Coffee, Scooters, and Maybe Someone Else’s Missus — Pattaya Life

[Lewie London]

So yesterday I’m sat at this little coffee stand near Soi LK, mindin’ me own bizz as usual, sippin’ on a late afternoon brew, just watchin’ the usual Pattaya shuffle. Sun’s beatin’ down, smells of fried chicken and Baht bus exhaust thick in the air. Proper early evening vibe, that.

 

Then I spot this bird on a scooter a few feet away, messin’ about with the starter, lookin’ well stressed like she’s about to chuck the whole thing in the ditch. Can’t get it goin’. She looks over at me, nods, asks if I can help give it a push.

 

Being the decent bloke I am, I get up, she hops on it, I grab the back of the scooter, and give it a good shove. Engine coughs, splutters, then roars to life. She beams at me, flashes this smile like sunshine through the clouds, says thanks real sweet and that.

 

Then, out of nowhere, she comes back two minutes later and slips me her number, says she likes coffee too and maybe we could meet sometime. Proper tidy girl, smiling like she means it. Just as I’m about to say somethin’ polite back, I clock this Thai bloke across the road, standin’ by a noodle cart, givin’ me the full death stare. He shouts somethin’ in Thai, don’t know if he’s her boyfriend, brother, or just some local knob with too much free time, but suddenly the whole thing feels a bit dodgy.

 

I’m standin’ there thinkin’, Right Lew, you’ve seen this film before, starts with a smile, ends with someone chuckin’ a som-tom pestle at your head.

 

And anyway, Thai girls don’t just hand out numbers to random blokes over somethin’ that minor. Feels off. Like she’s angling for somethin’ else. Maybe she works in a bar or massage shop. Maybe she don’t. Dunno. But I’ve had enough of that merry-go-round to last three lifetimes.

 

Lovely smile, proper tidy, seemed sweet enough, but in this town, you never know if you’re bein’ given a number or a job application, or worse, an accidental audition for someone else’s relationship drama. Might text her. Might not.

 

Pattaya, eh? Never short of surprises, but I’ve learned to keep one eye open, yeah lads. 

[BritManToo]

More nonsense for us to down vote.

I seriously doubt Bob has ever visited Thailand.

[hotsun]

Did it actually happen though? I dont like fake stories

[Harrisfan]

Just now, hotsun said:

Did it actually happen though? I dont like fake stories

I never read em

[0ffshore360]

I'm just trying to imagine some twit being sucked into push starting a Honda Wave  in blistering afternoon heat.

"Run Forest run ! "

 

[KhaoHom]

Better than the last one.

 

A story well told.

[Keeps]

I personally have no problem spending 2 minutes casting an eye over Lewie's stories whilst supping on a cold one.

 

Obviously take the lot with a huge pinch of salt, maybe even a kilo bag of Saxo, but he's not doing any harm. 

 

Easy enough to jog on if you don't like it. Read a post about ghosts or bar fines or something if you want real entertainment.

[Keeps]

9 minutes ago, Harrisfan said:

I never read em

I do not believe that for one minute. So you click on the post, don't read it and then comment that you don't read it.

 

That is beyond sad. 

[proton]

18 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

More nonsense for us to down vote.

I seriously doubt Bob has ever visited Thailand.

 

Yes, this is getting embarrassing now

[VocalNeal]

15 minutes ago, Lewie London said:

I grab the back of the scooter, and give it a good shove. Engine coughs, splutters, then roars to life.

 

Push start a bike with a centrifugal clutch. Hmm. 

Honda Sonic has a clutch as would a "village" Nice. Also a Wave Z but they are few and far between.

 👃🐀

[BLMFem]

19 minutes ago, Harrisfan said:

I never read em

And you are posting in this thread because.....?

 

PS. That goes for all those who dislike his posts. 

[papa al]

28 minutes ago, Lewie London said:

So yesterday I’m sat at this little coffee stand near Soi LK, mindin’ me own bizz as usual, sippin’ on a late afternoon brew, just watchin’ the usual Pattaya shuffle. Sun’s beatin’ down, smells of fried chicken and Baht bus exhaust thick in the air. Proper early evening vibe, that.

 

Then I spot this bird on a scooter a few feet away, messin’ about with the starter, lookin’ well stressed like she’s about to chuck the whole thing in the ditch. Can’t get it goin’. She looks over at me, nods, asks if I can help give it a push.

 

Being the decent bloke I am, I get up, she hops on it, I grab the back of the scooter, and give it a good shove. Engine coughs, splutters, then roars to life. She beams at me, flashes this smile like sunshine through the clouds, says thanks real sweet and that.

 

Then, out of nowhere, she comes back two minutes later and slips me her number, says she likes coffee too and maybe we could meet sometime. Proper tidy girl, smiling like she means it. Just as I’m about to say somethin’ polite back, I clock this Thai bloke across the road, standin’ by a noodle cart, givin’ me the full death stare. He shouts somethin’ in Thai, don’t know if he’s her boyfriend, brother, or just some local knob with too much free time, but suddenly the whole thing feels a bit dodgy.

 

I’m standin’ there thinkin’, Right Lew, you’ve seen this film before, starts with a smile, ends with someone chuckin’ a som-tom pestle at your head.

 

And anyway, Thai girls don’t just hand out numbers to random blokes over somethin’ that minor. Feels off. Like she’s angling for somethin’ else. Maybe she works in a bar or massage shop. Maybe she don’t. Dunno. But I’ve had enough of that merry-go-round to last three lifetimes.

 

Lovely smile, proper tidy, seemed sweet enough, but in this town, you never know if you’re bein’ given a number or a job application, or worse, an accidental audition for someone else’s relationship drama. Might text her. Might not.

 

Pattaya, eh? Never short of surprises, but I’ve learned to keep one eye open, yeah lads. 

... send papa her number,

will check it out and report back.

[baansgr]

30 minutes ago, Lewie London said:

So yesterday I’m sat at this little coffee stand near Soi LK, mindin’ me own bizz as usual, sippin’ on a late afternoon brew, just watchin’ the usual Pattaya shuffle. Sun’s beatin’ down, smells of fried chicken and Baht bus exhaust thick in the air. Proper early evening vibe, that.

 

Then I spot this bird on a scooter a few feet away, messin’ about with the starter, lookin’ well stressed like she’s about to chuck the whole thing in the ditch. Can’t get it goin’. She looks over at me, nods, asks if I can help give it a push.

 

Being the decent bloke I am, I get up, she hops on it, I grab the back of the scooter, and give it a good shove. Engine coughs, splutters, then roars to life. She beams at me, flashes this smile like sunshine through the clouds, says thanks real sweet and that.

 

Then, out of nowhere, she comes back two minutes later and slips me her number, says she likes coffee too and maybe we could meet sometime. Proper tidy girl, smiling like she means it. Just as I’m about to say somethin’ polite back, I clock this Thai bloke across the road, standin’ by a noodle cart, givin’ me the full death stare. He shouts somethin’ in Thai, don’t know if he’s her boyfriend, brother, or just some local knob with too much free time, but suddenly the whole thing feels a bit dodgy.

 

I’m standin’ there thinkin’, Right Lew, you’ve seen this film before, starts with a smile, ends with someone chuckin’ a som-tom pestle at your head.

 

And anyway, Thai girls don’t just hand out numbers to random blokes over somethin’ that minor. Feels off. Like she’s angling for somethin’ else. Maybe she works in a bar or massage shop. Maybe she don’t. Dunno. But I’ve had enough of that merry-go-round to last three lifetimes.

 

Lovely smile, proper tidy, seemed sweet enough, but in this town, you never know if you’re bein’ given a number or a job application, or worse, an accidental audition for someone else’s relationship drama. Might text her. Might not.

 

Pattaya, eh? Never short of surprises, but I’ve learned to keep one eye open, yeah lads. 

If you bothered to learn Thai, you could have spoken to her or even the guy across the road...get some education 

[SAFETY FIRST]

38 minutes ago, Lewie London said:

Then, out of nowhere, she comes back two minutes later and slips me her number

Wow, I thought that only happens to me. 

 

[piston broke]

2 hours ago, Lewie London said:

 

Being the decent bloke I am, I get up, she hops on it, I grab the back of the scooter, and give it a good shove. Engine coughs, splutters, then roars to life. She beams at me, flashes this smile like sunshine through the clouds, says thanks real sweet and that.

 

 

 

Anyone with half a brain knows you can't "bump" start a scooter .....

 

Maybe time to move on from this forum, fella ...

[Harrisfan]

2 hours ago, Keeps said:

I do not believe that for one minute. So you click on the post, don't read it and then comment that you don't read it.

 

That is beyond sad. 

Sad to read 100% bs stories. I skip over it.

[short-Timer]

2 hours ago, Harrisfan said:

I never read em

You know you read them all 3 times. What else are you going to do online here for 16 hours a day? That's what you do. You read EVERYTHING. But, hey, shaving? Now that's a fantastic topic. Idiotic. 

[short-Timer]

26 minutes ago, piston broke said:

 

Anyone with half a brain knows you can't "bump" start a scooter .....

 

Maybe time to move on from this forum, fella ...

Some people often call any of those 125cc bikes in Thailand a scooter or a motorbike. Means nothing. Some are auto, some aren't. Whatever. 

[short-Timer]

16 minutes ago, Harrisfan said:

Sad to read 100% bs stories. I skip over it.

Oh, how about tuk-tuks then? Bankrupt topics is all you post. 

[Middle Aged Grouch]

Same in a restaurant. A friend was openly asked by the waiteress if after the venue closed, would he have liked some sensual company at his place. 

 

For me, it also happened with a female Grab driver. She did not directly offer of course, but after the regular BS questions during the ride...how long u here-u married-you own your house bla bla bla.....once arrived, there she was saying "I finish now my day and not sure what I will do for the rest of the evening". 

 

So nope, it's not uncommon and Nope, it's not because I or anyother is bashfully good looking...it just for our ca$h. Once aware of this, you take it or refuse. Simple. 

[mikebell]

13 hours ago, hotsun said:

Did it actually happen though? I don't like fake stories

Fake stories are called fiction.  There is a complete section reserved for them in most libraries.  They are designed to create pleasure amongst readers; make money for the writers (check out Lee Child); even educate the dullards.  

[Gsxrnz]

What's Som-Tom? 

 

Would have been more believable if the author had plopped the scooter on the center stand, turned on the key, pulled on the brake lever and stomped on the kick-starter. 

 

Probably also orders Samsong. 

[Lacessit]

14 hours ago, BritManToo said:

More nonsense for us to down vote.

I seriously doubt Bob has ever visited Thailand.

More entertaining than anything you have ever posted.

 

This week's award for surly goes to....

[EVENKEEL]

34 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

More entertaining than anything you have ever posted.

 

This week's award for surly goes to....

Please entertain us with your tales of woe from a 7-11.

[save the frogs]

On 6/21/2025 at 9:58 AM, Middle Aged Grouch said:

So nope, it's not uncommon and Nope, it's not because I or anyother is bashfully good looking...it just for our ca$h. Once aware of this, you take it or refuse. Simple. 

 

I might be underestimating how many "normal working people" are turning tricks on the side for extra cash.

 

Is no one married or in a committed relationship in this country or what? 

 

[save the frogs]

12 hours ago, EVENKEEL said:

Please entertain us with your tales of woe from a 7-11.

 

I have a true 7-11 story.

 

I grabbed a tiny piece of chocolate worth about 15 Baht. Crappy chocolate. 

Then a voice inside my head said "you are overweight. put it down". 

So I put it back.

But when I got to the cash, I got accused of shoplifting. I assured her I put it back, but she didn't believe me.

I came close to emptying out my pockets, but then she let it go. 

 

Imagine getting kicked out of the country for a 15 Baht crappy piece of chocolate?

 

Makes me wonder how many tourists are shoplfting in these 7-11s.

 

 

[save the frogs]

On 6/21/2025 at 6:22 AM, BritManToo said:

I seriously doubt Bob has ever visited Thailand.

 

way too many accurate details ... he obviously is an old hand. 

 

[Lacessit]

4 hours ago, EVENKEEL said:

Please entertain us with your tales of woe from a 7-11.

I haven't had anything to bitch about for some time now, except for dumb as a rock posters.

 

What makes you think I was put on the planet to entertain you? Don't be such a Cheap Charlie, buy a Netflix subscription.

[Lacessit]

2 hours ago, save the frogs said:

 

I have a true 7-11 story.

 

I grabbed a tiny piece of chocolate worth about 15 Baht. Crappy chocolate. 

Then a voice inside my head said "you are overweight. put it down". 

So I put it back.

But when I got to the cash, I got accused of shoplifting. I assured her I put it back, but she didn't believe me.

I came close to emptying out my pockets, but then she let it go. 

 

Imagine getting kicked out of the country for a 15 Baht crappy piece of chocolate?

 

Makes me wonder how many tourists are shoplfting in these 7-11s.

 

 

I would be very surprised if the 7/11's did not have cameras.

[Bundooman]

23 hours ago, Lewie London said:

So yesterday I’m sat at this little coffee stand near Soi LK, mindin’ me own bizz as usual, sippin’ on a late afternoon brew, just watchin’ the usual Pattaya shuffle. Sun’s beatin’ down, smells of fried chicken and Baht bus exhaust thick in the air. Proper early evening vibe, that.

 

Then I spot this bird on a scooter a few feet away, messin’ about with the starter, lookin’ well stressed like she’s about to chuck the whole thing in the ditch. Can’t get it goin’. She looks over at me, nods, asks if I can help give it a push.

 

Being the decent bloke I am, I get up, she hops on it, I grab the back of the scooter, and give it a good shove. Engine coughs, splutters, then roars to life. She beams at me, flashes this smile like sunshine through the clouds, says thanks real sweet and that.

 

Then, out of nowhere, she comes back two minutes later and slips me her number, says she likes coffee too and maybe we could meet sometime. Proper tidy girl, smiling like she means it. Just as I’m about to say somethin’ polite back, I clock this Thai bloke across the road, standin’ by a noodle cart, givin’ me the full death stare. He shouts somethin’ in Thai, don’t know if he’s her boyfriend, brother, or just some local knob with too much free time, but suddenly the whole thing feels a bit dodgy.

 

I’m standin’ there thinkin’, Right Lew, you’ve seen this film before, starts with a smile, ends with someone chuckin’ a som-tom pestle at your head.

 

And anyway, Thai girls don’t just hand out numbers to random blokes over somethin’ that minor. Feels off. Like she’s angling for somethin’ else. Maybe she works in a bar or massage shop. Maybe she don’t. Dunno. But I’ve had enough of that merry-go-round to last three lifetimes.

 

Lovely smile, proper tidy, seemed sweet enough, but in this town, you never know if you’re bein’ given a number or a job application, or worse, an accidental audition for someone else’s relationship drama. Might text her. Might not.

 

Pattaya, eh? Never short of surprises, but I’ve learned to keep one eye open, yeah lads. 

"Then I awoke and looked around me,

at the four grey walls that surround me,

And I realise that I was only dreamin, 

for there's a dirty toilet in my <deleted>ty condo

And my hand clenched all around it, yeah,

It's good to have a w*nk here on your own"

 

Apologies to Tom Jones and Johnny Cash!