Refused Again!

[penelope]

I'm ashamed of all the generalisations about thais on this forum..all thais lie, visas are hard to get for all thais, all thais are out to scam farangs ..blah blah blah.

There are SO many different demographics of thais in a variety of different situations in thailand and around the world.I guess if you only have experience interacting with a "certain type" of thai then it might seem as if all thais are like this.But as you meet a wider and more socially diverse circle of thai folk you'll truly come to realise how narrow your generalisations are.

[bkkmadness]

Penelope - don't forget the classic - Thai's don't know how to budget

Edited March 30, 2005 by bkkmadness

[BIG SPUDS]

I have asked all the questions snoophound, we have spoke about this a lot, she knows what to expect and knows what England will be like.

We do talk a lot and its not the 1st visit or the second time i have been to see her, i have seen her 4 times over the last year, (managed to pull a few sickies to add to my holidays).

She has told me she really wants to get married, and she said,

(after the visa lie), that she wants to get married and she thinks if we marry b4 the visa interview we stand more chance, she says she has spoke to her parents and they say the dowry can wait a few years, when we can have a proper celebration when we have more money, after she comes to england and can work and help pay for the dowry.

But i dont want to rush things i want her to come to the uk on a 6 month settlement visa to see what she thinks of the UK then if she is sure she likes it and all is good then get married.

[Sir Burr]

BIG SPUDS

Go for it. You would be surprised how many successful marriages there are with ex-BGs. Most of the success stories either know nothing of Thaivisa, or, because they KNOW their own marriage is a success, they can't be bothered refuting all the negative stuff that is posted here. Yes, there are horror stories, but these get a lot more of an airing then the ones that have made a good and lasting relationship. Also, horror stories make much more interesting reading. If you don't give it a go, you will always wonder whether you made the right decision. If you give it a go and it doesn't work out, at least you will have peace of mind that you tried and she really wasn't the one for you.

Edited March 30, 2005 by Sir Burr

[BIG SPUDS]

thats exactly how i am feeling sirr burr.

[Darknight]

I'm ashamed of all the generalisations about thais on this forum..all thais lie, visas are hard to get for all thais, all thais are out to scam farangs ..blah blah blah.

There are SO many different demographics of thais in a variety of different situations in thailand and around the world.I guess if you only have experience interacting with a "certain type" of thai then it might seem as if all thais are like this.But as you meet a wider and more socially diverse circle of thai folk you'll truly come to realise how narrow your generalisations are.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

very true penelope,

but you can't meet other people if you sit shitfaced in the same bar every night

The reason to "lie" or not is based on social perception. what you consider lying as a westerner might be considerd "keeping you happy" by a thai.

Even after three years i sometimes can't figure out why my wife sometimes chooses the reply with "yes, i know" when it should have been "i don't know".

It's deeply engrained in to the culture not to upset other people. that's why we like it here , instead of the f..you mentality of the western world.

Mostly this behaviour works in their disadvantage in the western world , but it takes a long time before they realize this, and even longer before they can start to change it.

Go Over there, spuds, sort the visa out yourself. go in with your eyes open. If you treat her as a person with her own specific charachter it's no different as having a relationship with any race or nationality.

[withnail]

But i dont want to rush things i want her to come to the uk on a 6 month settlement visa to see what she thinks of the UK then if she is sure she likes it and all is good then get married.

First sensible thing you've said so far, go for it Although you have been a bit vague on the whole dowry subject, let's face it 5 million baht for example could be worth a 6 month wait.

Certainly wouldn't recommend marrying for the sake of an interview I think that would work against you to be honest. I seem to remember a very unhappy looking chap in the embassy when my ex and I went for her visitors visa with lots of white string tied round his wrist.

Although my girlfriend said that his wife's interview went something like this:

"Where did you meet your husband?"

"In a restaurant"

"Stop Bullshi**ing"

"How long are you planning on going to England for?"

"I don't know"

"Then go away"

Seriously though I hope it all works out, there's always going to be a risk involved but if you are careful you can keep it to a minimum.

Best Wishes

Withnail

[Joey Boy]

ya ever thought that once yer married she might change her mind about the move to England and decide she wants a house building in Thailand?

[udon]

Well lets move forward.

Spuds is going back to thailand to sort things out.

How about some things to ask the prospective Mrs Spuds.

Does she really love you?

Why?What is her idea of perfect future,marriage?

Why does she want to come live in UK?

What does she know about uk?

Does she realise its a cold bleak place?

Does she know she may not be able to work?

Does she know theres no Tintong Thai TV?

What will she do all day while you are at work?

What is her expectation of what you will send to family every month for the rest of your relationship?

Does she know just becuase you are on the phone an hour a day to her that she may not be able to do same with family and friends?

Does she realise you may only get back there once a year?

Does she realise that the food in UK is shit....and good thai food is very hard to find?

I just got off a long chat session with a pattya gal who used to work for me.

Good girl ,studied english and never worked bar.

Married good looking young guy a year ago ,got visa went to London.

Hated it,Seprated after 6 mths.

"He not same man she know pattya"

Hates being frozen to death.Misses Food ,Family,Friends.

Has job now but hard to make ends meet.

HMM if you nice good looking guy I might ask my friend to have a chat!!!

Some important questions there, well put Snoopy

[samran]

One thing I know about Thai people (cause I have a family full of them!!) is that getting a Thai to say "no" on any substantive matter is llike trying to get blood from a stone. Most of the time it is about reading the signals and knowing the right time to ask a question so the answer will be 'yes'.

Saying 'no' means a loss of face for all parties involved. For the Asker and the askee. They would rather say 'yes than let a loss of face occur.

So without being a cynic here (which is what I am usually am), on the question of marriage only...I think that she doesn't want to marry you and come to England BS.

Does she not love you? I dunno the answer to that one.

Is she ever going to marry you? I dunno about that one either, but at the moment, her actions (not words - ignore those) are screaming out "NOT AT THE MOMENT"

What you do next is your decision obviosly, whether you are being taken for a ride remains (maybe to be seen). One thing though about relationships though. Never get into the relationship where one person is stringing the other along. Whether they are Thai or Farang, being in that situation never works.

[otherstuff1957]

The reason to "lie" or not is based on social perception. what you consider lying as a westerner might be considerd "keeping you happy" by a thai.

Even after three years i sometimes can't figure out why my wife sometimes chooses the reply with "yes, i know" when it should have been "i don't know".

It's deeply engrained in to the culture not to upset other people. that's why we like it here , instead of the f..you mentality of the western world.

Mostly this behaviour works in their disadvantage in the western world , but it takes a long time before they realize this, and even longer before they can start to change it.

* * *

Of course, like every generalization the Thai 'lie' thing has many, many exceptions. Darknight really summed it up nicely above. Often, when tg's lie they are doing so to avoid conflict or to keep you happy, not to deceive you!

Also, I think we have all had the experience of meeting 'sisters' of our gfs, only to find out later that they were not relatives at all. For that matter, I've had Thai women friends introduce me to people as their big brother !

[maerim]

Does she know she may not be able to work?

What a piece of luck!

[chonabot]

Does she know theres no Tintong Thai TV?

Oh how I wish that this statement was true , we have it 24/7 in Chez Chonabot , thanks to the marvel of the HotBird Sattelite....

[snoophound]

hehe

yes i must chase this down in aus

save me endless trips to the video shop in thainatown.

Does she know theres no Tintong Thai TV?

Oh how I wish that this statement was true , we have it 24/7 in Chez Chonabot , thanks to the marvel of the HotBird Sattelite....

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[gburns57au]

Interesting to note that "Private Dancer" came up again.....If you want advice read this.....

I think the problem is that many people have and think that it is a true representation of Thai bar girls.....They dont see that it is a truer representation of Farang visitors to Thailand....The book is full of stereotypical rubbish.

BS, Dont feel the need to explain yourself to this lot.....it is your life and how you do things is upto you...If you make a mistake I am sure you will wear it...if you dont then you will wear that too....

For the record.....

not every girl in Pattaya works in a bar/massage/a go go. Some actually have "decent jobs"

Many Thai people dont want to stay in the villages now, it is boring to them, the employment options are less as is the average wage.

Not all Thai girls tell the truth all the time.....neither do all farang women, in fact I cant think of one person who has not told a lie at one time or another.....Let him who has never ever told a lie be the one to criticise this girl.

I could go on.......couldnt I ????

[bkkmadness]

Interesting to note that "Private Dancer" came up again.....If you want advice read this.....

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

It seems to be the bible to dealing with Thai girls according to some people

Edited March 30, 2005 by bkkmadness

[johnh101]

Interesting to note that "Private Dancer" came up again.....If you want advice read this.....

It seems to be the bible to dealing with Thai girls according to some people

Perhaps, but I think the book "Thailand Fever" would be a more appropriate guide.

http://www.dcothai.com/product_info.php?pr...835163fa75c591a

[Doctor John]

Perhaps, but I think the book "Thailand Fever" would be a more appropriate guide.

http://www.dcothai.com/product_info.php?pr...835163fa75c591a

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

A book won't supply any answers, it's all down to individual experience , the same as it is with every relationship on the Planet.

If a book could solve relationship problems, then maybe someone should write one for the Western world relationships, were 70% of marriages end in divorce.

[bkkmadness]

The Karma Sutra is an exception that may have helped a few of those Western marriages .

[billd766]

did you meet her in a bar

its an old saying, once they in a bar, they never get out of a bar

old habits never dies, sending money to the family and then live on peanuts in pattaya does not make sense to me, she even offered to give you money herself and yet she's cannot pay the embassy fee's

why don't you take her to almighty on a 3-month visa and then see what's really about, and then make the big step

am afraid most of these gals have different agenda's and like to string you along

sucks

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Kreon

This is a forum where everybody has a right to give their opinion on any thread.

I respect your right to this opinion.

My opinion is that you are talking a load of cr!p, but of course it is only my own opinion.

[Darknight]

keep it out of the BG direction guy's

there's another place for that , as you know

/deleted pedro's last post and references to it.

[aughie]

If you want to get this done cut out all the chances for external interferences. Before you arrive in LOS have the interview appt. set up and when the time comes go with her and sit in the room. Hear and see everything firsthand. Setup the interview early in your trip in case you need the embassy for anything else. Get it done. If she drags her feet and trys to get you drunk the night before the interview than I'd say screw it. Listening to her over the phone is not the same as eye to eye reading each other's signs.

Have a showdown with all the circumstances that thwart your plans.

Can she cook?

[Nignoy]

Penelope - don't forget the classic - Thai's don't know how to budget

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

That is absolute Crap ,we used to run a meeting house for Isaan couples living in the hampshire and surrey area, lots of cases not of wives screwing around ornot being able to budget!! but being mistreated and literally worked to death, One particular case, husband brings wifes children from isaan ,had her working 3 jobsto pay his mortgage and his hobby rallycar driving, he lost his own business and never went back to work , he could not find a job as managing director anywhere and he would not ,accept a lesser position, his thai wife went to the bailffs and took on all her husbands debts the house was re registered in her name. sadly as she had most of the debts cleared she was diagnosed with terminal cancer, while she lay dying in a hospice , loving farang husband, remortgages the house and with proceeds purchases a new Lotus sportscar, and starts to look for a new thai wife, in the 12 weeks from diagnosis to death , loving husband had spent the childrens inheritence and has scarpered with the cash, The gentleman concerned is in Pattaya at the moment !! But watch out Mate we are coming to get YOU!! Nignoy

[Lancelot]

Hey Spuds,

You seem like a decent, intelligent guy and you can sort this out for your self. I know you'll make a good decision.

Many people will offer well meaning advise, but it's your life man. Do what your inner voice tell you to do.

I liked Dr. John's post: some bar girls are good and some are bad. Sorta like the general population...

[otherstuff1957]

I know that this is going off topic... but did someone steal Dr. John's password? He's making sense and posting useful advice instead of ranting!

Not that I'm complaining, it makes a nice change.

[siamesekitty]

not every girl in Pattaya works in a bar/massage/a go go. Some actually have "decent jobs"

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Very true. Otherwise the whole economy would be run on male labor? Imagine all the shops, restaurants, markets, bookstores, etc. being run entirely by guys!

Actually that would be rather nice..

Edited March 31, 2005 by siamesekitty

[Khun Larry]

every one is getting me paranoid now.

From what it sounds like is that the GF is on the bus back to pattaya

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

What does this mean? Is she from Pattaya? If so she will likely be rejected.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

This comment is complete ballocks

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Are you serious? Are you saying a Pattaya address will be helpful in an interview?

Maybe she is a professor at a Pattaya University.

Where do some of these people come from?

[dr_Pat_Pong]

I know that this is going off topic...  but did someone steal Dr. John's password?  He's making sense and posting useful advice instead of ranting! 

Not that I'm complaining, it makes a nice change.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Johnny is on medication and is keeping it right up to date and it is working

[Khun Larry]

I'm ashamed of all the generalisations about thais on this forum..all thais lie, visas are hard to get for all thais, all thais are out to scam farangs ..blah blah blah.

There are SO many different demographics of thais in a variety of different situations in thailand and around the world.I guess if you only have experience interacting with a "certain type" of thai then it might seem as if all thais are like this.But as you meet a wider and more socially diverse circle of thai folk you'll truly come to realise how narrow your generalisations are.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

"certain type"

certain type of what you bigot

[Darknight]

I know that this is going off topic...  but did someone steal Dr. John's password?  He's making sense and posting useful advice instead of ranting! 

Not that I'm complaining, it makes a nice change.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I'll think you'll see a new side of dr john from now on

keep up the good work dr