When I clicked on the Google Ad "Rent in Pattaya" it took me to a useless page of property listings.

Not what I expected at all.

Dunno if this bin posted before.......

ARABS

Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide. Lets have a look at the evidence: ??-

No Christmas?-

No television?-

No nud_e women?-

No football?-

No pork chops?-

No hotdogs?-

No burgers?-

No beer?-

No bacon?-

Rags for clothes?-

Towels for hats?-

Constant wailing from some idiot in a tower?-

More than one wife?-

More than one mother in law?-

You can't shave?-

Your wife can't shave?-

You can't wash off the smell of donkey?-

You wipe your arse with your hand?-

You cook over burning camel shit?-

Your wife is picked by someone else?-

Your wife smells worse than your donkey ??

Then they tell you that "when you die, it all gets better"??

No shit Sherlock!.... ?

It's not like it could get much f*ing worse!

Dunno if this bin posted before.......

ARABS

Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide. Lets have a look at the evidence: ??-

No Christmas?-

No television?-

No nud_e women?-

No football?-

No pork chops?-

No hotdogs?-

No burgers?-

No beer?-

No bacon?-

Rags for clothes?-

Towels for hats?-

Constant wailing from some idiot in a tower?-

More than one wife?-

More than one mother in law?-

You can't shave?-

Your wife can't shave?-

You can't wash off the smell of donkey?-

You wipe your arse with your hand?-

You cook over burning camel shit?-

Your wife is picked by someone else?-

Your wife smells worse than your donkey ??

Then they tell you that "when you die, it all gets better"??

No shit Sherlock!.... ?

It's not like it could get much f*ing worse!

You've never been to Sandwell in the West Midlands I take it.............

Cannot believe this.

These temps are normal in NZ and OZ, well Tassie, Sthn NSW and Victoria, currently.

The mercury continues to drop in most of North and the Northeast, with a Chiang Rai resident succumbing to the cold in his sleep yesterday and five districts in Chiang Mai close to being declared disaster zones.

Muang Chiang Rai resident Noppakhun Saenyod, 52, reportedly fell asleep in his shorts and vest without covering up in a blanket at night, when the temperature was as low as 10 degrees Celsius. Since police found no signs of a struggle or wounds on his body, they believe that he died of acute heart failure owing to his chronic heart condition.

The temperature in Chiang Rai hit 13 degrees Celsius yesterday morning and is expected to drop even further at night, especially in mountainous areas. Hence people have been busy shopping for winter clothing at markets in Muang district and Mae Sai district, which is on the Burmese border.

Meanwhile, Chiang Mai authorities are considering declaring Omkoi, Fang, Mae Ai, Chaiya Prakan and Wiang Haeng districts as disaster zones, because the mercury has been below 15 degrees Celsius for three consecutive days. In Fang - where 20,000 of the 170,000 residents are in urgent need of winter clothing - the temperature has been between 13 and 15 degrees since Monday, while the temperature at mountain villages such as Doi Ang Khang's Khob Dong village stood at 5 to 8 degrees.

Triumph Japan has just created a promotional bustier-style bra which can greet foreign tourists in 3 languages and display pictures of tourist attractions, all while improving the wearer's bust line. In addition, an accompanying mini-skirt, when flipped up, reveals a map of Japan.

If that's not enough to raise a chuckle, how's this for the company's spin on the whole exercise:

"Identifying and making good use of abundant tourism assets that still remain untapped in Japan will contribute to stimulating the domestic economy."

A classic in anyone's language.

Triumph Japan has just created a promotional bustier-style bra which can greet foreign tourists in 3 languages and display pictures of tourist attractions, all while improving the wearer's bust line. In addition, an accompanying mini-skirt, when flipped up, reveals a map of Japan.

If that's not enough to raise a chuckle, how's this for the company's spin on the whole exercise:

"Identifying and making good use of abundant tourism assets that still remain untapped in Japan will contribute to stimulating the domestic economy."

A classic in anyone's language.

Copycats.....miniskirts worn by the girls of the southern island off Australia show a map of Tasmania when they are flipped up.

Copycats.....miniskirts worn by the girls of the southern island off Australia show a map of Tasmania when they are flipped up.

I understand deforestation in Tasmania is a threat to this phenomenon. Explains why Bob Brown has so much support.

Copycats.....miniskirts worn by the girls of the southern island off Australia show a map of Tasmania when they are flipped up.

I understand deforestation in Tasmania is a threat to this phenomenon. Explains why Bob Brown has so much support.

The thought of Mr Brown in a mini, deforested and resplendent with the map, is not a pleasant one............

Copycats.....miniskirts worn by the girls of the southern island off Australia show a map of Tasmania when they are flipped up.

I understand deforestation in Tasmania is a threat to this phenomenon. Explains why Bob Brown has so much support.

The thought of Mr Brown in a mini, deforested and resplendent with the map, is not a pleasant one............

Imagine him in a wedding dress if the greens succeed in getting the same sex marriage bill through parliament.

One of my favourite TV shows.

BBC of course.

UK

1963 UK Doctor Who

23rd November, 1963: The British science fiction television programme Doctor Who from the BBC is shown on TV for the first time.

"the Doctor" played by William Hartnell in the first series travels through time and space in the TARDIS ( A blue 1950s police box ) .

Over 40 years featuring a number of doctors fighting alien baddies including the Daleks "Doctor Who" has gained a cult status in Britain and is also the longest-running science fiction television show on this planet.

One of my favourite TV shows.

BBC of course.

UK

1963 UK Doctor Who

23rd November, 1963: The British science fiction television programme Doctor Who from the BBC is shown on TV for the first time.

"the Doctor" played by William Hartnell in the first series travels through time and space in the TARDIS ( A blue 1950s police box ) .

Over 40 years featuring a number of doctors fighting alien baddies including the Daleks "Doctor Who" has gained a cult status in Britain and is also the longest-running science fiction television show on this planet.

Which planet ?

One of my favourite TV shows.

BBC of course.

UK

1963 UK Doctor Who

23rd November, 1963: The British science fiction television programme Doctor Who from the BBC is shown on TV for the first time.

"the Doctor" played by William Hartnell in the first series travels through time and space in the TARDIS ( A blue 1950s police box ) .

Over 40 years featuring a number of doctors fighting alien baddies including the Daleks "Doctor Who" has gained a cult status in Britain and is also the longest-running science fiction television show on this planet.

Which planet ?

ureanus

One of my favourite TV shows.

BBC of course.

UK

1963 UK Doctor Who

23rd November, 1963: The British science fiction television programme Doctor Who from the BBC is shown on TV for the first time.

"the Doctor" played by William Hartnell in the first series travels through time and space in the TARDIS ( A blue 1950s police box ) .

Over 40 years featuring a number of doctors fighting alien baddies including the Daleks "Doctor Who" has gained a cult status in Britain and is also the longest-running science fiction television show on this planet.

Which planet ?

ureanus

That's the closest one. Only about three feet from the earth when you're sitting down

One of my favourite TV shows.

BBC of course.

UK

1963 UK Doctor Who

23rd November, 1963: The British science fiction television programme Doctor Who from the BBC is shown on TV for the first time.

"the Doctor" played by William Hartnell in the first series travels through time and space in the TARDIS ( A blue 1950s police box ) .

Over 40 years featuring a number of doctors fighting alien baddies including the Daleks "Doctor Who" has gained a cult status in Britain and is also the longest-running science fiction television show on this planet.

Which planet ?

ureanus

That's the closest one. Only about three feet from the earth when you're sitting down

Reckon sum assoles are replying.... he he

[

BBC of course.

UK

1963 UK Doctor Who

23rd November, 1963: The British science fiction television programme Doctor Who from the BBC is shown on TV for the first time.

"the Doctor" played by William Hartnell in the first series travels through time and space in the TARDIS ( A blue 1950s police box ) .

Reckon sum assoles are replying.... he he

You calling me a crack head

1) In the UK, a shortage of lungs for transplant means needy patients are being offered ... lungs from smokers.

2) Two lawyers filed a small-claims lawsuit against a seafood restaurant in California after they got squirted in the eye when they cut into their escargots. They wouldn't have sued, they said, if the restaurant had shown remorse. It wasn't the meal, itself; that, they proceeded to finish promptly. "It was the indifference," said one. "It was the <deleted>' rudeness."

3) Nearly 20 per cent of British men thought George Orwell's classic novel Animal Farm is a pornographic movie and that Charles Darwin wrote Oliver Twist.

A poll into the reading habits of 2000 men under 30 also showed 25 per cent had no idea that Sherlock Holmes is a fictional character, and 67 per cent think Scottish poet Robert Burns invented the haggis.

Ha smart arse, it was Darwin ...............and everybody knows Rob Roy invented haggis, Burns was a Jewish vicar...........

Ha smart arse, it was Darwin ...............and everybody knows Rob Roy invented haggis, Burns was a Jewish vicar...........

Ya reference of course was....

THE READERS DIGEST.

Ha smart arse, it was Darwin ...............and everybody knows Rob Roy invented haggis, Burns was a Jewish vicar...........

Ya reference of course was....

THE READERS DIGEST.

The Devil's own publication. Editor should be lynched and all readers burned for the heretics they are !!!!!................ Light the fires Mother !!!!

The thought of Mr Brown in a mini, deforested and resplendent with the map, is not a pleasant one............

Imagine him in a wedding dress if the greens succeed in getting the same sex marriage bill through parliament.

I was wrong:

Same-sex marriage bill won't make Brown wed .

content as they are ... Greens leader Bob Brown (right) with his partner Paul Thomas.

GREENS leader Bob Brown will not marry his partner if gay marriage is legalised in Australia - an event the party founder has predicted will occur in the Gillard government's first term.

In an interview with The Sun-Herald, Senator Brown reflected on the extraordinary political events of this year, including the elevation of his party to become the third force in Australian federal politics, leadership speculation within the party and the spectre of ''the big end of town'' mobilising against the Greens.

Senator Brown claimed ownership of the recent push to legalise same-sex marriage, but said he felt no duty to marry his long-time partner, farmer and activist Paul Thomas.

Advertisement: Story continues below ''We had our relationship registered under the Tasmanian laws … a couple of years back.

''No, I don't see us having a future marriage ceremony because we are very content with things as they are,'' he said.

Same-sex marriage bill won't make Brown wed .

content as they are ... Greens leader Bob Brown (right) with his partner Paul Thomas.

GREENS leader Bob Brown will not marry his partner if gay marriage is legalised in Australia - an event the party founder has predicted will occur in the Gillard government's first term.

In an interview with The Sun-Herald, Senator Brown reflected on the extraordinary political events of this year, including the elevation of his party to become the third force in Australian federal politics, leadership speculation within the party and the spectre of ''the big end of town'' mobilising against the Greens.

Senator Brown claimed ownership of the recent push to legalise same-sex marriage, but said he felt no duty to marry his long-time partner, farmer and activist Paul Thomas.

Advertisement: Story continues below ''We had our relationship registered under the Tasmanian laws … a couple of years back.

''No, I don't see us having a future marriage ceremony because we are very content with things as they are,'' he said.

Ahhhhhhh I think they look lovely and really show Australia to be the land of things with big pockets to keep babies in ( and nicely knitted woolies ).

Don't put him on your stamps though.............

How do you rate?

POPULAR MECHANICS' LIST OF 25 SKILLS EVERY MAN SHOULD KNOW

1. Patch a radiator hose

2. Protect your computer

3. Rescue a boater who has capsized

4. Frame a wall

5. Retouch digital photos

6. Back up a trailer

7. Build a campfire

8. Fix a dead outlet

9. Navigate with a map and compass

10. Use a torque wrench

11. Sharpen a knife

12. Perform CPR

13. Fillet a fish

14. Manoeuvre a car out of a skid

15. Get a car unstuck

16. Back up data

17. Paint a room

18. Mix concrete

19. Clean a bolt-action rifle

20. Change oil and filter

21. Hook up an HDTV

22. Bleed brakes

23. Paddle a canoe

24. Fix a bike flat

25. Extend your wireless network

I know how to do number twenty five ( well I know the number of the man to call to come and do it )

Not sure exactly what #8 entails. If it's what I think, I don't play with electricity. But I have done pretty well everything else listed there.

Why have number 9...everyone knows a man invented gps to eliminate that need.

Why have number 9...everyone knows a man invented gps to eliminate that need.

Before we invented GPS, we used to have to find our way back to the boat ramp, in a small boat, from 25 miles out to sea (out of sight of land) using just a compass and instinct.

In remote areas there are few landmarks to aim for, the land all looks the same from a long way out. If you miss your break in the reef it can be a long, fuel draining, beat back along the coast to get back on track.

GPS makes things ridiculously easy.

I can frame a picture and even managed to frame my brother a few times and he is a fat bast*rd, but how the hell do you frame a wall?

I can frame a picture and even managed to frame my brother a few times and he is a fat bast*rd, but how the hell do you frame a wall?

Anonymous phone call " pssssssst it was the wall that did it "

No, no ,no! You wall the frame. (Build the frame, then add the wall panels.) You wouldn't have Johnny Cash singing 'I line the walk', would you?

The low-budget carrier flies from Kuala Lumpur to a host of Asian, Middle Eastern and European destinations

Wed, 01 Dec 2010 8:52a.m. A cut-price Asian airline is promising the "cheapest international airfares New Zealand has seen" when it launches in Christchurch today.

Malaysia-based AirAsia X will begin its first foray into the New Zealand market with the launch in Cathedral Square at 12.30pm.

The low-budget carrier flies from Kuala Lumpur to a host of Asian, Middle Eastern and European destinations, including Bangladesh, Cambodia, India, Iran, Indonesia, Japan, Thailand and Saudi Arabia.

Tickets between Christchurch and Kuala Lumpur, in Malaysia, go on sale on Friday.

They were expected to sell for less than $200 one-way, The Press reported today.

Flights between Christchurch and London could cost as little as $1000.

Initial fares to KL_LCC to be $NZ99..... then $NZ199.

My favourite airline.

One problem, I live in Auckland......sob..