I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny,

> flirty and sexy, so I suggested we meet up,

> She turned out to be an undercover detective....

> How cool is that at her age?!

>

> I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up.

> She said I had to stop w-anking.

> When I asked why she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you!"

>

> I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I

> mean, a ginger kid, with two friends?

>

> A family is driving behind a garbage truck when a d!ldo flies out and

> thumps against the windscreen. Embarrassed, and to spare her young

> son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that

> was an insect."

> To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground

> with a cock like that."

>

> I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed

> him in front of a steam train.

> He was chuffed to bits.

>

> When I got divorced, my wife said she would fight for custody of the kids....

> Took her out with one punch.

>

> My granddad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed....

> "It's worth spending money on good speakers," he told me.

>

> A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that

> he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter,

> Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are

> bound to be curious about sex at that age."

> "Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her appendix out!"

>

> I was walking in a cemetery this morning and seen a bloke hiding

> behind a gravestone. I said "morning."...

> He replied, "No, just having a sh!t."

>

> Disabled toilets. Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in.

>

> I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed....

> How could anyone stoop so low?

>

> I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a

> fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet....

> I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"

very good

Seen it before ... but it's still funny ... and I had a chuckle. Thanks. :D

> My granddad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed....

> "It's worth spending money on good speakers," he told me.

>

oh, i get it, "sound advice"