Reading about Sarah (the 200 big 'O's a day Lady ), has led me to write about something a weeee bit personal (no i dont have a similar disorder! ), just got me thinking about sex drives and how men and women's drives seem to 'kick in'. (Yes, age old discussion, but none-the-less, im going to give my personal thoughts on a situation i find myself in lately)

Been with Mr X for a about 5 months. About 2-3 months in we got intimate, bit by bit over time, (actually this is kind of fast for me, laugh if you like, but I have always preferred to be 'intimate' after i feel trust with someone). At first he made me feel like jelly, lots of compliments, lots of lead-up touching (non-nether regions, or the two upper bits HAHA), 'Hom'ing, kissing, etc. Stuff that makes my mind warm up to wanting to be intimate, so by the time his hands wander to other areas, im more than willing.

But...now....pff..well, im getting a little frustrated Now hes just like, ok, full steam ahead. Hands dive straight for the 'you-know-where' zones, and all im thinking in my head is '<deleted>, get your paws off!'..not exactly the mood i want to be feeling! At first when he started doing that, I let him do it, because I want to make him happy, but i didnt feel into it. I STILL want to make him happy, and I enjoy getting intimate too, but i need my mind warmed up (not all the time, sometimes fast and crazy is fun, but i still need to feel connected). So, yesterday, after two attempts, he got the rebuff I just told him I have pre-period cramps (which actually is true, but getting intimate often makes that feel better). I miss the soft touches and the compliments, but I dont think its a topic i can broach easy as dont wish to offend or upset him. (Also the soft touches and compliments are less present on an outside daily basis too. I mean things like touching me as much in a non-sexual way. I realise those things can calm down, but those things plant a seed in my head of wanting to show him physically later that i appreciate his words and actions).

Ok, well over to you guys. Do you think that men automatically get these cues and start to be more gentlemanly and caring again to basically get into your pants? Do you think it just leads to the man feeling frustration, rejection and resentment? (which obviously i dont want!). What do you guys feel when you get the rebuff and what do you ladies do when you feel like you are not getting your needs met also?

(Hope mods will allow me to request deleting this later please as a little embarrassing, but would be nice to hear some opinions first. Ty! )

but i need my mind warmed up

I think a woman with an hot water bottle on her head, would be a big turn off for me

^ haha

(um..divulging more personal info...but just after i wrote the first post he came to see me and after a few subtle hints as to why i wouldnt let him touch me again, he was soooo unbelievably sweet that he wasnt rebuffed a 2nd time.

Sorry if it sound manipulative, but i couldnt think of any other way! Now I have a smile on my face again )

Nothing personal eek, but you sound like to much hard work.

Too fast, too slow, too fast, not fast enough, don't feel like it today.

I think I'll have a beer instead!

Nothing personal eek, but you sound like to much hard work.

Too fast, too slow, too fast, not fast enough, don't feel like it today.

I think I'll have a beer instead!

Oh beer oh beer oh beer.

Cheers!

Beers better.

Kills the pain of all those rebuffs as well.

oh ur a hard lot, but not after so many beers

After many beers I think you'll find many of us pushovers!

Since there are so many suggestions for sub-forums, perhaps we should have a 'Dear Abby' one...

Skip the beer and pass over a bowl of milk for ping

oh ur a hard lot, but not after so many beers

My interest in women/sex are usually at it's peak after 3 beers .............................

but rapidly vanishes after 4

...actually, it does sound like a dear Abby..oh the shame.

ok, im over it now.

Skip the beer and pass over a bowl of milk for ping

.........watching Ping lapping the milk from a bowl, with ABBY on it.

Sorry Eek you asked a serious question and it was bedlamised - but only in the best possible taste

Thailand is not normal in the Western view point. Attractive and attentive young women abound and for a variety of reasons are drawn to us. For many men especially middle aged this attention is welcomed but comes with a price both literal and figurative. We start to change our point of view to where this is normal. When we go back to the West on holiday or to live suddenly we mix with Western women who have different attitudes. For many of us it is then difficult to reaclimatise.

For a long time I did the bar girl route (sorry) and had a great time. Lots of good times but every time I formed a relationship it had the same consequences. Confusion and disappointment to both sides. It took me several years to learn from my mistakes.

I first met my current partner when I was attending university in Chiang Mai. She worked as a cook/waiter at a restaurant nearby and I ate there on a regular basis. She could not and still does not speak English so our conversations were in Thai. I ate there almost daily and asked her out every time. She refused for six months and it was because she doesn't like farung. We frighten her because we are big and don't behave like Thais. After six months she finally agreed to have dinner with me. I turned up and she was there with her cousin. We had dinner and the two girls almost totally ignored me for the entire dinner, This was repeated for the next couple of months but after a year we finally got it together. I had to work to form my relationship and it was the best thing I could do. I learned about her, what is important, what she likes and what she doesn't. I don't know everything and doubt I ever will but it is the journey not the ending that is important.

In private she is affectionate but never in private. She will hold my hand in the street but we never kiss in public. Eek you and your partner are and should be learning about each other and he will have to discover what makes you go warm and fuzzy for himself. I wish you both well for the future.

CB

Reading about Sarah (the 200 big 'O's a day Lady ), has led me to write about something a weeee bit personal (no i dont have a similar disorder! ), just got me thinking about sex drives and how men and women's drives seem to 'kick in'. (Yes, age old discussion, but none-the-less, im going to give my personal thoughts on a situation i find myself in lately)

Been with Mr X for a about 5 months. About 2-3 months in we got intimate, bit by bit over time, (actually this is kind of fast for me, laugh if you like, but I have always preferred to be 'intimate' after i feel trust with someone). At first he made me feel like jelly, lots of compliments, lots of lead-up touching (non-nether regions, or the two upper bits HAHA), 'Hom'ing, kissing, etc. Stuff that makes my mind warm up to wanting to be intimate, so by the time his hands wander to other areas, im more than willing.

But...now....pff..well, im getting a little frustrated Now hes just like, ok, full steam ahead. Hands dive straight for the 'you-know-where' zones, and all im thinking in my head is '<deleted>, get your paws off!'..not exactly the mood i want to be feeling! At first when he started doing that, I let him do it, because I want to make him happy, but i didnt feel into it. I STILL want to make him happy, and I enjoy getting intimate too, but i need my mind warmed up (not all the time, sometimes fast and crazy is fun, but i still need to feel connected). So, yesterday, after two attempts, he got the rebuff I just told him I have pre-period cramps (which actually is true, but getting intimate often makes that feel better). I miss the soft touches and the compliments, but I dont think its a topic i can broach easy as dont wish to offend or upset him. (Also the soft touches and compliments are less present on an outside daily basis too. I mean things like touching me as much in a non-sexual way. I realise those things can calm down, but those things plant a seed in my head of wanting to show him physically later that i appreciate his words and actions).

Ok, well over to you guys. Do you think that men automatically get these cues and start to be more gentlemanly and caring again to basically get into your pants? Do you think it just leads to the man feeling frustration, rejection and resentment? (which obviously i dont want!). What do you guys feel when you get the rebuff and what do you ladies do when you feel like you are not getting your needs met also?

(Hope mods will allow me to request deleting this later please as a little embarrassing, but would be nice to hear some opinions first. Ty! )

I think a lot of women assume men have some kind of intuitive sense that allows us to know what they are thinking. I think they think if aid is needed for us men to know what they are thinking, then surely their reactions to our actions should suffice, to put us in the know. Well, we're just not that insightful.

If I did something that got one reaction the last time I did it, but a different one this time, my first reaction is, "oh Jesus, what is it this time"? Don't like the rebuff, especially if unclear as to cause.

I think most men appreciate straight forward dialogue. If they're not selfish pricks they WANT you to be happy and comfortable, but sometimes you need to tell them how they can do that. Here's an important tip. If you do tell them how to make you comfortable and they make a good effort, and you're still not comfortable, that's not their fault. It probably means something else is going on and it would be fair to clue them into that fact (even if you can't verbalize it) before things turn unnecessarily acrimonius.

Anyway to answer you question, I think the behavior you described first leads to confusion. If that confusion is not cleared away it's possible it could lead to those other feeling you mentioned, but I couldn't say. Good Luck.

Sorry Eek you asked a serious question and it was bedlamised - but only in the best possible taste

Ahh well i posted in Bedlam with a good idea that it would be bedlamised! Dont like things to get toooo serious in any case. I prefer joking about concerns or worries and like the light relief. But.. appreciate both you and lannarebirth's honest replies.

Im finding the cultural differences a bit different in the way things are discussed, but im beginning (slowly) to get a handle on it (i think!). OK, time to shut up before it turns into another Dear Abby (GOD FORBID!)

Cheers for the good luck wishes!

p.s: Bedlamise away!

Sorry Eek you asked a serious question and it was bedlamised - but only in the best possible taste

Thailand is not normal in the Western view point. Attractive and attentive young women abound and for a variety of reasons are drawn to us. For many men especially middle aged this attention is welcomed but comes with a price both literal and figurative. We start to change our point of view to where this is normal. When we go back to the West on holiday or to live suddenly we mix with Western women who have different attitudes. For many of us it is then difficult to reaclimatise.

For a long time I did the bar girl route (sorry) and had a great time. Lots of good times but every time I formed a relationship it had the same consequences. Confusion and disappointment to both sides. It took me several years to learn from my mistakes.

I first met my current partner when I was attending university in Chiang Mai. She worked as a cook/waiter at a restaurant nearby and I ate there on a regular basis. She could not and still does not speak English so our conversations were in Thai. I ate there almost daily and asked her out every time. She refused for six months and it was because she doesn't like farung. We frighten her because we are big and don't behave like Thais. After six months she finally agreed to have dinner with me. I turned up and she was there with her cousin. We had dinner and the two girls almost totally ignored me for the entire dinner, This was repeated for the next couple of months but after a year we finally got it together. I had to work to form my relationship and it was the best thing I could do. I learned about her, what is important, what she likes and what she doesn't. I don't know everything and doubt I ever will but it is the journey not the ending that is important.

In private she is affectionate but never in private. She will hold my hand in the street but we never kiss in public. Eek you and your partner are and should be learning about each other and he will have to discover what makes you go warm and fuzzy for himself. I wish you both well for the future.

CB

Admire your patience and persistence CB.......what's a year when waiting for a stunning waiter........

and I guess food was delicious also

I really don't know what to add - except I suppose this thread just proves that women are different from men! (Like we didn't know that! ) Good post from lanna, men do need to be told more, thay are not as good as women at 'reading the signs'. That said, men can be good listeners when the lady is a good talker.

I think its already ran its course. The topic that is, not the other stuff.

oh ur a hard lot, but not after so many beers

My interest in women/sex are usually at it's peak after 3 beers .............................

but rapidly vanishes after 4

Sounds like my pool game skills.

Interesting that the " similar topics " section at the bottom has " Important discussion of UK State Pension Voluntary Contributions " as a leading item..................

Sorry Eek you asked a serious question and it was bedlamised

...did you expect anything different?

Interesting that the " similar topics " section at the bottom has " Important discussion of UK State Pension Voluntary Contributions " as a leading item..................

I gave my mrs a "voluntary contribution" about 9 months ago. She's giving it back to me in about 2 weeks, it'll weigh about 7-8Lbs and cost me a fortune for the next 30 or so years.

Keep us informed MrBJ...

Here's my advice Eek.

Something to stop his wandering hands.

And something for you to show him the error of his ways.

Ooooh... naughty boy!

Ok..ok, mods please delete my 'Dear Abby'!! Oh the pain!

Keep us informed MrBJ...

Will do Tiggs

Ok..ok, mods please delete my 'Dear Abby'!! Oh the pain!

Normally that would be automatic as per the OP requests but under the modified rules we moderators prefer to let threads run their natural course unless they contravene one of the forum rules.

Sorry eek you are just gonna have to grin and bear it

CB

Normally that would be automatic as per the OP requests but under the modified rules we moderators prefer to let threads run their natural course unless they contravene one of the forum rules.

any takers?

Perhaps a subtle hint...