" Divine" was a black lady with more twist in her fingers than any known leg-spinner. Her charms led astray poor Liz's boyfriend.............jeeeeeeez, read the dam_n papers !!!!

Well as I post it's 3/28 in Perth.

You lot have played before...................Right ?

We'll change this to the Barmy Army thread!!

As of NOW!!!!

WICKET! Clarke c Prior b Tremlett 4 AUS 28/3

Another!! What an atrocious shot by Michael Clarke outside the off stump! It was short and wide from Tremlett, and Clarke just tried to force it through the off-side when he had no business doing so to a ball so short. Thin edge through to Prior, and Australia are pretty much exactly where they were at Adelaide!

@smorrison42 on Twitter: "Definitely worth staying up this late writing my essay, just to see England's amazing start to this test!"

WICKET! Ponting c Collingwood b Anderson 12 AUS 17/2

Brilliant! A catch for the ages! It's an early bath for Ponting, and what a genuinely gasp-inspiring catch that was at fourth slip by Collingwood! Anderson finds Ponting's edge as he goes back to defend, and the ball looks like it's going to race away for four. But Collingwood dives upwards, backwards and to his right to pluck the ball out of the air with his right hand! That is just jaw-droppingly awesome. Actually, was that actually Paul Collingwood, or Olga Korbut in a ginger wig? England celebrate almost as dementedly as the Barmy Army on the grass bank. Australia on the back foot in more ways than one!

Read from the bottom paragraph upwards - this is cut from the Daily Torygraph "Live Ashes" blog.

Tremmers dad flown in for the day to watch his "big" son perform.............Good choice Dad !!!

Some bloke called Clarke walked out again for a bit. Seems to be in the side as a.............Batsman ? Tea Boy ?....Nice chap smiles as he walks off............

Nice chap called Watson, obviously a friend of that other nice chap Clarke has walked off as well. Perhaps they have something else to do ?

Not yet lunch!!

WICKET! Watson lbw b Finn 13 AUS 36/4Yorker! Plumb! Out! And a forlorn review by Watson... but it's plumb on the toe, crashing into middle-and-off! Watson goes!

OVER 16: AUS 36/3 Anderson returns for Tremlett, and there's still a little swing out there for him. Another single to Watson, and England have their foot right on Australia's throat here.

Into the tail before lunch on the first day.

Will this test last three days??

(I'll be very embarrassed at the weekend, I know. But that's when I'm meeting several Aussie mates. Give 'em a right ribbing)

(Might go and visit a couple tonight - just wait 'til the end of today)(Good for a few beers, whatever happens)

Mr Cricket uses the edge of his bat quite nicely............Perhaps if he keeps doing it he will have to go off soon and join his mates in whatever they're doing ?

Strange name Mr Cricket. Perhaps that's what his other mates are trying to play ?

I wonder if those chaps that came on and walked off so quickly have gone off to think about something else they might like to play ? Perhaps they could kick that rattan ball in the air a bit ? They might be good at that.........

There you go Aussies. Our sense of fair play comes to the fore and we let our nice Mr Collingwood throw the ball at you. He doesn't throw it half as hard as those other chaps, so you guys might be able to hit it a few time until you walk off to join your mates............

I suppose you Poms have 3 decades of sulky silence to make up for.

I hope this is Ponting's Swan song at last.

I suppose you Poms have 3 decades of sulky silence to make up for.

I hope this is Ponting's Swan song at last.

Ponting has just signed a further two year contract worth nearly 1.5 Million Pounds................ But I agree Swann will get him next time.

All joking aside....Long way to go yet.

Can't wait for this evening.

Lined up a group of guys for a bar crawl. I'm the only Pom, but there's a couple of Kiwis to protect me from the sad Aussies crying in their beer.

(Have to cancel, though, if things get sticky later. Only lunch now.)

I suppose you Poms have 3 decades of sulky silence to make up for.

I hope this is Ponting's Swan song at last.

OC - it's Swann - with two NNs.

Don't the black ones come from Perth?

Anyway, we weren't silent during the last thirty years - we were whingeing.

But if you get rid of Ponting, who will stand up in front of the cameras and make lame excuses sound as if it's plain common sense?

OOOOhhhhh I am enjoying this.

Well, Smith enjoyed his lunch so much, he's gone back in for another sandwich.

Haddin playing very well now. He and Hussey may make us bat twice at this rate...........

Well, 8/201. You chaps have done really( really, really ) well to get this far...........................

Edited to add two more really's

Credit where credit is due. The tail are having a ball at the expense of some poor bowling at the end of the show.

Haven't been following the cricket today. Have you guys who have been doing the ball by ball commentary got a live score this morning?

ENG: 165/6 in 53 ov

G Swann* 8(17) | Ian Bell 37(68)

England trail by 103 runs

I'm saying nothing today.

1) I've got a hangover

2) The England team have all got hangovers.

3) A hundred out of the tail - then we'll be copying Australia.

What is this game?

What on earth is OC on about ? ( again )

Did the combined side get a hundred out of the tail?

Have they gone past Australia's total yet?

Rounders ? Netball ? ( I think the man's been drinking )

OVER 63 England are all out for 187. Mitchell Johnson is cheered off the ground by the WACA crowd, and rightly applauded off by his team-mates. Six for 38 he has taken. That time in the nets has allowed him to rediscover his inswinger to the right-hander, and with that in his arsenal he is a different bowler. Dare I say that it's good for cricket, as well?

No comment.

OVER 63 England are all out for 187. Mitchell Johnson is cheered off the ground by the WACA crowd, and rightly applauded off by his team-mates. Six for 38 he has taken. That time in the nets has allowed him to rediscover his inswinger to the right-hander, and with that in his arsenal he is a different bowler. Dare I say that it's good for cricket, as well?

No comment.

Bugger...I wasn't going to tell him.

OVER 63 England are all out for 187. Mitchell Johnson is cheered off the ground by the WACA crowd, and rightly applauded off by his team-mates. Six for 38 he has taken. That time in the nets has allowed him to rediscover his inswinger to the right-hander, and with that in his arsenal he is a different bowler. Dare I say that it's good for cricket, as well?

No comment.

Bugger...I wasn't going to tell him.

Only cricket has so much up and down.

The reason I love test cricket.

The uncertainty.

OVER 15: AUS 34/1 Finn to Watson, probing stuff, but Watson ain't fooling about here. Diligent defence and then a no ball, which Watson drives square for a single. Not seen a lot of no balls from England, have we? Finn bowls a bouncer to Ponting that he ducks with some ease.

OVER 14: AUS 32/1 Jimmy Anderson to Ponting. He has bowled 25 balls at him so far in this series, and he has got him out 3 times. How do you like them apples, Ricky? Excellent over, testing him outside off, then nipping an inswinger back that gets up and smacks Ricky, if not in the actual babymaker, then certainly uncomfortably adjacent to the babymaker region.

WICKET! Hughes c Collingwood b Finn 12

Drinks have done the trick! Good bouncer first ball and then the fuller one next up. Hughes does not get forward properly, late on it, prod. Caught at third slip by the reliable Colly. Well bowled Steven Finn, good guts to come back from the mauling Watto gave him - but that was not the shot of a top class Test opener. And it brings Ricky Ponting to the crease in dire need of a score.

Does that make up for it?