Snappy Answers

Snappy Answer No. 1

A stewardess was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.

As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened

his coat and flashed her.

Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your

stub."

Snappy Answer No. 2

A lady was picking through the frozen chickens at the supermarket, but

couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked the shelf

stacker, "Do these chickens get any bigger?"

He replied, "No they're dead."

Snappy Answer No. 3

The policeman got out of his car and the lad who was stopped for

speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the

policeman said. The lad replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I

could."

When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the lad on his way

without a ticket.

Snappy Answer No. 4

A truck driver was driving along. A sign comes up that reads "low bridge

ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets

stuck

under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.Finally, a police car comes

up.

The policeman gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver,

puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck?"

The truck driver says, "No mate, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of

petrol."

And finally Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR No. 5,

A university lecturer reminds her students of tomorrow's final exam.

"Now, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.

I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness,

or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses

whatsoever!"

A smart-arse bloke in the back of the room raised his hand and asks,"

What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and

utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their

laughter.

When silence is restored, the lecturer smiles sympathetically at the

student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I suppose you'd have to

write the exam with your other hand."