By J. Clarkson ( one day the British Prime Minister, by popular demand, perhaps?)

From Book "Born to be Riled"

Chapter, "Land of the Brave, Home of the Dim"

copyright, J. Clarkson, 1999

Published by Penguin Non Fiction

My seat was in its upright position, the table tray was folded away and all my electronic games were off.

But despite this, the stewardess was coming down the aisle like an Exocet missile. 'Sir,' she smiled, 'you're going to need to uncross your legs for take off. It's a federal requirement.'

This was a new one on me but comparatively speaking it's a pinprick. Earlier in the day, I heard a security guard in a Las Vegas mall tell a group of weary shoppers to put their shoes back on.

Our cameraman had been dumbfounded in an Alberquerque supermarket when, after asking for a pack of Marlboro, he'd been told, 'This is a family-orientated store, sir. We're not allowed to to sell you cigarettes.'

Shall I go on? OK, how about this. A sticker affixed to the side of a huge rubbish skip warned passer-by not to clamber on the refuse collecting device. That bit was odd enough but underneath it said, and I quote, that 'It is unlawful to tamper with or remove this notice.'

This means that someone has called a meeting and voted to make it illegal to remove warning notices in the state of Texas. Illegal, you'll note. Not inadvisable, Il-bloody-legal.

But the best I've saved till last. My waitress in Reno, said she could not serve me with a second beer until I had finished the first.

Naturally, I asked, despairingly why this should be so and was told, simply, 'It's a rule.'

And that's it. Not argument. No truck. You can't line your beers up. You can't cross your legs on a plane. You can't tamper with notices. You can't buy cigarettes in supermarkets.

And the decent, Christian folk of middle America just seem to accept it. Now, these people may be fat and their hairstyles need to be seen to be believed, but they did invent the space shuttle, so they're not stupid.

And yet they're quite happy to put their shoes on when asked to do so by someone in unifom. Why?

When the French government tried to increase tolls on lorry drivers, they blockaded the motorways.

When the Maggon came up with Poll tax, people set fire to Trafalgar square.

When the Italians are asked to pay VAT (Value added tax) they lose all of their books, remind the bloke from the tax office that he's 'family' and pop into town for a coffee.

I suspect that inner-city America has become so out of control that the only way you be marked out as a law-abiding citizen is to obey every rule that comes along, no matter how daft or ill conceived.

[passage continues...]

Rules is rules!

There are other states with the one drink at a time law. I think we were in New England (not sure of the place!) and we were amazed that we actually had to finish our drinks before they would even take an order for our next ones. Most of all, in a restaurant, we were doubly amazed when the waiter wouldn't give us 2 glasses each when we ordered a red and a white wine. He agreed when I pointed out that I didn't want to use the same glass at the same time, ie the white was for the starter and the red for the main course. Nightmare! When we asked why, they just said, 'It's the law!'

I enjoyed my few visits to USA but I couldn't live there!

Any people - especially Brits - who have made alcohol and tobacco into such a hugely celebrated part of their culture shouldn't be pointing fingers at others concerning "stupidity".

Speaking of which.....

British rules and regulations anger McGregor

Updated Tue Oct 23, 2007 11:24am AEST

Ewan McGregor says he is sick of Britain's "ludicrous nanny state" rules, which he says might force him to quit the country.

When Daniel Craig was unveiled as the new James Bond in October 2005, he was forced to wear a life jacket as he sped on a boat up the River Thames.

http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2007/10/23/2067277.htm

I think I need to read this book.

Yes, one of my favorite topics.....how stupid and freedom denied my fellow Walmart shoppers are. We believe that because we can stand on a street corner and scream our heads off holding up a Tibetan flag that we are more free than those poor uneducated souls in China, what a joke. Try to get a law passed, try to get something to really change or reform....what a minute, no money? NO GO! Freedom is decided by bank accounts.

We believe that because there is a law that says a person can't rape and murder we are safe, so following that train of thought if we outlaw cell phones, water bottles, box cutters and Arabs from planes, everyone will be safe. I think this comes from too much Captain Kangaroo bullsh1t from when we were kids. We tell ourselves that someone is looking out for us, we passed laws so we have advanced society and are blessed to make things so safe that no one will die. I believe most Americans live in some fantasy world, I have not had the honor of visiting this Disney world of theirs and am still happy to say I am glad I have missed it.

Any people - especially Brits - who have made alcohol and tobacco into such a hugely celebrated part of their culture shouldn't be pointing fingers at others concerning "stupidity".

Well that's a bit heavy UG. Surely if I order a bottle of red and a bottle of white I can have a glass for each! It has nothing to do with how alcohol is a celebrated part of our culture. It's freedom to enjoy what is a legal substance that I enjoy very much. And I never drink to excess. And before you retort with that's two bottles of wine, there were four of us at that table.

Looking at the date of the paragraph, can't help but wonder if his opinion has changed somewhat. I'm pretty sure the UK is heading in a similar state to what he's described, if it's not already there.

Jeremy Clarkson - honestly can't make up my mind how I feel about this guy. He wrote this obviously tongue-in-cheek article last year which bears absolutely no relation to the truth of British expats whatsoever. Honest.

But he also

. Redeeming on so many levels....

Any people - especially Brits - who have made alcohol and tobacco into such a hugely celebrated part of their culture shouldn't be pointing fingers at others concerning "stupidity".

Well that's a bit heavy UG. Surely if I order a bottle of red and a bottle of white I can have a glass for each! It has nothing to do with how alcohol is a celebrated part of our culture. It's freedom to enjoy what is a legal substance that I enjoy very much. And I never drink to excess. And before you retort with that's two bottles of wine, there were four of us at that table.

Just pointing out that there are plenty of stupid people and stupid regulations to go around.

Speaking of which.....

British rules and regulations anger McGregor

Updated Tue Oct 23, 2007 11:24am AEST

Ewan McGregor says he is sick of Britain's "ludicrous nanny state" rules, which he says might force him to quit the country.

When Daniel Craig was unveiled as the new James Bond in October 2005, he was forced to wear a life jacket as he sped on a boat up the River Thames.

http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2007/10/23/2067277.htm

On his accountant's advice, possibly?

When you read the piece you see that dear Jeremy is whinging about two things that directly affected himself. He couldn't sit with his legs crossed during take off and then, que horreur, he couldn't order another beer until he finished his first. No wonder the Aussies call us Brits whinging poms, when you have pooftahs like Clarkson honoured as "celebrities". I never understood how a two bit presenter of a two bit TV programme on motor cars gets so much attention. I have no doubts about the man, he is a pr@t.

Rules and regulations? You should try living in Switzerland!!!

No hanging out washing on Sunday, no bathing or flushing toilet in apartment buildings after 10pm, no buying of booze after 9 pm in shops, no crossing the road if not on crossing. Those are just petty ones, i know. But you should see some of the fines you get!!!

And stupid things - recently i had to renew my Work Permit. I received the form to fill in and there were two prices to pay - one was 65 francs if i went to the post office, paid and sent the form in, takes 5 minutes. And the other was if i went to the Permit Office i would have to pay 95 francs, which means standing in line for at least 2 hours with hundreds of others. Even my Swiss friends were flummoxed by that theory.

Ah well.

When you read the piece you see that dear Jeremy is whinging about two things that directly affected himself. He couldn't sit with his legs crossed during take off and then, que horreur, he couldn't order another beer until he finished his first. No wonder the Aussies call us Brits whinging poms, when you have pooftahs like Clarkson honoured as "celebrities". I never understood how a two bit presenter of a two bit TV programme on motor cars gets so much attention. I have no doubts about the man, he is a pr@t.

That's the point Phil, he's supposed to be 'whinging' on about things, that's what he does. It is funny in a 'one foot in the grave' sort of way.

UG - point taken, loads of silly rules and laws in every country. See Patsycats post for more of that!

Rules and regulations? You should try living in Switzerland!!!

No hanging out washing on Sunday, no bathing or flushing toilet in apartment buildings after 10pm, no buying of booze after 9 pm in shops, no crossing the road if not on crossing. Those are just petty ones, i know. But you should see some of the fines you get!!!

And stupid things - recently i had to renew my Work Permit. I received the form to fill in and there were two prices to pay - one was 65 francs if i went to the post office, paid and sent the form in, takes 5 minutes. And the other was if i went to the Permit Office i would have to pay 95 francs, which means standing in line for at least 2 hours with hundreds of others. Even my Swiss friends were flummoxed by that theory.

Ah well.

A Swiss woman I know told me that when she leaves the country she has to report in to the computer office in her village. Apparently they have some office in each village where all inhabitants are recorded and if you leave the country for any fairly long period of time, you have to tell them first. She and her husband also told me of the time they went to stay with friends in a larger town. Their car was parked on the road in front (but they drove it during the day, so it wasn't like it was abandoned) and someone called the police on them because there was a strange car parked there.

So, not only do they have strange rules but people dob you in for not even breaking the rules.

Anyway, have to add one thing to the OP. Texas and Nevada are NOT middle America. Texas is well, Texas. And Nevada is Queen of Sin, land of legalized gambling and prostitution. Hardly typical of the rest of the US

A Swiss woman I know told me that when she leaves the country she has to report in to the computer office in her village. Apparently they have some office in each village where all inhabitants are recorded and if you leave the country for any fairly long period of time, you have to tell them first.

That's just that they know who is left to turn off the lights

Rules and regulations? You should try living in Switzerland!!!

No hanging out washing on Sunday, no bathing or flushing toilet in apartment buildings after 10pm, no buying of booze after 9 pm in shops, no crossing the road if not on crossing. Those are just petty ones, i know. But you should see some of the fines you get!!!

And stupid things - recently i had to renew my Work Permit. I received the form to fill in and there were two prices to pay - one was 65 francs if i went to the post office, paid and sent the form in, takes 5 minutes. And the other was if i went to the Permit Office i would have to pay 95 francs, which means standing in line for at least 2 hours with hundreds of others. Even my Swiss friends were flummoxed by that theory.

If you are talking about the stupididy of the people who go to queue at the Permit Office instead of going to the post office, I fully agree.

The pricing seems very logical though. The Permit Office is currently unable to manage the number of visitors, and so want to encourage people to go to the post office instead, because this method reduces their workload and is more cost-effective.

Same thing as what has been done in Sweden - you can pay all your bills and transfer money for free online, but will be levied an administration fee if you insist on going in person to the bank.

That sounds sensible!