What Do I Do

[macb]

I have sent an email off to Issan lawyers with a copy of this thread just to let you Macb Support committee member know: I dont understand my wife's so Happy behaviour since I gave here the three options SPOOKY

[paulsmithson]

Like many have said we have never met Macb but yes I have read many of your posts and feel sorry that you are being treated like this.

Please remember that you are to many a rich farang and most women will be looking to you for one reason only-Money.

Do not be rushed into another relationship-take your time-have fun and be selective.

There are many ,many single professional Thai Ladies out there who never married -are still bloody atractive even in their forties and more and will love and respect a farang simply because they are lonely now and know a thai partner would probabley only want them for their money!.

Take your time and find a good one!

[macb]

Like many have said we have never met Macb but yes I have read many of your posts and feel sorry that you are being treated like this.

Please remember that you are to many a rich farang and most women will be looking to you for one reason only-Money.

Do not be rushed into another relationship-take your time-have fun and be selective.

There are many ,many single professional Thai Ladies out there who never married -are still bloody atractive even in their forties and more and will love and respect a farang simply because they are lonely now and know a thai partner would probabley only want them for their money!.

Take your time and find a good one!

THanks Paul for that and yes your right

[Neeranam]

As soon as the baby was born a sister was being the domestic I was giving her 2000 bht per month, then she went to Bkk then another sister took over I paid her in advance for 3 months ie 6000 bht mistake after she worked half the money she went to Bkk as well mmmmmmmm

Mistake - don't pay family for family matters, especially after you've built a house.

Doing the laundry/cleaning - big mistake, you'll be the laughing stock of the family and village.

Never give a Thai woman control. They can't deal with it as they've never had any.

Builing a house - big mistake unless it's part of the deal from the start.

[ray23]

Yes I have now realised this : People must think I am stupid Farang seeing me doing the laundry etc

Mac your not stupid you just did for the wrong person.

My wife and I have no children, live in a small three bedroom house. We have a full time housekeeper who a lot of times ends up watching Thai soaps with my wife. To this day my wife will not allow her to do the laundry. There is something about that gives her selfvalue. I don't understand it but thats in he not me. My wife takes pride in being able to cook farrang foods, but I did have to take the time to teach her.

Sometimes she can be as loving as can be sometimes she is just not, goes through mood swings like the rest of us.

Of course missy is happy the only thing she sees changing in her life is your not going to be there. She stills see the money coming you have taught her that. She doesn't believe for a second that the money won't be there.

You sound like a great husband next time don't give it away let them earn it just as you did, then it might have some value.

I have followed this and the fact that she had this behavior after giving birth can be attributed to that, But you are saying it was always there, thats a different ball game.

What it sounds like to me is that she never really met your needs, and you wanted to believe that it did. I think we are all like that to some extent, but by now you must realize this.

The child in the end it' up to yuo, but you can hire a nanny for very little money or a housekeeper, who will care of her and the house and you can teach her to cook what you like as well. Time to take control back over your life and make it what you want. So your really not looking at 24/7. The reality is that more then likely it is the grand parents that will raise the child, if you don't.

I will caution you when your wife undersatnds what is really happening if I were you I wouldn't want to be anywhere near that village. Remember your in Thailand. Now would be a real good time to keep your mouth shut around the house and village. That my friend is not going to be easy, might just be time to get out of dodge.

If you have made your decesion the next thing to do is to act upon it. If that is to split stop talking and let your attorney do that. If your not careful there is hel_l to pay around the corner. I watched a friend go through the same thing recently all a big joke to the wife until she found out the ATM card went with him. She tried to drive him nuts for months threats the whole nine yards till he finally contacted the police and for a few baht they had a chat with her. The harrasment stopped.

These days emotionally you have enough to deal with take care of yourself.

No one can tell you what to do, in the end that is your decesion to decide what kind of life you have. I can tell this from what I see here you are not alone you have support no matter what you decide.

[macb]

Yes I have now realised this : People must think I am stupid Farang seeing me doing the laundry etc

Mac your not stupid you just did for the wrong person.

My wife and I have no children, live in a small three bedroom house. We have a full time housekeeper who a lot of times ends up watching Thai soaps with my wife. To this day my wife will not allow her to do the laundry. There is something about that gives her selfvalue. I don't understand it but thats in he not me. My wife takes pride in being able to cook farrang foods, but I did have to take the time to teach her.

Sometimes she can be as loving as can be sometimes she is just not, goes through mood swings like the rest of us.

Of course missy is happy the only thing she sees changing in her life is your not going to be there. She stills see the money coming you have taught her that. She doesn't believe for a second that the money won't be there.

You sound like a great husband next time don't give it away let them earn it just as you did, then it might have some value.

I have followed this and the fact that she had this behavior after giving birth can be attributed to that, But you are saying it was always there, thats a different ball game.

What it sounds like to me is that she never really met your needs, and you wanted to believe that it did. I think we are all like that to some extent, but by now you must realize this.

The child in the end it' up to yuo, but you can hire a nanny for very little money or a housekeeper, who will care of her and the house and you can teach her to cook what you like as well. Time to take control back over your life and make it what you want. So your really not looking at 24/7. The reality is that more then likely it is the grand parents that will raise the child, if you don't.

I will caution you when your wife undersatnds what is really happening if I were you I wouldn't want to be anywhere near that village. Remember your in Thailand. Now would be a real good time to keep your mouth shut around the house and village. That my friend is not going to be easy, might just be time to get out of dodge.

If you have made your decesion the next thing to do is to act upon it. If that is to split stop talking and let your attorney do that. If your not careful there is hel_l to pay around the corner. I watched a friend go through the same thing recently all a big joke to the wife until she found out the ATM card went with him. She tried to drive him nuts for months threats the whole nine yards till he finally contacted the police and for a few baht they had a chat with her. The harrasment stopped.

These days emotionally you have enough to deal with take care of yourself.

No one can tell you what to do, in the end that is your decesion to decide what kind of life you have. I can tell this from what I see here you are not alone you have support no matter what you decide.

My emotions are up and down not about it ending but for what I have done for them and also the kind words typed here by so many not supporters butr good friends whether met or not :

This afternoon she got angry with the little daughter rocked her so hard she fell out the rocker banging her head : I took my little angel outside to control her, I had to raise my voice at the wife and yak yak her: So I have this to deal with as well, threats to kill the baby twice and showing a knife to me and the daughter: I thought I only dealt with this crap as a Copper.

[andylee]

Andy from Mac's nearest village here.

Mac you know my views, you should have house, car and Gloria. We will muddle through together with your daughter Gloria and my daughter Lottie. Plenty of aunties and cousins round here to help, and its only a stones throw.

Just want the readers to know the very local farangs are supportive (and the local thais are not stupid).

See you tomorrow mate.

[ray23]

Your a retired cop and so am I you know what to do, get that kid now and get out of there. It has went to far.

Get the local cops to control her while you do it.

Edited November 25, 2007 by ray23

[bergen]

Hi Macb

Sorry to read about your situation.

Smart to consult Isaan Lawyers, then you will be informed of all your legal rights and have professionel support on your side.

If you decide to go away for a while, dont give any money to the wife. Let her feel immediately what her future will be like without your money. She will have big problems trying to maintain her status in the local society.

Don't worry about the laundry issue, - as ray23 said - it was just the wrong woman.

I did the laundry when we lived in Bergen, and I do the laundry here.

Whatever happens, I hope you will not move too far away, so we can have some more fun evenings in the future

All the best!!

[ray23]

Ok guys if anyone has a phone number for him you need to contact him asap.

He is not thinking clearly very normal for this situation, but with the threats to him and the baby and a knife involved the chances of somone getting seriously injuried or killed have went way up. This isn't about devoirces any longer.

He needs to get out of there and he can not leave that child I there under these circumstances. He need to get out and to protect his child, The peices can be picked up later. So if you can talk directly to him as a friend this is the time to do it.

I'm not guessing on this guys I am retired cop I have experience with 100's of these suitutations. When they reach point they may calm down and they go the other direction. He's a cop to he knows that as well as I do. But he is he middle of this one himself, help him.

Edited November 25, 2007 by ray23

[AA1]

Mac,

I was shocked like everyone else has been when I looked in Isaan Forum just now and read your news. Having read through the thread you seem to have been given so much in the way of good suggestions that I am not going to add more than say that I agree with so much of what has been said.

The main thing that I hope has come out is 'Look after yourself" as without that you cannot move forward.

The other thing is get strength from the fact this thread shows you just how many friends that you have, both who you have met personally OR through your nearing 2,000 words of wisdom, and we are all here to help you in any way you want.

Chin up.

Best wishes,

Anthony

[qualtrough]

This afternoon she got angry with the little daughter rocked her so hard she fell out the rocker banging her head : I took my little angel outside to control her, I had to raise my voice at the wife and yak yak her: So I have this to deal with as well, threats to kill the baby twice and showing a knife to me and the daughter: I thought I only dealt with this crap as a Copper.

Now its a whole different ballgame. As others have said, you and your daughter need to get out of that situation NOW and you can sort things out later. No confrontation--when she steps out pack a bag and get out of there asap.

Edited November 25, 2007 by qualtrough

[macb]

Well I am told that she has been yak yak by her mother and a sister :

RAY23 nice to know there is another copper here I did 30 yrs : But I have my guard up. problem is she is still breast feeding my daughter:

The other side of the family wont talk about anything Cos Ron asks his wife its cos its all losing face stuff:

She seems to be ignoring it all, I cant make a move till after 1st December for financial reasons and where the hel_l does a 58 yr old father take his daughter.

[ray23]

Mac all you got to do is get to Udon I have room, they sale formula here money is not a problem hel_l I'll come get you if need be.

I'll PM you with my phone number, it's available to you 24 hours.

Where you are now is not safe for you or the child.

If the money thing really bothers you can pay me back when you have the money. I live on a retirement as well I know about the first to LOL

[thedi]

This afternoon she got angry with the little daughter rocked her so hard she fell out the rocker banging her head : I took my little angel outside to control her, I had to raise my voice at the wife and yak yak her: So I have this to deal with as well, threats to kill the baby twice and showing a knife to me and the daughter: I thought I only dealt with this crap as a Copper.

You go into round two now!

She will try to blackmail you and is rooting out your weakest point, which is probably your daughter.

You have bad cards now, because you are emotionally weak. A good policy would be to start a scene now. Pretend you just got reliable proof that the girl is not your daughter at all, that she had a boyfriend all the time. You would have to give the impression, that you do not care for your daughter any more. This would take this weapon out of her hands. But she may call your bluff!

You could also consider, that it is her daughter as much as yours. She will not really want to hurt her. She may do it in an affection. This could arise from a dispute with you. Maybe it would be wise to not to wait too much longer before you get out of there...

The situation is stressing for her too. She sees her furs drift away. She may realize, that she miscalculated and try to save as much as possible now.

Try to keep a cool head and act sensible.

regards

Thedi

[macb]

THEDI:

I could go away on the 2nd December for a while leaving both of them : Her salary is stopped as of now anyway: But for financial reasons I cant go away till then I was planning a trip again on the 9th :

My Mother said today could you live without them both, my answer was callous but yes I could tto preserve my health and seek happinnness I would still see my daughter and support her:

What a world she has been born into dam_n shame

[qualtrough]

She's your daughter, you love her, you have to do right by her. If the situation is as you describe you need to get her out of there, at least for the time being.

P.S. I would avoid playing any mind-games as a previous poster suggested, e.g. the child is not yours. That can only lead to further trouble, and might lead her to take her anger out on the child again.

[macb]

She's your daughter, you love her, you have to do right by her. If the situation is as you describe you need to get her out of there, at least for the time being.

P.S. I would avoid playing any mind-games as a previous poster suggested, e.g. the child is not yours. That can only lead to further trouble, and might lead her to take her anger out on the child again.

Well the threats were a few weeks ago but I immediately told certain friends about them (Its called evidence typical copper) Everything has been logged : But the outburst of anger today was not good :

God I think I will write a Thailand Novel after this lot maybe I will get me money back in the sales

[qualtrough]

Mac, the evidence will do you a fat lot of good if she hurts you or your daughter. From your description it sounds like she is very unstable. Why risk it?

[StinkyMudFish]

Hi Mac

From what you have posted and input from my wife who has read the thread also we believe you could be in a risky position at present. Wife's state of mind, threats and actions over recent days suggest you should cut your losses and get out until your are at safe distance. If this is driven by usual Thai financial motivation for house and land when your are out the way then no one in your immediate household/family can be trusted right now. They may have a plan whether you know it or not. So take the advice of myself and others on here to leave now and handle matters at a safe distance where less confusion surrrounds you. If wife & family object to you fighting for custody of child and/or claim over land & house then Thais can resort to some petty cruel tactics to get what they want if you cause them too much trouble or they feel you are about to embark on such a fight. Do it all at safe distance, under sound legal advice and keep friends close by all the time now until resolved. Don't argue with Thai people it is not like back here in UK where the worst that can happen is a few harsh words. Thais lose face over money or if greed sets in you are better to seek help from head of the village, police, solicitor/s, friends and make sure you keep every one as you are doing now in the loop so if anything happens to you or your daughter there is no doubt or question as to where the actions came from.

Keep your own council, Keep calm and don't enter in arguments at this time.............

Edited November 25, 2007 by StinkyMudFish

[zorro1]

I don't get it??? she hurts your daughter and then pulls a knife? Dear sir, unlike most here i don't know you, never read a single post of yours until this one. The respect you have here is immense however are you frigging nuts or what? its your life but your putting your daughters at risk indirectly. It may not be your fault but that's irrelevant right now. She is using your daughter to get to you emotionally however she has abused the child in the process so with you gone that will stop so why don't you just go with or without your daughter as your clearly not wanted (sorry to be blunt)

[macb]

Hi Mac

From what you have posted and input from my wife who has read the thread also we believe you could be in a risky position at present. Wife's state of mind, threats and actions over recent days suggest you should cut your losses and get out until your are at safe distance. If this is driven by usual Thai financial motivation for house and land when your are out the way then no one in your immediate household/family can be trusted right now. They may have a plan whether you know it or not. So take the advice of myself and others on here to leave now and handle matters at a safe distance where less confusion surrrounds you. If wife & family object to you fighting for custody of child and/or claim over land & house then Thais can resort to some petty cruel tactics to get what they want if you cause them too much trouble or they feel you are about to embark on such a fight. Do it all at safe distance, under sound legal advice and keep friends close by all the time now until resolved. Don't argue with Thai people it is not like back here in UK where the worst that can happen is a few harsh words. Thais lose face over money or if greed sets in you are better to seek help from head of the village, police, solicitor/s, friends and make sure you keep every one as you are doing now in the loop so if anything happens to you or your daughter there is no doubt or question as to where the actions came from.

Keep your own council, Keep calm and don't enter in arguments at this time.............

Another big thank you : Wow this is one Forum and a half as things occur they will be added here (Even if I beat Andy at Snooker tomorrow or catch more fish than Ron) I got to thank everyone on here and the creators of this Forum :

[macb]

Theres been no copulation for a year either and that's my fault as well : So its not just a heavy heart !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well thought I would make it a bit light hearted

[MrSquigle]

You are not doing 'the best' for your daughter if you are going to leave her to be raised in a village with that kind of atmosphere and what she will probably be saying about you as she grows up.

First and foremost...she was prepared to let you take her, to give her up...that alone says a lot about her.

If you can afford it, go live elswhere near lots of friends and get a nanny to help with everything. Also in a year or so things will lighten up as she could start nursery and kindergarten and she will be busy at school all day.

[qualtrough]

Theres been no copulation for a year either and that's my fault as well : So its not just a heavy heart !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well thought I would make it a bit light hearted

OK now. All doubts as to the advisability of getting out, if there ever were any, are gone! That's no way to live!

[soidog2]

Since I don’t know you personally, spiritual advice would be meaningless.

If you love you daughter and want to be part of her life while regaining some dignity and respect in your life; you urgently contact one of the good attorneys found on this forum.

Gain legal custody of your daughter, rebuild your life somewhere else far away from your present location.

Tough course, with lots of pain to come but doable and the only way to a stable future for you & daughter TOGETHER.

Good Luck

[StinkyMudFish]

i agree with the last few posts in as much that your daughters life will be much better all round now and in future if she stayed with you. schools, care and nannies can all be found but if left to your wife and her family then she will probably get little or no education in village life. if you don't want to look back with regrets take your daughter and let her have the best of future which would only be possible with you i feel as your standards are obiously much higher.

[duceahearts]

I have sent an email off to Issan lawyers with a copy of this thread just to let you Macb Support committee member know: I dont understand my wife's so Happy behaviour since I gave here the three options SPOOKY

Mac, you don't know me but I've really enjoyed reading the threads you've started (village life) and from what I've read I've always thought you a decent guy, you don't deserve this sh1t, anyway, you're probably asleep now but until you speak to the legal people there's another thread running that has some information about parental rights you might find it interesting reading?

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=154466

Only advice I can give is "once it's broke if you try to fix it you'll always see the cracks"

Again, sorry for your pain mate.

Dah

[macb]

I have sent an email off to Issan lawyers with a copy of this thread just to let you Macb Support committee member know: I dont understand my wife's so Happy behaviour since I gave here the three options SPOOKY

Mac, you don't know me but I've really enjoyed reading the threads you've started (village life) and from what I've read I've always thought you a decent guy, you don't deserve this sh1t, anyway, you're probably asleep now but until you speak to the legal people there's another thread running that has some information about parental rights you might find it interesting reading?

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=154466

Only advice I can give is "once it's broke if you try to fix it you'll always see the cracks"

Again, sorry for your pain mate.

Dah

THanks will peruse the link later and waiting response from Isaan lawyers

[thedi]

...that your daughters life will be much better all round now and in future if she stayed with you.

It is not as simple as that!

Macb is 58 years old, his daughter is now 1 year old. Until she enters school, she may have it better with him. But when she reaches puberty, he will be an old doter (at least in her eyes).

What if he dies with 75, when his daughter will be 18 years old? Where would she go then? Nannies work only as long as they get paid.

The case is full of complexities. If I would believe in a god, I would start to pray for Macb, his daughter and his wife. The situation is really hart breaking. There seem to be only loosers left.

On the other hand, in my own life, I lived in many different situations. Once, for nearly an year, I lived in a slum in Sukothai. When I arrived there the first time, I thought: this is hel_l on earth. After a week or two I felt good there, it is now a very good memory - I never laughed so much as in that year. All I want to say with this: The circumstances are not really important. She could have a happy life as a farmers wife - even if she will have backaches at harvest time and posses only as many plates to eat from as there are people in the house - or she could become a star, but have an uncomfortable life in a 20-bedroom mansion surrounded by enviers and despots. It is not the environment that makes life good or bad. Its what you make of it and how you look at it.

Thedi