Dancing Shrimp and Madd Gastronomy, a Spicy Mistake in a Plastic Cup

[Lewie London]

So I’m out for a wander near Soi Buakhao yesterday afternoon, yeah. Just killin’ time before me happy ending massage, sweatin’ my bullocks off in the shade, when I clock this little roadside stall I ain’t seen before. Got a few plastic chairs, somtam flyin’ off the pestle, a small fish tank bubbling like madd, and one of them tiny wireless speakers blarin’ out luk thung like the DJ’s underwater. Proper local vibe.

 

Anyway, I’m parched and peckish, so I figure I’ll grab somethin’ quick. This older bird behind the stall flashes me a cheeky grin and asks if I want “goong ten.” Now I’ve heard that phrase before, but it ain’t clicked yet. “Dancing shrimp,” she says, smilin’ like she’s about to prank me on Thai telly.

 

I nod like a mug and go, “Yeah, alright love, gimme one of them.”

 

Big mistake.

 

She starts scoopin’ these tiny glassy shrimp, and I kid you not mates, they’re still bloody alive. Chuckin’ ’em in a plastic cup, tossin’ in lime juice, chili, fish sauce, shallots, the works. She’s mixin’ it all up while the shrimp are flippin’ around like they’ve just been tasered. The cup’s bouncin’ in her hand like a bingo machine. I’m just stood there thinkin’, “Surely this is the prep stage. She’s gonna cook it… right?”

 

Nah. Wrong.

 

She plops the whole thing in front of me with a spoon and goes, “Aroi mak, na ka!” Big smile. Me heart sinks.

 

I sit there, tryin’ to act like I’ve done this before, but these little sods are still twitchin’ about, one tries to crawl out like he’s seen the light. I scoop up a bite and, no lie mates, it’s like munchin’ on foil wrap with a solid kick, literally. Lime, chili, crunch, panic. Mouth’s on fire, tongue confused, and I swear one of ’em winked at me on the way down.

 

Thai bloke at the next table’s lovin’ it, cacklin’ away, handin’ me a tissue like I’ve just run a marathon. I’m tryin’ to keep me composure but my lips are numb and I’ve got shrimp legs stuck in between me teeth. Felt like I just lost a food dare on the Jackass show. Can only imagine what me next trip to the bog will be like. 

 

Managed to finish half the cup before I gave up and passed the rest back. The stall lady gave me a thumbs up like I’d won something. All I’d won was mild gob trauma and a sudden distrust of anything served in a see-through cup.

 

Walked off burpin’ coriander and regret, swearin’ I’d never eat anything again that’s still blinkin’. Patts, innit. One minute you’re just after a snack, next thing you’re mouth-deep in a shrimp rave. Alas, just another normal Tuesday in paradise, lads.

 

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DL27xS-PCLy

[pgrahmm]

 

[Lacessit]

Stop whinging, Lewie. This is what they eat in my GF's village.

[Will B Good]

8 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

Stop whinging, Lewie. This is what they eat in my GF's village.

 

Just opened the microwave to find a plate of those.........not for my dinner that's for sure.

[blaze master]

3 minutes ago, Will B Good said:

 

Just opened the microwave to find a plate of those.........not for my dinner that's for sure.

 

I remember the food selection there was horrible. The daeng.

[angryguy]

1 hour ago, Lacessit said:

Stop whinging, Lewie. This is what they eat in my GF's village.

I would nope out of that relationship 

[chickenslegs]

1 hour ago, Lewie London said:

Can only imagine what me next trip to the bog will be like. 

 

Please keep us updated.

[Gandtee]

1 hour ago, Lacessit said:

Stop whinging, Lewie. This is what they eat in my GF's village.

One of the aunties used to bring a bag of those, fried, down from Chiang Mai. Very nice too. Better than Smiths crisps.

[Lacessit]

1 hour ago, angryguy said:

I would nope out of that relationship 

I haven't told you what else she swallows.

[HappyExpat57]

I had to have a belly full of beer before I tried the fried grasshoppers. They were so good, I tried them again sober - still delightful.

 

If you think about it, they're not much different from cows, living on greens, just a little smaller.

[still kicking]

8 hours ago, Lewie London said:

So I’m out for a wander near Soi Buakhao yesterday afternoon, yeah. Just killin’ time before me happy ending massage, sweatin’ my bullocks off in the shade, when I clock this little roadside stall I ain’t seen before. Got a few plastic chairs, somtam flyin’ off the pestle, a small fish tank bubbling like madd, and one of them tiny wireless speakers blarin’ out luk thung like the DJ’s underwater. Proper local vibe.

 

Anyway, I’m parched and peckish, so I figure I’ll grab somethin’ quick. This older bird behind the stall flashes me a cheeky grin and asks if I want “goong ten.” Now I’ve heard that phrase before, but it ain’t clicked yet. “Dancing shrimp,” she says, smilin’ like she’s about to prank me on Thai telly.

 

I nod like a mug and go, “Yeah, alright love, gimme one of them.”

 

Big mistake.

 

She starts scoopin’ these tiny glassy shrimp, and I kid you not mates, they’re still bloody alive. Chuckin’ ’em in a plastic cup, tossin’ in lime juice, chili, fish sauce, shallots, the works. She’s mixin’ it all up while the shrimp are flippin’ around like they’ve just been tasered. The cup’s bouncin’ in her hand like a bingo machine. I’m just stood there thinkin’, “Surely this is the prep stage. She’s gonna cook it… right?”

 

Nah. Wrong.

 

She plops the whole thing in front of me with a spoon and goes, “Aroi mak, na ka!” Big smile. Me heart sinks.

 

I sit there, tryin’ to act like I’ve done this before, but these little sods are still twitchin’ about, one tries to crawl out like he’s seen the light. I scoop up a bite and, no lie mates, it’s like munchin’ on foil wrap with a solid kick, literally. Lime, chili, crunch, panic. Mouth’s on fire, tongue confused, and I swear one of ’em winked at me on the way down.

 

Thai bloke at the next table’s lovin’ it, cacklin’ away, handin’ me a tissue like I’ve just run a marathon. I’m tryin’ to keep me composure but my lips are numb and I’ve got shrimp legs stuck in between me teeth. Felt like I just lost a food dare on the Jackass show. Can only imagine what me next trip to the bog will be like. 

 

Managed to finish half the cup before I gave up and passed the rest back. The stall lady gave me a thumbs up like I’d won something. All I’d won was mild gob trauma and a sudden distrust of anything served in a see-through cup.

 

Walked off burpin’ coriander and regret, swearin’ I’d never eat anything again that’s still blinkin’. Patts, innit. One minute you’re just after a snack, next thing you’re mouth-deep in a shrimp rave. Alas, just another normal Tuesday in paradise, lads.

 

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DL27xS-PCLy

[phetphet]

It's not called dancing shrimp because of the way they jump around in the cup Lewie.  It's the way you hop about on the toilet when they come to pass the Sphincter muscle.  Something for you to look forward to. 😁