What Do I Do

[macb]

This will come as a surprise to lots of members and friends on here :

But last Saturday my wife announced she was fed up with me and wants to leave, and leave me with the daughter :

The Sunday morning I said are you in the same frame of mind she said yes, things have not been as they should be for sometime although a front has been put on by her when friends visit.

Well I took pics of my daughter showered packed a case and said I am going away, she said you cant, I hugged my little daughter and left, I met my pal Mervyn in Pattaya and had lots of Support from friends down there :

I have returned today, my daughter looked well, but my house is dirty and had to clean the kitchen she spoke not a word ( I was informed by my good friend Ron) that her mother had been yak yaking her saying she has it very good as I do everything she told her mother I was boring : I eventually said well what about last weekened verbal she said stay for your daughter:

Well yes now it all comes out I build a lovely house truck m/c give her gold etc etc : But I over the last months even longer don't feel loved and certainly not being cared for. Yes since we been in village I do cleaning laundry and most of the time cook for myself

I went up to bed but cannot sleep my wife sleeps downstairs with the daughter to much on my mind : I would not have returned from Pattaya but did for my daughter:

I feel as if this has all been planned :

We have been together 3 yrs but now I think about things, I see the things that are not there, caring loving . I cant live in this situation. I discovered the difference over the past few days between 28 yrs old and 35 yr old I was given more love and attention that was not there and never has been there in this relationship, now what do I do, I got to find my happiness and someone to care about me before the twilight years but what about my daughter

[Neeranam]

Well yes now it all comes out I build a lovely house truck m/c give her gold etc etc : But I over the last months even longer don't feel loved and certainly not being cared for. Yes since we been in village I do cleaning laundry and most of the time cook for myself

I feel as if this has all been planned

Sorry to hear that.

Unfortunately(for the farang) it happens all the time once the house is built.

What an ungrateful, lazy *****. Get out and cut your losses and look for a decent lady.

[Boo]

really sad to hear this macb, is there any way you can take your daughter to Pattaya & find a nanny to help you take care of her whilst you get back on your feet, as it sounds (unless I have read wrong) that your wife wants you to take control of the baby?

I hope whatever you do you manage to find a reasonable solution & that your daughter takes priority for both of you over any issues you may have together.

[fruity]

Very sad, the most important one here is the baby . Very difficult situation, but don't make any hasty decisions. Sorry to say that this 'reeks' of a Thai boyfriend Mac! Whatever, it is your daughters future welfare that is the main issue. I wish you well & hope you can sort everything out & remember, every cloud supposedly has a silver lining.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Very sad, the most important one here is the baby . Very difficult situation, but don't make any hasty decisions. Sorry to say that this 'reeks' of a Thai boyfriend Mac! Whatever, it is your daughters future welfare that is the main issue. I wish you well & hope you can sort everything out & remember, every cloud supposedly has a silver lining.

Agreed

[Tap Dam]

Very sad, the most important one here is the baby . Very difficult situation, but don't make any hasty decisions. Sorry to say that this 'reeks' of a Thai boyfriend Mac! Whatever, it is your daughters future welfare that is the main issue. I wish you well & hope you can sort everything out & remember, every cloud supposedly has a silver lining.

Agreed

[Mighty Mouse]

We have been together 3 yrs but now I think about things, I see the things that are not there, caring loving .

True love doesn't end after three years unless there was some monumental issue that extinguished the flame. If there was no issue, then you would have to wonder if genuine love existed in the first place.

The only advice that I can give you is to clear your head, forget what might have been, examine your current situation realistically, weigh up your limited options and act decisively.

Good luck.

[garro]

Sorry to hear that you are having a bad time macb.

I know that this will sound like a platitude but the tide always come back.

Things happen for a reason and life must go on.

In a few years down the line what is happening now will make more sense.

[Iambabababor]

But last Saturday my wife announced she was fed up with me and wants to leave, and leave me with the daughter :

Look on the bright side. She wants to leave, thereby presumably leaving you in the house. Stay on in the home, employ someone locally to help with the house and daughter (local labour is cheap as you know) and then in time look around locally for a new companion. Your many friends in the area can no doubt introduce you to suitable women in their extended families.

In law, if you divorce, the home is split 50/50 - she doesn't get it all as many people think. Realistically you might get more, if the reason for the split was caused by her unfaithfullness and by virtue of the fact that you might raise your daughter.

Good luck

[macb]

Well now she is telling me to stay for the daughter:

In UK it would be divorce on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour: ie I have been the fetch and carry or the maid:

I dont think she has ever loved me now that I look it the marriage from the outside : I think I did far to much to quickly :

Financially I can live else where ( So much for me having a big heart)

[PhilHarries]

macb, sorry to hear of your plight and best wishes for the future whatever that may hold.

But, first you say she want to leave then you say she want you to stay for your daughter. You, in your confused state, may have erroneously stated the situation but assuming the statements are correct I would say she is going through some kind of lifestyle crisis and may snap out of it with or without help.

The alternative is, as has been inferred, she has aquired her target possessions and want to lose the baggage (sorry for the insensitive terminology).

[LaoPo]

Well now she is telling me to stay for the daughter:

In UK it would be divorce on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour: ie I have been the fetch and carry or the maid:

I dont think she has ever loved me now that I look it the marriage from the outside : I think I did far to much to quickly :

Financially I can live else where ( So much for me having a big heart)

You're in a difficult situation.

First your wife wants to leave you and you to take care of the baby (10 months old, right?). Now she wants you to stay.

Hmmm, very difficult since 'love' and caring in the marriage is gone-with-the-wind so to speak.

Could it be she is suffering from a post-natal depression (maybe without realizing it) ?

Think and act careful but you have to think about yourself also....I'm sure you will take care of the future of your daughter but she has a longer life in front of her than you.

LaoPo

[Dave the Dude]

Hi Mac

I am very sorry to hear about your present situation. Although we have never met, I can see by your posts that you are a good,reliable, thoughtful person. You will hopefully get some good advice from good friends here and I hope you can keep a clear mind (most of the time) to make very important decisions about the future. I hope you will be attending the FC xmas bash, cos it would be a pleasure to meet you.

I went thru hel_l and high water a few years ago and thats why I am very grateful for wot I'v got now. I'v learnt from it and am a better person,in a better situation now. You will be too, I know its hard to imagine right now and I actually went a bit doo-lally. I even gave up drink for about six months cos I thought it would get me into more trouble.

I hope to meet you some day and my door is always open for friends. Come on down

Kind Regards

David

[TBWG]

Hi Mac

I am very sorry to hear about your present situation. Although we have never met, I can see by your posts that you are a good,reliable, thoughtful person. You will hopefully get some good advice from good friends here and I hope you can keep a clear mind (most of the time) to make very important decisions about the future. I hope you will be attending the FC xmas bash, cos it would be a pleasure to meet you.

I went thru hel_l and high water a few years ago and thats why I am very grateful for wot I'v got now. I'v learnt from it and am a better person,in a better situation now. You will be too, I know its hard to imagine right now and I actually went a bit doo-lally. I even gave up drink for about six months cos I thought it would get me into more trouble.

I hope to meet you some day and my door is always open for friends. Come on down

Kind Regards

David

Oh Dear Mac

Sorry to read your post and don't know what to say that has not already been said.

Dave the Dudes post sums it up and is sound advice. Be strong and don't rush things

TBWG

[Nomad97]

Hello Mac,

I am very sorry to hear your news. We have not met although I feel I know you quite well through your many postings on this forum. I have no words of wisdom for you although I will say something very similar happened to me some five years ago although their were no children involved. I lost the lost the lot, house and car included! Now four years on I have been very happily married for over three years and we have a lovely 2 1/2 year old daughter too. We have a very loving relationship and that has helped us overcome our recent tradegy. Sadly, my wife has just mis-carried child No.2 (at 11 weeks) and we are in the process of picking up the mental pieces and carrying on. There is no moral to this story - just the wish that things work out as well for you as they have done for me. Good luck and good wishes.

[pumpuiman]

Mac,

I really am sorry to hear about your situation. My wife and I were both looking forward to visiting you on our next trip.....I hope we can still get together.

Time heals all wounds....try to remember that....I know it's hard to do.

Oh and by the way....my wife has a good looking sister, single,in her 30's, Postal manager, and would love to meet a fine gent such as yourself

Enjoy life with your daughter...you were blessed with her arrival....her smiles will carry you through.

Feel free to let me know if we can help you in any way.

Eric and Pan

[macb]

macb, sorry to hear of your plight and best wishes for the future whatever that may hold.

But, first you say she want to leave then you say she want you to stay for your daughter. You, in your confused state, may have erroneously stated the situation but assuming the statements are correct I would say she is going through some kind of lifestyle crisis and may snap out of it with or without help.

The alternative is, as has been inferred, she has aquired her target possessions and want to lose the baggage (sorry for the insensitive terminology).

I agree with your last statement thats is what I am thinking :

Last saturday night she said she wanted to leave and I could have everything, the Sunday morning she said the statement is still the same, but I left.

Now I come back and ask her about this feeling, she just replies stay for your daughter :

But I must consider my happiness as well: I feel like a maid and a run run around not a husband:

When her grandfather and father were sick she made the following comment to me 'Who will look after you when you are sick' mmmmmmmm

[macb]

The following choices have been put to her today which she just laughed at:

1. our daughter comes first: If you want to leave put the house in the daughter's name sign truck to me and give me Gloria I will take care :

2. I live elsewhere and see my daughter once a month

3. I find another location and a maid and take Gloria.

I have been living a lie, I am not being cared for or looked after at all.

I make beds I do laundry I have to cook for my self and help with my daughter yet I am told I do nothing

[bunta71]

I sincerely DO NOT mean to sound insensitive here but the realism is that you must take your balls out of your wifes pants and put them back in your pants. There are literally millions of good women here who will actually respect a good man. Take your daughter. If you don't you will regret it the rest of your days.Again I mean well here, but the balls BELONG in your own pants

[mikethevigoman]

Hello Mac,

I am very sorry to hear your news. We have not met although I feel I know you quite well through your many postings on this forum. I have no words of wisdom for you although I will say something very similar happened to me some five years ago although their were no children involved. I lost the lost the lot, house and car included! Now four years on I have been very happily married for over three years and we have a lovely 2 1/2 year old daughter too. We have a very loving relationship and that has helped us overcome our recent tradegy. Sadly, my wife has just mis-carried child No.2 (at 11 weeks) and we are in the process of picking up the mental pieces and carrying on. There is no moral to this story - just the wish that things work out as well for you as they have done for me. Good luck and good wishes.

I have to agree with this one, i had similar situation and at times like this its easy to think " they are all the same " , theyre not. !,. i met a beautiful woman and married her 6 years ago and things are excellent, dont rush anything, do a lot of thinking, but i have to add that it does sound like there may be a thai man about as its a classic scenario when the wife dosent want the 50-50 baby because of the thai mans jealousy, of course i may be wrong, but give your daughter priority and try to move on, good luck,

[mikethevigoman]

macb, sorry to hear of your plight and best wishes for the future whatever that may hold.

But, first you say she want to leave then you say she want you to stay for your daughter. You, in your confused state, may have erroneously stated the situation but assuming the statements are correct I would say she is going through some kind of lifestyle crisis and may snap out of it with or without help.

The alternative is, as has been inferred, she has aquired her target possessions and want to lose the baggage (sorry for the insensitive terminology).

I agree with your last statement thats is what I am thinking :

Last saturday night she said she wanted to leave and I could have everything, the Sunday morning she said the statement is still the same, but I left.

Now I come back and ask her about this feeling, she just replies stay for your daughter :

But I must consider my happiness as well: I feel like a maid and a run run around not a husband:

When her grandfather and father were sick she made the following comment to me 'Who will look after you when you are sick' mmmmmmmm

Get some friends around you mac, dont sit and mope on your own, there are people on here that will comfort you,.

[siamamerican]

Good luck. Most of us can relate in some sense, what you are going through. One thing I realised is that in your state, few are capable of listening to advice. Try to be rational and know that you will live and love another day. The kid complicates things, but you strike me as the type that will do the right thing, regardless of the relationship status with your wife.

[maxman71]

I sincerely DO NOT mean to sound insensitive here but the realism is that you must take your balls out of your wifes pants and put them back in your pants. There are literally millions of good women here who will actually respect a good man. Take your daughter. If you don't you will regret it the rest of your days.Again I mean well here, but the balls BELONG in your own pants

I must say these comment are my thoughts on this situation. I have a TGF of over 2 years and she is 18 years my junior. In the beginning, I did many of the stupid-farang tricks like buying her gold, a car, giving her family $$ every month as well her "stipend", etc. But not the house. The house was purchased by my Thai Limited Co. that I control. I was very doting over her. After awhile it became apparent I was being used. The truth was, I was ALLOWING myself to be used. So I did a near-180 on her and stopped the payments to her and her family. I told her to go get a job and make a contribution or get out. I work at least 40 hours a week in a very stressful and demanding business. I came to the conclusion that I just didn't need this "boat anchor" in my life. Guess what?? She rose to the occasion and announced that I did not need to give her and her family $$. She has a humble job now, washes my clothes, cleans the house, brings me food and is at my beckon call at almost any time. And, if I want to go into BKK to see some farang friends without her, she's OK with it. I sympathize with this guy; he has a big heart and seems willing to do what it takes to make a woman happy. Problem is, many Thai women like a guy that wears the pants prominently and isn't afraid to call the shots. These Thai ladies will take all they can get if you let them. Once they understand that you can manage quite well without them, you'll find out pretty quick just where they really stand.

[maxman71]

macb, sorry to hear of your plight and best wishes for the future whatever that may hold.

But, first you say she want to leave then you say she want you to stay for your daughter. You, in your confused state, may have erroneously stated the situation but assuming the statements are correct I would say she is going through some kind of lifestyle crisis and may snap out of it with or without help.

The alternative is, as has been inferred, she has aquired her target possessions and want to lose the baggage (sorry for the insensitive terminology).

I agree with your last statement thats is what I am thinking :

Last saturday night she said she wanted to leave and I could have everything, the Sunday morning she said the statement is still the same, but I left.

Now I come back and ask her about this feeling, she just replies stay for your daughter :

But I must consider my happiness as well: I feel like a maid and a run run around not a husband:

When her grandfather and father were sick she made the following comment to me 'Who will look after you when you are sick' mmmmmmmm

That last comment she made is the "tell all" in this "relationship". The older farang guys that I know who are married to younger Thai ladies are confident that the lady will be there to take care of them when they get old and the lady provides reassurance in that regard. This lady does not love you and does not care about you. Do what you can to keep the kid, but for sure, do not turn walk away from this lady, turn and RUN as fast as you can. The good news is, she has told you upfront about her true sentiments well before you get too old to move on. She's doing you a favor so take her up on it. Approach her now as a businessman and get what you can from her.

Get some friends around you mac, dont sit and mope on your own, there are people on here that will comfort you,.

[thedi]

Dear Macb,

In the last years I read many of your posts and I always thought: "this Macb would be a nice guy to meet." We have the same age, we were - up to last Sunday - in a similar position. There were differences: I do not like dogs and I am married for 14 years now - but in many respects I felt that our lives were very similar.

Now the base of your life has broken up! This is a real shock for me.

In this situation it is certainly difficult for you to think and act rationally. But this is still the best way to handle the situation. Try to look forward and avoid to look at it from a personal point of view: try to look at it as an outsider. Avoid thoughts like: all the time she just...

I read your original post several times. Your wife may have married you with good intentions. But then she got overstrained by the relationship with you. Two and three years ago, she may have thought that your good points (money, security etc) outweigh your weak points (not belonging, not funny to be with - she mentioned 'boring'). But with the time going on, the balance didn't stay that way.

Do not blame it on her or on you. It was a misunderstanding, a wrong valuation of a relationship - probably by both of you.

---

Others mentioned: Now the first priority is for your daughter. I would not put it like this. You should rather look for a solution which will serve all three of you.

Your daughter will have no future living with you. You are too old to rise a baby. Hence she will have to stay with her mother. Maybe you should support her father. Supporting someone for years without any personal contact is frustrating: it would make you feel like an ATM, this does not meet your requirements. A possible solution could be that you stay in region but that you and your wife will both be free for new relationships - the mia noy kind or a new marriage whatever - but that you keep your old relationship at least up to a level of remaining on speaking terms.

Your posts sound to me, as if this kind of a relationship would still be possible. There is no hatred - just boring and disappointment. Take a step back, look at it from a distance: there are still pieces left. Build up a new picture from this pieces.

With my very best wishes for your future

Thedi

[macb]

I know i have a lot of friends on here and to many I have not met yet :

I have my friends in THE LOCALITY as well,Ron Thompson Andy Lee BINNSY all off this forum and I thank them for there advice input and friendship :

DONT WORRY CHAPS I HAVE NOT TAKEN TO DRINKING

Special thanks to my friend Mervyn MGC whom I have known for a long time :

Sad yes I am sad...... Do I want to be here no I dont, Am I happy no I am not, do I feel used yes I do:

What I have given her is obviously not a enough from things she has said to other Thai Ladies who have Farang partners because it is now being fed back to me

[macb]

Dear Macb,

In the last years I read many of your posts and I always thought: "this Macb would be a nice guy to meet." We have the same age, we were - up to last Sunday - in a similar position. There were differences: I do not like dogs and I am married for 14 years now - but in many respects I felt that our lives were very similar.

Now the base of your life has broken up! This is a real shock for me.

In this situation it is certainly difficult for you to think and act rationally. But this is still the best way to handle the situation. Try to look forward and avoid to look at it from a personal point of view: try to look at it as an outsider. Avoid thoughts like: all the time she just...

I read your original post several times. Your wife may have married you with good intentions. But then she got overstrained by the relationship with you. Two and three years ago, she may have thought that your good points (money, security etc) outweigh your weak points (not belonging, not funny to be with - she mentioned 'boring'). But with the time going on, the balance didn't stay that way.

Do not blame it on her or on you. It was a misunderstanding, a wrong valuation of a relationship - probably by both of you.

---

Others mentioned: Now the first priority is for your daughter. I would not put it like this. You should rather look for a solution which will serve all three of you.

Your daughter will have no future living with you. You are too old to rise a baby. Hence she will have to stay with her mother. Maybe you should support her father. Supporting someone for years without any personal contact is frustrating: it would make you feel like an ATM, this does not meet your requirements. A possible solution could be that you stay in region but that you and your wife will both be free for new relationships - the mia noy kind or a new marriage whatever - but that you keep your old relationship at least up to a level of remaining on speaking terms.

Your posts sound to me, as if this kind of a relationship would still be possible. There is no hatred - just boring and disappointment. Take a step back, look at it from a distance: there are still pieces left. Build up a new picture from this pieces.

With my very best wishes for your future

Thedi

Wise input Thedi :

I have re-wound the tape so to speak to the beginning , I now see that I gave all far to quickly (Because STUPID written on my forehead) The Khmer family culture connected to my wife's family is very hard : Of course there probably concerned because the wallet is being lost so to speak, but they are not to concerned because the house and land is alrerady established :

If you take three equations for example 1. Bricks and mortar 2 Unhappiness 3 Happiness and you were told you can choose one which would it be.

Many thanks for the input and guidance and indeed to everyone on here giving support and advice I am reading it all believe me

[macb]

There are so many other things I could add yes I am not Mr Perfect, I hate domestic Confrontation I just clam up and struggle on but then it gets to much and I make a move .

Not so long ago I bought a new bedroom suite abeit a modern suite in an old style never kept clean Thai house for her father who was then drinking to much but now has gout and has stopped drinking but the damage is done and I pay the Hospital bills. Her mother complained why you buy that, when you could have given me the money : That was an appreciative statement to make.

13 Rai I got back into the family and bought a new New tractor. but I am not allowed to buy myself something

[Iambabababor]

Of course they're probably concerned because the wallet is being lost so to speak, but they are not to concerned because the house and land is alrerady established :

Not so Mac. As I said above, regardless in whose name the property is registered, following a divorce it is shared 50/50. I know. I had a divorce 6 years ago, and following the eventual sale of the house, the money was split equally. (I should have got more as I paid for it, but at least I got half, which was more than I forked out originally!)

Perhaps the missus and her family who are no doubt egging her on do not realise this

[Thaicoon]

Hi Mac, very sorry to hear your problems, i have never met your wife, but met you and you are a down to earth nice guy, if there is anything Sa and i can do, please do not hesitate to contact us, there is an empty house not far from you, my place, if you want somewhere to stay in Buriram you are most welcome, we are all thinking of you, best of luck.