I can in no way be held responsible if certain posters imagine that a certain "m" in a certain thread title is replaced with a certain other letter.

Hey Momo8,

Q:Why did the little baby chick walk softly?

A:Because it couldn't walk hardly.

Are you amused?

Chownah

Don't give up your day job Clownah ooops I mean Chownah.

Hey Mo, what does an elephant pack when it goes on holiday? A suitcase! Well what else could it be?

ps supplied by by next door neighbours 7 year old. Her laughing at it was funnier than the joke!

What's grey and has a trunk.

A mouse going on holiday.

What's grey and comes in buckets?

An Elephant!

I think I need to add a second line to the Title - "REALLY bad riddles that deserve to be buried and forgotten forever."

CB

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Cos the subway was closed for repairs

I went to the chip shop last night but it was flooded.

Everyone wanted peas

OK boys,I'm amused.Really,truly,honestly.You guys are too funny and thanks.Big hugs and kisses.

Mercy no more sick jokes.

I'm getting the whip and chair out now so please go back to your cages.I'll rattle when I need you to come out.

o balls. That's too bad. I had a really really good joke lined up for you, but I don't dare tell it now.

OK boys,I'm amused.Really,truly,honestly.You guys are too funny and thanks.Big hugs and kisses.

Mercy no more sick jokes.

I'm getting the whip and chair out now so please go back to your cages.I'll rattle when I need you to come out.

Will you be wearing kinky boots to go with that whip?

Yes,the ones that can kick arse. Thanks again.A smile is worth a thousand words.

OK boys,I'm amused.Really,truly,honestly.You guys are too funny and thanks.Big hugs and kisses.

Mercy no more sick jokes.

I'm getting the whip and chair out now so please go back to your cages.I'll rattle when I need you to come out.

Will you be wearing kinky boots to go with that whip?

now it gets interesting....tell us more Tiggy!

He's just being a dirty little tiger.Behave yourself or I'll put the mask on too ala SBK style.

He's just being a dirty little tiger.Behave yourself or I'll put the mask on too ala SBK style.

Madame Lash is an institution in Sydney - must be the convict heritage coming out this is a link to a YouTube video. Perhaps you guys can take notes from a woman you can definitely whip you into shape.

CB

I'm getting the whip and chair out now so please go back to your cages.I'll rattle when I need you to come out.

OoOoOoOo !

Sticks and stones may break my bones,

But whips and chains excite me !!

You need your bottom spanked or a tennis ball in your mouth,can't decide.

Why don't oysters give to charity?

Because they're shellfish

Couldn't resist

An oyster was walking along the beach feeling horney, fortunately for him he pulled a mussel!

OK boys,I'm amused.Really,truly,honestly.You guys are too funny and thanks.Big hugs and kisses.

Mercy no more sick jokes.

I'm getting the whip and chair out now so please go back to your cages.I'll rattle when I need you to come out.

Will you be wearing kinky boots to go with that whip?

now it gets interesting....tell us more Tiggy!

I 'aint saying nothin' more!!!

Naughty Tigger

Naughty Tigger

Are you going to spank me too?!?

What did the lady oyster ask her boyfriend to give her for her birthday?

A pearl necklace of course!!!

Chownah

Speechless Chownah... speechless

And Tigger - maybe...

Speechless Chownah... speechless

And Tigger - maybe...

Grrrrrr!

Hmm..maybe you wiII enjoy this. My brother sent me this in an emaiI years ago. StiII makes me Iaugh

FUNNY ENGLISH NOTICES AROUND THE WORLD!

---------------------------------------

Here are some signs and notices written in English that were

discovered throughout the world. You have to give the writers an

'E' for Effort. We hope you enjoy them.

In a Tokyo Hotel:

Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a

person to do such thing is please not to read notis.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:

The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we

regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Leipzig elevator:

Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator:

To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin

should enter more persons, each one should press a number of

wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by

national order.

In a Paris hotel elevator:

Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a hotel in Athens:

Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the

hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

In a Yugoslavian hotel:

The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the

chambermaid.

In a Japanese hotel:

You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox

monastery:

You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and

Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except

Thursday.

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:

Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the

boots of ascension.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:

Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

On the menu of a Polish hotel:

Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy

dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose;

beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:

Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:

Drop your trousers here for best results.

Outside a Paris dress shop:

Dresses for street walking.

In a Rhodes tailor shop:

Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute

customers in strict rotation.

A sign posted in Germany's Black forest:

It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that

people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live

together in one tent unless they are married with each other

for that purpose.

In a Zurich hotel:

Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the

opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby

be used for this purpose.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:

Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

In a Rome laundry:

Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon

having a good time.

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:

Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no

miscarriages.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:

Would you like to ride on your own ass?

In a Swiss mountain inn:

Special today -- no ice cream.

In a Bangkok temple:

It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed

as a man.

In a Tokyo bar:

Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:

We take your bags and send them in all directions.

On the door of a Moscow hotel room:

If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to

it.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:

Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

In a Budapest zoo:

Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable

food, give it to the guard on duty.

In the office of a Roman doctor:

Specialist in women and other diseases.

In an Acapulco hotel:

The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

In a Tokyo shop:

Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are

best in the long run.

From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air

conditioner:

Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your

room, please control yourself.

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:

When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.

Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles

your passage then tootle him with vigor.

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:

- English well talking.

- Here speeching American.

Why is Tigger always so dirty?

Because he plays with Pooh!

I liked this from eek's post.

In a Tokyo bar:

Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

Is that where old katoeys migrate?

Those are hilarious I love funny signs and 'Chinglish'.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:

Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

Another funny one and don't have the pic is 'Cremations,North Point HK,Fry Brothers.We will meet your needs.' Lol.

ZPete fellow eyeballer due to peer pressure I've changed my 'eye' for the weekend.What about you? Any chance of you changing to another eye?Does freak people out so how long have you had it? (the avatar)

ZPete fellow eyeballer due to peer pressure I've changed my 'eye' for the weekend.What about you? Any chance of you changing to another eye?Does freak people out so how long have you had it? (the avatar)

Dear Eyeballer, Momo,

Noway, my eye freaks out Ping.

Not gunna give him the pleasure.

I do have a supply of eye balls..........hehe

Happy balling, Momo........oooooops eyeballing.

Wannabe eyeballers, take a pick

Oh behave yourself.That second one freaks me out that's for sure.