Another Oz bashing thread.

Nutha 9 days, we will see.

OCKOR bashing, ME neva.

Shame on you 'Boots'

Ya gunna watch the game?

Presume you mean the Ashes Pete?

I'm having trouble getting excited about it this time around. All our stars and characters have retired, or been kicked out for having a beer, and we have a captain with the imagination of a gnat.

The fact that we are playing a composite South African/British side also detracts from the contest.

Your character booted for beer came from Birmingham !!!!!

^^He's talking about the rugby. Nothing to get excited (or even remotely interested) about...

RUGBY the ONLY man's game.

[/b]

All the others, League, OZ rules, Gridiron etc, all invented because rugby was too rough.

Soccer is a game for kids whose mummies were scared junior mite get hurt......<deleted>.

GET A LIFE PEOPLE.

PLAY RUGBY

At school I learnt that

Rugby is a game for hooligans, played by gentlemen

Soccer is a game for gentlemen, played by hooligans and

Gaelic football is a game for hooligans, played by hooligans.

But after the second test between the B&I Lions and the Springboks, I doubt the first line.

Played against all the Southern Hemisphere teams in my time (at club level), but the 'boks were about to be on the banned list thanks to (now) Labour MP Peter Hain, who has done nothing constructive in his life.

A very wise man once told me that if you have a male offspring, Hockey is the only way to go ( real stuff not the Princess on Ice show ).

Why ?

Well it was explained that the usual club in the UK have two or three men's teams to Seven or eight ladies. The football players all retreat together to the nearest pub for a pint, while the rugby lads get on with the male bonding in the communal bath before drinking beer from each others nether regions. All this going on whilst the vastly outnumbered Hockey males drink in pleasant surroundings surrounded by their female equivalent.

Sitting here in my dotage with spondylosis in the neck and lower back through rugby, I sort of get what he meant.

They hump sheep right, as the sheep look better than their wifes?

Sorry that is what was told to me in school.

Did someone mention that Ozzies are also great cricketers?

no comment....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PAfGX7fKwHU

no comment....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PAfGX7fKwHU

The punch line must have got lost in the editing...

Did someone mention that Ozzies are also great cricketers?

I thinx a bit sour after last test.

If the Ockers saved a game that way, Ponting would say, "Great tactical finish".

I am a little worried about the Wannabies v All Blacks on Saturday coming.

ABs mite be pushing it, Ockers after their first win there in 19 years about, have been playing well..

Try this for size :-

Australian Rules Footballer's Quotes.

Intelligent lot.................

Brilliant Footy Quotes - classics

Those footballers are an educated bunch.

'I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.'

(Shane Wakelin).

'Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.'

(Mick Malthouse - Collingwood).

'I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.'

(Peter Bell - Fremantle - on his University Law studies).

'You guys line up alphabetically by height.' and 'You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle.'

(Barry Hall Sydney Captain at training).

'I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to.'

Brock Maclean (Melbourne) on whether he had visited the Pyramids during his visit to Egypt:

'He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.'

(Kevin Sheedy on James Hird).

'It's basically the same, just darker.'

Jonathan Brown, on night Grand Finals vs. Day Games

'I told him, 'Son, what is it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?'

He said, 'Barass, I don't know and I don't care.'

Ron Barassi talking about Gary Cowton

'I want to kick 70 or 80 goals this season, whichever comes first.'

Barry Hall (Sydney) when asked about the upcoming season:

'Luke Hodge - the 21 year old, who turned 22 a few weeks ago'

(Dermott Brereton).

' Chad had done a bit of mental arithmetic with a calculator.'

(Mark Williams).

'We actually got the winning goal three minutes from the end but then they scored.'

(Ben Cousins, West Coast Eagles).

'I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.'

(Luke Darcy).

'That kick was absolutely unique, except for the one before it which was identical.'

(Dermott Brereton).

'Sure there have been injuries and deaths in football - but none of them serious.'

(Adrian Anderson).

'If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.'

(Andrew Demetriou).

'I would not say he (Chris Judd) is the best centreman in the AFL but there are none better.'

(Dermott Brereton).

'I never comment on umpires and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat.'

(Terry Wallace).

Garry Lyon: ' Have you ever thought of writing your autobiography?'

David Swartz: 'On what?'

'Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw.'

(Dermott Brereton).

'Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer.'

(Dermott Brereton).

What about quotes from the Wallabies, after losing the first Bledisloe Cup clash?

Or quotes from the Roosters after the Warriors trampled them?

But note that in both matches the sneaky Kiwis came up from behind.

(Same as they do with sheep)

Sneaky, noway, subtle strategy,,,,,,,,

Both games were great to watch, speshully the Warriors.

Gawd help the ABs in Bloonfontein next weekend.

0300 NZST game start, hot and dry, AKL was wet, cold.

Sneaky, noway, subtle strategy,,,,,,,,

Both games were great to watch, speshully the Warriors.

Gawd help the ABs in Bloonfontein next weekend.

0300 NZST game start, hot and dry, AKL was wet, cold.

Yes, watching all these antipodean cousins beating seven sorts of sh1t out of eac other for hours on end - rivetting entertainment.

(But you know I luvs yer, anyways)

Well, it is certainly better real man making than that round ball kick-about.

The execise game mummy wants Lil Jimmy to play and not get his knees dirty......

Let alone hurt in anyway..........

First to admit the skill of the players, but NOT FOR REAL MEN.

Most of all, the mentally challenged podeans who sit for 90 mins and cheer like dervishes over ONE point win.........sheeeeeeesh.

(podeans: Those who feel hostility to Australasians)

Excluding, yours truly, of course.

Podeans are just people who live in the northern hemisphere aren't they...... which is most of the population of the planet btw.

Thanks for the footie quotes Zpete. Dermie looks right up there with Barry Hall. Another famous quote from Dermie is his reply when asked how he got a pre-season groin injury which was delaying his start to the season: "er, I got it making the acquaintance of a woman" was his reply.

A few quotes about Australia....

“Australia is an outdoor country. People only go inside to use the toilet. And that's only a recent development.”

“To live in Australia permanently is rather like going to a party and dancing all night with one's mother.”

- Barry Humphries

“God bless America. God save the Queen. God defend New Zealand and thank Christ for Australia.”

"I'd move to Los Angeles if New Zealand and Australia were swallowed up by a tidal wave, if there was a bubonic plague in England and if the continent of Africa disappeared from some Martian attack."

- Russell Crowe

"At the end of my trial, I was rather hoping the judge would send me to Australia for the rest of my life."

- Jeffrey Archer

"Australia is a huge rest home, where no unwelcome news is ever wafted on to the pages of the worst newspapers in the world."

- Germaine Greer

"Australia is already a world leader in dementia research, treatment and care."

- Julie Bishop

"Australia is so cool that it's hard to even know where to start describing it. The beaches are beautiful; so is the weather. Not too crowded. Great food, great music, really nice people. It must be a lot like Los Angeles was many years ago."

- Mary-Kate Olsen

"Australia was great. I would advise anybody to go there. In fact, if you couldn't live here, Australia would be the place to live. It's the most Americanized country that I've ever seen in the world."

- Jerry Lawler

"Even if you go to Australia today, it's very much like visiting a (US) state you haven't been to."

- Pat Oliphant

"I am not sure if such simulated training is going to be a help. You mean to say if we tour Australia we need to have a beer-can in our hands all the time?"

- Harbhajan Singh

"There is nothing more Australian than spending time in somebody else's country"

- anon.

"A few years ago we colonised this place with some of our finest felons, thieves, muggers, alcoholics and prostitutes, a strain of depravity which I believe has contributed greatly to this country's amazing vigour and enterprise."

- Ian Wooldridge

"The extraordinary rapid growth which has followed upon settlement of the scum of the earth on the shores of Australia would make it appear that in colonisation it is as in gardening, the more your foundations consist of dung, the more rapid and striking the production."

- David Monre

"They are not a nation of snobs like the English or of extravagant boasters like the Americans or of reckless profligates like the French, they are simply a nation of drunkards."

- Marcus Clark

"Alone of all the races on earth, they seem to be free from the 'Grass is Greener on the other side of the fence' syndrome, and roundly proclaim that Australia is, in fact, the other side of that fence."

- Douglas Adams

Don't know if we've had this one yet...

Sittin' at home last Sunday mornin' me mate Boomerrang Said he was havin' a few people around for a barbie, Said he might Kookaburra or two.

I said, "Sounds great, will Wallaby there?"

He said "Yeah and Vegemite come too".

So I said to the wife "Do you wanna Goanna?". She said "I'll go if Dingos".

So I said "Wattle we do about Nulla?"

He said "Nullabors me to tears, leave him at home."

We got to the party about two and walked straight out the kitchen to put some booze in the fridge. And you wouldn't believe it, there's Boomer's wife Warra sittin there tryin to Platypus!

Now, I don't like to speak Illawarra, but I was shocked, I mean how much can a Koala bear.

So I grabbed a beer, flashed me Wangarratta and went out and joined the party.

Pretty soon Ayers Rocks in and things really started jumpin'. This Indian girl, Marsu, turns up, dying to go to the toilet but she couldn't find it. I said to me mate Al, "Hey, where can Marsupial?" He said "She can go outback with the fellas, she's probably seen a cockatoo".

Well just then Warra comes out of the kitchen with a few drinks for everybody. Fairdinkum, you've never seen a Coolabah maid. I grabbed a beer and said, "Thanks Warra - tah".

A couple of Queensland at the party, one smellin' pretty strongly of aftershave. One of 'em sat down next to me and I turned to him and I said, "Ya know mate, Eureka Stockade!"

It was a really hot day; Oscar felt like a swim. He said to Ina, "Do you want a have a dip in the Riverina?" She said "I haven't got my Kosciusko".

Well Bo says, "Come in starkers, Wattle Lake Eyre!" Ina says "What, without so much as a Thredbo?" Ah, Perisher thought! Has Eucumbine in yet?

Well a few of the blokes decided to play some cricket. Boomer says "Why doesn't Wombat?" "Yeah, and let Tenterfield".

He said I should have a bowl but I was too out of it to play cricket so I suggested a game of cards. I said to Lyptus "Wanna game of Eucalyptus?" He said "There's no point mate, Darwins everytime."

Well Bill said he'd like a smoke. Nobody knew where the dope was stashed. I said "I think Merinos." But I was just spinning a bit of a yarn. Barry pulls a joint out of his pocket. Bill says "Great, Barrier Reefer, what is it mate?" "Noosa Heads of course. Me mate Adelaide 'em on me." And it was a great joint too, Blue Mountains away and his Three Sisters.

Well I thought I'd roll one meself, I said "Chuck us the Tally Hobart". He said "They're out on the Laun, Ceston, can you get em for us?" Burnie says "Its okay mate, she's apples, I'll get em for ya"

Just then Alice Springs into action, starts to pack Billabong. And you wouldn't believe it, the bongs broken. I said "Lord Howe!"

"Hay-man" somebody says "Will a Didgeridoo?" I said "Hummmmm mummmm mummmmm mummmmm maybe it'll have ta."

I look in the corner and there's Bass sittin there, not getting into it, not getting out of it, I said "What, is Bass Strait or somthin?" Boomer says "As a matter a fact mate, he's a cop" I said "Ya jokin mate, a cop, I'm getting outta here, lets Goanna." She said "No way, I'm hangin round till Gum leaves. Besides, I dont wanna leave Jacardanda party on his own. Have you seen him? I think he's trying to crack on Toowoomba, he's already tried to Mount Isa And he'll definitely try to lead you Australiana!"

I didn't understand a word of that!!!

For those who don't understand the term:

The antipodes refer to land on the opposite side of the world compared to the speaker.[1] This has a general, linguistic meaning and a technical, geographical meaning.

In geography, the antipodes (from Greek αντίποδες,[2] from anti- "opposed" and pous "foot"; pronounced /ænˈtɪpəˌdiːz/) of any place on Earth is its antipodal point: the point on the Earth's surface which is diametrically opposite to it. Two points that are antipodal [ænˈtɪpədəl] to one another are connected by a straight line through the centre of the Earth.

In the British Isles, "the Antipodes" is often used to refer to Australia and New Zealand, and occasionally South Africa and Zimbabwe, and "Antipodeans" to their inhabitants.[3] Geographically the antipodes of the British Isles are in the Pacific Ocean, south of New Zealand. This gave rise to the name of the Antipodes Islands of New Zealand, which are close to the antipodes of London at about 50° S 179° E. The antipodes of Australia are in the North Atlantic Ocean, while parts of Spain, Portugal, and Morocco are antipodal to New Zealand. The antipodes of South Africa and Zimbabwe are in the North Pacific Ocean, though as Southern Hemisphere ex-British colonies, they are sometimes included as antipodeans in colloquial English.

Wiki

I didn't understand a word of that!!!

Explanations:

Boomerang (Aboriginal weapon) (Barbie - Australian slang for barbeque) (Kookaburra - Australian bird) (Wallaby - Australian animal) (Vegemite - Australian food product) (Goanna - Australian lizard) (Dingo - Australian wild dog) (Nullabour - Highway through the outback of Australia)

(Booze - slang for alcohol) (Platypus - fresh-water animal) (Illawarra - A region in southern Australia) (Wangaratta - Australian town)

(Ayres Rock - that big rock in the middle of Australia) (Marsupial - pouched mammals, e.g. kangaroos, bandicoots, wombats) (Cockatoo - Australian bird)

(Coolabah - Australian tree) (Warratah - Australian bush)

(Queensland - Australian State) (Eureka Stockade - the site of a civial revolt in the 1800's) (Eureka - translating to 'You reek a" - meaning you really stink) (Stockade - the name of a pretty rank smelling but popular aftershave being sold at the time).

(Riverina - an area in southern Australia known for fruit orchards) (Kosi - meaning cosi - slang for swimming costume) (Kosciousko - a mountain in the Australian snow fields; highest peak in Australia) (Wattle - Native Australian tree) (Thredbo - Ski Resort in southern Australia) (Perisher - another ski resort near Thredbo) (Eucumbene - a lake in Australia)

(Wombat - Australian animal) (Tenterfield - Australian town) (Euca - card game) (Eucalyptus - Australian tree koala's live in) (Darwin - Capital of the Northern Territory - territory of Australia)

(Merino - Australian sheep) (Great Barrier Reef - The famous coral reef running down the coast of Queensland) (Adelaide - capital of South Australia) (Noosa Heads - a seaside resort in Queensland) (Blue Mountains - Mountain range outside Sydney) (Three Sisters - Landmark in the Blue Mountains, 3 pinnacle rocks)

(Tally Ho - Cigarette papers) (Hobart - Capital of Tasmania - Australian State) (Launceston - city in Tasmania) (Burnie - city in Tasmania) (Apples - one of the main export products of Tasmania)

(Alice Springs - "major" town in the Northern Territory - near Uluru / Ayers Rock) (Billabong - water hole in the outback) (Lord Howe - Australian owned island off the east coast of Australia) (Hayman - Australian island on the Great Barrier Reef) (Didgerdoo - Aboriginal musical instrument) (Hummmm mummmmmm mummmmmm - sound the didgerdoo makes - long droning sound)

And more Aussie slang here.

Shheeesh, I was only joking!

Shheeesh, I was only joking!

Sorry, just being a smart alec!

Shheeesh, I was only joking!

Sorry, just being a smart alec!

No wuckin' furries alec.....have a guiness, but don't be too ostentatious about it.

The image of a chimp flicking through a dictionary are mind boggling.

Regards.

I'll have a nice shiraz instead.

I didn't understand a word of that!!!

Next time we have a Merlot togother, I will play you the original LP . How's that?

Best beer: