So picture this, mates. Khon Kaen, middle of the night, quiet as a footy pitch after World Cup finals. Then, out of nowhere, you hear the screech of a pickup and the groan of metal bein’ yanked off its hinges. Turns out some Dutch geezer, clearly only half a brain cell left in his gob, decided he was gonna nick an ATM. Not the cash inside, mind you, the whole bloody machine lads.

 

Now, I’ve seen dodgy jobs in me time. I’ve seen blokes in Bethnal Green tryin’ to lift motorbikes with shopping trolleys. But dragging an ATM down the road in chains behind a pickup like it’s a new garden gnome from HomePro, with sparks flyin’ everywhere and the poor pickup groanin’ like a bar girl on her 5th ST trick of the night. Proper comedy show, free of charge that is. Takes a powerful breed of numpty to mastermind a plot like that.

 

And here’s the cherry on the dog turd. Our man wasn’t just some bored backpacker lookin’ for beer money. Nah, he’d already handed ten million baht to his Nakorn Nowhere sweetheart, the kind of “investment” plan that usually ends with the lady disappearin’ with her Thai husband who you thought was "her brother", and faster than your pint vanishes at last orders. So what’s next on the recovery plan? Grand Theft Auto: Isaan Edition? Honest to god, you could pitch this story to Netflix as is, call it: "Breaking Baan".

 

But here’s the thing boys. Even if he’d got the ATM home, what’s next, mate? Crack it open with a guidiao spoon? Hide it under the bed so the missus thinks it’s a surprise birthday gift? Locals were probably standin’ there gulpin’ Leos, watchin’ the oversized tosser drag half an SCB bank branch past the 7-Eleven, thinkin’ “Bloody farang, can’t even steal properly now, can he?”

 

So now he’s banged up, pickup impounded, got himself a one-way ticket to the monkey house, and Khon Kaen’s got itself a new farang comedy headline of the year.

 

Thailand, innit. Some blokes lose their shirts, others lose their birds, but some lose all their marbles and drag an ATM down the street like they own the bloody place. 

 

https://www.bangkokpost.com/thailand/general/3108314/dutchman-arrested-for-stealing-atm-in-khon-kaen
 

 

Maybe it ate his debit card. 

11 minutes ago, Keeps said:

Maybe it ate his debit card. 

😂

1 hour ago, Keeps said:

Maybe it ate his debit card. 

Nah, could be a collector. Or maybe he has the yellow one and the green one at home already and just needed to purple one to make it Mardi Gras. 

If the cops didn't catch up to him he would have had a hell of a time trying to get the thing on the plane back to Holland as a carry-on.

 

Amazing how people decide to leave all their self preservation skills back home. And nothing like being a tourist in SE Asia to bring out your hidden inner criminal genius. Back home he probably separates his garbage, does volunteer work in the community, goes to church and would never dream of doing anything Darwinian, but in Thailand he’s starring in an ATM heist and being charged with bank robbery because suddenly it seems like a brilliant idea! 😂

15 hours ago, Keeps said:

Maybe it ate his debit card. 

 

If so, he must have been too impatient to wait for the bank to open after the day breaks.

13 hours ago, bendejo said:

If the cops didn't catch up to him he would have had a hell of a time trying to get the thing on the plane back to Holland as a carry-on.

 

 

He could have disguised it among the 30 kilo of cannabis flower he was planning on taking ?

"he’d already handed ten million baht to his Nakorn Nowhere sweetheart, the kind of “investment” plan that usually ends with the lady disappearin’ with her Thai husband "

 

Kind of common scam here, isn't  it?

Every one of the expats would know about him if  have been here long enough.

 

13 hours ago, short-Timer said:

 bring out your hidden inner criminal genius 😂

 

 

Unworkable plot.

Promptly busted at sight.

Better say criminal idiocy instead.

What a moron! Is the enormous risk even worth it? What did he think; that he could just get away with it? Besides, fat chance to recover the 10 million baht he lost in his restaurant venture. (ATMs have on average 2,200 banknotes in it, so, perhaps, 1 million baht at best?)

 

Well, at least, he'll get a long-term B&B now... 😆

16 hours ago, Keeps said:

Maybe it ate his debit card. 

No doubt he was trying to make a withdrawal, but no debit cards were involved, according to the Isaan News section of the site (snippet pasted below).
 

Clearly just an honest misunderstanding over “insufficient funds." Or perhaps he completely misinterpreted the meaning of what constitutes "mobile banking."

 

"During the police interview, Sijtse reportedly said he had previously given his Thai wife more than 10 million baht to open a restaurant and support their household. He claimed a recent argument over insufficient funds prompted him to drive out and commit the theft, by using the pickup, belonging to his wife’s relative, to drag the ATM away from the front of the shop. He stated he has lived in Thailand for six years and resided with his wife in Khon Kaen."

 

 

On 9/21/2025 at 2:10 PM, short-Timer said:

Amazing how people decide to leave all their self preservation skills back home

 

As they say in the vernacular "check your brains at the door."