Village Funerals

[Iambabababor]

When someone dies it would appear that the entire village turn out to the "Party Pee" as they are known. This is the 2/3/4 day eat and drink pre-cremation marathon.

I haven't seen my wife this week. (Some may say this is a good thing!). 4 people have died within the past 7 days (none unexpected), and my wife and most of the village have gone to assist with food preparation and serving the food and drink, as well as making a cash donation to the family.

But strangely she only knew one of the deceased. It seems to be the rule that if you are friendly with or even only acquainted with, a member of the deceased's family - however remote, then you attend the party, and subsequently the cremation at the local WAT.

Many villagers returned from work in Bangkok for the first party and cremation, but have extended their stays to participate in the other parties, although, like my wife, having no personal contact with the deceased. Any excuse to avoid returning to work! They seem to care nothing for the loss of income, regardless of the fact that with the current economic problems many will have no work next year.

Whilst it is obviously part of Thai culture, it would seem to add unnecessary stress to the bereaved families. Doing away with the "Party Pee" or limiting it to just family and very close friends would surely be more sensible.

[blue eyes]

Remember a village is just that a village.If you know the person or not does not matter.If you are from that village then it is expected of everyone to come.If not they might be visited often by "PEE"and that is not something that any Thai would like.In a city it is just not practical for everyone to come.As to the stress.....Most Thais would have more stress if everyone did not show up.Because it is expected for everyone to show up.But only the family would sleep over in the deceased home.I belive in the hope of seeing "Pee" one last time.

[sbk]

Having been to countless funerals over the years (albeit not in Isaan, but small village life is small village life) and participated in more than a few as a close family relative of the deceased, I have come to my own conclusions about the length and involvement of people in funerals.

Thai people are a communal people and most of the Thais I know (not all, but most) are never happier and more comfortable than when in a large group of close family and friends. The communal nature of the funeral means that the family is never alone, and the work involved is, I think, therapeutic in a way. People sit around and reminisce about the deceased, catch up with family members who have moved away.

Also, one of the things I have noticed is that the family is so busy taking care of the funeral preparations, the relatives, the food etc etc that they have no time to wallow in grief. By the time the funeral is over, they are so exhausted they are just glad its over.

To deny the validity of this manner of dealing with death,IMO, shows a distinct lack of understanding of the importance of cultural rituals different from one's own.

[bina]

good post sbk;

To deny the validity of this manner of dealing with death,IMO, shows a distinct lack of understanding of the importance of cultural rituals different from one's own.

on kibbutz we also all go to any funeral, well, sometimes some of us skip the ones for people that we really really really never had contact with, but child/soldier/or tragic early death everyone goes no matter what... and it is in the middle of the work day or at the end, as there are strict religious laws about timing of death and burial...

so that means that often we go in shifts; that is,to the burial, more close friends, colleages, relatives go. then the following days, the rest of us go to the house, bringing food, helping clean, etc...

it is unthinkable that someone doesnt go, as a matter of fact if u dont, and u dont have a good excuse then it means that u are on very bad terms with that person, and by not going, u are underlining that fact. people take note of whom has come and those that dont, and remember- close communities and small villages have their strict tacit rules and codes of conduct, and economic stress doesnt come in to it at all... and in your time of need, those that remember will act accordingly.

as our community ages, i find that we have more and more funerals to attend, so that we do miss work, or we try to go to the later days' sittings. also, we have a 30 day rememberance 'party' and also a one year then yearly thing, so u can always go to the 30 day event: also, food, sitting around, talking .

many times, these are practically reunions and catching up times for those that work off the kibbutz (in the city) or dont live here all year round... they serve more then one purpose... the same as for thsoe that work in bangkok and go back to their villages for funerals or other ceremonies.

although its often annoying to leave in middle of work and then go back, its an important part of village life.

life and death are more important usually then a few days of down time...

bina

israel

[surinmike]

why does anyone go to any funeral..........thats your answer........would you go to your mothers????????

[icebkk]

why does anyone go to any funeral..........thats your answer........would you go to your mothers????????

its to respect and celebrate life