue as is? Is this how you see yourself in 1 year, 3 years or 5 years.

 

You need to think hard about a plan to ease yourself out of your current situation. Maybe a quick wrench is the only way. The guilt will fade with time,

[Bruce Aussie]

On 5/11/2025 at 9:59 PM, topt said:

Walk away and take the dogs with you?

Sure that will make her happy.😂

[1FinickyOne]

20 hours ago, BritManToo said:

t seems you're dad from your op.

All he needs is an "R" ?

 

he can change father to farther?

 

I think if you have 14 dogs, the rats are long gone,,, 

[Grumpy one]

To stop her from going out so much, just cut off her cash supply.

And PLEASE let us know the outcome 

[ujayujay]

In my home it is exactly the opposite

[AustinRacing]

To add to your misery if she has sexual desires be sure she’s getting it elsewhere too. As stated you only live once and only you can do something about it. As they say “up to you”. 

[renaissanc]

The problem is the dogs. If you divorce her, you'll have to live in a condominium, not a house, and no condominium block will allow you to have the dogs.

Can you change your visa to a retirement visa? If you can, divorce her. You'll have to leave the dogs with her because you won't be living in a house anymore after the divorce. 

 

If you continue to live with her you'll never be happy.

[renaissanc]

The problem is the dogs. If you divorce her, you'll have to live in a condominium, not a house, and no condominium block will allow you to have the dogs.

Can you change your visa to a retirement visa? If you can, divorce her. You'll have to leave the dogs with her because you won't be living in a house anymore after the divorce. 

 

If you continue to live with her you'll never be happy.

[ignore it]

Yeah,

 

Sometimes you just feel trapped.

 

25 years into a relationship and living with my wife our two kids and her 8 cats.

 

Trouble is I can't do anything. I'm just the old guy with the money.

I give her money for the household on the 20th of the month and she always says she has enough, so I have to give her extra money for her birthday and at Christmas.

I get safety checked when I go out alone to the corner 7/11 or up to Lotus's or Big C.

I have to sometimes wait a few minutes for her to clean up cat barf after I find it.  I am not allowed to feed them or go near the litter boxes.

Sometimes my empty coffee cup stays by the water kettle for up to 30 minutes till it's refilled and then I get abuse for washing the cup.

Breakfast is sometimes waiting and getting cold while I'm out having my wake-up cigarette.

I have to tell her what I want for dinner by 3 PM or she will bug me.

I had to wait years before I could buy her a new Almira and more than 20 years before I could get her to build a home up country for her dear mother.

Gamble? I can't even teach her how to play gin rummy as she won't allow playing cards in the house!

We have to rent because she says she's busy enough taking care of the 4 rental condos and she'd rather keep the money in the bank.

Sometimes I just get fed up and want a change.

 

 

 

 

[NedR69]

That situation would suck to be in.  My wife does everything and will do anything for me

[proton]

OP never came back, too much of this time wasting trolling on here these days

[SMIAI]

Perhaps some of the nasty comments put them off from returning. If someone is in an unhappy situation, they don't need nasty people.

[Negita43]

 

Seriously though before you can take care of others you have to take care of yourself

[Freddy42OZ]

On 5/11/2025 at 11:19 PM, AlexRich said:

I think you have to leave and not look back. The dogs should not be your primary concern, in this situation you need to look out for yourself. 
 

Good luck.

You're right.

I appreciate some people like dogs, but they should definitely not be the OP's concern at this point. 



 

[xtrnuno41]

your house- her house? kick her out - find your own

Dogs take them with you or find temple where you can leave them.

Sometimes temples take care of dogs.

 

Just stay in the way it is and cut off the woman from any money. Ignore her and just live beside her.

Set your mind on "no care " for her, you live together but apart.

I see you already did, no more sponsoring. Stick to it ! Only if improving then YOU could change rules again.

 

As you said you can walk away. 

 

Know a guy in Hong Kong, has a very troubled relation with Chinese woman.

She IS a hoarder and brings in garbage, little appartment and then they had 5 dogs.

4 of  her and 1 of him and then all together with lots of garbage, as she picks up plastic bags (for instance) as she finds it usefull for some time, but not just a bag , no lots of them.

She hides it, as he is throwing it away again, but then she goes out to the garbage can to find it and bring it back again in the house. He cleans , she makes all dirty in no time again. Of course relation has real bad situations, so told him to leave and otherwise to shut up.

She can be very good. Saved his life for paying the bill for operation, 2 stents. She paid and she is absolutely not a rich person.

Sometimes I use that talking to him and he comes up with bad story, I remind him of she saving his life !

 

However she can also be complete out of her mind. He is quite dominating and I will not say the words he uses for her in times of arguing. I TOLD him to stop that, but it is up to him.

It is not only her fault, it is as wel his and told him that. But they are two very different people together, somehow.

Well I stop with this, as the story is really so large, ill be writing days.

Btw he left, took his dog with him, BUT they are still seeing each other again and now she is messing up his place ! My words, you know who she is, it is your place , so end it. what you dont like. 555

 im telling him now , if he comes up with again an incredible story: hey , you know who she is, you are together longtime (about 5 years) and do your thing. Accept as YOU choose for it.

 

You are an adult, so make up your mind and act. It is not otherwise.

Only you are in control of your life and tough decisions are sometimes in place.

You already took one, no more sponsoring.

Now keep on going, make it a better way for you! If you need to leave, go, find answer for dogs.

Can understand the way you feel about the dogs, they can be way better then a human ever can be, but

find the answer, all up to you.

 

 

[BusyB]

On 5/11/2025 at 3:56 PM, falangUK said:

This partner of mine is lazy, uneducated, irresponsible with money, and emotionally checked out. I’ve sponsored multiple things over the years—guesthouses, her spending, daily expenses—and she’s managed to run everything into the ground. She hoards clothes, handbags, and dogs while expecting me to keep everything afloat. The place is filthy, rat-infested, chaotic—and I’ve tolerated it far too long.

 

While I’m at home scrubbing floors and feeding dogs, she’s out with her friends 8 to 10 hours a day—BBQs, parties, hikes, shopping—then comes home late. When she is home, she’s glued to her phone, scrolling YouTube and Facebook while the TV blasts Thai soap operas in the background. It’s mind-numbing. She contributes nothing meaningful and expects everything.

 

There’s no real communication. When I’m sick, she doesn’t even notice—no help, no care, nothing. etc. etc.

 

 

 

You have seriously been living like this for 13 years? And that with 14 dogs? How did you manage that? (Head shaking slightly in amazement.)

 

I had an especially terrible collapse and degeneration of my life approaching mid-life, and my very survival was, literally, really touch and go. I needed help to get out of the rut AND help to relearn how to live.

 

Suggest you think about that if this story is true. You have been programming yourself to live like that for 13 years. These behavioral and thought patterns will not be undone in a day, even if you manage to leave.

 

My observations in life have shown me that people who escape these dreadful relationships,  without serious therapy, often hook up very quickly with someone else with exactly the same traits.

 

Good luck.

 

 

 

 

[bubblegum]

Either a troll post or the OP needs to man up.

[Bundooman]

On 5/11/2025 at 3:56 PM, falangUK said:

Hi everyone,

I’ve been stuck in a draining, dysfunctional relationship for almost 13 years, and I don’t know how to get out without feeling guilty—mainly because of the 14 dogs we live with. The truth is, I’m the only one who actually cares for them. I cook for them, clean up after them, prep their food daily, and do all the real work. She just lives in the same space.

 

This partner of mine is lazy, uneducated, irresponsible with money, and emotionally checked out. I’ve sponsored multiple things over the years—guesthouses, her spending, daily expenses—and she’s managed to run everything into the ground. She hoards clothes, handbags, and dogs while expecting me to keep everything afloat. The place is filthy, rat-infested, chaotic—and I’ve tolerated it far too long.

 

While I’m at home scrubbing floors and feeding dogs, she’s out with her friends 8 to 10 hours a day—BBQs, parties, hikes, shopping—then comes home late. When she is home, she’s glued to her phone, scrolling YouTube and Facebook while the TV blasts Thai soap operas in the background. It’s mind-numbing. She contributes nothing meaningful and expects everything.

 

There’s no real communication. When I’m sick, she doesn’t even notice—no help, no care, nothing. But if *she* needs something? I’m expected to drop everything and pay, fix, or sort it. I know I sound like a real mug—and that’s probably because I am. I’ve been holding this mess together out of guilt and attachment to the dogs.

 

Now that I’ve finally refused to sponsor her anymore, she’s suddenly “looking for jobs”—or at least pretending to. The reality is, she’s extremely unlikely to get anything. She doesn’t even have the most basic qualifications, and even a waitress job is a long shot. And even if she does land something, it’s not going to sustain her lifestyle of parties, outings, and hoarding.

 

I know this is a self-created trap. I could walk away and have a more peaceful life elsewhere, but the dogs keep me rooted here. Has anyone else gone through something similar? How do you leave a situation like this without abandoning the animals? How do you stop being the caretaker for someone who offers nothing in return?

 

Any insights or hard-earned advice would really help.

Thanks in advance.
 

If you live with 15 dogs - your decision.

Personally I would get rid of 14, stinking, sh*t producing vermin and concentrate on the partner.

Woof-woof!

[Bundooman]

On 5/11/2025 at 3:56 PM, falangUK said:

Hi everyone,

I’ve been stuck in a draining, dysfunctional relationship for almost 13 years, and I don’t know how to get out without feeling guilty—mainly because of the 14 dogs we live with. The truth is, I’m the only one who actually cares for them. I cook for them, clean up after them, prep their food daily, and do all the real work. She just lives in the same space.

 

This partner of mine is lazy, uneducated, irresponsible with money, and emotionally checked out. I’ve sponsored multiple things over the years—guesthouses, her spending, daily expenses—and she’s managed to run everything into the ground. She hoards clothes, handbags, and dogs while expecting me to keep everything afloat. The place is filthy, rat-infested, chaotic—and I’ve tolerated it far too long.

 

While I’m at home scrubbing floors and feeding dogs, she’s out with her friends 8 to 10 hours a day—BBQs, parties, hikes, shopping—then comes home late. When she is home, she’s glued to her phone, scrolling YouTube and Facebook while the TV blasts Thai soap operas in the background. It’s mind-numbing. She contributes nothing meaningful and expects everything.

 

There’s no real communication. When I’m sick, she doesn’t even notice—no help, no care, nothing. But if *she* needs something? I’m expected to drop everything and pay, fix, or sort it. I know I sound like a real mug—and that’s probably because I am. I’ve been holding this mess together out of guilt and attachment to the dogs.

 

Now that I’ve finally refused to sponsor her anymore, she’s suddenly “looking for jobs”—or at least pretending to. The reality is, she’s extremely unlikely to get anything. She doesn’t even have the most basic qualifications, and even a waitress job is a long shot. And even if she does land something, it’s not going to sustain her lifestyle of parties, outings, and hoarding.

 

I know this is a self-created trap. I could walk away and have a more peaceful life elsewhere, but the dogs keep me rooted here. Has anyone else gone through something similar? How do you leave a situation like this without abandoning the animals? How do you stop being the caretaker for someone who offers nothing in return?

 

Any insights or hard-earned advice would really help.

Thanks in advance.
 

Leave the front door key with dog number 15. She will soon sort it out, without you.