Economic Models Explained‏ - With Cows (updated)

[Cuban]

SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.

You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM

You have two giraffes.

The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND VENTURE CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by

your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated

general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island

Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven

cows back to your listed company.

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.

You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.

No balance sheet provided with the release.

The public then buys your bull.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.

You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You count them and learn you have five cows.

You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.

You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.

You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.

You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.

You tell them that you have none.

No-one believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country.

You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Business seems pretty good.

You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND & WALES CORPORATION

You have two cows.

The one on the left looks very attractive.

[harrry]

THAILAND COW MODEL

Have two cows must pay to feed them, bring them in to milk, pay vet fees, build cowshed to keep them safe.

Sell cows.

Put sign on cowshed that says "Guesthouse". Foreign cash cows come free, pay to stay in shed, lie round on beach where nothing would grow, bring themselves in to the food shed at least three times a day and pay for their own food.

Which cows are better?

[PhilHarries]

I thought the THAI model went something like this (female version):

You have two cows and one of them gets sick.

You send letters out to all the farang support agents you have on your books, approximately 25, asking for financial support.

They each send you enough money to pay the vet's bills and make the cow well again.

You spend all the money on gold, whisky, gambling and a new motorbike for your mother.

You write to the farang support agents thanking them for their money but unfortunately the cow died anyway but now mother has had a motorbike accident and you need money for her medical expenses.

They each send you enough money to cover mother's expenses and make her well again.

You spend all the money on gold, gambling and a new house for yourself and your new Thai boyfriend.

Two of the farang support agents tell you they are coming to Thailand next week and look forward to seeing the remaining cow and your mother in fine health.

You write back saying the redshirts have stolen the cow and carried off mother to join the protests in Bangkok. You are very busy trying to recover your property, and mother, so can only see them for a day in Pattaya (different days of course).

(male version):

You have two cows. You give them both to your sister and let her deal with the cr@p while you lie around drinking whisky and playing cards.

[thithi]

both are eaten.

[Asianrider]

[phaethon]

A THAI CORPORATION

You have two cows...

A red one and a yellow one...

[njpski]

A THAI CORPORATION

You have two cows...

A red one and a yellow one...

The yellow one, knowing what is best, milks the red.

But the red one is actually The Red Bull, so yellow ends up with a big mess in its hands.

Red then ...

[wileycoyote]

Excellent

[ernest1966]

Thai Corporation

You have two cows. One think it's a ladboy cow and the other think's it's a Tom. Both want to vote that they want more freedom, get out of the cowshed occasionally, have a walk around, stretch their legs, but the other farmyard animals insist that they are too stupid to vote and that their milk is essential for the upkeep of the rest of the animals. And if they don't buck their ideas they will be eaten.

[Cuban]

All responses deserve marks for merit. :-)

[Cuban]

....this arrived via email.