Since when have geriatrics been susceptible to getting boils on their backsides?

It's all that shuffling around on the rubber ring - so I've been told.

Dear Sibey,

My problem is one with which you are no doubt familiar:

I often come on to Thaivisa with the expectation of posting utter <deleted>.

I am however, increasingly being trumped by other users who've managed to post utter tripe before me.

As a result, I leave the site feeling dejected, overruled and spent, without having up my post count by even 1 or 2 posts of rubbish.

Instead, my post count (once upon a time I was eighth most prolific; I daren't look now, as I doubt i'm even in the top 20.) has declined, and I go back downstairs to the Bar, and drink the hours away, with small minded, un-travelled, un-exciting, politically-correct, healthy-and-safe, designated drivers.

Is there any hope for me Sibey?

Yours,

Dejected recessive Poster.

kayo, kayo, kayo.

chin up, I am sure you will get some inspiration soon and start posting mindless pablum once again

I can't wait!

*sigh*

Dear Sibey,

My problem is one with which you are no doubt familiar:

I often come on to Thaivisa with the expectation of posting utter <deleted>.

I am however, increasingly being trumped by other users who've managed to post utter tripe before me.

As a result, I leave the site feeling dejected, overruled and spent, without having up my post count by even 1 or 2 posts of rubbish.

Instead, my post count (once upon a time I was eighth most prolific; I daren't look now, as I doubt i'm even in the top 20.) has declined, and I go back downstairs to the Bar, and drink the hours away, with small minded, un-travelled, un-exciting, politically-correct, healthy-and-safe, designated drivers.

Is there any hope for me Sibey?

Yours,

Dejected recessive Poster.

Dear Kayo,

Sorry to hear of your diminishing prowess in TV. Let's pray it doesn't manifest itself in other areas of your life.

I do believe you have hinted at the solution to your problem in your post already. Let me elaborate.

Instead of firstly visiting TV, becoming dejected by the effort needed to match the high quality of bullshit being posted, then going to the bar to drink the hours away in a sullen mood, try this. Go to the bar first (I assume your drinking prowess has not suffered). After drinking hours away then visit TV. This will have several effects beneficial to your problem.

1. all those posts which you previously considered such artful pieces of rubbish will now seem quite sensible, logical and factual to the point where they seem like revelations of wisdom about life, the universe and everything leaving you with an open canvas to post real complete rubbish and <deleted>.

2. after drinking hours away at the pub first and then visiting TV you will find posting complete <deleted>, rubbish and bullshit comes naturally. In fact, even if your posts are unintelligible they will still seem perfect to you giving you that personal satisfaction which you so desire.

I'm told these strategies are effective for other posters in Bedlam so I'm sure they'll work for you too. If, after a few weeks using this strategy, you haven't recovered your lost form I'll do my best to put you in touch with a certain cat lover in Switzerland who seems to have mastered the technique.

I'll be looking up your posts to check on your progress and expect to see some complete and utter garbage from you in the near future. Good luck.

Best wishes,

Sibey.

Thank you Sensei.

I will now go and drink.

See you in a couple of hours...

Dear Sibey,

I am having a big, big problem.

You know, I moved to a new place. It is nice, there is a pool and some garden and many people stay here.

But there is this girl that I bumped into.

A very nice looking Afro American girl.

We first meet in the lift and said hi. Last nite I met her in the seven.

It was very busy there and I was hoping she would cue behind me so that we could walk back to our room together.

It did not happen, she was too busy looking at drinks.

But she said hi to me, so I think she recognized me.

Dear Sibey, I think I am in love with this girl!

I cannot stop thinking about her.

What do I need to do?

Alex

Dear Alex,

Have you considered waking from your obsession, you are daydreaming?

Why you tok like that Zpeed?

What is wrong with having a dream, ya know.

Try being friendly, strike up a conversation. Who knows where things will go from there?

Oh wait, sorry sibey, this is dear sibey. Well, you go ahead and give him your tried and true pickup lines. That will work, I am sure

Just go for it Alex!

But I dunno what to say!

Hi, and then?

I don't want to ask something like: Where are you from or how long you stay here.

Advice is needed!

But I dunno what to say!

Hi, and then?

I don't want to ask something like: Where are you from or how long you stay here.

Advice is needed!

You could try <Hi! Do you contribute to Bedlam?>

But better not ......

You want women advice alex or you want sibey advice?

Hey..good luck Alex! Yes, as sbk's says, just be friendly, test the water. How do you know if you will even get on with her..so best to make a bit of friendly chat first. Maybe ask her some questions about the new place you are staying. Things like, did you notice any problems with ..x y z (internet connection or whatever). If you are new to the area, ask what kinds of places she recommends.

Tip: Dont forget to listen! Women like to feel we are actually being listened to (i hope women dont mind me speaking for all of us here). So when you ask something, listen. Better yet, try to remember what she said. Bring it up next time you see her. (Such as, "Oh thanks for recommending x place, was great. What do you think of the " " there? etc).

Go! go! go Alex go!

Mmmmmmmm......good advice about the listening. Maybe I could ask her if she feels hot?

If so, maybe suggest we go for a swim?

Perhaps you could invite her over to visit your pet piranhas?

You could say "Hi, I'm Alex. Have you also seen the UFO's over Bangkok?"

Mmmmmmmm......good advice about the listening. Maybe I could ask her if she feels hot?

If so, maybe suggest we go for a swim?

that's it Alex, you've got it!

Dear Sibey,

I am having a big, big problem.

You know, I moved to a new place. It is nice, there is a pool and some garden and many people stay here.

But there is this girl that I bumped into.

A very nice looking Afro American girl.

We first meet in the lift and said hi. Last nite I met her in the seven.

It was very busy there and I was hoping she would cue behind me so that we could walk back to our room together.

It did not happen, she was too busy looking at drinks.

But she said hi to me, so I think she recognized me.

Dear Sibey, I think I am in love with this girl!

I cannot stop thinking about her.

What do I need to do?

Alex

Dear AlexLah,

Could your attraction to dark skinned and particularly African women stem from the local women's reaction to your "big, big" problem ? Then again, Bangkok is just rife with speculation and rumour, isn't it.

Is this the same black woman from Cameroon that you met at Immigration a few months ago ? Did you have visions of licking this woman's face too, or any other part of her body ?

You first met her in the lift, then she mysteriously turns up out of nowhere in the 7-11. The odds of these two totally unrelated events happening within a Bangkok condo block over the space of a few days are greater than the odds against APOLLO 13 returning to earth and Thaksin doing jail time in Thailand, combined. Truly astounding. If this was the same woman as at Immigration you might as well thrown in the odds of the Second Coming happening this week as well.

Have you considered that she may be stalking you ?

Next time you see her ask her if she's read any Bret Easton Ellis books lately, or perhaps ask if she's into bands like Slayer or Megadeath. Does she wear black nail polish and lipstick, only go out at night and rush home before dawn ? Maybe you could ask her if she's seen any good films recently, say, Lesbian Vampire Killers ? Does black magic or voodoo interest her ? By the way, have you had any aches or pains recently that just seem to inexplicably come and go ?

If after the above you're satisfied she's not a serial killer you might try a few innocuous topics of conversation which, as a black woman, she might find stimulating, such as if she thinks Michael Jackson's surgery contributed to his early death, whether black men are really "bigger" (endless hours of fun with this one), or if she has any aspirations to become an intern in the Obama White House (at the same time you can also find out if she smokes and/or inhales and whether she prefers "cigarillo" or "presidente" size). All are guaranteed to produce lively conversation where the two of you will get to know each other quickly.

Once you've managed to strike up a heartfelt friendship with the woman don't be too surprised if, in a very short space of time, she is totally overwhelmed by your charms (well, any woman would be, wouldn't they) and sincerely offers to make you seriously wealthy. She may shower you with precious gems while requiring from you only a fraction of their value or, she may divulge age old tribal secrets on how to make genuine US $100 bills out of plain black paper for the measly price of a few "special" chemicals, or even easier, offer you riches beyond your wildest imagination simply in exchange for your e-mail address and a few harmless personal details.

I do wish you the best of luck with your new romance and please do let us know how it goes. Remember: "the blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice."

regards,

Sibeymai.

Good advice Sibey, thanks for that.

No she is not the lady I met at immigration. This lovely looking girl lives on the same floor as me so it must not be too hard to figure out when she goes out for a walk to the Seven which is situated on the compound where we live just next to the condo office, very convenient I must say.

I have to admit that indeed I have been thinking if she might be from Nigeria and could be part of some of those banknote washers as you describe. It is suspicious to say at the least, to find a single good looking black girl living in the middle of nowhere and a few thousand palmtrees.

She was indeed wearing very tight black clothes on both occasions which I did not mind as it clearly showed a nice athletic figure.

Will try to "bump" into her this week and make the next move by starting some small meaningless conversation first and who knows she might be from Kenya and has ties with the big O.

I will keep reporting and ask for further advice depending on how this potential affair will develop.

Gosh, the dating scene has got a bit scary since i was, 20 ish. Now i just caboosh 'em.

Alex, has she a dog?

Walking with my dogs has been conducive to breaking the ice with many femmes.

Just a suggestion, should be easy to find a soi dog and try.

Good advice Sibey, thanks for that.

No she is not the lady I met at immigration. This lovely looking girl lives on the same floor as me so it must not be too hard to figure out when she goes out for a walk to the Seven which is situated on the compound where we live just next to the condo office, very convenient I must say.

I have to admit that indeed I have been thinking if she might be from Nigeria and could be part of some of those banknote washers as you describe. It is suspicious to say at the least, to find a single good looking black girl living in the middle of nowhere and a few thousand palmtrees.

She was indeed wearing very tight black clothes on both occasions which I did not mind as it clearly showed a nice athletic figure.

Will try to "bump" into her this week and make the next move by starting some small meaningless conversation first and who knows she might be from Kenya and has ties with the big O.

I will keep reporting and ask for further advice depending on how this potential affair will develop.

I used to have a thing for Venus Williams way back when too Alex. Then I caught a glimpse of her one late late night wandering to foodland on soi 5 in a drunken state. Needless to say, she was better as a fantasy than in real life. Get your eyes checked, stick to Thithi and that gal that sells the cold cuts at Emporium.

James, Thithi is Thithi ya know, and slice girl is just anotha, although in a different form.

Have big question again Sibey.

As I told a while ago I left the corporation and today recieved a call from anotha guy in the industry..

Him: Are you still interested in the bizzniz

Me: Does your dog still eat baby's

Him: He he....

Him: Can we meet

Me: Sure

Him: Usual place

Me: Gimme an hour

Him: No probs

So I arrive and take a seat opposite him

Him: It's been some time

Me: Yeah, been bizzy

Him: That's good, like what

Me: Usual stuff

Him: Great

Me: Are we talking

Him: There is four down

Me: Yeah, three more to go me knows

Him: We like you to do it

Me: You know da deal

Him: Six

Me: Six is fine

Him: A cheque

Me: Blanc's only

Him: Deal

Me: Yeah

So there ya have it, after a year out, I'm back in business. I mean who really cares about another rainforrest a mountain or some local tribes living in hut's made of clay, there is plenty of them.

A few have to suffer for the benefit of the world economy, what's wrong with that? I mean paying a few Million to get some Billion dollar contracts and then get slapped on the wrist for doing so, it is all a big pony show, right? As long as Millions of people want their I-Phones, SUV's and flat screen LCD panels we are doing a mighty fine job. I don't think people want to live in poverty, they want to enjoy a luxurious lifestyle, it's called progress. Who cares about a few thousand people dying to ensure oil and gas supply to benefit Millions on this planet and being able to dump radio active waste on their soil by just starting some illegal wars. Who cares?

So my question is: Do you think I made the right decision to get back in 'The Game"

Alex

Would that be .. IN The Game or ON The Game?

Me thinks you made a type-o.

type-o, a, b, positive, negative....who cares ?

It's a bit late, I'll get back to you on this.

James, Thithi is Thithi ya know, and slice girl is just anotha, although in a different form.

Have big question again Sibey.

As I told a while ago I left the corporation and today recieved a call from anotha guy in the industry..

Him: Are you still interested in the bizzniz

Me: Does your dog still eat baby's

Him: He he....

Him: Can we meet

Me: Sure

Him: Usual place

Me: Gimme an hour

Him: No probs

So I arrive and take a seat opposite him

Him: It's been some time

Me: Yeah, been bizzy

Him: That's good, like what

Me: Usual stuff

Him: Great

Me: Are we talking

Him: There is four down

Me: Yeah, three more to go me knows

Him: We like you to do it

Me: You know da deal

Him: Six

Me: Six is fine

Him: A cheque

Me: Blanc's only

Him: Deal

Me: Yeah

So there ya have it, after a year out, I'm back in business. I mean who really cares about another rainforrest a mountain or some local tribes living in hut's made of clay, there is plenty of them.

A few have to suffer for the benefit of the world economy, what's wrong with that? I mean paying a few Million to get some Billion dollar contracts and then get slapped on the wrist for doing so, it is all a big pony show, right? As long as Millions of people want their I-Phones, SUV's and flat screen LCD panels we are doing a mighty fine job. I don't think people want to live in poverty, they want to enjoy a luxurious lifestyle, it's called progress. Who cares about a few thousand people dying to ensure oil and gas supply to benefit Millions on this planet and being able to dump radio active waste on their soil by just starting some illegal wars. Who cares?

So my question is: Do you think I made the right decision to get back in 'The Game"

Alex

Dear AlexLah,

Only if you can win, and by inference that means there has to be losers. Like they say in the movies "ya puts ya money down and yer takes yer chances". Judging from how you tell the game's opening the rules seem unchanged from the last time you played even if the players have changed. You stand a better chance of winning than playing blackjack at a Poi Pet casino.

Be careful. Once you're committed to the game they'll try to bluff and call your hand. Stay cool, let 'em sweat for a bit and then hit 'em. Game over before they know what happened.

Winner takes all, there's no prize for second. But remember to be nice and tip the doorman on the way out and keep a seat reserved at the table. They'll be sure to invite you back for a rematch.

Sibey.

type-o, a, b, positive, negative....who cares ?

It's a bit late, I'll get back to you on this.

"ON the game" is slang for prostituting oneself sibey. Just clarifying that. Was playing with the words, not being pedantic. Not sure if that came across clear.