Embarrassing Moments

[pimmel]

A radio station in Australia recently ran a phone-in

competition to

find

the most embarrassing moments in listener's lives. The

following are

the

final four placegetters:-

4th Place

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler

decided to release

some pent-up energy and started to run amuck. I was

finally able to

grab

hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and

annoyance from other

patrons. I told her that if she didn't start behaving

herself right

now,

she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in

the eye and said

a

voice just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go

right now, I will

tell

Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's willie last

night!' The silence

was deafening, after this enlightening exchange. Even

the tellers

stopped

what they were doing! I mustered the last of my

dignity and walked out

of

the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing that

I heard as the

door

closed behind me were the screams of laughter.

3rd Place

It was the day before my 18th birthday. I was living

at home, at my

parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my

girlfriend over

for

a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making

love, we heard

the

telephone ringing downstairs. I suggested to my

girlfriend that I give

her

a piggy-back ride to the phone. Since we didn't want

to miss the call,

we

didn't have time to get dressed When we got to the

bottom of the

stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd

of people yelled

'SURPRISE' My entire family...aunts, uncles,

grandparents, cousins and

all of my friends were standing there! My girlfriend

and I were frozen

to the spot in a state of shock and embarrassment for

what seemed like an

eternity. Since then, no-one in my family has planned

a surprise party

again.

2nd Place

A lady picked up several items at a discount store.

When she finally

got

up to the checkout, she learned that one of the items

had no price tag.

Imagine her embarrassment when the checkout chick got

on the public

address system and boomed out for all the store to

hear 'Price check on

lane 13 TAMPAX, SUPERSIZE.' That was bad enough, but

somebody at the

rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word

'TAMPAX' for

'THUMBTACKS' In a very business-like tone, a voice

boomed back over the

public address system: 'DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH

IN WITH YOUR

THUMB

OR THE KIND YOU BELT IN WITH A HAMMER?'

and the winner is........

1st Place

This one happened at a major Australian University in

October last year

in a biology lecture, a professor was discussing the

high glucose

levels

found in semen. A young female, raised her hand and

asked, 'If I

understand what you are saying, there is a lot of

glucose in the male

semen as in sugar?' 'That's correct.' Responded the

professor, going on

to add some statistical data. Raising her hand again,

the girl asked,

Then why doesn't it taste sweet?' After a stunned

silence, the whole

class burst out laughing. The poor girl turned bright

red and as she

realised exactly what she had inadvertently said, she

picked up her

books,

and without a word walked out of the class, and never

returned.

However,

as she was going out of the door, the professor's

reply was a classic.

Totally straightfaced, he answered her question. 'IT

DOESN'T TASTE

SWEET

BECAUSE THE TASTE-BUDS FOR SWEETNESS ARE ON THE TIP OF

YOUR TONGUE AND

NOT

IN THE BACK OF YOUR THROAT.'