True Colours

[G54]

OK, some will gloat, that is part and parcel of posting here, but maybe it will help one other Farang to take time and be careful.

Well, after this last 3 weeks I now understand the g/f true colour. Not Yellow or Red, but the colour of money.

She married at 16. 1 baby 18 mnth. Now divorced. Works factory 7k Baht mth (now) previously at a shop owned by cousin 4k Baht mth.

4/5 weeks ago a sister in law arrives from Phuket with her Thai husband. Seems the restaurant she worked at has closed. She & husband have come back to live with her father. Now the fun begins to end our relationship.

Since early last year the g/f and I have been great. Some minor problems but that is to be expected. She talked of the future and it looked rosy. I was happy to accept a future together, but in a couple of years, not now to buy a house, land, car etc.

In December she started work at the Sugar Factory. I went to England for my Non O visa. When I came back all was OK. Same as before. Loving and romantic. The kisses and cuddles and romance were there until 3 weeks ago. About 4 weeks ago she tells me she is working so hard she now does not have time to see me much. Seems she is now so tired and working so hard. Works, goes house mother, sleeps. Sees me for a couple of hours for 1 day.

One Sunday I take her home in the car and she says 'I no have money, Teerak.' As it happens, my wallet is in the house, not in the car. I cannot give her any. She is not happy, but what can I do? Okay, I do give her some money each week but not a lot. She does have her wages.

Monday morning she phones me. Asks me not to forget milk for the baby, pampers and food ( I usually get these every week. It is no problem).

In the next breath she asks why she has to work at the Sugar factory. Why will I not marry her?

She works at the sugar factor because, in her words last November, she wants to work there. She likes to work there. Does so every year. I cannot persuade her to stay working at her cousins shop. As for marriage, I refuse to pay 6 Baht gold the mother wants for the privelege. There are no guarantees she will stay married and at a cost of near 250,000 Baht (gold 6 Baht + same in cash + ancillaries) I am unwilling to marry her right now. Tell her I will not buy a wife. That went dow well LOL.

I am willing to help, but not pay for everything, surely this is a 'partnership?' Not a one way street.

On her asking me again she why she has to work Factory Sugar. I tell her she can go back to work at her cousins shop and I will help support her and the baby. Then I asked how much she would want / need to stop working at the factory and return to the shop. Answer? 20 - 30 k Baht a month!! This for a lady who earns 7k a mth for the time the factory is open - 4 months a year or so.

I refuse.

Now things become difficult. The winning lottery ticket I have worth only 4k is 'stolen' next day from her handbag. Not exactly high value, agreed. Coincidence?

Now I hear she is too tired to see me. She is sick. Grandfather also now sick. She coughs and sniffles on the phone a lot.

I insist she sees me if we are to stay together. Twice a week is OK if she is tired. I feel that is reasonable. I get once a week, Sunday, the day before the milk and stuff for the baby are due and then I see her for maybe 2 hours. Yes I am suspicious.

Onto Valentine's Day. I do not see her. nor the next day. She is too tired. Wonderful. So the gold I have bought for her, I do not give her. She tells me on 15th, 'Every day for us is Valentine's Day.' Hmmm. Yet the week before she was Ok and not too tired to go to her Cousin's birthday do, but was too tired to see me.

Since Valentine's day I have seen her twice. She is on the phone to me every day 2 / 3 times a day. Always complaining she is tired, often has flu, a bad cold, sick. The dust at the factory is bad, I understand that. Yet always stating love etc.

We had made now a new arrangement to see each other Sunday / Wednesday until the factory closes in April. Sunday was good. Wednesday? She is, erm, sick.

Onto yesterday, Thursday. A phone call at 8 p.m. She is coughing badly, nose sniffing. Sounds so tired. She is off home from work to go to bed. Every night before she goes to sleep I get a call. Not last night! I send an SMS asking where she is, is she at her cousins new shop that opened last night? (This was pure guesswork).

SMS comes back at 10 p.m.. Teerak, I go work shop cousin. Family say I have go help. I work also 3 a.m. help cousin.

But she is sick. She is really very tired (as per the phone call 2 hours earlier). Yet able to work at the shop after 12 hours at the factory and then to start again at the shop at 3 a.m. Then to work at the factory 1 p.m. today until 8 a.m. tomorrow. ???

I drove to the shop last night. There she is in new uniform. Looks fit, not sick. No sniffy nose. No cough. Does not look tired. Looks her same beautiful self. Let's say, I am not happy LOL.

I ask for the key for the motorbike that is in my name. Get the key and walk out of the shop. I have had enough. Now I have the motorbike. She is shamed in front of friends and family that I have taken it back.

Today.

Phone call. Why I have work factory? Why you no make marry? Why you no give I 20 - 30k Baht a month so we can live same man + wife? I have friend Chiang Mai. She have Farang he make marry after he know friend I for 3 weeks.

(He is a fool, I think, and say so - but not really believeing it is true). When I try to explain that I want to know her a long time before we marry she is silent. Then repeats herself on money, factory etc.

Also now she is shamed that I took away the motorbike I 'gave' her. ( I kept the bike in my name as she requested it after only a short time together and I was being careful. Told her she can have it if we are still together in a year).

Now she tells me that if we get back together I now have to buy a new motorbike and put it in her name. (No chance).

It goes to show it takes time for true colours to shine through - regards the 20-30k a month. Her being too 'tired' to see me was, I feel, to apply pressure to get me to give in to her demands?

Yet I cannot help but feel she does love me and has been misguided.

Why give a lady so much money a month? 4 to 5 times what she earns. 7 times what she earns at her cousin's shop. No middle ground. Now not happy that I help support the baby and give her money each week since December + she has her wages. Before she was always borrowing off her mother and says her mother gave her 15k a month - something I find hard to believe.

Seems to me that all this started since the sister in law came up from Phuket. Maybe with lavish ideas of Farang and money etc. I will never know for sure. I only know it was all good before that.

I have listened to others who say take your time before marrying a Thai lady. Make sure of her. Wait a couple of years. Seems sensible advice. I am glad I listened, waited and was cautious.

OK, rant over. Sorry it was a long one. Now I'm back on the market for another lady LOL.

[bkkjames]

you know what they say, don't throw good money after bad mate.

(eagerly anticipates Mr Go 6, approaching this thread)

Edited February 27, 2009 by bkkjames

[GarryP]

It's nice to see that someone has his head screwed on (the one above the shoulders) for a change. Thinking with the grey matter does wonders.

[t.s]

you will make the same mistake again.

[JetsetBkk]

...Seems to me that all this started since the sister in law came up from Phuket. Maybe with lavish ideas of Farang and money etc...

Nail, hammer, head.

Sorry to hear this G54 - so much wasted time and emotional investment. Just have to start again.

Best of luck.

[redscouse]

Well done mate, put a stop to that sh!t straight away. move on

[Chaimai]

Many have not seen the light.

You have to be happy with what you give and what your partner gives - whether that be monetary or not. It is amazing how many situations like this occur once family or friends 'tweek' the girl. The Thais do not seem to grasp the golden goose principle - you, and the contributions you were making, improved this girl's life considerably and gave support and stability for her child. She has now lost that and will have to go fishing again. At this point Maigo6 will come in and say what do expect as you are obviously 85 years old and deserve to lose every Satang you spent on her.

You have kept a level head, well done - move on, and don't look back.

[polecat]

I'm just so shocked that you are so tight with your money. She deserves better.

[Moonrakers]

I'm just so shocked that you are so tight with your money. She deserves better.

Somebody help me out here. Is this poster on a wind up or is he serious?

[eek]

May i ask how long you have been dating her? Sounds like it has been about a year? If that is the case, she may just be fed up now that you are not making a commitment to her. She may be being asked by friends and family about when she is going to get married, and feeling the pressure and shame. Also, as she is dating a farang, she may be being asked why she isnt contributing more financially to the family, and feeling shame on that part too.

I do think it is was wrong of her to ask you to pay around 30k baht when she is only earning 7k, but I imagine that might be because of her family pressures and them nagging her. I agree that part shouldnt be tolerated.

I think all the sniffles and overacting is because she is feeling very sad and feels she is being strung along when she wants some security of commitment. After a while most women of all cultures and background want to feel they have commitment.

Taking away the bike like that must have caused her a lot of hurt, especially the way you did it (in front of others).

Only you really know about your relationship..if its worth a commitment or not. But, from what you say, it doesnt really sound to me like she is only after money.

[bkkjames]

May i ask how long you have been dating her? Sounds like it has been about a year? If that is the case, she may just be fed up now that you are not making a commitment to her. She may be being asked by friends and family about when she is going to get married, and feeling the pressure and shame. Also, as she is dating a farang, she may be being asked why she isnt contributing more financially to the family, and feeling shame on that part too.

So basically blame the family not her , ok got it

I do think it is was wrong of her to ask you to pay around 30k baht when she is only earning 7k, but I imagine that might be because of her family pressures and them nagging her. I agree that part shouldnt be tolerated.

I think all the sniffles and overacting is because she is feeling very sad and feels she is being strung along when she wants some security of commitment. After a while most women of all cultures and background want to feel they have commitment.

Taking away the bike like that must have caused her a lot of hurt, especially the way you did it (in front of others).

Only you really know about your relationship..if its worth a commitment or not. But, from what you say, it doesnt really sound to me like she is only after money.

Hmm ok, but for the other 61,678 TV members it does.

[Maigo6]

At this point Maigo6 will come in and say what do expect as you are obviously 85 years old and deserve to lose every Satang you spent on her.

Ahem, just clearing my throat....

G54, what does the 54 signify, your age ?

She married at 16 and has a baby of 18 Months, how old is she, 18 - 19 ?

Now, if that's the case look at in the harsh light of reality, <deleted> do you think she was after other than financial security ?

You think 63 year old Rod Stewart could pull 19 year old models if he was skint ?

Of course not!! For the life of me I can't understand posters coming on here with these threads like they're enlightening people, jeeez.

You should be jumping for joy and feeling a bit sorry for the poor cow you led along for 6 months, if you had the balls to tell her your intentions of being a tightwad from the start, she would never have wasted her time in the first place, shame on you !!

I tell you what, go to Geneva and try to pull an 18 year old girl at your age, better still go to Tokyo and try, it's closer, unless your willing to spend lots of money your chances are Zero, you may get an introduction to her widowed grandmother is all.

G54, have you ever considered dating a Thai women that's old enough to be your wife, as opposed to one that's young enough to be your grand daughter ?

Carry on chaps......

Edited February 27, 2009 by Maigo6

[MyphuketLife]

I'm just so shocked that you are so tight with your money. She deserves better.

Really, back home when you dated a girl did you buy her motorbikes, take care of her kid, and give her 4-5 times what she was earning???

Have you done that with all your girlfriends? 55555

[LadyHeather]

OK, rant over. Sorry it was a long one. Now I'm back on the market for another lady LOL.

you will make the same mistake again.

I agree with t.s.

Your treatment of this woman like a disposable item to be so easily discarded virtually guarantees you another of the same kind.

[taxexile]

Also, as she is dating a farang, she may be being asked why she isnt contributing more financially to the family,

I do think it is was wrong of her to ask you to pay around 30k baht when she is only earning 7k,

and at a cost of near 250,000 Baht (gold 6 Baht + same in cash + ancillaries) I am unwilling to marry her right now.

eek

But,from what you say, it doesnt really sound to me like she is only after money.

its cabaret time !!!!!!

Edited February 27, 2009 by taxexile

[bkkjames]

OK, rant over. Sorry it was a long one. Now I'm back on the market for another lady LOL.

you will make the same mistake again.

I agree with t.s.

Your treatment of this woman like a disposable item to be so easily discarded virtually guarantees you another of the same kind.

the scholar has spoken.

[Maigo6]

Your treatment of this woman like a disposable item to be so easily discarded virtually guarantees you another of the same kind.

I'm in agreement with Lady Heather.

[bkkjames]

Your treatment of this woman like a disposable item to be so easily discarded virtually guarantees you another of the same kind.

I'm in agreement with Lady Heather.

and now so had socrates

[eek]

Well..isnt the sin sot supposed to be all about face but should be returned to the newly weds? At least for the most part.

I think she might be getting nagged and hounded about marriage and money at home.

Anyway..i really cant judge anothers relationship from just a forum post. Was just giving a different perspective.

Your treatment of this woman like a disposable item to be so easily discarded virtually guarantees you another of the same kind.

I agree with Lady Heather, that they way you talk about her is like she is a disposable item. But sadly, i think quite a lot of men talk here talk about women in that way. I really hope its just a bravado thing, and not really how they are being treated.

[LadyHeather]

Sorry if it's too deep for you BkkJames, but it just seems patently obvious to me that if you treat someone like something to be used and then thrown away, easily replaced, then the only people you will attract are the ones who figure its ok to take you for whatever they can get.

[bkkjames]

Well..isnt the sin sot supposed to be all about face but should be returned to the newly weds? At least for the most part.

I think she might be getting nagged and hounded about marriage and money at home.

Anyway..i really cant judge anothers relationship from just a forum post. Was just giving a different perspective.

Your treatment of this woman like a disposable item to be so easily discarded virtually guarantees you another of the same kind.

I agree with Lady Heather, that they way you talk about her is like she is a disposable item. But sadly, i think quite a lot of men talk here talk about women in that way. I really hope its just a bravado thing, and not really how they are being treated.

and if you are wrong, then what? start a topic about how to treat gold diggers?

[lannarebirth]

May i ask how long you have been dating her? Sounds like it has been about a year? If that is the case, she may just be fed up now that you are not making a commitment to her. She may be being asked by friends and family about when she is going to get married, and feeling the pressure and shame. Also, as she is dating a farang, she may be being asked why she isnt contributing more financially to the family, and feeling shame on that part too.

I do think it is was wrong of her to ask you to pay around 30k baht when she is only earning 7k, but I imagine that might be because of her family pressures and them nagging her. I agree that part shouldnt be tolerated.

I think all the sniffles and overacting is because she is feeling very sad and feels she is being strung along when she wants some security of commitment. After a while most women of all cultures and background want to feel they have commitment.

Taking away the bike like that must have caused her a lot of hurt, especially the way you did it (in front of others).

Only you really know about your relationship..if its worth a commitment or not. But, from what you say, it doesnt really sound to me like she is only after money.

Well stated eeek. I agree with all that. I would never have my wife or girlfriend working in a sugar factory either. Cheap Charlie

[lannarebirth]

Your treatment of this woman like a disposable item to be so easily discarded virtually guarantees you another of the same kind.

I'm in agreement with Lady Heather.

Me too. I hope this is a rare farang that seemingly contributes little to improving the quality of life of those he purports to care about.

[t.s]

Sorry if it's too deep for you BkkJames, but it just seems patently obvious to me that if you treat someone like something to be used and then thrown away, easily replaced, then the only people you will attract are the ones who figure its ok to take you for whatever they can get.

add to that she was a totally unsuitable mate to begin with and are guaranteed trouble.

searching for a trophy and searching for a partner generally yield very different results.

[scottyd]

We have a WINNER! Go on son, you are the man! If everybody was like this guy I think us foreigners would have a much better name.

[polecat]

Let's get him!

[patklang]

6 baht gold plus extrasfor a thai girl who has a kid at 16,no way,smell the coffee mate.

[misterman21]

I'm just so shocked that you are so tight with your money. She deserves better.

What a tight arse. So this guy wants his gf to love and adore home whilst living like a pauper. 20k a month is not a lot to keep herself and a baby and help out the mother etc.

Unlless you have a bit more going ffor yourself than your miserly accounting skill then I think you will never find any gf affordable. Poor girls expect to move up a bit when they have hooked a ferang

[bkkjames]

Sorry if it's too deep for you BkkJames, but it just seems patently obvious to me that if you treat someone like something to be used and then thrown away, easily replaced, then the only people you will attract are the ones who figure its ok to take you for whatever they can get.

It's Friday and I more interested in drinking in an hour than arguing. But I find it a bit funny to have someone casting doubt as to his (OP) moral motives - especially from someone coming from a society ( I assume western) that has a divorce rate almost as high as it's literacy rate.

Surely, you can do better than blaming the OP for being wise beyond his years.

(No I can't and don't call me surely, roger)

[LadyHeather]

Sorry if it's too deep for you BkkJames, but it just seems patently obvious to me that if you treat someone like something to be used and then thrown away, easily replaced, then the only people you will attract are the ones who figure its ok to take you for whatever they can get.

It's Friday and I more interested in drinking in an hour than arguing. But I find it a bit funny to have someone casting doubt as to his (OP) moral motives - especially from someone coming from a society ( I assume western) that has a divorce rate almost as high as it's literacy rate.

Surely, you can do better than blaming the OP for being wise beyond his years.

(No I can't and don't call me surely, roger)

No, I am not called surely either

As for what this has to do with western divorce rates and the need to cast aspersions upon me, I cannot fathom. I am not the one posting my relationship issues on the web for all to read. To do so is to risk those who have differing opinions. If a person does not want alternative opinions then don't post. Simple as that.